COMRADES!
WE GREET EACH DAY WITH THE TRUTH!
The Hiverian Newspaper "Pravda" which means "The Truth"
IN THIS ISSUE:
- Hive under attack by foreign propaganda!
- Hive unveils new energy drink
- PRAVDA staff pay increase
- Terrorsits found!
- Archive: "The first city"
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FOREIGN PROPAGANDA FOUND!
Antention citizens of the Glorious Hive! It was discovered yesterday that there is an evil and corrupting influence in the bowels of the Hive! Beware!! Should you find suspisious material, DO NOT READ IT! Bring to your local police Kommisar at once!
How will you recognoze it?
- It may be titled as
The Word of God
- It may make references to a
higher power other than the glorious chairman
- It has a symbol not unlike that of a crucifix somewhere on it.
BEWARE citizen! The "absolute truths" contained in are nothing but! This propaganda will pull you away from the glorious Hive; you will succumb to the corruption of democracy and reject all that is good for mankind on planet!
POLICE KOMMISARS: It is thought that this propaganda is coming from Sister Miriam, formerly of the Unity. It appears that she has survived the landing and has built a fanatical following around herself. Should you hear anyone speaking of Miriam or her followers/ message, bring them to iterrogation immediately.
TRY NEW HI-V! THE DRINK FOR THE HIVE!
Hey you!
Have you tried Hi- V, the newest drink from Hive Beverage Node 1161? Well you better have, or else you will be destroyed! Hi-V has every essential vitamin and nutrient that you need, and some you don't! If that doesn't convice you, then listen to these testamonials:
"I love Hi-V! It is all I need to work the 16 hour day that the glorious chairman humbly requests us to do." - Anika, 23, Hive Housing Division 7345-1
"I love it. It is the best! And because there is nothing else to drink, it is the obvious winner!" - Tomathis, 17, Hive Machine Shop 114-AB
"I could drink Hi-V for the rest of my days! What? I only get 12 more cans? But you said I would have a lifetime supply..." Mikael, 41 Hive Drone Camp 9A, Block 12
So there you go comrades! Drink Hi-V like all the other members of the glorious Hive! Be one with us! And remember, the nail that sticks out gets hammered back into place...
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PRAVDA STAFF BECOMES MORE EQUAL!
(PRAVDA Press Room, The Hive) Calling for more funding, the Hive Government annouced an increase in funding to PRAVDA and all of its branches. The PRAVDA staff concluded that the pay increase is necessary so that they are "more equal than other staffs" Chief Editor Vander announces, "With the new increase in our budget, we will finally be able to initiate our study of the best makers of Xenorum." Contenders from all over planet will come to the Hive to be humiliated by the Hive's XenoRum-X.
(XR-X has been through years of perfecting study by Hive Drinkologists. And we
all know that the Hive is the best.) Vander then had this to say, "Again, thanks to the funding, we will be able to conduct this study. Of course, the judging will be done by none other than the Fair and Balanced staff of PRAVDA. For we all know that PRAVDA never lies."
The study is to be conducted at 2100 next friday.
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NEW DATA DISC PROVES ROSE GUILTY!!
Released on the nightly news of the inferior capitalistic Interplanitary Broadband News Network (IBNN), a datadisc showing an evil probe team training camp of none other than Data Angel's lead anarchist, Sinder Roze was shown to the various people of Planet. Later released after 'cleansing' for the stupendious people of the Hive, the DD shows what has been called a "Al Qa-data" training camp of various diobolical spys training to infiltrate none other than our glorious society and harm our glorious chairman. It has been thought that 'Sinder Rose' was an unethical leader, and now we have proof of just that! 'Sinder Rose' is guilty of trying to destroy our glorious society!
As you all were shown on PRAVDA- TV, the camp consisted of numerious men and women dressed in all black, running around; jumping over things; learning to hack computer systems; all a foolish attempt at training to fight against our glorious, undefeatable defences. It truely is an exercise in futility for them to even think of trying to start infiltrating our society!
"Sinder Roze" was born Asa Wright. Raised on the evil capitalistic hell of Earth, she was a born anarchist bred to take down our humble society on Planet. Sent on the Unity, it is no doubt that the capitalist pig-dogs have been planning to hurt us for a long time, now. They may think that they are clever, but they are not! They shall never triumph over the Hive! Do not be fooled by her foolish good looks, Comrades! She is evil through and through! Make sure to report ANY suspicious behavior to your local Kommisar at once!
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OTHER HEADLINES FROM THE HIVE
- Political Rebels cought in HonguKongu. Interrigation to begin immediately.
- Super Political Analitical Messaging has hit an all time low in the Hive.
- Political Rebels of the Hive announced today that they will rejoin the Hive.
- Study concludes that Tasty Wheat is neither tasty nor wheat.
- Deputy Chairman Jamski's approval rating falls due to alligations involving sheep. However, the rating is still in the "Be the father of my children!" range. it would be unlikely to see it slip and futher than "Best Deputy Chairman Ever!"
- Shrines to a "Tassadar" have been appearing with greater frequency among the drones of the Hive. Officals could "Care less".
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Here's something new, faithful Hive reader! Here is a look back into the past! This article was written at the long lost time of planetfall!
The Landing
The successful landing of the Hive colony pod heralds a new era for the common people to work selflessly towards human progress. The old world is a memory now, and the new world beckons for a glorious nation free from humanity's decadent legacies and excesses. The people of the Hive was saddened that the survivors of the ill-fated Unity ship were divided and scatter across the world.
Making conquest that much more difficult.
During the perilous, bone jarring descent to planet surface, the
weak minded fools were nerve-stapled until unconscious people bravely weathered the journey admits the surrounding chaos. “I was scared especially after seeing through the window, Morgan’s pod skewed into Lal's pod and both exploded
and then there was much rejoicing.” said one observer.
The First City
The glorious workers toiled tirelessly day and night in this crucial moment to construct their first city named “The Hive”. With the Hive’s guiding foresight, this city, along with all future cities built by the Hive, will entirely be underground. This engineering marvel ingeniously uses massive underground chambers to house its entire people to protect them from the harsh climate of this untamed world. Not only is the city a safer place to live, it also keeps the topside free from the unsightly blight of crude human handiwork that had plagued the old world.
Chairman Voltaire commemorated all the diligent workers who constructed the city with the grand opening at the great Unity Square. “With hard work, dedication and most of all, people willing to work a common cause, we can build ourselves a
bloody and tyrannical great nation,” said Chairman Voltaire in front of a horde of cheering masses each waving a red flag.
People Power
The Chairman has declared that to strive forward in this new world, we need more people to claim and tamed this planet. This can only be achieve with
lots of copulation by a horde of willing men and young nubile females a strong family devotion to nurture the next generation of Hive citizens.
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The Hive has become ungodly and has drifted from the garden of heaven.
Oh wait, you were talking about "HonguKongu" hmmm ....
