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Old November 22, 2003, 23:42   #271
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You could. Unfortunately, you got rid of everything else in your mind at the same time. So you become a vegetable.

I wish I didn't need to eat to remain alive.
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Old November 23, 2003, 01:13   #272
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Do to lack of critical amino acids, you brain shuts down. You are now a vegetable.

I wish I could log onto Apolyton every night, read every post I'm interested in, and still get everything else done that I need to do.
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Old November 23, 2003, 01:26   #273
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Granted. Your definition of stuff that "needs to be done" soon only consists of Posting on Poly.

I wish my clothes washed themseves and my house cleaned itself too.
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Old November 23, 2003, 01:36   #274
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Granted. However your house soon deems you to be causing the mess, and throws you out.

I wish I was a truck and could run people over and blame the driver!
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Old November 23, 2003, 03:19   #275
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granted. however, you're the only one made, and you're a ford. you'll get recalled eventually.

i wish someone would shut my downstairs neighbors up. they're having noisy sex again.
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Old November 23, 2003, 11:21   #276
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Granted. However your neighbors invited some friends over for b/s/m, and gag your neighbors. But the friends are even louder and more disgusting.

I wish a beautiful woman (alive, my age, heterosexual, horny) would appear on my lap.
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Old November 23, 2003, 11:24   #277
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Granted, but she's not interested in you. Not the slightest bit. In fact, she's annoyed wrt to the fact that she's dragged from whatever activity she was enjoying to drop into your lap, and slaps you a few.

I wish I could invent feasible fusion power.
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Old November 23, 2003, 12:06   #278
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you do. it just so happens, though, that it's in a small little pill that you can plug into. great, right? it's portable, and requires only water.
unfortunately, one day when you wake up, you mistake it for your suppository, and it explodes, causing you a raging case of the painful runs, which happens to be rather permanent.

i wish we could have a 'poly thread that reaches over 1000 posts and 10000 views.
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Old November 23, 2003, 12:29   #279
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You've got it, but it's a bug. You can't reach any other page on the web and keep posting a new answe"r to that thread and view it until you reach several thousands.

I wish I could teleport home instead of taking the train.
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Old November 23, 2003, 12:36   #280
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Granted. Unfortunately, the side-effect of the power causes you to lose interest in sex completely.

I wish I could shapechange into any other person, without any detrimental effect to myself.
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Old November 23, 2003, 12:41   #281
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congratulations!
unfortunately, your brain gets stuck and from now on you can only change into one other person.

who ends up being richard simmons.



i wish i had the brains of a thousand geniuses, the muscles of a thousand hercules, and the good looks of a thousand devilishly attractive handsom young men.
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Old November 23, 2003, 12:51   #282
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Quote:
i wish i had the brains of a thousand geniuses, the muscles of a thousand hercules, and the good looks of a thousand devilishly attractive handsom young men.
Granted. Suddenly, your house is filled with the brains and muscles of two thousand guys. Also your hard drive is now full of a thousand male pr0n stars.

I wish I had a billion dollars.
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Old November 23, 2003, 12:52   #283
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[Damn, too slow.]

You have a billion dollars, but you got arrested because that's drug money.

I wish for the cure for cancer.
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Old November 23, 2003, 15:55   #284
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congratulations! you have the cure for cancer. it only makes one person happy in all of your cities, however, and since you have no cities, it's utterly useless.

i wish sco would just vanish.
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Old November 23, 2003, 18:05   #285
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Granted, but SCO's lawsuits are upheld in the courts, and now no one can use LINUX.

I wish I wasn't always so tired.
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Old November 23, 2003, 19:05   #286
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Granted!

Now you need to go for runs at 4am just to find something to do.

I wish my girlfiend could come up with me for the holidays.
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Old November 23, 2003, 19:20   #287
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She does, but only to tell you she is running off with her personal trainer.

I wish I was always right.
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Old November 23, 2003, 20:10   #288
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Granted. Now, no-one likes you or will talk to you!


I wish registering cars didn't cost so much.
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Old November 23, 2003, 20:31   #289
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Granted, but now the streets are clogged with cars and no one can get anywhere.

I wish I didn't have to go make dinner.
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Old November 23, 2003, 22:18   #290
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You don't. However now you starve to death.

I wish...I dunno. I wish for whatever Che wishes.
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Old November 23, 2003, 22:27   #291
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Granted. You slowly become a puppet of che

I wish I have telepathy that can be used on any person I so choose.
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Old November 23, 2003, 22:33   #292
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Granted.
As your walking down the street, you run into a really hot lady. You use your telepathy on her...and can't use it on anyone else! She thinks your a nerd and politely excuses herself.

I wish I had a huge Russian flag flying outside my house.
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Old November 23, 2003, 23:58   #293
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Granted. Of course, you live in America. Can anyone say "witch-hunts"?

I wish I could come up with an economic system that was fair, provided motivation for people to work, encouraged competition and change, and didn't force anyone to starve or go without clothes/shelter.
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Old November 24, 2003, 00:23   #294
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Granted, but you become a marked man, forever fleeing from assassins.

I wish I had x-ray vision that I could use to see through clothes
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Old November 24, 2003, 00:27   #295
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granted. unfortunately, you're stuck in an airport indefinitely, surrounded by the st. andrew's senior citizen's world tour group... so you get to see nothing but aarp-grade fannies.

i wish broadband was cheaper in the states.
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Old November 24, 2003, 21:27   #296
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as you wish. now broadband is 50% cheaper, but since people no longer communicate face-to-face and the art of actual art of human conversation has gone the way of written correspondence and society wit, American literature, Berkeley Breathed and stand-up comedy all go down the old flusheroo.

Oh wait, that's not that much of a corruption. Oh well.

I wish I was witty and eloquent.
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Old November 24, 2003, 21:32   #297
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congratulations. you are now fez.

i wish i wish i could have sex with a beautiful woman and have her enjoy it, too, for every night of the rest of my life.
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Old November 24, 2003, 21:37   #298
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Granted. And she only services 7 other men before getting to you each night.


I wish my bag of M&Ms was not empty.
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Old November 24, 2003, 22:05   #299
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You look inside and find it still has a few crumbs in it
I wish....I wish I was having fun right now BUT not by pleasuring myself
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Old November 24, 2003, 22:49   #300
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Granted, now you are a hamster running around on a wheel

I wish I could win all my gambling bets
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