Digital Data Download (3D) Issue 6.1

Illuminatus · February 3, 2004, 06:34

Digital Data Download Issue 6.1

Special editorial

Our editor, Obstructor-Omicron-Nine

You have read our special announcement. You know what has happened. This is clearly great day for CyCon and the PUT, as our two nations have become one. But many questions still remain open. I currently have no news about other faction`s stances, and for all I know, we could be at the brink of a world war or an golden age. Since news of this have surprised us, we present you somewhat short edition of Digital Data Download. 3D will from now one be the official newspaper of our Unified factions. Our Issue 7.0 will be fully dedicated to Unification, besides our regular columns.

SPECIAL WAR REPORT by GeoModder

Rapport on the >static< of Liar's Lair ---> By Geo Beta Two

This Function was assigned to the observing of Lia>static< for the CyCon.

Despite an throughly immense EMP cou>staticstatic< Yard of the base. Resistance was, as usual, futile, except for a few cases. Those unorthodox resistance attempts happened on following locations:

The first incident happened in the Naval Yard itself. Lightly armored, but bulky ships full of PEACE ci>static< tried to disrupt our landing procedures by departing before permission could be given. Even worse, there manoeuvring on leaving the quay was of such a random nature that the Function Commander of our force had to order disintegration of these ships since they were clearly threatening our landing boats.

Another note-worthy incident happened upon entering the area just outside the Naval Yard, dubbed as Broth>staticstatic< force even attempted to disrupt our visible sensors by throwing PEACE household objects later to be identified as sheets, glass bottles and boxes full of a sort of plastic balloons. Clearly there was not yet an appropriate response.exe available for this situation. Even the execution of our battlecry01.exe, our newest weapon against PEACE assault forces, was not compliable this time. Since our troops mastered this situation a little to throughly after the initial re>static< thel's Cay will have to be re-constructed after total assimilation.

For the rest were the former PEACE civil authoroties of Liar's Lair completely cooperatively after being assessed and >static< by one of our Upload Units. Order was restored relatively easy, since no defenders were left in the base, not even the unorthodox ones, who had to be completely eli>static<.

Assessment for the growth of this base by this observer is the following:
For the near future an overabundance of nutrients in the form of carrion eating species in the waters around Liar's Lair will cause an extra boost to the population growth of the base. The cause of this increase is however not completely clear.
Since the PEACE faction clearly was not able to muster such abundance, this proves ones more the tendency of fullhumans not being able to make the best of circumstances.

GeoModder shot on duty!

Two days later, GeoModder was shot multiple times while observing local bazaar. Several members of the resistance have shot him with primitive Unity weapons. Two bullets hit GeoModder in his left arm, three times in lungs, and one bullet ended in his heart. If he was an organic, he would not survived this. Luckily Cyborg Backup Cardiorespiratory System, populary known as CyBaCaS initialized and saved his life by bypassing blood flow to damaged organs and activating bionic heart. Earlier this week, new cloned lungs and heart were transplanted to him, and he is expected to recover by the end of this week, when he will receive Red CogWheel, highest civil medal in CyCon. Perpetrators of this act have been captured and sentenced to death. They will be executed by being fed alive to CyberGorillas.

War In Heavens: Is CyCon in danger?

Several Cyborgs has expressed concerns about several disturbing events. It seems that War of Gods is at hand above CyCon skies. Several ancient chariots have been seen shooting across the skies and main computer has experienced severe problems. As one function has said. “The Main Computer is barely workable, random power fluctuations everywhere!! I even see ancient chariots cruising the skies above

Are our implants infiltrated? is the end near?

”. It seems that laurentius and TassGod are fighting over the question if Tass is really God or not. After severe provocation TassGod responded by destroying Logic Loophole and threathening to destroy all of CyCon. Only through valiant worship of our brave editor, who bravely decided to enter the temple of a enraged god. There he prayed for restoration of Logic Loophole. TassGod was touched by this and decided to reverse time and restore Logic Loophole. However fight continues, as some functions still haven`t acknowledged Tass as a God.
Mulder-Zeta-Five and Scully-Gamma-Two have also concluded that Tass is responsible for the space-time continuum breach that caused 3D Issue 4.2 being published after 3D Issue 5. Hive ambassador has filed a complaint to CyCon, because he has seen, I quote “Comrade Tassadar flying out of 3D offices on a chariot made of Hiverian sex slaves.” CyCon government has denounced any involvement in this, saying they do not control TassGod ~~despite their attempts.~~

News in brief:

*Renegade function MWIA captured – rogue Pirate program deleted.

*After a sudden drop in viewers interest, famous Claire Forlani – Jamski tape has been taken off program. Disinterest has not yet been explained.

*All Scot antialcoholic programs have been renounced and withdrawn.

*Whole CyCon government arrested after not obeying Tass`s Seventh Commandment – released after a day of chaos in CyCon.

*Three thousand Jamski-Forlani tapes have been sent to Jamski two days before his trial. It has not yet been confirmed that Jamski used the tapes to influence Court`s decision.

*CyCon increase population growth program under evaluation after whole faction unifies with CyCon. Program deemed to be too successful.

*Ambassador Jamski acknowledges PUT industrial and economical capability.

*PUT welcomed into CyCon with parades and fireworks

Disclaimer:

People of CyCon, you do not need to be worried about recent increase of CyberGorilla sightings around CyCon territory, especially around 3D Offices.

A CyberGorilla:

Since the recent attack on 3D Offices, and mobilization of troops to PEACE front, CyCon government has taken steps to replace all policeman garrisons with CyberGorillas. They are under control, although the unfortunate incident in the Thermocline Tavern is the result of Tassadars influence. Get your own creatures trained to eat Hiverians

And do not forget to download brainwash.exe once a day!

Conspiracy theory: - by Mulder-Zeta-Five

Fellow CyConians I come to you on this day, to tell you that I have uncovered a large conspiracy. You have seen UFOs across Chiron. You have noticed several strange occurences: drunken scottish function selling haggis, CyberGorillas, flying chariots, [other] and so on. I believe that our government has allied itself with the Progenitor survivors of the terrible ship crash decades ago. They are using their technology to construct an air fleet of UFOs, carrying thousands of CyberGorillas. These forces are prepared to take over control of all other factions in single, lethal blow. Then martial law will be enforced and democracy will end, forever. We will bow to functions that will rule us from their HQ on UFOs. Even entity called Tassadar is in fact part of the conspiracy. CyCon is using him to manipulate spacetime continuum. Several UFO sightings in other faction teritories are mere scouting runs for the upcoming invasion. And then great rulling pink elephant will come from the sky and drink tea. What! I am not crazy! Nooo! Get away from me! I am not crazy.. I am not going to Reasearch Hospital! Nooo. [end transmission]

Wiseman`s Column:

Wiseman Yoda-Iota-Five

To CyConians fellow come I, with thought this. To readers abroad too. Interesting question have I? If Googlie God is, and Tassadar God is, than Satan who is? This Tassadar is? He Logic Loophole destroyed has. And yet it restored has. Good or evil he is? Googlie greater is or not is? Many things to think now? Greater power who has?
Whom do we to worship have? Both or neither? What first zero or one was? Zero maybe? No one is? And why laughing you are? CyCon with PUT unites? Hmm need time to think.

Micha, please your pants on put. Undress near me do not! Hiverians unpolite are! Help I ask!!!

Entertainment section:

"A young Planet Cultist gets homework at Children`s Creche.
Mommy, where the children come from?
Umm Locust Of Chiron broght you to us, honey.
And from where did you come from?
Locust broght me too to grandma.
And Dad?
Him too.
Grannys and grandpas?
Them too.

Tommorow Planet Cultist is asked by the teacher what did he learn. - I learned that there was no normal baby delivery in my family yet."

"How do you sink a Pirate submarine? Knock on the hatch!"

"Cyborg, Pirate, Hiverian and Chairman are travelling in a maglev train. Pirate offers water to other three and then throws the rest through the window.
-Do not worry, we have enough of that in PEACE.
Cyborg give other three a PDA and throws the rest of PDAs throught the window.
-Do not worry, we have enough of that in CPU.
Chairman throws other Hiverian through the window.
-Do not worry, we have enough..."

NOTE: ANY SIMILARITY TO REAL PERSONS OR EVENTS IS PURELY COINCIDENTIAL.

Bravo to joketeller.exe algorythm!

Weapons reasearch:

This is the official annoucement coming from the Internal Affairs Office: "Prototype version of battlecry02.exe is ready and will be soon tested at one of the last Pirate bases. We expect range of approximately 950 meters in its main laugh radius, and 1350 meters in secondary laugh radius. Specifications are currently unknown, but we believe that within 14 minutes 87 percent of Pirates will have laughed to death. After additional 16 minutes 97 percent of the Pirates will have laughed to death. However we did suffer a casualty in its development: one of the translators accidentaly disengaged its implanted function and just by looking at the lines he laughed to death instantly. Implication of this are enormous - if we publish it Chironwide we could obliterate other organic factions in a moment. Other data is classified."

20 things you have to be able to do to join CyCon if you are already member of another faction:

1. You must not be nervestapled (this automaticaly disqualifies all Hiverians).
2. You must believe in Tassadar (sponsored by TassChurchInc.).
3. You must not be afraid of CyberGorillas and other cybernetic animals.
4. You must know or learn binary.
5. You must speak english.
6. You must obey Tassadars Ten Commandments
7. You must be able to breath underwater.
8. You must know to sing both Soviet and CyCon anthems backwards.
9. You must be able to turn your head 360 degrees.
10. You must be able to speak Chinese, Pirate, Bantu, Svahili, Hungarian, Escimo, Babilonian.
11. You must increase our population.
12. You must donate all techs we do not have and your faction has.
13. You must be able to cut your hand off and not scream.
14. You must watch Star Trek reruns every day.
15. You need to have IQ of at least 135.
16. You need to know what does it write on page 324, line 17 of War and Peace.
17. You must not be a terrorist.
18. All alcoholics are excluded (except Pirates).
19. You must be able to swim in a pool of liquid acid.
20. You need to know to dance step on minefield and stay in one piece if possible.

NOTE: THIS RULE DO NOT APPLY TO PUT MEMBERS!!

Things you have to do to join CyCon if you are new to ACDG

Click join in upper right corner, next to "Cybernetic Consciousness, not a member, JOIN"

And welcome to CyCon!

Anthem

After being requested by several outside readers, we present you the CyCon anthem - the one we sing after obeying daily Seventh Commandment of Tass:11100011110001000011011001111111001110101001011001
10101010100100101110101010100111100100111001100100
00111010000000011110110011100110010010010011100010
11100001000011011001110101011110011001100001000010
01100100001101111111100101011100100000100001010100
11000110111100010010000000011001110111000110111111
11001001001101000011011110101001011101000100000001
10010000110110100100101100111000100100010100100000
00011001010011000010000110110011111110010000000011
11001101001101001100001000001001101010011001000011
00100001100101111100101110100011111100111010100111
10100010000000011100010011011110010100010010000010
00011000001101001101010011001010111001011101001100
10100110000101111100110100000100001000100100000000
11110011010011010011000000011101011010011110011110
11001100101001111101001011000101000000001101111000
01011100101010100110100100110001110100000000111010
10011111010010011010011110010011000000011101000010
00001000010101001111001101010011101000101001111001
00101010100110100100100000100000011101110010100110
01110010110010011011010011000110111111110010110100
01000011011110101001100011001110101101000111000100
00000110101100101111100100000100001000100111010100
10100010010000110111100110011001010011000010000101
01001101001001000001000010001011100001001101111001
01111100110001000100000000110111100001010100110110
10011110010011101110011111110010111110010110100010
00001000010001001101001101011111001011001000100001
00000001100101101100111000100100000000110100110100
01010011000110010100010010110011010110011010001010
01100010101000001000010011001111111001000001000011
00110100001101111010100110000110100000101111010100
10010010011110011010010011010111110010110111010000
00001110011001001001101000101001100001000010011001
01101110100000000110011100000011101111001100100110
10111000000011000110010110110011100000010000010000
11010001110001001111001001100011011111111001011011
10100000000111001100100010100100001110100000000111
00110011011110010101010111111110010010011010001010
01100000001100111011110111001101001101011111001000
01100110110101110011100010000100000110101110001101
11111110010001110010110100010000010000100010000110
01101001111001011111001001101001110001011111001001
00111100101010101111001100110000100001100100111100
10011100010010000000011101011010010011010111110011
11001001111010001000000001100100001101111001011111
00110110100110001110101100100100111100101010101111
00110001000010000101010011101110010011010011000110
11100000101000001000001101011100011011111111001111
00100111011100010000000110111100000001010101010101
01000001010000000011000110010101010011100010111001
01001111001001110101001011101001101101001100111011
11100110101000100100000000111010100111001101110010
10011001010010000000011100110010101110111000000011
10001001101111001010001001000000001100011101000111
01111111100110011100100000100000110101110001100100
01010011100110010010011010001110010100010010000000
01110101001101011101010001001000101001000000001111
00110101001100101000101110010100110100110101010100
10000001010000000011110000011001110111101010011011
11001011111001101001101000010001000001000010011001
00001110100010100110011100101010100100010100100110
10011110110011110110011001010011000000011110010011
00111001010101001010111011100001000010101001110111
01110000100000011100001001100100101110100110100110
10010001000010000100010111100010010100110010010010
01000000001111001001111001001110101001011011101000
00100001001100101101010100000000111101000111010110
10011110010011110010101010111100110011000010000110
01101011001001111001001110011001010111001000111011
10000000111010100111001101110110100110100100010000
00011000110010110110011001010011000000011101010011
11011001111111001000001000000011011110101001110001
01111000100101001100100100110101011100110000100001
10110011100110010010111010100110010000000011101011
01001001001000000001101111001010101011100011011100
00000111100110101000101111111100111010100101000100
11101010010000010000101010011010011010100010010000
01000000111011110011001011011001111111001000011011
11000100010000100001100000111100110101100100111111
10011111110010100110011000010000000111010011110010
10011001010001011110101001100001011110111001011111
00110011100111101100111010100100000100000101100101
11110010000010000001010010001110011011110010100111
01001001001000001000010001001000000001110011001001
00110100010100110000100001010100110001110100010100
11010011010011010011000010101000010000110000011110
01101001001101010101001100011001111101001110011001
01011100100000000110100110101001110101111100100000
10000101110111111110011110110011000010000101010011
01001101010001001000001000000010101010010101000000
10100000100000111100001000100111100100110100110101
11110011110111010000000011100110010010010011100010
11100000001111011001101101001100001000011011001111
11100101010100101000101111100100100010100111001100
11000000011100010111110011010100110010010010010000
01000000111000000011101011001101010101001100011001
10000000111010

Editor answers questions:

As always, PM for questions you want me to answer.

Unfortunately, I cannot answer any questions about the Unification yet. But Chairman, wait until next Issue that will be completely dedicated to it. We expect it to be finished after ten days.

I am sorry ambassador, but Tass trained my CyberGorillas to eat Hiverians. It was not my deliberate act, as we feed CyberGorillas with dead Cyborgs and occasional criminals. I am not responsible for divine acts.

I did not expell Tassadar from my office. It seems that

Quote:

Originally posted by obstructor
GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! YOU GOT YOUR OWN TEMPLE!

was misinterpreted. This was just a friendly way to persuade a God to quit

my office.

So it seems you are wrong, Sister Miriam.

We published our anthem, just as you asked Busterian. I know it is longer than others, but we have so many things to be proud of

.

Do not forget to Tassadar, God of Almighty Spam!This will now be part of every Issue, after Tassadar requested so

Expect... Issue 7.0 soon!