Married people respond!

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 17:03

So which is better for a "wife"?

A girl with which you can connect, are in the same "wave length", she understands you and you understand her, she can piss you off at times as you her, but what happens is you can both feel/connect with eachother. She is your soul mate so to speak, you are the "same" kind, even if there are a lot of problems.

Or.

A girl who is nice, polite, stable, sincere, you know that she'd make a good "wife" for your household but with which you can't really say you connect. You'll have a "symbatic?" relationship, a compromised relationship/life. 'Cause she can't follow your emotions/thoughts/state of mind/way of thinking. But she has the other "virtues" and potentiality for being the "perfect" wife. But she can't "feel" your soul.

Forgive my english they are insufficient to explain what I mean but I hope you get the gist.

Non married people welcomed to respond too but I'm basically waiting for married people's answers, assuming you don't have ypour wife looking over your shoulder and you can respond freely. Just wondering because you've already made that choice, if you came across it.

Nubclear · November 9, 2003, 17:09

Quote:

Originally posted by paiktis22
So which is better for a "wife"?

A girl with which you can connect, are in the same "wave length", she understands you and you understand her, she can piss you off at times as you her, but what happens is you can both feel/connect with eachother. She is your soul mate so to speak, you are the "same" kind, even if there are a lot of problems.

Datajack Franit · November 9, 2003, 17:30

As if some mentally connected womad could marry Paffy Cakes

ghen · November 9, 2003, 17:33

Its much better to find someone with which you are compatible and doesn't piss you off. After that, its all gravy.

Look at yourself and see what traits of yours would be best to be compaired or contrasted in another person, e.g. do you like cleaning? don't marry a slob. Or do you like the outdoors? Marry someone who enjoys it with you. Intelect goes a long way too, don't marry someone either smarter or dumber than yourself as the smart one will just feel contempt and the dumb one will feel left behind.

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 17:33

This is no time for your jealousy.

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 17:39

Quote:

Originally posted by ghen
Its much better to find someone with which you are compatible and doesn't piss you off. After that, its all gravy.
Look at yourself and see what traits of yours would be best to be compaired or contrasted in another person, e.g. do you like cleaning? don't marry a slob. Or do you like the outdoors? Marry someone who enjoys it with you. Intelect goes a long way too, don't marry someone either smarter or dumber than yourself as the smart one will just feel contempt and the dumb one will feel left behind.

Thanks ghen although these are a bit generic answers. I don't question their wisdom but intelligence is a given however that doesn't necaiserily mean you are in the same wave lenth/frequency. You can have an interesting conversation with most people but connecting/seeing things your way of course entails intelligence but also entails having the same way of thinking.

Is "peace of mind" and "mediocrity" in the level of sentimental connection more important than having a "soul mate" even if this means that many times you'd lose patience and her with you? When it comes to marrying. I don't know that's what I'm asking.

Drogue · November 9, 2003, 17:41

I'm unmarried, but I'll give my opinion anyway.

The first. It is far more fulfilling to have a relationship with someone with whom you are 'connected' with, where there's a bond and where you understand each other, than a marriage of convenience, as the last seems.

I'm exceedingly lucky in that my girlfriend has both. She understands me, even when I'm so incoherant I wouldn't understand it myself, she can almost read my mind at times, but she also remembers my key when I forget it, or remembers when there's a program I want to watch. It's such a cliche, but so true, that whenever I think she won't get any better, she just does

Pekka · November 9, 2003, 17:44

And which one was the one who goes down on you?

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 17:48

Keep this discussion on a "higher level" Pekka, thank you!

rah · November 9, 2003, 17:48

Quote:

Originally posted by ghen
Its much better to find someone with which you are compatible and doesn't piss you off. After that, its all gravy.

Lust can only sustain a relationship for so long. Something has to come after that to keep it together. Companionship becomes more important. If you're compatible it's easier, but not always.

Pekka · November 9, 2003, 17:52

Ok. Go with the one you connect with. Who do you see you're going to be with when you're 60? That one.

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 17:59

Quote:

Originally posted by rah

Lust can only sustain a relationship for so long. Something has to come after that to keep it together. Companionship becomes more important. If you're compatible it's easier, but not always.

Yes but what is this "compatible" that will make it easier/preferable/longliving in a wedding.

Is it connectivity/understanding, soul/mating while having words fly now and then and arguments or is it a non-confrontentional "calm waters" but compromised and "shallow waters understanding" relationship? I know there's no "definite" answer but I'm glad to hear opinions nevertheless. Thanks for your answers

ghen · November 9, 2003, 18:01

Its much better IMO to find your soulmate unless you're a very very submissive person who would practically enjoy any company for the sake of not being alone in life. Or if you're a very dominant person then as long as the other person is willing to bend to your whims then you're on the right track.

If you're dominant in some areas and submissive in others (which I figure is about 90% of the population to give you an idea) then you will need someone who is very compatible with you, eg your soulmate. Personally I think love is just an extension of extreme compatability, and that any two extremely compatable people will always fall in love.

I don't think you should just look for someone who is peaceful and mediocre since almost everyone will gain mediocrity as they grow older. (now thats a thought) If you look for someone who is a plain housewife now, then by the time you're 30-40 she'll be so plain as to force you to other vices, drinking, going out with the guys more often, taking up activities away from her, vacations seperately, or at worst: adultry. Its better to find someone with your drive and stamina ( and no, I don't mean in the bedroom ) so you can enjoy life at the same pace.

Every relationship should start out feeling like the other is your soulmate, after you're married the peace of mind will come naturally but it should never be mediocre.

How's that?

rah · November 9, 2003, 18:04

Look for a friend. One you can share with.

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 18:14

Quote:

Originally posted by ghen
Personally I think love is just an extension of extreme compatability, and that any two extremely compatable people will always fall in love.

Alright. Very clear point. I see. I take it "compatibility" as you say it means to actually think the same/have the same values and kosmotheory, world view, seeing things similarly and feel eachothers soul. I doubt it means "never having an argument but anyway you're different than me".

Quote:

If you look for someone who is a plain housewife now, then by the time you're 30-40 she'll be so plain as to force you to other vices, drinking, going out with the guys more often, taking up activities away from her, vacations seperately, or at worst: adultry.

A very common "vice" unfortunately from what I see around me...

Quote:

Its better to find someone with your drive and stamina ( and no, I don't mean in the bedroom ) so you can enjoy life at the same pace.

Every relationship should start out feeling like the other is your soulmate, after you're married the peace of mind will come naturally but it should never be mediocre.

How's that?

Much better

Thanks

ghen · November 9, 2003, 18:16

a friend, but not a best friend

Although, I've never had the opportunity to date/marry a female who I concidered my best friend :P

BeBro · November 9, 2003, 18:23

So when can we expect your marriage, Paik?

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 18:25

Quote:

Originally posted by rah
Look for a friend. One you can share with.

They are both my friends, my current girlfriend and my ex. The first is closer to how I see things but also a bit volatile (like me) the second was like a Virgin Mary! She'd never counter anything I say, never get angry, never having an opinion! Just happy to tag along to the point that the way I saw it, she was actually pulling my leg big time or she's REALLY like that, empty. And we couldn't connect unless connect means having the other say "yes" to whatever you say.

I'm wondering what makes "better wives" knowing full well the absurde width of the topic. But just listening to opinions

BeBro, nothing like that in the horizon, thank you!

Drogue · November 9, 2003, 18:26

I don't know. I'd like to consider a partner as my best friend. The person I go to first when I'm down, who I tell everything too, who I know is there for me, and who I'm there for. That's an important part of a relationship IMHO.

el freako · November 9, 2003, 18:36

Speaking as someone who has been married for 13 years - definately the former.

VetLegion · November 9, 2003, 18:36

Aw, ****, sounds like a real dilemma. Sorry that I can't help you with that, I am no way near thinking of marriage. Perhaps if Turkey invades you can have both in your harem? j/k ofcourse

. Good luck.

Bugs ****ing Bunny · November 9, 2003, 18:39

The ideal wife is a best friend that you continually want to jump into bed with.

Out of your two options, it's got to be the first.

Bereta_Eder · November 9, 2003, 18:49

I see most married people chose the 1st choice easily. Thanks for telling. The question is one of these things that just start running in your mind sometimes.

Dis · November 9, 2003, 18:55

you forgot the third option.

mail order brides.

Drogue · November 9, 2003, 18:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
The ideal wife is a best friend that you continually want to jump into bed with.

I'm not sure I agree. You could have that, with no love or affection. I think it's important to be friends, and to be sexually attracted, but IMHO the emotion for the other person and the affection are more important. In a relationship like that, I would feel empty at times, without the emotion and affection to fill it.

axi · November 9, 2003, 19:17

Paiktis is geting married!!!

I'd go for the first option too. I can't stand people that won't do or say anything to intrigue me, their flatness annoys me. But the other type of people (as per your first description) are rather rare to find, IMO.

Grandpa Troll · November 9, 2003, 19:38

Quote:

Originally posted by Drogue
I'm unmarried, but I'll give my opinion anyway.

The first. It is far more fulfilling to have a relationship with someone with whom you are 'connected' with, where there's a bond and where you understand each other, than a marriage of convenience, as the last seems.

I'm exceedingly lucky in that my girlfriend has both. She understands me, even when I'm so incoherant I wouldn't understand it myself, she can almost read my mind at times, but she also remembers my key when I forget it, or remembers when there's a program I want to watch. It's such a cliche, but so true, that whenever I think she won't get any better, she just does

But, your not married and it takes a lot more for a marriage to work than not work. I understand you mean well by saying "connect" but actually people do grow to love each other and grow
It is easier to say "The heck with it" versus roughriding the hardtimes,[growing] and relishing in the great times. We have been married 18+ years, both of us were previously married. I have to say, Rocky Roads to start with but wouldnt change my life with her for anything!

I Thank God for my Sweetheart Wife!

I say if you find someone to spend your Life with, pray about it and have a heartfelt long talk with one another, ask what happens if the initial attraction, be it looks,sex,position in society/life or social status/business status wears off or goes away, Physical/mental/emotional infirmities seet in, monies dwindle away,

What then?

like the words two recite in ceremony.."Richer or poorer".."In sickness & In Health" "For Better or worse"

I think sometimes that is what happens in life//misconceptions/misinterpretations/dissilioshionment (OK i cant spell!)

I hereby Salute all those whom have shown committment and dedication to a lifetime of sweet wedded Bliss, not a "Technically-The-Same" statement of living together but a committment and a bond of Heavenly Matromony!

Peace

Grandpa "Still-In-Love-with-my-beautiful-Bride" Troll

The Andy-Man · November 9, 2003, 19:42

marry someone you hate. that way you can never fall out of love, and if things go well, you may even grow to like eachother.

Money helps to

Alexander's Horse · November 9, 2003, 19:48

Quote:

Originally posted by Drogue
I'm unmarried, but I'll give my opinion anyway.

I think friendship is most important. You need to live together for a long time and you aren't exactly going to be "in love" with each other all the time.

Ted Striker · November 9, 2003, 19:56

does Greece recognize same sex marriages though?