PRAVDA SPECIAL EDITION #20 - 2nd January 2004 - SECRETS AND SCANDAL

Jamski · January 2, 2004, 10:14

Comrades - we greet each day with the truth!
PRAVDA
The unoffical newspaper of the Human Hive

(***censored picture***)

In this SPECIAL PRAVDA Edition :

PRAVDA offices invaded!
Chairman accused!
Secrets and Scandal
Missing Forlani
Religion
No Cartoon
Other News

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Pravda Offices Invaded
The PRAVDA offices have been invaded by a small group of soldiers and Crimson Guardsmen loyal to ex-Deputy Chairman Comrade Jamski. They are forcing the PRAVDA staff to print this edition. Help they are making me type this and they have a gun on my head but I think the stupid guard cannot read what the commisar no no not the nervestapleeeeeeer!!!!!!Glory To Jamski! Glory to the Hive! Long Live Democracy! YAY!

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Chairman Accused
Mobs are forming on the streets, in the bunkers and along the tunnels of the bases of the Human Hive following the shocking news from the daily PRAVDA show broadcast on the Communal Network Nodes. It appears that ex-Deputy Chairman, currently enjoying a certain popularity with the common workers and drones due to the serialised drama of his Escape from Spam Prison* was shown (PRAVDA Entertainment 3, 7pm weeknights. Starring Burt Reynolds and other famous cloned actors of 20th Century Earth) has made a shocking discovery :

THE HIVE GOVERNMENT IS A PUPPET !

Yes, Comrade Jamski has bravely confronted the government following his failed coup, and has discovered, that even if his coup had succeeded, then he would still have not gained control of the Hive. The Hive is actually run by the so-called "Shaddow Forum" (sic) who have been secretly managing the affiars of the Hive for many years.

Jamski has risked his life once more in exposing this dastardly state of affairs to the rest of the world. Only PRAVDA can be trusted to stand by him however, as the "Shaddow Forum" have acted rapidly to control the situation, promising reform on one hand, but with the other arresting Comrade Jamski and putting him on trial for the second time in 4 years. The people are up in arms. More news as we find out the extent of the Hive's moral corruption, and the risk that out loyal Comrade Jamski is now in.

*not based on a true story.

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Missing Forlani
Claire Forlani, missing for many months has been found dead in the Chairman's private apartments by a PRAVDA reporter disgised as a cleaning Drone. The Chairman has denied all responisbility, the reporter never returned from a special report on the recycling tanks, and Comrade Forlani's body seems to have disappeared. A computer generated image has filled in for her in recent Node shows, but... AHHH NOT THE NERVESTAPLER AGAIN!

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Religion
A recent (thankfully non-secret) council of the Hive has dermined that Tassadar is NOT a God. It is possible that both sides tried to affect the minds of the others in the debate BUT ENIGMA_NOVA IS RIGHT YES HE IS TASS IS NOT A GOD YES ENIGMA_NOVA IS VERY CORRECT. Indeed, and there is also no secret mind-control program in the Hive.

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No Cartoon
Look, I'm just a sub-sub-sub editor, all the cartoonists are burning in a hallway, and there's a gun against my head, held by a moron who worships Jamski, for Googliegod's sake, do you think I'm capable of making a funny cartoon? He's in the toilet right now, so this is my only chance, if you get this broadsheetcast, help me please... oh damm, he's coming back. They're all dead... Oh my sweet GooglieGod! Just help me for *BANG*

++End of message++Transmission disconnected++

-Jam

Enigma_Nova · January 3, 2004, 06:44

Very well I'll remove the rant -this- time.

Hercules · January 3, 2004, 08:48

Enigma: for an elite class person (by your own definition), you seem to spend a good deal of time in the Peanut gallery.

Jamski · January 3, 2004, 09:14

@Enigma_Nove - please remove this childish rant from my PRAVDA thread, or do I have to ask Tass to do it? It's not really the right place is it? May I also remind you that personal attacks on other posters (Tassadar) are not allowed on Apolyton. Thankyou.

We now return you to your previously scheduled thread.

-Jam

Nubclear · January 3, 2004, 17:26

Quote:

Originally posted by Jamski
@Enigma_Nove - please remove this childish rant from my PRAVDA thread, or do I have to ask Tass to do it? It's not really the right place is it? May I also remind you that personal attacks on other posters (Tassadar) are not allowed on Apolyton. Thankyou.

We now return you to your previously scheduled thread.

-Jam

Or not.

This thread is CLOSED!

Jamski · January 3, 2004, 18:23

No its not

-Jam

Nubclear · January 3, 2004, 20:24

Quote:

Originally posted by Jamski
No its not

-Jam

This is true.

DeathByTheSword · January 3, 2004, 20:27

so we now have to proof that tass isnt a REAL god....but just a SEMI-REAL god!

Jamski · January 3, 2004, 21:15

Tass, are you going to sit there and take this? E_N is ratting you, DBTS is bunny-ing you, I scoff at your "thread closed"...

Quick, we'll loose our respect for you

-Jam

Hercules · January 3, 2004, 22:54

He's half human, so maybe the Human side of TASS over rode his godlie component.

Nubclear · January 3, 2004, 23:42

My godly component is EVIL and VILE

My human component is GOOD and RIGHTEOUS

Jamski · January 4, 2004, 10:48

That sounds a bit backwards to me

Let's crucify you Tass, just as an experiment.

-Jam

Nubclear · January 4, 2004, 17:18

Forgive them Googliegod for they no not of what they do

Jamski · January 4, 2004, 17:54

Tass, can you post some stuff out of the book of Mormon, with "god" changed to "Tassadar" every time it appears. Please.

-Jam

Enigma_Nova · January 6, 2004, 10:48

And so the Lord Tass sent him forth from the Forum of DG, and he placed at the Top of the forum, Stickys, and a flaming DL that flamed every one to keep the way of the drectory tree of files.

The ACDG Bible.

t_ras · January 23, 2004, 13:10

wait...if googlie god is a god and tass is half a god then we have one and a half god (!?) are we paggans?

Nubclear · January 23, 2004, 14:08

Quote:

Originally posted by t_ras
wait...if googlie god is a god and tass is half a god then we have one and a half god (!?) are we paggans?

How ungodly

Frankychan · January 23, 2004, 19:10

+this thread is under watch for revolutionary activity+

GeoModder · January 23, 2004, 20:21

Doesn't matter, if you watch for a revolution it's already to late, the rope is waiting...

Jamski · January 23, 2004, 20:57

Hang them all, let Googliegod sort them out...

-Jam

GeoModder · January 23, 2004, 21:27

Quote:

Originally posted by Jamski
Hang them all, let Googliegod sort them out...

-Jam

I meant the watcher's hanging

Skanky Burns · January 24, 2004, 20:41

Quote:

Originally posted by Jamski
Hang them all, let Googliegod sort them out...

-Jam

Hang all the Hive members, you say?
I like your way of thinking!

GeoModder · January 25, 2004, 10:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Skanky Burns

Hang all the Hive members, you say?
I like your way of thinking!

Pls, only the top brass

The rest are transformed for the common goal and good

Skanky Burns · January 25, 2004, 10:57

If a Hive member wants all his fellow members dead, who am I to argue with him?

It isn't the most efficient use of resources, granted.

Illuminatus · January 25, 2004, 15:01

Quote:

Originally posted by Jamski
Hang them all, let Googliegod sort them out...

-Jam

If you need help with the revolution we in CyCon are ready to help - anything to star ermm stop civil war in Hive

Jamski · January 25, 2004, 19:45

Skanky, you really have EXACTLY the right attitude to join the Hive.

-Jam

Enigma_Nova · January 26, 2004, 07:47

All right, Skanky. You may enter the Hive.
Though be prepared to be flamed if you show stupidity, AND it somehow hinders my quest to eradicate my enemies.

(Stupidity which goes nowhere is okay by me)

Skanky Burns · January 26, 2004, 08:09

Is it a problem that I'm already a CyCon?

Enigma_Nova · January 26, 2004, 08:41

Umm...
Well you can't join The Hive.
Is that a problem?
HECK NO.

I have my hands full with a new arrival as it is. Maybe I should sic Jamski on him... make that guy useful for something.