The Conquest Thread

[Boris Godunov]

You haven't mentioned the mighty Godunova at all. That's grounds for war, ya know.

EDIT: Agh! And the map says "Bodunova!"

[ranskaldan]

I know.....
it's in JPEG, so i can't change it.... sorry
but rest assured, in map 3 and beyond, i think it's spelt right.

edit
Using the advanced copy and paste technology of Windows Paint, I have corrected that spelling error, although it does result in the words "Godunova" covering part of the border of the former Orange territories.

[Frankychan]

***"The People's News"***

In an interview with Soviet reporters, Chairman Frank was asked about PRNZ membership in the Lakes Pact and it's conflict with the Southern Federation as well as Greater Mongolia. Smiling, Chairman Frank is quoted as saying,

"It is deplorable that our new allies are fighting against member-nations of the Lakes and Honolulu Pacts. However, I have stated that I will honor our alliances and stay neutral in the conflict.

As I stated before, it would take something drastic for me to order Soviet forces into the fray against any nation. We will remain a peacekeeper force in the Pacific and spread our tropical fruit drinks across the globe, if need be.

But, I must remind all fellow members of the Lakes Pact that even though we are not joining the conflict, we remain an adamant supporter of the "Lakes" and what it stands for....even if I don't know what it stands for!"

[Boris Godunov]

While Tsar Boris is grateful for Chairman Frank's condemnation of the atrocities of the Southern Federation and Mongolia, he reminds the Chairman that the Lakes Pact is one of Mutual Protection, and members are REQUIRED to declare war on a power that attacks a member of the pact. Now, had the war not been so clearly begun by the Southern Federation, I could understand your non-involvement. But the Federation clearly violated all precepts of international law by invading a sovereign nation and then suprise attacking Godunova and New Canada.

On top of that, President Mark then threatened, albeit ineffectually, to annhiliate the entire world with his "moon laser," and that would have included you as well. Clearly, he is a megalomaniac who must be stopped at all costs. You would be unwise to think yourself safe from his future aggression.

Mercator would also do well to reflect on this. Choosing demented madmen as allies always leads to ruin (ask Tojo and Mussolini...).

Respectfully and ardently your Pact brother,

Tsar Boris.

[Frankychan]

Chairman Frank reads the latest messages from other nations,

*sigh*

----
Addressing the people of the PRNZ:

"Comrades! It is with a heavy heart that I must declare war on the Southern Federation and Greater Mongolia. Due to our obligations with the "Lakes Pact", I am forced to declare war on any aggressor nation that invades members of the "Lakes".

I will therefore support fellow Lake members FINANCIALLY, but will NOT commit any Soviet forces militarily IF no Greater Mongolian or Southern Federation forces attack any PRNZ holdings or invade any Honolulu Pact-member holdings any further."

[MrWhereItsAt]

/me sees thread and unwittingly clicks on it.




Oh.



My.




God.

[Boris Godunov]

Godunova cheerfully welcomes the financial support of Chairman Frank, and as a gift sends him one hundred rare Madagascarian super-llamas, capable of spitting at distances up to 500 feet.

The news from the war front seems to have soured a little. The quick victory expected in the Atlantic has not materialized, and while Godunova is inflicting much more damage on the Federation fleet, the Federation seems to be holding ground. It is mired in a stalemate.

A similar situation has developed in Arabia, where the initial tromping of the Mongols as now become a pitched battle, after the Mongols regrouped. They are suffering far heavier casualties, but have far greater amounts of cannon fodder to expend, it seems.

Madagascar is raised back from beneath the sea, and while the soggy island is damaged greatly, it is reparable. The population emerges from the watertight bunkers and begins to clean up.

The border collie army in South America, while having liberated the lands of New Canada, appear to be having trouble organizing. Apparently there is an appalling lack of fire hydrants in the area, and Godunova has neglected to send teams of dog walkers.

As Boris muses over these mixed messages, an aide stealthily enters his command room.

"Sire...there is news...from the northern provinces..."

"What is it? Speak!"

"Uh...there is much civil unrest over the hardships the war has put on our people...and a man has come forward, denouncing you."

"Arrest him as a traitor, then!"

"It's not just that...he's claiming...claiming you are not the rightful Tsar, and that he is...is...

"WHAT?! Nonsense! Who is he claiming to be? WHO?!"

"He claims to be the dead Prince, Dmitri!"

Boris shoots out of his chair and seizes the aide by the collar.

"Seal the borders! Put out an order that the man is to be arrested on sight, and all police forces should make it a priority! Not a single person shall make a move towards the borders without being arrested! GO!!!"

The aide stumbles out, terrified. Boris has gone quite pale, and his eyes are wide with terror. A cold sweat breaks on his forehead.

"It cannot be. He is dead. Dead!"

[Mercator]

First of all, thank you frankychan, for remaining as neutral as possible. I will certainly NOT attempt any attack on you or other members of the Honolulu pact. I will however, not be able to give Western Australia to you yet. When this horrible war is over we'll have more time to discuss this issue.

It seems the classic Mongolian tactic seems to be more effective than ever. Attack, feign defeat, flee and turn around when the enemy's slow and sturdy cavalry attacks in a rather unorderly fashion, thinking they've already won. The army turns around, while the enemy's flanks are already covered by heavy infantry, and the army's rear is and supply lines are being destroyed by the Mongolian air support.
Not only because of these tactics, but also because of the sheer size of the Mongolian Empire (more than a third of the world's population lives in Mongolian territory) and its army, by far the largest of the world (which Tsar Boris seems to have forgotten)... The large armies he was so proud of defeating, were only slight skirmishes in the Mongolian perspective.
Furthermore, Godunova seems to be having some internal problems as well. The citizens of former Southern Aagloland (former allies of Greater Mongolia, who wished to join Kaladar, but were misled and made part of Godunova) are revolting. Not that they like the Mongols so much, but they feel they can deal with that later.
To add strength to his attack, since so far only overseas Godunovan territories have been under attack, carriers in the Indian Ocean, airbases in Adenia, and captured airbases on the Comores and in Arabia launch attacks on the Godunovan mainland (sparing the Northern Aagloland region), in addition the Mongols launch non-nuclear ICBM's.

Good work on the site, ranskaldan... I'll try and keep all map updates. With the help of this thread, we might even make a little world animation. I'll update the map again soon... Not much seems be changing, though, since there's a stalemate on most fronts. I'm eagerly awaiting Godunova's next move.

[Firelad]

The Southern Federation's campaign seems to slow down. Several Godunoan beachheads are even a serious threat to victory.
Something must be done.
The clone factories are, of course, operating at huge speeds. As the enemy picks up genetic-altering and cybernetic technology as well, the Super-Klone Killer Sheep begin to lose their edge on the battlefield. Nonetheless, Firelad has a few more tricks up his sleeve.
Just as the Godunovans begin to think that they have all but won, several things happen simultaneously: First, the mighty Godunovan fleet is utterly destroyed by a group of creatures that can only be called krakens: Enormous, immensly powerful sea-creatures that can sink even a mega-carrier within a matter of minutes. This shall deal with the naval threat - the Ocean ways are now impenetrable = and the navy of the Southern Federation moves on to the coast of Africa and begins to pound it mercilessly with an assortment of bombs.
Second, the Southern troops begin using a new weapon, which is in fact large easily-installed remote control minefields. Large streches of land go up in majestic booms, coincidentally containing nearly all of the Godunovan bases. The rest of Godunova's forces are overwhelmed, along with what is left of New Canadian resistance. Moving in Palestinian territory (not really bothering to ask permission first, but not being rude to locals either), the Southern armies (constantly reinforced by newly-manufactured clones) do a bit of island-hopping, annexing the Brittish Isles in the meanwhile, invade the Empire of Eastern Europe. Southern Forces, using the now secured Atlantic Ocean, invade Africa at the beaches of Kaladar and the South African province of Godunova, landing upon the unprepared enemy and destroying him at great speed, in an attempt to secure as much land as possible before resistance solidifies. Naval ferres fill the occupied lands in Europe and Africa with ever-increasing amounts of cloned reinforcements from the secret labs of the Andes.

[Az]

A large probe lands in the courtyard of President Mark Firelad of the Southern Federation. A Smiling Face of President Dalgetti appears. "This is a recorded message...." ... the message goes as planned, asking The President of the current status of the nation, and the world in general.The Probe warns that Mark has one day to reply.

[Boris Godunov]

Boris smiles in his command room. The fools think they have won, eh?

Well, they are wrong...

He pushes a button, "Plan X"

In the Southern Atlantic, bubbles arise from the seabed. Suddenly, as the Fed krakens swim about, they are set upon by a horde of massive Megalodons, bred in secret from DNA samples by Godunovan biologists. Being the natural predators of the kraken, the squids are soon nothing but calamari, and Godunova has secured the Southern Atlantic.

Only idiots would attack South Africa, which was quite well-defended in case of attack. The mined waters deal with most of the landing ships, and those that make it are decimated by the impenetrable beach defenses. The Godunovan army has little trouble repelling the attacks, and enjoy the target practice as well.

Godunova's landing force in India has worked it's way north, and swoops in behind the Mongols in Arabia. Their force is quickly annhilated, and the allied forces of New Canada, Kaladar and the EEE move up north, covering the flank. Godunova's Indian Ocean fleet provides more than adequate defenses from the Mongol's air strikes and soon are batting them out of the skies.

Godunova's SDI system, of course, acts as an effective shield against any missile strikes, making them impotent forms of attack. The Godunovan mainland is, of course, one of the best defended areas on the planet.

In New Mongolia, as Mercator sits in his chamber thinking his usual evil thoughts, he suddenly hears a click. He turns around to see a black-clad figure holding a very large laser rifle in his face. Another dozen commandos burst through the door, and beyond them Mercator can see a slew of dead guards.

"Sir...you're coming with us." With that, a stun ray renders Mercator immobile, and he dropped unceremoniously into a rubber sack and dragged out of the palace under the cover of night. His disappearance is not noticed until day break. By then, the commandos have been picked up by their stealth helicopters and are already out of Mongolian territory.

At the cloning plants in Federation territory, a lone worker slips unnoticed into the central control room. Minutes later, massive explosions rock the computer core, and the operation ceases to function. All plants shut down, and their back up systems are also inoperable. Sabotage. Howls are suddenly heard in the distance. Uh-oh. It's the collies! Yes, they have regrouped and are making a second attack wave! The hound horde pours into Federation territory, overwhelming all defenses and ripping through the cloning plants, rendering them permanently inoperable.

From the west comes the drone of engines...sure enough, the secret Pacific Godunovan fleet has arrived. Thousands of super daisy-cutter bombs are launched into the mountains, ripping through to the underground sanctuaries of the Federation, causing massive destruction. By a lucky stroke, the entire Federation military command is wiped out by a few of the bombs.

Ah, the wages of war.

(sidenote: Guys, this is starting to get abjectly silly and is, in fact, ruining the premise of the thread. I suggest we work on peace with status quo results).

[Mercator]

Please!! Yes! Everyone launches a massive attack, others counter-attack just as ferociously, think of the weirdest contraptions and what not.
I say we go back to the post-Central America occupation status. We can work out our differences from there.
/me runs to the simulation mainframe and resets the system back to just after the Central American occupation.
This is going nowhere.

I suggest a demilitarization agreement, a call for animal rights and a stop to (human) cloning.

[ranskaldan]

LOL!

Meanwhile, the Museum of World History located in New Ottawa continues the expansion of its exhibit: The history of the world.


http://www.geocities.com/chelladuur/

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by ranskaldan
LOL!

Meanwhile, the Museum of World History located in New Ottawa continues the expansion of its exhibit: The history of the world.


http://www.geocities.com/chelladuur/

Godunova, one of the world's greatest powers, is still woefully underepresented in this history!

[Hobbes]

Yeah, Zululand ain't on the maps!

[ranskaldan]

it's a historical atlas, meaning that some things come later.

worry not.... my friends................

:fades into background:

[devilmunchkin]

yes..i suggest you act more like my peaceful place..*wink wink*
*watches a GORGEOUS sunset*

[Az]

BUMP./

[ranskaldan]

Alright..... I'll probably get the website updated over the weekend.

In the meantime, so what's the deal? We're restored to pre-war?

alright, have Mongolia and the SF formed an alliance yet?

[History Guy]

"Come here!" cries King Vlad History Guy from his computer, which sits atop his large, heavily polished oak desk in the center of his huge office. The King's official secretary, Pigtree Olliphant-Jones, walks over, biting gigantic holes in his squid-sandwich. "It looks like our old friend Ranskaldan has turned from his duties as world leader, to become a historian...like me!"

Vlad History Guy always fancied himself a historian after publishing his four page pamphlet on the history of the battle of Kilmouse-Vallawatchia (1256), which was fought between King Vlad and the pretender, Vlad. The Royalist armies were lead by General Vlad, and the pretender's army was lead by another General named Vlad.

"Ah, I see," grunts the King, "that he writes in beautiful prose of the great peace before all this war...ah, those were the good old days...WHAT???! The inane EEE??! What???! Hey!!! Call our best agent in here, Pigtree!"

Pigtree presses a little red button on the desk, and a tall, gray-haired, gray-mustached German pops in. "Ah, my King, vhat do you neeed ov me?"

"Siegfried, my friend, I need you and Stiker to go off on a mission."

"A mission? Ah gooood!"

"I know how you relish them, Siegfried."

"And what, pray tell, iz deez mizzion?"

"To go kindly tell Ranskaldan that we aren't really too inane..."

"VHAT???! Kindness is not in my nature! Whadda you zay if I just go threaten to blow up him?! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Out of the question, Siegfried. Be good. Now! Go!"

The agent clicked his heels, saluted, whistled the national anthem, placed his hand on his heart, bowed thrice, kissed the floor and the King's foot, turned about, and left. The King swung round to read more from the epic World History.

"Hey! He calls Historiagoy interesting, my King!" called Pigtree, "I guess that's a first!"

The King was about to protest when he looked out the window and saw nothing but two lowly vendors, one curly haired guy by a peanut stand, and one bald guy with a derby by a lemonade stand. Farther away, there were some farmers, carrying their goats, who were drinking grog. Farther by, there was an old lady carrying a milk bucket. Farther by, there was a guy getting a drink from a fountain. Farther away, there was a chicken that suddenly dropped dead. "Yeah, it is boring, isn't it?"

"Hey! He calls me a pudgy Brit!!!" cried Pigtree, in such horror that he dropped his sandwich onto his shoe, "I'm not pudgy in the least! I'm only 284 pounds! Honest!"

"At least you got mentioned! Ahahahahahahahahaha!" King Vlad History Guy then left the computer, and made himself a cup of coffee to start the day with.

[Mercator]

It's probably best if we end the war and go to pre-war conditions, as a peace treaty... That is, if Tsar Boris and President Firelad agree.
I will disband my alliance with SF, which was mainly a wartime alliance... But I will, of course, remain on friendly terms with them.

Here's a full-fledged peace plan:

The Phobos Pact should become an international assembly, with representatives of all countries, and none with veto rights.
I suggest this assembly will get a head-quarters in one of the major countries not involved in this war and (largely) neutral (i.e. Greater Finland, People's Republic of New Zealand or other Honolulu Pact members, or Kaladar).
This international organisation should keep watch over world peace, human rights etc.

I will keep my promise and give western Australia to the PRNZ, except the area around Darwin (Arnhemland), which I give to the Paradise Isles. I will also give Thailand to, a lage portion of the South China Sea and Hainan to the Paradise Isles. I will also abandon my territories in the Indian Ocean, but only under the condition that it will remain independant.
For the time being, Central America should be placed under direct Phobos Pact control.
I will also disarm my empire, and I urge others to do so with me, or at least those involved in this war. There's nothing wrong with armies, but the sheer size and sophistication of the world's armed forces and country's defenses are alarming.

In addition I call for a ban on (human) cloning, or at least restricted and certainly not for military uses. Human rights, animal rights and environmantalism should become a more important issue on the world's agenda.

Let me know in how much every one of you agree with this... If an agreement is not met, I will not keep my side of the bargain, except the gifts to the Paradise Isles. If the PRNZ agrees, it will still get Western Australia.

[History Guy]

Hey, Mercator! We just posted at the same time! Hahahahaha!
----

After Pigtree leaves the room, King Vlad History Guy leaves the epic history, and reads Mercator's demands. In response, History Guy calls Mercator personally and says: "Yeah, alright."

[Mercator]

... That's great to hear. We're one step closer to world peace.

[Kassiopeia]

President Kass of the republic of Greater Finland is so preoccupied with listening to the works of Jean-Michel Jarre that he decides to cease GF in it's entirety to EEE, if the area of Real Life Finland is made a demilitarised neutral zone called meagerly Finland.

Kass also wishes to remain as the ruler of Smaller Finland, and foresees himself as a global negotiator for peace... also, the UN HQ remains in Smaller Finland, and Kass might become the Secretary General.

In short= History Guy gets the current areas and assets of GF, if I get to keep Smaller Finland that is declared competely neutral.

[History Guy]

King Vlad History Guy flies to Finnland to meet Kassiopeia in person. With tears in his eyes, and huge bands of military detachments by his side, he grudingly accepts Kassiopeia's proposal. On the electronic map, Greater Finnland disappears, and it's lands are annexed to the Empire of Eastern Europe. Though there is rejoicing, there is also sadness. A great empire, and a great man, have left the world's stage for the most part. Southern Finnland is his, of course, but he'll never hold half as much power again. "A great man indeed," says History Guy, "a man who has the courage to do something that many do not wish to do."

"Thank you, my friend," says the King to Kassiopeia, who is departing for Southern Finnland. "We shall always honor you on this day...is that Okey-Dokey?! From now on, this is Kass-day. Pigtree! Write that down!"

And with this, the world's history is changed forever.

[Az]

The Probe slowly flies through space, carrying the latest developments in earth politics to Incubia....

[Frankychan]

Chairman Frank of the People's Republic of New Zealand listens to the eloquent words of Mercator and has this to say:

"Gaining control of Western Australia will be a grand addition to Soviet territory. I will agree to ALL demands of the new laws EXCEPT disarmament! The PRNZ will not be caught unawares against future aggression. Our new kilo-long spitting sheep are a grand addition to Soviet arms. We also need to protect our sovereign right to consum vast quantities of liquor! Namely margarita's, pina colada's, and most recently daquiri's!

No disarmament for us!"

[History Guy]

A reporter is talking to Vlad History Guy, King of the Empire of Eastern Europe. "Yes," says his Majesty, the King, "I accepted Kassiopeia's generous offer so that it wouldn't be offered to, say, Mongolia, or the Southern Federation."

The reporter thoughtfully nods his head, cries in a loud, nasual voice, "Yeah right!" and kicks Pigtree in the shins, before running away down the hall laughing maniacally.

"Stop that man!" cries the King. Shortly afterward, there is sounds of gunfire. "Ah well. Oh, hi Mrs. von Schoernvoortz." The Castle's landlady comes over, with a smile. Accompanying her is a medium sized, brown dog, whose tail is between it's legs.

"Well, your Highness, I wanted to give you a present on this nice occasion. She's a dog! Her name is Anya, and she's a mutt!"

"Oh, how kind." The King leans over to pat the dog, but it shies away in absolute horror.

"Oh, I'm sorry. She's afraid of hands. I think that when I found her she was an abused dog...see, she evens hides from me! She's afraid of me, hands...she must have been spankied...afraid of hoses too...probably hit with them...she's afraid of fawcetts...probably hit with those too the poor dear...afraid of armadillos...you know how some owners just love to wack their dogs with armadillos...men, she's afraid of...same goes for women...and especially one's with mustaches...she's afraid of water...belts...beds...skies..."

The dog took one look at the floor and yelped. "...Tile floors...most everything really. She's suicidal. I think she's also afraid of me. But, the only thing she's not afraid of is you!"

"Oh! Great!" With one pat, the dog backs away and screams. The bark sounds very much like 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'

"Well...maybe I was mistaken...sorry..."

"Ne'er ye minde, Mrs. von Schoernvoortz...tis the thought that counts, me lady..."

[History Guy]

It's a bump, me bucko!

[Az]

Bump