Digital Data Download (3D) - Issue 5.1

Drogue · January 21, 2004, 20:08

This is a 3D Extra newsflash! Hot off the press, bringing you the news, as it happens, even when the systems are down and the usual pictures do not show. Welcome, to Issue 5.1 of 3D

PEACE War – The End is Nigh! - by Drogue Beta-8

The CyCon government has issued a press statement, saying that they have now captured Sealurk Channel and Casablanca from PEACE, bringing the total number of captured bases to 5. It is now obvious to all that the might of the CyCon army will overwhelm PEACE, it is just a question of when.

Since victory is now assured, CyCon discussion has turned to reconciliation, to the issues of what will happen to all the ex-PEACE citizens, and to our diplomatic status. We wish no ill will to any PEACE citizen, which is why the government is to offer them full asylum. PEACE members who join would become full CyCon citizens, with all the rights that entails. A proposal is currently being drawn up, but will be sent to PEACE as soon as it is ready, with our proposals in detail.

In the spirit of enhancing our diplomatic status, and gaining commerce, the CyCon government has decided to offer a Pact to all remaining human nations. We believe in not repeating the mistakes of the past, and wish to choose co-operation over competition, and hope all factions will consider this offer carefully, and decide whether they wish to heighten their friendship with the CyCon. All comments on trade and diplomacy should be forwarded to External Function Mani Alpha-3 until the end of January, and then to Prime Function Drogue Beta-8, who will step down and take over the role of External Affairs Function.

Or as one reader joked:

What do you call a pirate in the ocean?
OWNED

What do you call a pirate on dry land?
OWNED

What do you call a pirate in a cyborg factory?
OWNED

What do you call a Pirate under the waves?
Already OWNED

...come to think of it, Pirates are OWNED.

What's the difference between a Pirate and a Gypsy?
“Owned?

”

What's the difference between PEACE and a Penthouse?
One's rented, the other's OWNED.

How are water-susceptible circuitry and salty sea dogs similar?
Cyborgs have them both COMPLETELY COVERED.

These jokes are the work or readers, and bear no relation to the opinions of the editor or 3D itself.

Edited by Drogue Beta-8

Maniac · January 21, 2004, 20:36

A great issue, Drogue!

Method · January 21, 2004, 20:56

I do believe it's spelled "0-w-n-e-d"

meh. i take it we won the war then?

Method · January 21, 2004, 20:56

yes, so that should read as follows:

What do you call a pirate in the ocean?
0WNED

Maniac · January 21, 2004, 20:58

From the same reader:

"What's the difference between a plot of land and the PEACE?"
You never really own a plot of land.

Maniac · January 21, 2004, 21:03

Quote:

Originally posted by Method
meh. i take it we won the war then?

Well our 5461654-variable analysis already indicated at the start of the war CyCon victory was assured, but around now the result should become pretty obvious even to previous disbelievers.

Drogue · January 21, 2004, 21:03

Quote:

Originally posted by Method
I do believe it's spelled "0-w-n-e-d"

meh. i take it we won the war then?

Quote:

Originally posted by Method
yes, so that should read as follows:

What do you call a pirate in the ocean?
0WNED

You are correct, except since I was quoting, I could not change them.

And technically, it should be 0WN3D

GeoModder · January 21, 2004, 21:26

And what is a PEACE-plotter after encounter of with a Cyborg?

A navigation computer

Nubclear · January 21, 2004, 21:36

Quote:

Originally posted by Drogue

You are correct, except since I was quoting, I could not change them.

And technically, it should be 0WN3D

0\\//\\////\\//3|)

Drogue · January 22, 2004, 05:26

Yes, but OWNED just looks better.

To guess who wrote them is pretty easy, but there is a line written by someone else. The first non-Cyborg to guess which line it is, and who wrote that line, get's free drinks all day in the Rec Commons

Enigma_Nova · January 22, 2004, 07:12

...
Yes, I'm the resident OWNED dude.

And yes, once again I make a Typo that looks like a real word.
Pennyhouse == Penthouse

BTW I revised the gypsy joke:
What's the difference between a Pirate and a Prostitute?
A prostitute still has some dignity left.

And the line with the

is clearly not mine.

Drogue · January 22, 2004, 09:16

Let's make it simple. Anyone that was not present at in the conversation can guess who said that line.

I left out the Pirate and Protitute joke because even though they're not CyCon work, it seemed a little to far for a CyCon newspaper to go. PEACE have dignity, just not an army

foolish_icarus · January 22, 2004, 12:04

Quote:

PEACE have dignity, just not an army

sadly true.

GeneralTacticus · January 22, 2004, 23:04

So how many bases does the PEACE have left, if you've captured five?

Jamski · January 23, 2004, 04:12

Don't you have infilteration ?

-Jam

Drogue · January 23, 2004, 05:36

6 left, IIRC.

Maniac · January 24, 2004, 09:24

Hi Tassadar, could you please change the title of this thread to Issue 5.1 instead of 4.2?

jtsisyoda · January 24, 2004, 10:38

Quote:

CyCon discussion has turned to reconciliation

Quote:

Pirates are OWNED

Insincerityflag=1;

Maniac · January 24, 2004, 11:31

The "Pirates are OWNED" statements were not made by cyborgs, but by Enigma_Nova. And even if a cyborg said such statements, I assume they would most likely be meant in a humourous way, and not to insult or anything. Though I have been pretty annoyed at times by the behaviour of some pirates, I don't share any permanent hard feelings towards PEACE members, and I would very much love them to join the Consciousness, as cooperation towards a common goal is the best way to heal any negative feelings possibly arisen between us.

jtsisyoda · January 24, 2004, 12:27

Publishing them is playing along. Having a disclaimer doesn't change that.

Pray that we're nicer when we conquer you.*

* Communication not officially endorsed by the Free Drone faction.

Illuminatus · January 24, 2004, 14:21

I guess there are organics who do not understand humour.

And upon who should we make jokes in ACDG if we do not want to cause diplomatic incidents?

AI?

GeoModder · January 24, 2004, 14:39

Quote:

Originally posted by obstructor
I guess there are organics who do not understand humour.

And upon who should we make jokes in ACDG if we do not want to cause diplomatic incidents?

AI?

That's a problem for us as well, since those are almost our kin

Illuminatus · January 24, 2004, 14:56

This is precisely why we decided to become cyborgs. To abandon stupidity of organics.

jtsisyoda · January 24, 2004, 15:23

That little bit about us conquering you... that's me playing along.

A little irony to throw off the over-literal more-than-human logicians.

Illuminatus · January 24, 2004, 15:31

Quote:

Originally posted by jtsisyoda
That little bit about us conquering you... that's me playing along.

A little irony to throw off the over-literal more-than-human logicians.

WHAT!?!

Abort launch of PlanetBusters on Drones...
Abort launch of PlanetBusters on Drones...
Abort launch of PlanetBusters on Drones...
I just hope I pressed the abort button on time.

Enigma_Nova · January 24, 2004, 15:37

Naw, Drones aren't a threat.
The Hive will attack and kill you all then subvert you to the endless torture of our punishment spam spheres.

Illuminatus · January 24, 2004, 15:40

Quote:

Originally posted by Enigma_Nova
Naw, Drones aren't a threat.
The Hive will attack and kill you all then subvert you to the endless torture of our punishment spam spheres.

Redirecting PlanetBusters on Hive...
Redirecting PlanetBusters on Hive...
Redirecting PlanetBusters on Hive...

GeoModder · January 24, 2004, 19:48

Quote:

Originally posted by obstructor

Redirecting PlanetBusters on Hive...
Redirecting PlanetBusters on Hive...
Redirecting PlanetBusters on Hive...

Don't overact yet, my CyCon colleague, the rocket fuel isn't loaded. Almost, but not yet.

Illuminatus · January 25, 2004, 14:41

Quote:

Originally posted by GeoModder

Don't overact yet, my CyCon colleague, the rocket fuel isn't loaded. Almost, but not yet.

but then..
rockets will not have enough fuel...
OH NO PLANETBUSTERS are going to fall on us!

where are they

[spots self destruct button]
yes!
[presses it]
[looks at fireballs in sky]
This was close.
But now we need another strategy to win.
Are the string gravships ready?

jtsisyoda · January 25, 2004, 15:53

I sure hope not!