the autobiography of a 'newbie'....

Ision · December 9, 2003, 14:53

Ision bought CIV 3 - 2 weeks after it was released. When Ision was a newbie he was a sad sight to behold. He lost his first few games but then discovered that losing could be prevented with minimal effort. The key word in that sentence was the adjective ‘minimal’. He always claimed that he wanted to improve his game, but in truth all he was really looking for were ‘short cuts’. He scoured the forums of CIV Fanatics and Apolyton for tips on better strategy – but the only tips he ever took were the ones that would make it easier to win at chieftan and warlord, not the ones that would make him better. Sure enough he began to win, and win, and win, and win some more. He also continued to be a lousy player, lousy, and lousier by the game.

Ision loved polls! Among his favorites were the ‘what is the best Civ/trait/uu polls. He participated in all of these. Amazingly, he always seemed to vote with the majority (300 other newbies that were also looking for a short cuts and cheats). He read through the expert articles – true enough – but he always found an excuse for not actually trying it. Had you monitored his games back then you would have been sure Ision could not swim. He always played standard Pang maps, often repeating the ‘island maps suck anyway’ or ‘the naval game in CIV is broken’ argument. He read those excuses on forums (other newbies scared to death of water), and they were perfect high-sounding excuses. Besides how the hell would he know - his feet hadn’t touched water since the day he started playing.

Ision always played the big 3 of the polls; Egypt, Persia, and China …… nobody else. No doubt had Ision been a newbie today, he would be playing the Mayans – only. After all, these were the BEST civs! If it wasn’t Industrious it had a disease. Ision was a build order freak. He lived by the same 2 or 3, and even wrote them down. You see he had to write them down, because after a while the build orders became over 30 turns worth of scripted play! It is rumored that he was once seen crying pathetically while re-starting a game in which he failed to pull off the Pyramids. I for one refuse to believe it.

Ision averaged 99.9999 % of all the wonders in the game. He was often caught smiling at the F7 screen; during his Chieftain level cultural win. When Ision finally moved up to Warlord he was angered in having to settle for 80% of the wonders. Ision often went to war with another CIV - he called his war style ‘methodical’. The objective: 2 to 4 cities and then peace treaties. Methodical my ass! In truth he never had the nerve to press a war to total victory or the limits of his Civs war weariness.

Ision’s cities were a sight to behold – fully loaded with every building known to man (or CIV). I do believe he tried to build a coastal fortress in his inland Capitol! Ision always had the tech lead – an amazing coincidence really, it defied all the odds.

So what finally brought this to end? What was the straw that broke the camels back? It happened one Regent game Ision had. He saw a pop-up screen he had never seen before, and it read:

"This game simply REFUSES to reload again! I realize that you refuse to play unless you start with 3 cattle on bonus grassland next to a river - but for God sake! This is the 200th re-load! - you have sat there for 2 hours and haven't started playing yet! I have had enough - load up a game of Computer RISK and leave me the hell alone…"

That was it…………… Ision was cured.

Epilogue: Ision currently lives in quite isolation as a solid and non-cheating Monarch/Emperor player. He has won at Deity several times but prefers the game dynamics of Monarch and Emperor. The disgrace and shame of those days haunt him to this very day.

Alex · December 9, 2003, 15:14

cool biography, Ision. We were all newbies sometime in the past...

or still are

Theseus · December 9, 2003, 15:46

That was great!!

Ision, you need to play some of the AU games... 209 comes to mind.

vmxa1 · December 9, 2003, 18:34

Well done, I read it all.

Oh, don't listen to Theseus, that game will drive you nuts. If you want water I think it was AU402, plenty there.

Really go back and play as many as you can stand, they are often interesting, but some where around 209 they got a bit stern.

Arrian · December 9, 2003, 18:39

Was 209 the total war one? If so, play it only if you like pain.

-Arrian

Rhothaerill · December 9, 2003, 18:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Arrian
Was 209 the total war one? If so, play it only if you like pain.

-Arrian

AU208 was total war. That one was a pain. 209 was the no golden age which meant no UU, no cavalry, and very few (or in my case no) wonders built.

I didn't finish 208, but 209 was a lot of fun.

MrWhereItsAt · December 10, 2003, 07:16

Well, with some luck, the first C3C AU will be out soon after the beta patch next week, so we can all start on the most equal footing we can have.

And no shame there, Ision. I never pushed myself beyond Prince in Civ2, or even the second lowest level in SMAX! This is a great thing to read. I salute you in admitting that you were in a rut. But, damn! I haven't even got up to Emperor yet, having just managed the trip up to Monarch with my last 4-5 games. Personally I try to find a way to win with each civ trait and most civs before pushing myself to the next level.

I hope you join with us in AU, and all others with similar experiences do so to (whatever part of that story you are in right now!)

Hrafn · December 10, 2003, 11:56

Play in a way that makes you happy--it's your game. Stay in that rut, or not, but do it because it is what you wish to do, not what you are told is the "better" way or "quicker" way...

Aside from that, well written, Ision, I had a good laugh.

Shogun Gunner · December 10, 2003, 12:00

Glad to hear that others are having some difficulty with the higher levels. I tried Emperor and got creamed.... I'm back to Monarch working to improve my strategy...

Cookie Monster · December 10, 2003, 12:33

Good autobio!

aoerana · December 10, 2003, 15:22

I have been playing Civ3 almost as long, but very much less than you. I have also been lurking here much longer. Not only have you stuck several cords with this, but you have made me want to reply...

I have never liked restarting a game to get a good location. When I have restarted, it made me feel like I was wasting my time. It has always seem to me that restarting for that reason makes the game tooo easy and so it would not be worth playing. Did you really restart 200 times in one sitting?

Aramis · December 10, 2003, 15:46

I saw myself in the multiple restarts part. These days I takes me chances with wherever I start. Loads more fun.

Shadow Dweller · December 10, 2003, 15:54

This is sort of a related question, how often do you normaly just drop the settler down where he starts and go from there as opposed to mabey moving for 2-3 turns to see if anything better is present? Normal I'll move up to 4 spaces away from my starting point for a home city.

Cookie Monster · December 10, 2003, 16:00

Quote:

Originally posted by Shadow Dweller
This is sort of a related question, how often do you normaly just drop the settler down where he starts and go from there as opposed to mabey moving for 2-3 turns to see if anything better is present? Normal I'll move up to 4 spaces away from my starting point for a home city.

What I usually do is on turn one hit wait for the settler, then move my worker on tile and if I have on the scout 1 tile in the other direction. If another tile looks promising I then move my settler towards it and settle on turn two. If not he settles right where he is on turn 1.

Aramis · December 10, 2003, 16:04

Quote:

Originally posted by Shadow Dweller
how often do you normaly just drop the settler down where he starts and go from there as opposed to mabey moving for 2-3 turns to see if anything better is present?

Myself, I don't like to wait that many turns (few as they are) to get started. It puts me behind the AI, and I want to get busy trying to get ahead. If it's a really bad location, the game will probably be short (and interesting), and I'll hope for better in the next game.

vmxa1 · December 10, 2003, 19:09

I prefer not to move the settler, but I will move any intis I have before I decide. I want to see as much as possible.
It used to be that moving a settler was considered a bad idea, but I think a few games posted have shone that to be not a given. IIRC Dominae move one a long way more than 6 turns and it paid off.

Ision · December 11, 2003, 04:56

Gentlemen,

First let me say thanks for all the kind reviews. The autobiography I wrote IS all based on actual fact. Some of you however have taken the article a bit too 'literally'. I took quite a bit of poetic license for the sake of making my point. The intention of the article is twofold; a learning tool for newbies (a what not to do list), and for humor.

Ision

pedrojedi · December 11, 2003, 12:46

I usually never move my settler; even the crappiest location I got was not that bad after all - after RR and Sanitation, I mean

. But I DO remember a game that I reloaded because it started well inside tundra tiles...