Columbus sets sail under Baron Yin: Lord Save Spain!

yin26 · September 15, 2001, 08:37

I, Isabely Fernando, leader of the mighty nation of Spain, first came in contact with Baron Yin several months ago. He came begging for a job but after hardly a few days work, he stormed out of court muttering something about 'deleting Europa Universalis from the hard-drive.' I assume he was off to try to unite Europe under Spain's flag.

Well, it didn't take me long to figure out he was being a bit quiet about his efforts, as nothing changed. And just as I had given up on him, he showed up again muttering this time that 'Europa Universalis had been re-installed.' Although I wanted, really, to just have him hanged, something about his words 're-installed' made me think perhaps he had learned of a new leader put in place to attack mighty Spain.

So, what the hell. I gave him a job.

As luck would have it for Yin, Columbus was just ready to depart as I made Yin Baron of Catalonia. Thinking I'd test him out a bit, I told him: "Set some courses for Columbus. Maybe discover a New World or something." I will say this for Yin: He at least told Columbus to sail West. This gave me some hope.

While I awaited news from Columbus, Yin's actions in Spain seemed, well, 'cautious.' He improved the fortresses bordering our enemy France. He even looked intent upon attacking Navarra, which sticks out as a sore spot between Spain and France. Luckily, he somehow managed to remember that we actually keep records on alliances and stuff, otherwise he would have entered us in a war with France. Mind you...I think France is a weak, snivelling nation. But let's just say Spain is not, well, 'committed' to such a war. So for that past few years, it seems Yin has almost ignored the continent as he is off fooling around abroad.

Columbus, meanwhile, discovered Savannah, a lush landscape in the New World. Ah, Glory to Spain! Sure, Yin had ordered a few colonists to some islands near Spain (The Cannary Islands, Sardinia, and the Baleares)...but let's face it: Spain could do better, eh?

For some odd reason, however, Yin paid no attention to Columbus' attrition rate. I mean, for the Lord's sake! The last thing I told Yin before putting him in command of the fleet was: "Yin, don't forget about attrition. We have manuals on that stuff. Read up." He said: "Okie, dokie!"

What foul words are those?! That should have been my first clue.

Long story short: Even though Columbus had made our first port possible in the New World, Baron Yin never thought to have his ship repaired there. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. The fearless Columbus now sits at the bottom of the Coast of Carolina because Yin let his ship rot.

I probably should have fired him right then and there, but the colonists he ordered abroad seemed quite taken by him. And his fortress upgrades along our border with France did seem moderately prudent. So I kept him around...even though Portugal seemed to be closing the gap on us. I can't be sure, but is Portugal out-colonizing Spain?! For Yin's sake, I pray I never hear such news.

The date is now January 1, 1507, and we have 10 territories abroad, a mix of mainland and island holdings. This, of course, because it appears Yin learned his lesson and ordered the next round of explorers to fix their ships every so often. I can't complain too much as the royals just last year presented me a gift of 400 gold for the 'Good Progress of Spain under Yin's Leadership.'

Pah! I happen to know for a fact Yin hardly knows what he's doing. He has basically been on a pleasure cruise in the New World. Hardly work, I'd say. He has a pitiful understanding of the politics in Europe. Frankly, I'm pretty sure he'll commit us to some idiotic treaty at any moment. Most likely Spain will be burnt down and swallowed whole soon enough under his influence.

But he has the nobles and peasantry under his spell, so all I can do is enjoy the ride...

yin26 · September 15, 2001, 09:55

January 1510:

No sooner do I promote Yin to Duke then France attacks! Sure enough, France had been 'quietly' (so says the arch-tactician Yin) building a land-based army TWICE the size of Spain's! When I asked him, "Duke Yin, do we not have accurate records on these numbers, thereby allowing you to better prepare our armies?"

"Oh, yes. The records. Yes, we most certainly have them."

"And when did you first see them?"

"After France started its attack."

We managed to get peace by giving up Luxemborg and 20 gold. A cheap price to pay for having a complete moron running the daily activity. If France new Yin half as well as I do, we would be speaking French today.

Shadowstrike · September 15, 2001, 15:14

Hehe.... nice AAR.... keep going......

yin26 · September 15, 2001, 17:02

Sept. 1515:

I did my best to 'encourage' Duke Yin simply to leave Spain. I mentioned this wonderful invention called the English Muffin and "Wouldn't it be nice if you were to take some time, see England, and bring back some of those nice English Muffins?" His response was as pathetic as it was telling: "English Muffins? Are they that pirate group pestering the English Channel?"

To make things worse, Duke Yin occasionally likes to come in to the throne room and, well, 'b!tching,' as he calls it. Rather than solve problems himself (which I have empowered him to do, afterall), he has made a list of 'issues' that he feels I should consider...as if I care.

"War seems terribly difficult to wage since the coffers are terribly difficult to keep full." -- He's a sharp mind, that Yin.
"I simply can't understand why I need explorers to search out new lands in the New World. Are my normal troops there just pansies?" -- Yin feels God is keeping him from fulfilling his destiny or something.
"It seems awfully hard to manage, say, colonies revolting, other countries threatening, pirates raiding, and ships sailing all at once." -- Leadership ain't all it's cracked up to be, eh, Duke Yin?
"I've been in command for over 20 years and, well, there hasn't been too much fighting...besides that brief 'French Interlude' thingy...but I've built up more troops for those Frechies to attack, but now they won't! Sneaky bastards." -- Duke Yin's the Art of Bore, I suppose.
"I still barely follow 80% of the messages that cross my desk. How the heck am I expected to understand all these silly European politics?!" -- Duke Yin is clearly the produce of some cuts in education spending I enacted 30 years ago...time to rethink that one before he has children.

I'm sure he'll have more soon. At any rate, he has indeed built up some troops along our border with Spain, but all his time and money spent colonizing the New World is keeping us precariously weak against France, I'm afraid. While I look up our growing kingdom with a degree of pride, I can't help but thinking Yin seems ready to trade all of Spain for a few tobacco plants in the Carolinas!

Oh, and he decided not to have us all convert to Protestantism when the Reformation came. I guess we'll just have to keep drinking wine and eating Jesus Wafers a few more years.

DarkCloud · September 15, 2001, 17:47

Interesting tale

yin26 · September 16, 2001, 02:32

Duke Yin's log: Sept. 11, 1522

Things have gone awfully bad for us on the continent. Suddenly and without cause, the French launched a horrid attack. It was all I could do to try to hold on until the tax monies arrived to try to reinforce the front lines. I was powerless to help save our holdings East of France. In the eventual peace that followed, we had lost a province and countless men. For the first time in Spain's history, loans had to be taken to finance the rebuilding of the army. France now stands atop all nations in glory.

I cannot understand why our colonies have not produced more wealth for us until now. Surely our investments there should have been generating for us vast sums. I must investigate more clearly. For we have invested enormous sums...by the 1,000's...and what has come of it?

I was warned of this possibility but thought it near impossible.

Spain has a new monarch. I think his name is 'Edward' or something. I don't care....in these years of war and now rebuilding, it matters little to me. With my own men's blood on my hands, I have even lost track of the activity in the colonies. I hear our two fleets there perished for lack of leadership.

Will I be able to repay these loans? Certainly France will attack again, and yet I am barely recovered from the previous defeats. What am I missing, oh God? To you I pray in these darkest moments...cannot the New World bring Spain new wealth with which to fight back the barbarians from the East?

Your prayerful servant,

Duke Yin

yin26 · September 16, 2001, 07:19

Lord Marguis Yin's Log: May 15th, 1533

Gracious and Merciful Lord,

You have seen fit to answer my humble prayers. France has finally reaped what it has sown. Its land forces, once the terror of the continent, have stirred the wrath of neighboring countries far too long...and they awoke. Mighty Spain once again claims the the largest army on Earth! Even our colonies begin to flourish.

And the loans have been repaid.

Dear God: If ever Spain has doubted, she shall doubt never again.

Your Faithful Believer,

Lord Marquis Yin

Velociryx · September 16, 2001, 18:17

::grins:: FANTASTIC AAR! Go get 'em, Master Yin!

Sounds like you experienced many of the same types of things I encountered when first learning the game....and YOWZA what a learning curve!

I mean, it's easy enough to get the hang of the individual activities, but to begin to see the underlying interrelations.....quite the cunning game engine, I must say! And, I'm looking forward to more AAR!

-=Vel=-

yin26 · September 17, 2001, 00:49

[

]

Spanish Daily: "Your Royal Highness, can we have a few moments for an iterview? This is the Spanish Daily."

Carlos I, King of Spain: "Sure, what the hell. Nothing going on right now."

SD: First, any thoughts on the passing of Isabely some years ago. You have never publically commented.
CI: Well, people tell me we are related somehow, but I don't buy it. Listen...I'm the best man for the job. She was bringing a 15th century view to a 16th cetury world. It was time for her to go.

SD: Are you saying you had a hand in her untimely passing?
CI: I'm saying God placed His vote. Next question.

SD: The next question is about Yin...
CI: *cough*

SD: Your Highness?
CI: Oh, nothing. Just started choking a bit. Continue.

SD: Yes, Lord Marquis Yin has been exerting some great deal of influence in Spain since at least 1492. What do you think he has done for Spain during that time?
CI: You mean other than Columbus' death? Can you imagine what the history books WOULD have read if that had been handled properly? Anyway. Overall I can say that he has learned a lot since those days, but he still knows such a pathetic little amount of what he should. I have no idea how he ever got this far in rank. Do you know that he only yesterday found out that he can slide his military readiness spending from 100% to 50% during times of peace? He ain't the brightest lightbulb on the tree.

SD: 'Lightbulb,' your Highness?
CI: Nevermind. Insider information. *scurries off*

SD: Well, our thanks to His Excellency, Carlos the First for his time. Keep your eyes and ears open for more of the latest breaking news.

The Peasants: Hey! This latest-breaking news seems to come out about every 10 years for God's sake!
SD: Hey, we ain't got no printing press yet. Back off...

ravagon · September 17, 2001, 02:25

At the risk of intruding in what has become the Yin & Vel forum (or should that be the Vel & Yin forum

) I have to say that I found that absolutely hilarious. Please keep it up Yin.

( & I'm looking forward to Vel's as well)

Still

yin26 · September 17, 2001, 07:57

[Definitely the Vel & Yin forum!

]

...Crowded pub on the outskirts of Spain's capital, June 1544...

"I'm not against peace or anything, but this is too much. Has the rest of Europe simply dropped off the map? I kind of miss the attacks, you know. I've almost forgotten all my French!"

"Yeah. This is dull. Yin is now a Regent! For doing what? Keeping the peace?! Hey, 'keeping the peace' is just a code word for 'sitting on your arse' if you ask me. We never got Spain in the first place by sitting on our arses, you know."

"I know! I know! Did I ever tell you about my great, great, grand-uncle who..."

"...who single-handedly conquered the Dutch?"

...throws empty cup and nearly blinds his friend, but all is forgotten as the next round shows up...

"Well, the point is still the same: Stability +3 for the past God know how many years ain't exactly bringing gems and jewels from afar, I say. If this Yin character has nothing better to do than trying to corner the Center of Trade in Venice, I've got a pitchfork I'd like to introduce him to. We need some action around here."

"Hey, before I forget, look at these cute socks I've been knitting in my spare time..."

"Wow! Niiice cross-stitching!"

yin26 · September 17, 2001, 21:57

France: "Spain grows stronger each day as it avoids war and builds from within. Even its borders are too well fortified. How are we to counter this growing Spanish threat?"

Navarra: "Learn to eat Spanish rice?"

**slap!**

France: "Wrong answer!"

Jeje2 · September 17, 2001, 22:35

... since the puny, pitiable, string puller Yin has totally left the old continent to rot in its own shame. History has never before seen a so corrupt person having so much influense in history.

You want Spain to do something - talk to Yin with a heavy wallet and voila...

If nothing is soon done about Yin, like separate head from neck, the chaos is expected only to spread in near fututre...

P.S. Yin's AAR is LOL

yin26 · September 20, 2001, 01:58

April 1601:

Yin: "Be quick, Jeje. I'm rather busy sending Spain head-long into tragedy in any number of ways."

Jeje: "Can you take over Navarra and 3 French provinces by April 1601 by diverting all your funds and focus East?"

Yin: "Well, my friend, I have done just that! Oh, and so much more!!! By the way...why do you ask?"

Jeje: "Oh, no reason, really. My friends in Portugal just wanted me to drop a line and see how well you've committed your entire bloody army FAR away from your prize provinces. Nothing important."

Yin: "...oh crap..."

Jeje: "Yeah, the Portugese are calling you Two-Front Sandwich. Probably something wrong in the translation."

yin26 · September 20, 2001, 22:34

...in the broken ruins of a torn Portugese fortress, children play with mock swords and play act at dying to a well-placed pellet. Invariably, the victor stands on the rampart howling: 'God sends his judgement'...the howling comes in Spanish...

...from a distance, Yin watches his 'Spanish Angels' and murmurs to the dusty wind: 'Soon as wide as Heaven our playgrounds shall be.'