November 26, 2003, 16:47
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#31
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Deity
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Virginia
Posts: 11,160
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Whaleboy
A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Have you got any bread?"
The barman says "no".
The duck stops for a second and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman says "No, this is a bar, we have no bread"
The duck looks around and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman, looking a bit irritated says "No, we have no bread"
The duck looks curious and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman, his face red says "NO, WE HAVE NO BREAD, IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOU FVCKING BEAK TO THE WALL!!!"
The duck looks at him for a second and says "Have you got any nails?"
The barman says "No"
The duck pauses and says "Have you got any bread?"
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Obviously the duck wanted to say motzi and make shabbos. He went to a bar cause he knew theyd have wine, but wanted to make sure theyd also have bread. Smart little critter.
BTW, whaleboy, how are you?
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"A person cannot approach the divine by reaching beyond the human. To become human, is what this individual person, has been created for.” Martin Buber
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November 26, 2003, 16:48
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#32
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Civilization V News Editor
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Yggdrasil.
Posts: 4,164
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:roots around in old issues of playboy for more jokes:
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Civ V Civilization V Civ5 CivV Civilization 5 Civ 5 - Do your part!
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.
[ All good things]
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November 26, 2003, 16:50
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#33
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Prince
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Please make all cheques payable to Whaleboy
Posts: 853
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I'm great LOTM, and yourself?
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"I work in IT so I'd be buggered without a computer" - Words of wisdom from Provost Harrison
"You can be wrong AND jewish" - Wiglaf :love:
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November 26, 2003, 16:52
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#34
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Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
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Posts: 6,484
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What do you get when you cross mathematician and programmer? Fat nerd.
I'm on fire tonigh!
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
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November 26, 2003, 16:53
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#35
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Deity
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Virginia
Posts: 11,160
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Whaleboy
I'm great LOTM, and yourself?
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baruch hashem.
__________________
"A person cannot approach the divine by reaching beyond the human. To become human, is what this individual person, has been created for.” Martin Buber
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November 26, 2003, 16:54
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#36
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Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
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One I probably shouldn't say:
What do you get when you cross a black guy with a mexican? - Some one who is too lazy to steal... 
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November 26, 2003, 16:57
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#37
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Civilization V News Editor
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Yggdrasil.
Posts: 4,164
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so long as people realize that it's only a joke, i think we'll be okay. i've got a whole litany of polish jokes. and guess where the majority of my heritage comes from?
__________________
Civ V Civilization V Civ5 CivV Civilization 5 Civ 5 - Do your part!
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.
[ All good things]
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November 26, 2003, 16:58
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#38
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Prince
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Please make all cheques payable to Whaleboy
Posts: 853
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This is OT, not bedtime prayers .
__________________
"I work in IT so I'd be buggered without a computer" - Words of wisdom from Provost Harrison
"You can be wrong AND jewish" - Wiglaf :love:
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November 26, 2003, 16:58
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#39
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Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
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I need some good white guy bashing jokes...
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November 26, 2003, 17:12
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#40
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Civilization V News Editor
Local Time: 09:15
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Join Date: Nov 1999
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a huge black guy walks into a bar, and sits down in a stool next to a white guy. he looks over to him and says "i'm big, i'm black, and i just love to have sex with little white women" terrified, the man downs his beer in one gulp and runs out of the bar.
the black guy moves over to another white guy and says "i'm big i'm black, and i just love to have sex with little white women." the man downs his whiskey and runs out the bar.
the black guy then sits next to a polack. "i'm big, i'm black, and i just love to have sex with little white women."
the polack sips his beer and responds: "i don't blame you. i wouldn't touch those black ones either."
__________________
Civ V Civilization V Civ5 CivV Civilization 5 Civ 5 - Do your part!
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.
[ All good things]
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November 26, 2003, 18:14
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#41
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: May 2001
Location: flying too low to the ground
Posts: 4,625
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i'm not feeling like getting banned today. i kinda have a streak going right now 
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"I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it. We have to leave this place, I am almost happy here."
- Ender, from Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
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November 26, 2003, 18:29
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#42
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Settler
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: heh
Posts: 5
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wow...
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December 17, 2003, 15:29
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#43
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Prince
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Picksburgh
Posts: 837
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What do you call a quadropalegic....
... in the bathtub?
Bob.
... in a ditch?
Phil.
... at the door?
Matt.
Two quadropalegics leaning against the wall?
Curt and Rod.
Thanks. I'll be here all week folks. 
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December 17, 2003, 15:33
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#44
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Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
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Join Date: Feb 2002
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What do you call a white fat chick?
You don't call! She might call you back!
YEAH! And it's ALL MINE!
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
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December 17, 2003, 15:35
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#45
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Prince
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Picksburgh
Posts: 837
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Q: What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection?
A: Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
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December 17, 2003, 15:36
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#46
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Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
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Posts: 6,484
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What is red, hungry and reads Fortune500?
Dirty communist who realized too late!
alternative answer: Poetic justice!
YEAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
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December 17, 2003, 15:43
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#47
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The cities of Orly and Nowai
Posts: 4,228
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two guys walk into a bar.
the third ducks.
__________________
B♭3
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December 17, 2003, 15:44
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#48
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Emperor
Local Time: 13:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
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Quote:
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What do you call a quadropalegic....
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...hanging on a wall?
Art
... delivered by the post office?
Bill
What do you call a girl with one leg?
Ilene...
What do you call an asian girl with one leg?
Irene...
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December 17, 2003, 15:56
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#49
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The cities of Orly and Nowai
Posts: 4,228
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wouldn't it be eileen?
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studies have shown that over 80% of all asian men have cataracts.
the other 20% drive rincons and chevorays.
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B♭3
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December 17, 2003, 15:58
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#50
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
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Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The cities of Orly and Nowai
Posts: 4,228
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why unix and linux are the best operating systems ever:
the following commands.
grep
fsck
unzip
touch
finger
mount
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B♭3
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December 17, 2003, 16:02
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#51
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Emperor
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
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What is Peter spelled backwards? Retep.
__________________
In da butt.
"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
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December 17, 2003, 16:08
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#52
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
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Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The cities of Orly and Nowai
Posts: 4,228
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who is pekka with two vowels changed and one consonant added?
PIKKU G.!
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B♭3
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December 17, 2003, 16:11
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#53
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Deity
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Virginia
Posts: 11,160
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Saddam hussein goes to a fortune teller.
Fortune teller: saddam, you are goint to die
Saddam: WHEN?
Fortune teller: Im not sure, but it will be on a Jewish holiday
Saddam: How do you know that
Fortune teller: Saddam, any day you die will be a Jewish holiday.
__________________
"A person cannot approach the divine by reaching beyond the human. To become human, is what this individual person, has been created for.” Martin Buber
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December 17, 2003, 16:13
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#54
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
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Join Date: Apr 1999
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i've heard that one before, only with yasser in saddam's position.
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B♭3
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December 17, 2003, 16:16
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#55
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Chieftain
Local Time: 07:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Houston,Tx
Posts: 61
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what do Michael Jackson & JC Pennys have in common/
Boys pants half off
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December 17, 2003, 16:16
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#56
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Emperor
Local Time: 06:15
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 4,412
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Hi honey, this is Daddy... Is your Mummy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy right now."
"Uh, Okay, then...here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?" he asks. "Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down the stairs and she's not moving any more."
"Oh no...and what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool....but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and he's not moving either."
(Long pause)
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Is this 597-7039?"
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Tutto nel mondo è burla
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December 17, 2003, 16:18
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#57
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:15
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Join Date: Apr 1999
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a taliban general was marching with his best elite troops, when from around the hill he's passing he hears a whisper:
1 american soldier can beat 10 taliban!
angered, he sends 10 of his best men to kill that voice. there are sounds of battle, screams, and then silence. the general then hears:
1 american soldier can beat 100 taliban!
furious now, he sends 100 of his best men to kill that voice. again there are sounds of battle, more screams, and then an eerie silence. once again, a voice comes from the other side of the hill:
1 american soldier can kill 1000 taliban!
absolutely incensed, the general sends 1000 of his best men to deal with that voice once and for all. there's a great cacophany of noise, gunfire, screams, and explosions. he then hears:
1 american soldier can beat 10000 taliban soldiers!
being pretty pissed off, he gathers all 10000 of his remaining troops and decides to personally lead them in battle.
as he is about to go around the hill, he sees one of his previous soldiers barely crawling out around the bend. the soldier gasps:
don't do it! there are two of them!
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B♭3
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December 17, 2003, 16:19
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#58
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Chieftain
Local Time: 07:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Houston,Tx
Posts: 61
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A guy walks into a bar & orders 12 Margaritas
bartender "what are you celebrating"
Guy "First ever B J"
Bartender "well lets make it a bakers dozen"
Guy "If the first 12 dont kill the taste , I doubt one more will help"
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December 17, 2003, 16:22
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#59
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Chieftain
Local Time: 07:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Houston,Tx
Posts: 61
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@ Boris G"s
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December 17, 2003, 16:33
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#60
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King
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 2,015
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great thread!
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