March 8, 2004, 16:24
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#61
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Emperor
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I think its fine myself, just a little confusing when I first read it.
You need to define more clearly that Cathy was looking back, daydreaming if you like.
However you would define it you need to point it out more clearly 
As I said I enjoyed it and I am very much looking forward to your next installment 
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A proud member of the "Apolyton Story Writers Guild".There are many great stories at the Civ 3 stories forum, do yourself a favour and visit the forum. Lose yourself in one of many epic tales and be inspired to write yourself, as I was.
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March 8, 2004, 18:52
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#62
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King
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Yes, thanks for clarifying what I said Chrisus.
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March 8, 2004, 21:48
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#63
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Emperor
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Thanks for the feedback guys! I tried moving a couple of paragraphs and adding an intro sentence. Does that work better?
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March 8, 2004, 23:30
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#64
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King
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much better.
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March 9, 2004, 00:17
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#65
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Emperor
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Thanks SKILORD.
__________________
Favorite Staff Quotes:
People are screeming for consistency, but it ain't gonna happen from me. -rah
God... I have to agree with Asher ;) -Ming - Asher gets it :b: -Ming
Troll on dope is like a moose on the loose - Grandpa Troll
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March 9, 2004, 02:49
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#66
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Emperor
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__________________
A proud member of the "Apolyton Story Writers Guild".There are many great stories at the Civ 3 stories forum, do yourself a favour and visit the forum. Lose yourself in one of many epic tales and be inspired to write yourself, as I was.
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March 9, 2004, 23:26
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#67
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Warlord
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Are the Iroquois going to be in it?
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May 8, 2004, 13:56
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#68
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Emperor
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Have you forgot all about this story, PLATO? Quite sad that. 
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July 7, 2004, 22:38
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#69
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Emperor
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Quote:
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Originally posted by vovan
Have you forgot all about this story, PLATO? Quite sad that.
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No...I haven't forgot. Life has just thrown me a few curve balls of late. I really am anxious to get back on it. Please bear with me.
__________________
Favorite Staff Quotes:
People are screeming for consistency, but it ain't gonna happen from me. -rah
God... I have to agree with Asher ;) -Ming - Asher gets it :b: -Ming
Troll on dope is like a moose on the loose - Grandpa Troll
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July 9, 2004, 16:25
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#70
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King
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curve balls eh?
well lets see you kick them right back down their throat and get back to the story.
Yes, a new philosophy, 'When life gives you lemons... kick the bastard's teeth out so that he won't ask you to share, then make lemonade. Because you need teeth to drink lemonade.'
Unless this metaphor is totally innapropriate, then ignore it...
but get back to the story when you're in order...
please.
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July 16, 2004, 15:25
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#71
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Prince
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Plato, looking forward to your return 
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July 24, 2004, 22:46
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#72
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Immortal Factotum
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Plato, Plato
Where for art thou Plato?
Hope this finds you well
Gramps
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August 9, 2004, 04:57
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#73
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Prince
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Awesome story, Plato. I wish he could have written like 10 more chapters. 
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Geniuses are ordinary people bestowed with the gift to see beyond common everyday perceptions.
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August 9, 2004, 12:12
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#74
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King
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don't talk like that, he's coming back.
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