"Let's just be friends"

Stefu · February 18, 2002, 05:52

Ahh, crap.

Think of it as continuation of this thread.

DaShi · February 18, 2002, 05:54

She only likes you when your drunk. The solution is simple.

Asher · February 18, 2002, 05:58

Don't take it too hard, you're very young and your best days are ahead of you.

She's obviously a person without good sensibilities anyway.

DaShi · February 18, 2002, 06:05

Or a lesbian.

Drekkus · February 18, 2002, 06:19

'When Harry met Sally' shows that just being friends is bollocks. Eventually, the sex gets in the way, because one of the two wants more.

Having said that, over the years I have build up quite a group of female friends. Ex-girlfriends and 'lets just be friends' girls included. I have invested a lot of time and energy in building those friendships and they have given me a lot of insight in the female species. It made me comfortable with women, which is a great help when meeting girls.
When having friendships you can show your interest (if there is any), just don't be pushy.

But right now I think you should back off and see if the girls really wants to be friends at all. Let her take initiative for that.

Usually Insane · February 18, 2002, 06:41

a very wise and insightful comment, drekkus.

couldn't have said it better

Solly · February 18, 2002, 07:10

Ah, bad memories...

Immortal Wombat · February 18, 2002, 07:23

It may not be a nice thing to hear, but its a damn sight better than:
"Stefu, I find you about as sexually attractive as fried sheep's eyeballs, and cannot face being seen 'with you' in public, except while surrounded by lots of other friends. Only your vaguely amusing sense of humour prevents me from telling you to bugger off completely."

Roland · February 18, 2002, 07:24

Well you've only asked her out ?

Did she say "no" or the whole "let's be friends" sermon ?

Quote:

Originally posted by Drekkus
When having friendships you can show your interest (if there is any), just don't be pushy.

Ugh. That's like a high wire act. I hate it. (Did I mention I'm afraid of heights?)

Drekkus · February 18, 2002, 07:40

Quote:

Originally posted by Roland
Ugh. That's like a high wire act. I hate it. (Did I mention I'm afraid of heights?)

Well, when you're spending time and energy on a girl, they assume that you're in love with them anyway. I've tried so many times to explain a women the difference between lust and love, but they are incapable to grasp that concept. Chris Rock said it right when he said that women have male friends, and men have women they just haven't f#cked yet.

One girl/woman I know for about 15 years always calls me to ask for info on guys I know. When she's depressed about a guy I tell her I would love to have sex with her. Then she laughs and tells me she isn't that desperate. But a few months ago she told me that I should stop making jokes like that, because I never made any serious attempt.

I told her the timing was off because I was single when she wasn't and vice versa. But it made me think about the female viewpoint of 'just friends'.

Roland · February 18, 2002, 07:55

"Well, when you're spending time and energy on a girl, they assume that you're in love with them anyway."

Not necessarily.... but they always _think_ they know 100 % how you feel either direction (but they don't).

"But a few months ago she told me that I should stop making jokes like that, because I never made any serious attempt."

Maybe I'm cynical, but I think the sudden "Why don't you love me" statements or innuendos in such situations are based on hormone disruption, chocolate withdrawal, or both. But well... if god had wanted us to understand women....

MrWhereItsAt · February 18, 2002, 07:57

Stefu:
Hey, man, you gotta think of the upside. You had the courage to ask her out (even if it WAS boosted by some liquid courage supplement), and I assume you'll have learned something from this, even if it's what NOT to do (like ask a girl out while drunk - my bad experience

), or that you CAN do it. It is of course, always "better" to do that whilst sober, but that's just what I've been told (still trying to sort out the vagaries of asking out). But then again, drunkenness always seems more conducive to scoring the girl....

I first asked a girl out (sober) about 5 months ago, just after my 21st. It was all awkward and I got EXACTLY the reply you quoted (do they have a guidebook of replies for this sort of thing or what?), and I think you made a decent start. Congrats on your achievement, man and I really mean that - it is a helluva thing to do. And try to find the positive side. More time for Apolyton!

Solly · February 18, 2002, 08:00

A couple more of these threads Stefu and you'll be learning not to post your love life on Apolyton...

Drekkus · February 18, 2002, 08:11

Quote:

Originally posted by Roland
chocolate withdrawal

And Stefu, I hope this rejection puts your efforts off. Just aks a girl, if she says no, too bad. She doesn't know you very well, so she isn't judging the real you. Or maybe take the slow approach. Talk to them, and instead of asking them for dinner, tell them she's fun and ask for her email adress. Then you can start off with some emailing. With your writing skills and humor, she will be far more interested to go on a date, than with someguy who shows up out of the blue and asks her out.
Just be sure to steer clear of the friendship zone with that.

Skanky Burns · February 18, 2002, 08:49

I tried that asking out thing, pretty much getting the same replies.
Then out of the blue, I had a girl asking me out...

I guess my point is be patient, something will happen.

Solly · February 18, 2002, 08:53

Quote:

I guess my point is be patient, something will happen.

That advice isn't suitable for everyone.

If Stefu is the kind of guy who tends not to make a move for girls he likes (ie, if this was a one-off), this kind of advice can seriously harm.

Just sitting around on Apolyton thinking "oh well, if I'm patient something will happen sooner or later" is not going to work. Proactivity should be recommended - get out there and get flirting!

Urban Ranger · February 18, 2002, 12:11

That won't work, since women can smell desperate men from 8/5 km (that's a mile) away.

At any rate, it's just that you think you're taking the initiative when in fact you're just responding to women's non-verbal cues.

Alynzia · February 18, 2002, 12:20

"Let's just be friends" = Hey, you're really nice to talk to but there is not a f**king chance in h*ll I will ever ever ever ever ever want to sh*g you.

(at least in my terminology)

Alynzia

Drekkus · February 18, 2002, 12:32

Quote:

Originally posted by Alynzia
"Let's just be friends" = Hey, you're really nice to talk to but there is not a f**king chance in h*ll I will ever ever ever ever ever want to sh*g you.

(at least in my terminology)

Alynzia

Never say never (or in your case 'ever ever ever ever'). I've seen girls turn 180 degrees because 'he tried so hard', 'he's really sweet' etc. Which really means: I have nothing better to sh*g, so I will take advantage of this guy until something better comes along.
So hang in there, nice guys, you just might get lucky!

Roland · February 18, 2002, 12:39

"Which really means: I have nothing better to sh*g, so I will take advantage of this guy until something better comes along."

Or until somewhere between 25-35, the biological alarm clock starts ringing...

Drekkus · February 18, 2002, 12:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Roland
Or until somewhere between 25-35, the biological alarm clock starts ringing...

So I restate: Hang in there, 18 year old nice guys. In about 10 years time you'll get lucky!

Roland · February 18, 2002, 12:59

THANK HEAVEN I'M 31!

Solly · February 18, 2002, 13:12

lightblue · February 18, 2002, 15:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Alynzia
"Let's just be friends" = Hey, you're really nice to talk to but there is not a f**king chance in h*ll I will ever ever ever ever ever want to sh*g you.

(at least in my terminology)

Alynzia

Similar to when I tell a girl that I'll give her a call sometime.

lightblue · February 18, 2002, 16:00

Oh and Stefu, you just have to think that there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you're not having much success, try aiming a bit lower and then slowly work your way up once your confidence increases.
It is extremely unlikely that you're going to meet the love of your life in school, so you might as well enjoy what is available, instead of fixating on the unattainable (trust me, I speak from experience).

Bugs ****ing Bunny · February 18, 2002, 16:11

Quote:

Originally posted by lightblue
If you're not having much success, try aiming a bit lower and then slowly work your way up once your confidence increases.

If you find yourself trying to chat up something thazt chews cud, you're aiming too low.

Sirotnikov · February 19, 2002, 16:52

THis thread is great :B:

Both humorous (due to the funposts) and enlightening (due to rational advice).

Thanks people, for sharing.

MichaeltheGreat · February 19, 2002, 22:27

For the male unsuccessful in his pursuit, the four worst words are: "Let's just be friends."

For the male who was successful in his pursuit, or for the female, the four worst words are: "I missed my period."

About the only thing you can do about the actual or pseudo-rejection thing is wade into and embrace it. By the time you're done, you'll have heard about every form of it there is.

As long as you don't let it take you down the wallow in self-pity, whiny, neurotic road, eventually your luck will change, often spectacularly. So just hang in there, and keep getting rejected.

Guynemer · February 19, 2002, 23:09

I couldn't even begin to count all the times I heard "let's just be friends" or some variation thereof. My personal favorite was when the girl I had had a crush on for 10 years said, "You're charming in a completely nonsexual sort of way." Yahoo!

But remember the lesson of the Austrailian short-track speedskater--dammit, NEVER GIVE UP. You get right back on the saddle, and ask out some other dame.

Now, I'm engaged.

MichaeltheGreat · February 19, 2002, 23:13

Quote:

Originally posted by Guynemer
My personal favorite was when the girl I had had a crush on for 10 years said, "You're charming in a completely nonsexual sort of way." Yahoo!

OUCH!!!!! That is really cold.