November 25, 2003, 23:29
|
#1
|
|
Settler
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: heh
Posts: 5
|
I Need Jokes!!
does anyone know any origional jokes, preferably funny ones.
|
|
|
|
|
November 25, 2003, 23:33
|
#2
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
|
Original?
Three men walk into a bar; a rapist, a child molestor, a preist, and two other guys... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 00:27
|
#3
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 01:15
Local Date: November 3, 2010
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Mad.
Posts: 4,142
|
DL! 
Okay, What do you call one Maori on the moon? A problem. What do you call three Maoris on the moon? A Problem. What do you call all the Maoris on the moon? Problem Solved.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 01:04
|
#4
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 07:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 1998
Posts: 3,215
|
What do you call 144 black people?
A ne-gross
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 01:07
|
#5
|
|
PolyCast Thread Necromancer
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: We are all Asher now.
Posts: 1,437
|
Greetings ladies and germs
*Hilarity ensues*
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 01:09
|
#6
|
|
King
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Amish Country
Posts: 2,184
|
|
Quote:
|
Originally posted by Frozzy
DL!
Okay, What do you call one Maori on the moon? A problem. What do you call three Maoris on the moon? A Problem. What do you call all the Maoris on the moon? Problem Solved.
|
Thats the first Maori joke I've ever heard. Sounds like a variation on a lawyer joke.
__________________
"And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man." -- JFK Inaugural, 1961
"Extremism in the defense of liberty is not a vice." -- Barry Goldwater, 1964 GOP Nomination acceptance speech (not George W. Bush 40 years later...)
2004 Presidential Candidate
2008 Presidential Candidate (for what its worth)
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 02:12
|
#7
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 01:15
Local Date: November 3, 2010
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Mad.
Posts: 4,142
|
I've got heaps.
What do you call a negro swimming in a river.
Blackcurrant.
A Maori, a Samoan and a Polynesian are driving in a car. Who's driving?
Policeman
What's the fastest thing going down a hill?
5 cents. What's the next fastest? Maori chasing after it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 02:32
|
#8
|
|
King
Local Time: 05:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: You think you're better than me? You've been handling my ass pennies!!!
Posts: 1,101
|
What do you call an uncircumsized jew over 6 weeks old?
A girl.
eh... ok so they can't all be winners.
__________________
"Luck's last match struck in the pouring down wind." - Chris Cornell, "Mindriot"
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 03:28
|
#9
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Illinois
Posts: 8,595
|
Well, don't ask me for any.  
__________________
STFU and then GTFO!
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 12:23
|
#10
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: San Antonio TX USA
Posts: 3,815
|
A couple and their young son go to a nude beach.
After a while the boy runs up to his mother and says
"MOMMY, MOMMY, all the ladies have bigger bobbies than you do!"
She relies
"Well son, the bigger,.... the dumber"
After a while he runs up a second time and says
"MOMMY, MOMMY, all the men have bigger we-wes than daddy does!"
She relies
"Well son, the bigger,.... the dumber"
He later runs up to his mother a third time and says
"MOMMY, MOMMY, Daddy is talking to the dumbest lady you ever saw, and the more he talks to her, the DUMBER he gets!
__________________
Gaius Mucius Scaevola Sinistra
Japher: "crap, did I just post in this thread?"
"Bloody hell, Lefty.....number one in my list of persons I have no intention of annoying, ever." Bugs ****ing Bunny
From a 6th grader who readily adpated to internet culture: "Pay attention now, because your opinions suck"
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 12:55
|
#11
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: of poor english grammar
Posts: 4,307
|
A black guy is having sex with a woman.
The women says to the black guy:
"Do to me what you do best."
The black guy gets up and leaves with the TV set.
Spec.
__________________
-Never argue with an idiot; He will bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 13:40
|
#12
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 14:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Howling at the moon
Posts: 4,421
|
Uhhhhh.....racist jokes ain't cool, kids.
Don't look for a punchline.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 13:43
|
#13
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Xrr ZRRRRRRR!!
Posts: 6,484
|
How do you get straight line from triangle with only one move?
.... shave the pubic hair.
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 15:49
|
#14
|
|
CTP1/2 GODDESS
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: 10069
Posts: 198
|
Sounds like a meeting for the writers on Tough Crowd.
What's the worst thing about being a child molester?
A1) Getting blood on your clown suit.
A2) Getting blood on your Michael Jackson suit.
What's the best thing about being a child molester?
When you get the pix back, your [exp] looks HUGE.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:00
|
#15
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Xrr ZRRRRRRR!!
Posts: 6,484
|
What is in babies grib, black and goes up and down?
Michael Jacksons ass.
edit: yes and I realize Jackos butt is white, but that was just to distract you all from not realizing the whole joke before the answer.
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:02
|
#16
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: of poor english grammar
Posts: 4,307
|
Would'nt that be white?
Spec.
__________________
-Never argue with an idiot; He will bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:02
|
#17
|
|
Civilization V News Editor
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Yggdrasil.
Posts: 4,164
|
why don't the english make computers?
because they can't find a way to make them leak oil.
__________________
Civ V Civilization V Civ5 CivV Civilization 5 Civ 5 - Do your part!
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.
[ All good things]
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:06
|
#18
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
|
@self biased...
I got some, but I think I might get banned if I tell them...
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:08
|
#19
|
|
Civilization V News Editor
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Yggdrasil.
Posts: 4,164
|
most of mine aren't for polite company.
__________________
Civ V Civilization V Civ5 CivV Civilization 5 Civ 5 - Do your part!
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.
[ All good things]
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:16
|
#20
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Illinois
Posts: 8,595
|
|
Quote:
|
Originally posted by self biased
most of mine aren't for polite company.
|
That's no problem then, since there is no "polite" company here on Apolyton. 
__________________
STFU and then GTFO!
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:21
|
#21
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Xrr ZRRRRRRR!!
Posts: 6,484
|
What do you get when you mix a dog and a cat?
dgat!
I figure I have the best one so far.
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:26
|
#22
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
|
That's lame Pekka.
What do you get when you cross an elephant, a rhinoserous, and hippopatumous?
Hel-aph-i-no... pronounced 'hell if I know'
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:28
|
#23
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Xrr ZRRRRRRR!!
Posts: 6,484
|
Good, but I still think mine is better.
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:32
|
#24
|
|
Prince
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Please make all cheques payable to Whaleboy
Posts: 853
|
A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Have you got any bread?"
The barman says "no".
The duck stops for a second and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman says "No, this is a bar, we have no bread"
The duck looks around and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman, looking a bit irritated says "No, we have no bread"
The duck looks curious and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman, his face red says "NO, WE HAVE NO BREAD, IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOU FVCKING BEAK TO THE WALL!!!"
The duck looks at him for a second and says "Have you got any nails?"
The barman says "No"
The duck pauses and says "Have you got any bread?"
__________________
"I work in IT so I'd be buggered without a computer" - Words of wisdom from Provost Harrison
"You can be wrong AND jewish" - Wiglaf :love:
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:32
|
#25
|
|
CTP1/2 GODDESS
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: 10069
Posts: 198
|
Whoever said the pun is the lowest form of humour obviously didn't post on Apolyton.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:33
|
#26
|
|
Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
|
Yea, I guess so...dgat
A blonde looked in a box of cheerios and said "look! donut seeds!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:37
|
#27
|
|
King
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Everybody writes a book too many.
Posts: 1,259
|
lol@ wHALEBOY
__________________
What?
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:42
|
#28
|
|
King
Local Time: 07:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Toasty!
Posts: 2,230
|
The Detroit Tigers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:44
|
#29
|
|
CTP1/2 GODDESS
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: 10069
Posts: 198
|
goose@whaleboy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
November 26, 2003, 16:47
|
#30
|
|
Prince
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Please make all cheques payable to Whaleboy
Posts: 853
|
Goose was tasty...
__________________
"I work in IT so I'd be buggered without a computer" - Words of wisdom from Provost Harrison
"You can be wrong AND jewish" - Wiglaf :love:
|
|
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is On
|
|
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:15.
|
|
