Crazy things the AI has done or said

Egyptian · April 9, 2002, 11:44

I had to laugh yesterday during a game on Regent level. I was most of the way through the Anciet Age, and everyone (eight civs/standard map) had standing armies. I check my military advisor and he tells me that the best unit the Babylonians have is "worker." I've seen some funny stuff playing civ3, but this one made me laugh. What are some of the funny things you've seen, or stupid stuff your advisors or other civ leaders have told you?

randommushroom · April 9, 2002, 12:05

Whatever you do, don't grant the Babs right of passage. They'll come in and turn your civ into a giant forest.

bigvic · April 9, 2002, 13:55

"Ghandi is a known cheat and liar. I don't think we should trust him." diplomacy screen Think about that out of the context of the game.

"The russians are burning our homes, taking our women, stealing our cattle! Think of the cattle!" Approximate Shaka Zulu quote shortly before his destruction by the rampaging Russians.

notyoueither · April 9, 2002, 16:26

Quote:

Originally posted by bigvic
"The russians are burning our homes, taking our women, stealing our cattle! Think of the cattle!" Approximate Shaka Zulu quote shortly before his destruction by the rampaging Russians.

I'll have to pay more attention to those dialogue boxes.

PatLasch · April 9, 2002, 16:35

Well, I think that Alexander looks stoned, so I think he must be hallucinating or something when he calls my civ puny.

Inverse Icarus · April 9, 2002, 16:40

i just went through the diplomacy.txt for some funny ones.

"You self-delusional egomaniac! You sneak-attacked us when we had such an agreement before, and now you expect us to sign another one? Forget it!"

"If any of your troops set foot on $CIVADJ3 soil we will kill them. We remember what you did to us the last time we had this treaty, $PLAYER0!"

"I'll happily give you a right of passage agreement - to hell! I remember what you did to us when we had such an agreement before, and I won't let you betray us again!"

"$PLAYER0, the troops bumbling about near $CITY3 are stealing chickens and annoying our women. Remove them, please."

(didn't that used to say raping?)

"There you are. I suppose you wish to extend our peace treaty, do you? Well, we are feeling PARTICULARLY merciful today, so why the heck not?"

Pyrodrew · April 9, 2002, 16:45

Quote:

Originally posted by UberKruX
"$PLAYER0, the troops bumbling about near $CITY3 are stealing chickens and annoying our women. Remove them, please."

(didn't that used to say raping?)

Yes it did! I have the 1st version that came before any patches below...

"$PLAYER0, the troops bumbling about near $CITY3 are raping our chickens and annoying our women. Remove them, please."

Inverse Icarus · April 9, 2002, 17:01

DTRY · April 9, 2002, 18:05

Quote:

Originally posted by bigvic
"Ghandi is a known cheat and liar. I don't think we should trust him." diplomacy screen Think about that out of the context of the game.

Many people find Ghandi untrustworthy. Read the topic "Back stabbing AI" for more information. I'll blame the developers on this one.

About funny stuffs, I'm playing the Indian right now. While I was having a war with the Japanese, when I contact Tokugawa he said "All your base are belong to us".

bigvic · April 9, 2002, 18:47

Also for a few yucks, check out the thread, if its still up, "What is that thing?' Probably way down on the list by now. Also, what's the deal w/ the diplomacy guy when they enter the industrial age? Everybody else dresses appropriately, but he looks like he's wearing someone's curtains or a flapper outfit from the twenties. Can anyone enlighten me, or is this some Sid bizarro humor? Finally, check out how I got Gramphos' attention on the files forum, on the last or second to last page.

bigvic · April 9, 2002, 18:51

Quote:

Originally posted by DTRY
Many people find Ghandi untrustworthy. Read the topic "Back stabbing AI" for more information. I'll blame the developers on this one.

About funny stuffs, I'm playing the Indian right now. While I was having a war with the Japanese, when I contact Tokukawa he said "All your base are belong to us".

Yeah, Ghandi is a sneaky SOB! I can swear he simpers around pretending to be Mr. Goody Goody all the time plotting your destruction, usually by paying off dupes to hit you. Maybe I'm giving the AI to much credit. Of couse I am. Aren't I?

Ribannah · April 10, 2002, 08:46

Quote:

Originally posted by randommushroom
Whatever you do, don't grant the Babs right of passage. They'll come in and turn your civ into a giant forest.

Hmmm, in the game I'm playing (CivFanatics GOTM) the Babs are roading the forests I already have.

This while the territory around the city of Babylon is still void of any tile improvements in 300 AD.

Playa del Carmen · April 10, 2002, 18:27

Once after a particularlly humilitating war for Cathrine the Great (I was Germany, and they declared war on me for no reason, so I almost completely decimated them

) I tried to trade maps with them a long time after we'd made peace and she called me a "...jumped up little fool..."

Saurus · April 10, 2002, 18:31

Quote:

Originally posted by randommushroom
Whatever you do, don't grant the Babs right of passage. They'll come in and turn your civ into a giant forest.

Argh...don´t even mention those animals.
For some reason I seem to ALWAYS end up with the
babs being my neighbours.
They are terrible...
They can newer be trusted...they break treaties
whitout hesitation - always. I hate them - I hate them - I hate them soooo very much. They have spoiled so very many games by
killing me before the middle ages. No matter how much
I try to bribe them....they take my money...and then they
attack me ANYWAY just 3 turns later. And there is no way
the babs special unit can be stopped early on as it is both
strong and cheap.

Even seeing those red-colored borders of that Hammurabi-snake makes me sick...

-Saurus

notyoueither · April 10, 2002, 18:37

Saurus. Give Hammi a good dose of Legions or Immortals or MountedWarriors.

BTW. Red coloured? Are you sure that's not Caesar?

Playa del Carmen · April 10, 2002, 18:40

Quote:

Originally posted by notyoueither
BTW. Red coloured? Are you sure that's not Caesar?

I think he's right. I've always seen the Babylonians as red. And the Japanese seem to be some kind of dark read color too. I can hardly tell the difference.

bigvic · April 11, 2002, 09:50

Once as the Germans, on my way to getting ready to go on a crude mi/late game world domination rampage, I noticed the French, my good buddies and weakling toadies sending warriors and archers wandering through my territory. Hmm..I decided to practice forebearance, in that they were not near me and my objects of aggression were closer to home, so I negotiated a right of passage and watched them hang out in the mountains. I was a bit concerned, but not much, as they were puny and primitve (I had cavalry, riflemen & cannon). Then I noticed fleets of pink caravels approaching along my coast, and upon right clicking, noticed they were not french, but Chinese!!!! AAAAGH! I demanded they leave, they said ok and next turn promptly declared war and landed. Sneaky bastards, those Chinese, disguiseng themselves as Frenchies and camping out in my mountains like a band of gypsies! I could'nt help but imagine some bumbling Sgt. Schultz being sent out to investigate the pinkies and being bamboozled by a bunch of Chinese guys pretending to be French.

Saurus · April 12, 2002, 07:07

Quote:

Originally posted by notyoueither
Saurus. Give Hammi a good dose of Legions or Immortals or MountedWarriors.

BTW. Red coloured? Are you sure that's not Caesar?

To tell you the truth I can´t differentiate - those red borders
could belong to either Hammurabi or Caesar i think.
Maybe I am just unlucky in this regard.

Is it not so that Hammurabi and Caesar have the same color so they cannot appear in the same game? I don´t remember ever seeing those two in the same game.
I think this is the reason I newer,ever have met Hiawatha.
(I play as the Indians almost always)

-Saurus

Spec · April 12, 2002, 09:56

When I have 125 cavalries and 160 riflemen and my Military advisor tells me: Compared to these guys we have an average military. WHAT?!? Yea right....Your mom is average!!

Or when I want to trade something and my Moron advisor tells me:" We're getting close to a deal now" so I add a ressource or a luxury and then he goes:" They would NEVER acceptsych a deal" but if I add like 25 gold he says:" This deal seems to be acceptable". OMG wtf is that about.

We should have the options:
-Burn Moron advisor
-Kill moron for fun
-Drown Morons mom
or the best one
-Sow the Moron's ass closed and keep on feeding him and feeding him and feeding him.

Spec.

PatLasch · April 12, 2002, 11:48

Quote:

Originally posted by Saurus

To tell you the truth I can´t differentiate - those red borders
could belong to either Hammurabi or Caesar i think.
Maybe I am just unlucky in this regard.

Is it not so that Hammurabi and Caesar have the same color so they cannot appear in the same game? I don´t remember ever seeing those two in the same game.
I think this is the reason I newer,ever have met Hiawatha.
(I play as the Indians almost always)

-Saurus

In the editor most Civs have two colors. That way if there are two civs with the same colors they have another color to use. Babylon can be either dark blue or red.

bigvic · April 12, 2002, 13:25

Quote:

Originally posted by Spectator
When I have 125 cavalries and 160 riflemen and my Military advisor tells me: Compared to these guys we have an average military. WHAT?!? Yea right....

Or when I want to trade something and my Moron advisor tells me:" We're getting close to a deal now" so I add a ressource or a luxury and then he goes:" They would NEVER acceptsych a deal" but if I add like 25 gold he says:" This deal seems to be acceptable". OMG wtf is that about.

We should have the options:
-Burn Moron advisor
-Kill moron for fun
-Drown Morons mom
or the best one
-Sow the Moron's ass closed and keep on feeding him and feeding him and feeding him.

Spec.

:
Or when stupid moron adviser informs you that the "blah blahs" are about our tech equals, and you see that you have like 5 techs more than they.
hmmm:

bigvic · April 12, 2002, 13:34

Or how the science advisor (Sid) always claims we need more money for science even when science spending is ar 100%. Which my scientist roommate claims is quite accurate.

Egyptian · April 12, 2002, 14:56

Even worse than the dumb military advisor is that dumb Bit** trade advisor who tells me we need to aquire more luxuries when I control every city in the world except for one, and have evey luxury and resource in the world in my borders or colonized. I can't even recall how many times I've called her names.

DTRY · April 12, 2002, 16:00

Admit it, the game is unfinished. Half of advisors are idiots.

I missed those funny advisors from CivII.

ACooper · April 12, 2002, 16:23

The advisor doesn't even know my name, or my birthday. What fools they are. Imagine a scientist asking for more money. Unheard of. Any trade advisor that tells you to get more luxuries is totally stupid. What a waste of time this is!

Damn you Firaxis! Why do you torment us so!

Trevman · April 12, 2002, 23:16

Quote:

Originally posted by DTRY
Admit it, the game is unfinished. Half of advisors are idiots.

I missed those funny advisors from CivII.

You got to love that military advisor from CivII, had a slight drinking problem though.

Coracle · April 12, 2002, 23:24

Some of the dumber things in Civ II (but still a better game than Civ III) were battleships being built on lakes, and a civ starting a Happiness Wonder as soon as a massive invasion crosses its borders.

You think in over five years Firaxis could have gotten this right?? Nope.

I spotted in Civ III the rival civ - and my own idiot governor - both building battleships in a seven tile lake with no ocean access.

I also see that the AI continues to start Happiness Wonders even when being invaded and conquered.

Great job, Firaxis.

And they don't give a damn what we say as long as we buy their junk.

bigvic · April 13, 2002, 00:11

And what does that culture advisor say, "We should build the (insert wonder) and watch the people flock to us"? thanks dude. if you hadn't pointed that one out i might have blown the game. IT IS A DUDE, ISN'T IT? And that irritating harpy of a domestic advisor. Everytime she scowls while telling me something obvious i feel like "gettin out my whip". hmm...

notyoueither · April 13, 2002, 00:18

Dress her in black leather and give her a whip. Then more players may appreciate the pain she inflicts.

I don't really mind her. But then again, I'm divorced. She serves a useful function of reminding me what I am not missing.

bigvic · April 13, 2002, 00:23

preachin' to the choir, brother