July 22, 2001, 18:42
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#31
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 4,783
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deleted because of stupidity.
Last edited by Method; August 31, 2002 at 10:04.
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July 23, 2001, 10:33
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#32
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Prince
Local Time: 05:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Caledonia, IL, USA
Posts: 388
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*easily amused by nerd humor*
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July 23, 2001, 10:33
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#33
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Prince
Local Time: 05:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Caledonia, IL, USA
Posts: 388
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Sorry about the double post, Markos.
Last edited by death_head; July 23, 2001 at 11:49.
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July 23, 2001, 11:17
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#34
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Prince
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 910
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July 23, 2001, 12:29
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#35
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Prince
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: of knock-you-off-your-ass chili
Posts: 597
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What do you get when you cross a morganite with a spartan?
A republican
yuk yuk yuk
__________________
"The only dangerous amount of alcohol is none"-Homer Simpson
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July 23, 2001, 12:41
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#36
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Prince
Local Time: 05:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Caledonia, IL, USA
Posts: 388
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What do you get when you cross a Gaian with a Peacekeeper?
A democrat
yuk yuk yuk
Ok, somehow it's not as funny, even though I picked the two opposites...
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July 23, 2001, 12:52
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#37
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Emperor
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 7,000
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Hoek you little child 
*thinks of the millions of clinton jokes he can pull*
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July 23, 2001, 14:10
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#38
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Prince
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: of knock-you-off-your-ass chili
Posts: 597
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Hey! I resent that! I am technically an adult now!
What do you get when you cross a cyborg with a caretaker?
Al: Gore
What do you get when you cross Sister Miriam with the Provost?
A confused child
What do you get when you cross DataJack with Svensgaard?
A nerdy pirate
What do you get when you cross a Cult member with a Usurper?
Rebel without a cause
__________________
"The only dangerous amount of alcohol is none"-Homer Simpson
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July 23, 2001, 14:56
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#39
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Prince
Local Time: 05:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Caledonia, IL, USA
Posts: 388
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What do you get when you cross a Miriam with Yang?
A southern baptist
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July 23, 2001, 15:06
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#40
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Prince
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: of knock-you-off-your-ass chili
Posts: 597
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How do you stop a believer hover-tank?
shoot the guy pushing the cardboard box
how do you spot a believer in xenofungus?
he's carrying a pig looking for xeno truffles
believer inventions:
screen doors on submersable hull foils
boomerang gas-grenades
roto-copter ejection seats
---what is really being grown in those hydroponic skylabs?
__________________
"The only dangerous amount of alcohol is none"-Homer Simpson
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July 23, 2001, 15:23
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#41
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Emperor
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 7,000
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Quote:
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What do you get when you cross a cyborg with a caretaker?
Al: Gore
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That's better 
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July 23, 2001, 17:19
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#42
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Emperor
Local Time: 14:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Aperture Science Enrichment Center
Posts: 8,638
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Hoek
How do you stop a believer hover-tank?
shoot the guy pushing the cardboard box
how do you spot a believer in xenofungus?
he's carrying a pig looking for xeno truffles
believer inventions:
screen doors on submersable hull foils
boomerang gas-grenades
roto-copter ejection seats
---what is really being grown in those hydroponic skylabs?
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Those were actually Swedish inventions
Q:Why did the Believer Chaos 'chopper crash?
A: The pilot felt cold, so he turned the air conditioning off
(You might lose something in this rather crude translation)
__________________
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!
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July 23, 2001, 17:23
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#43
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Prince
Local Time: 05:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Caledonia, IL, USA
Posts: 388
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Q. What did the Gaian talent say when he inadvertantly saw Deidre naked?
A. Damn, she's hot.
This is funny, of course, because the Gaians have no talents.
Of course, the Gaians have talents, so this isn't funny after all.
This has been a humorless post by death_head.
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August 31, 2001, 13:26
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#44
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Warlord
Local Time: 11:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Norwich City
Posts: 166
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One Good 'Knock Knock'
I loved this thread and in response to a previous enquiry for a knock knock Progenitor joke, prepare to groan...
At Caretaker HQ
Knock Knock
Inquiry : Identity of Progenitor
H'minee
(Silence)
Knock Knock
Inquiry : Identity of Progentior
H'minee
(Silence)
Knock Knock
Inquiry : Identity of Progenitor
H'minee
Inquiry : H'minee who
H'minee times must Progenitor knock : upon door?
[Okay not hillarious, but doesn't H'minee sound like Harmony, plus how many?]
Alynzia : must get a life
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August 31, 2001, 15:25
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#45
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Emperor
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: San Antonio TX USA
Posts: 3,815
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Actually, quite good. Alynizia, particularly compared to the previous thread killer by death_head.
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September 1, 2001, 10:55
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#46
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Emperor
Local Time: 14:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Aperture Science Enrichment Center
Posts: 8,638
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OK, this isn't so AC-related, but nerd humor nonetheless.
Knock knock.
Who is it?
Kosh.
Kosh who?
Bless you!
OK, not that funny, but guess where it is from.
__________________
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!
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September 1, 2001, 11:28
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#47
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Prince
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: of Mars, Son of Ares
Posts: 703
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 I'll hazard a guess that you are referring to Ambassador Kosh from the Babylon 5 series, IMHO one of, if not the best, science fiction show ever put out on the air-waves. 
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September 1, 2001, 12:19
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#48
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Prince
Local Time: 13:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Oslo, Norway
Posts: 612
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Quote:
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Originally posted by kassiopeia
Those were actually Swedish inventions
Q:Why did the Believer Chaos 'chopper crash?
A: The pilot felt cold, so he turned the air conditioning off
(You might lose something in this rather crude translation)
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I've heard that one before.
It is nice to find something that Finns and Norwegians can agree on.
Those wacky Swedes...
__________________
-bondetamp
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
-H. L. Mencken
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September 2, 2001, 17:20
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#49
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Prince
Local Time: 12:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Wünderland
Posts: 543
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Wiglaf
That's better
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Who is the Morgan representative to the Xenoempathy Dome?
Bush
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How do you put four Gaian blondes on one chair?
Turn the chair over 
How do you put four Caretaker babes on one chair?
You just can't (no matter what you do)
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What is the latest pop album sensation in Data Angel Land?
"OK Computer" by Radiohack
What is the most popular song in Pirate Land?
"Pure Shores" by No Saints
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(HAR HAR HAR HAR) 
__________________
... This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality...
... Pain is an illusion...
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September 2, 2001, 19:28
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#50
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Brasil
Posts: 3,958
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Four University engineers are trolling over the fungus on a rover when the vehicle suddenly stops. Each one of them gives their suggestion about the problem:
The mechanical engineer: "maybe it's a problem with the gear box".
The chemical engineer: "I disagree. It has to be something related to the fuel composition".
The electrical engineer: "No, no, no... The battery is low".
And the computing engineer: "What if we get out of the rover and then get in it again?"
Ok, maybe I lost something on the translation...
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September 2, 2001, 19:30
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#51
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Emperor
Local Time: 21:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: You can be me when I'm gone
Posts: 3,640
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sound: knocks on door
query: identity?
identity: Carmen
elaborate: Carmen?
door: Carmen open!
("Come and open the door")
I know, that's just a regular knock-knock joke translated into Progenitor-translation. And it's only funny if you have an Australian accent. I'll just go away now.
__________________
Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost.
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September 4, 2001, 05:37
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#52
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Warlord
Local Time: 11:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Norwich City
Posts: 166
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[This is a variation on an old joke, but it who cares anyway, right?]
Miriam knew if she farted in the new Progenitor resonance chamber she would never hear the end of it...
Alynzia.
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September 4, 2001, 09:01
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#53
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Chieftain
Local Time: 12:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Belgium
Posts: 33
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How do you identify a Believer spy in a Spartan submarine.
He is the only guy with a parachute
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September 4, 2001, 10:36
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#54
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Emperor
Local Time: 14:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Aperture Science Enrichment Center
Posts: 8,638
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QUOTE: I'll hazard a guess -
Who are you, Richard Marx? 
Anyway, correct.
How do you sink a Believer sub?
Knock on the door.
Now what we need is a joke in the style of "A Believer, a Spartan and a Peacekeeper were all in a Chaos Needlejet" or somesuch.
__________________
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!
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September 4, 2001, 14:00
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#55
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Prince
Local Time: 12:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Wünderland
Posts: 543
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__________________
... This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality...
... Pain is an illusion...
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September 4, 2001, 19:57
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#56
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Prince
Local Time: 06:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: of Mars, Son of Ares
Posts: 703
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Quote:
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Originally posted by kassiopeia
Who are you, Richard Marx?
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Being sleep deprived, I'm not sure I understand the reference.
Enlightenment: desired.
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May 13, 2002, 18:16
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#57
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Emperor
Local Time: 14:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Aperture Science Enrichment Center
Posts: 8,638
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Three University scientists are sitting on a bench in the front of a building.
They see two people enter the building... and three come out of it.
The Engineer: There was probably a tunnel underneath the building, from where the person came.
The Biologist: The two probably reproduced.
The Mathematician has a pause, pondering, and then says: That building has minus one person.
BUMP!
__________________
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!
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May 13, 2002, 21:09
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#58
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King
Local Time: 01:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Back in Hawaii... (CPA Member)
Posts: 2,612
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Heres one:
Two Hive citizens are walking to the feeding bay, using their allocated free time, one thinks up a joke. He turns to the other worker and begins-
Citizen A: Hey did you hear the one about...
Citizen B: [interrupts] NO, and you didn't either! [looks around, paranoid]
*groan* 
__________________
Despot-(1a) : a ruler with absolute power and authority (1b) : a person exercising power tyrannically
Beyond Alpha Centauri-Witness the glory of Sheng-ji Yang
***** Citizen of the Hive****
"...but what sane person would move from Hawaii to Indiana?" - Dis
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May 14, 2002, 16:07
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#59
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King
Local Time: 04:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Civ4 Colonization UI Programmer
Posts: 2,473
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ok Her is my humble atempt at a Crashing Neddle Jet joke
Lal, Morgan and Yang are in a Crashing Needle Jet with only 2 Parachutes. Lal says "we must deside who will live in a fair and democratic manor" to witch Yang responds "You are a pusilanimous Wimp Lal and I will not be bound by your idiotic democracy". Yang then rushes over and grabs a parachute and begins putting it on and yells "do not try to interfere" and then jumps, his parachute opens flawlessly and he gently desends to earth ware he is sucked into a Recyling tank air inlet and prematurly becomes one with all the people. Back in the Jet Morgan turns to Lal and says "I am the wealthiest and wisest man on Planet I should be alowed to take the last parachute". Lal says "This is true my friend you are indeed great and wise and are deserving of the last parachute, but I fear you would be missing an excelent buisness oportunity in doing so". Morgan's eyes grow large and as he begins to salivate he asks "what oportunity would that be". Lal responds "why perchasing from me this high tec parachute made of super tensile solids, guaranteed never to fail, I could let you have it for a mear 1200 Energy Credits and your files on Digital Sentience". "Excelent I will except your porposal" says Morgan, he takes the sack from Lal puts it on, Lal puts on the last parachute. They jump together and Morgan pulls his cord first and watches in dismay as a dozen dirty turbines come out of the pack and fly away. Morgan screams "That was your Dirty Laundry you sold me! I demand a Refund!!". Lal retorts "Sorry CEO Satisfaction is Not Guarenteed" and pulls his own cord. Morgan plumets into a Fungal Bloom witch amazingly cushens his fall only to leave him to be devoured by Mind worms that had lost their homes when a Morganic BoreHole was Built. Lal desend safly in Peacekeeper territory and is picked up by a terraforming crew. The End.
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May 14, 2002, 16:50
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#60
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:38
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Brasil
Posts: 3,958
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Wow, kass, this is what I call the resurrection of a thread...
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