They called it Fatherland

SKILORD · May 19, 2002, 16:54

It cut a blue swath through the valley, forced people to notice it as it displayed it's calm, yet unstopabble power. those who were native to it prospered , and the foreigners tended to die quickly, removed from their element of firm gound and air. The River Thrax was a symbol for the Russian people, as they called themselves as they banded together to found Moscow, choosing from among them a leader of charisma and power: Czar Nicholas.
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"Where shall we settle?"
"Here looks fine."
"What if the Russians get mad at us for trying to halt their expansion?"
"THEY WILL THEN FALL TO THE MIGHTY ENGLISH ARMIES!"
and thus York was settled. right at the front door to St. Petersburg, trying to close the Russians in on their penninsula, ending Russia's hope of an Empire, or so they thought. The Well trained Russian Archer watched all of this from a nearby hill. as he returned to Moscow to report he stumbled across a hard, shiney rock. Iron, the local roads even lead to it already, His Czar would be ecstatic.
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The Warrior had been scouting the farthest regions o the continent for a long time, and he couldn't wait to get back to his children in Kiev, North of Moscow. The mountain he currently stood atop was cold, making him wish for his wife's comforting ....
Suddenly a messanger approached the great mountain, Peter watched as he ascended the mountain, and listened, dumbfounded as he was ordered to attack the English spearmen in nearby London.
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The two veteran archers converged outside York ever ready for their next orders.
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Elizabeth stormed into the palace, a large palace, Nicholas was a very popular ruler, Her own palace had hardly progressed past the "cave", stage.
"I demand that your troops stop threataning English Sovreignity!"
The czar looked at her, looked down from his great throne, as if she were no more but a mere insect, demanding that he surrender his kingdom to an army of ants. he looked down for a couple of minutes, and then a great rumble started in hi throat, he laughed. as he began ordering his troops, in front of her.
"have this pathetic creature removed from my sight." he demanded and then he ordered that York and London be taken. Elizabeth screamed in Fury and Futility before she began running, to Nottingham, a secret english hideaway.
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The Warrior troops rushed in, disorganized, against unform English troops. The Englishmen were scared, several broke and ran. The Warriors took advantage of the breaks in the line, Conquring London.

The Archers stood back, launching their deadly missles at the foe, before rushing in to crush the spearbearing defenders.
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Nottingham was exceedingly well defended. as was hastings, which was founded shortly thereafter. Russian Settlers were sent throughout the continent to create an empire of the southern half. France and Germany would fall evcentually, consolidating the continent, England would also fall eventually, or so the Czar promised himself as he signed a temporary truce between the two nations.

The River grew in strength and momentum, gradually, people hardly noticed as it slowly began to swallow the land that limes had once grown on near the shore.

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Queen Elizabeth held in her hands a painting, it wasn't particularry beautiful painting or uplifting, far from uplifting. Her spies had drawn this from the borders of her nation, it showed a great mass of Russian troops, bearing swords and riding horses, Elizabeth's armies had no Iron and she hadn't bothered to give them mounts, he spearmen were all that composed her army, She would have to talk to that warmonger Nicholas.

She never got the Chance.
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"Nottingham is ours, and the French will help us, they've already razed Cambrige leaving the Britons only with Hastings, they had ammased huge amounts of troops at Hastings though.... it'll be one hellluva fight sir" The Millitary Advisor announced.
"good, that's the way i like it, make sure that france doesn't get that city."
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France got it. As he marched into the city pierre noticed the spilled russian blood, who's former owner had failed to gain the city. That would have to be cleaned up he thought disdainfully.
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The Swordsmen were on their way home when the order came through, they turned around to march on the pink borders

a bit choppy... sorry My hands getting better and i'm playing and writing again.

It's been started on CFC but i'm bringing it here also. The hand's getting better and thusly i'm playing and writing again.

Samuel Johnson · May 19, 2002, 17:00

I like it - the idea of personifying the icons as real people is interesting. I always thought a cool mock story would be to write about what would it be like if those archers and warriors were really 50 feet giants who are directed around the map by the great leaders to fight their battles. So therefore a fight between a warrior and an archer wouldn't be masses of armies fighting but just two people duking it out.

SKILORD · May 19, 2002, 17:18

"And you want me to do what?"Bismark asked again.
"Join me agaiinst France."Nicholas repeated. It was so simple, what was wrong with this moron? he thought.
"Why?"
"Because i plan to conqure them."How did this Idiot come to rule Germany?
"What will i get for it?"
"As many cities as you can grab." finally a valid question.
"But france is like .... really tough, they dismembered the English."
"I was helping them, i'll be helping you too." It was like explaining this to a three year old and quite frankly he'd rather deal with the child.
"uhhhh ..... ok i guess."
"Magnificent." His armies would help, hopefully Bismark's generals were more competent than he was.
The german gaurds pulled back their spearsd for him to pass, spears, he almost laughed, that was the best the Germans could field and they hadn't even asked him for his Medeival technologies. The carriage ride was hard but it got him to Moscow where he found his Domestic advisor and lover.
"How'd it go in Germany."
"quite well actually. He's joined us against France."
"Good, i have a question though."
"shoot," he asked grabbing the fattest part of her back and gazing into her eyes.
"Why do you look like a woman?"
"WHAT!"
"I mean your a man yeah but your all dressed up like a woman and you look like a woman, and a remarkably ugly one at that."
"Is this about how good i am in bed?"
"What?"
"Have you been faking it?"
"I'm sorry to say that the face isn't the only place you resemble a woman."
"What.... so there's nothing down there?"
"Sorry."
"So why do the Advisors and other leaders know that i'm a guy?!" aha he could prove his masculinity.
"It's a patch."
He screamed, how could he lead his troops to battle clad as a female?!

civman2000 · May 19, 2002, 17:26

put empty lines in between paragraphs. THe 1st part went a bit quickly, but pretty good!

SKILORD · May 19, 2002, 18:07

"The Riots in Reims are finally over, that's the good news," The frenchman told his queen.
"The bad?"she asked.
"Well the riots are over because the Russians took the City, they've also sent huge forces against Marsailles on the East coast. mostly horsemen."
"What about the Germans?"
"They have Tours, i vow they will gain no more."
"Are you sure?"
"If they do we're both dead. They cannot take the nation but if they pose any more of a threat Russia will."
"How do you think thi war will end?"
"We won't see the end of this war."
"That's rather depressing."
"Probably true though."
"i suppose."

"Sir, we've taken Reims but we're deadlocked elsewhere."
"Then focus our advance along the west coast."Nicholas said.

The sails were full of wind, dark, thunderous wind but wind nonetheless. Ivan turned to the helmsman.
"We must see who lives to the west."
"I'm trying my hardest cap'n but these waves, their tearin 'er apart!"
"We must succeed!"
"I know cap'n. and we will, i promise." They had all been trained near the great lighthouse in Moscow and were experts near the coast and in the sea but the rough ocean waves were too much for their flimsey craft.

"Freinds, Russians, Countrymen, lend me your ears. Brave Russian sailors were lost in the great Atlantosian Ocean to our west, we are here to commend their valor.
"They had sailed to the north and east and in those hard journeys fought pirates and Discovered Americans, Indians and even persians. All of this made them the foinest sailors in the world. Even they couldn't conqure the great sea. we need better ships..."

Paris has Fallen! The headline read. France was a shadow of her former self and Bismark had made peace. Only Russia stood to end the french misery.

Joan lay, scared in the french gutter in the last french city defended by the last french Pikeman. another 3 turns and she'd have gunpowder, then the war would change, she was sure of it. She didn't know that The Knights on their prancing steeds outside the city walls had other plans, or that Russia had developed Gunpowder already.

New york had been formed a long time ago. It had been American for the entire time, even so they decided to rebel and join the Russians at their council meeting.

SKILORD · May 19, 2002, 18:09

France gone Map

Metaliturtle · May 19, 2002, 20:39

Way to thrash the frenchies skilord!

Cap'n Crunch · May 20, 2002, 06:54

Quote:

Originally posted by SKILORD
"Good, i have a question though."
"shoot," he asked grabbing the fattest part of her back and gazing into her eyes.

Quote:

"Why do you look like a woman?"
"WHAT!"
"I mean your a man yeah but your all dressed up like a woman and you look like a woman, and a remarkably ugly one at that."
"Is this about how good i am in bed?"
"What?"
"Have you been faking it?"
"I'm sorry to say that the face isn't the only place you resemble a woman."
"What.... so there's nothing down there?"

i didn't need to know that about you Ski

Quote:

"Sorry."
"So why do the Advisors and other leaders know that i'm a guy?!" aha he could prove his masculinity.
"It's a patch."
He screamed, how could he lead his troops to battle clad as a female?!

interesting conversation here, i notice that sometimes when i'm playing but i've never seen anyone write about it.

Why the Domestic Advisor?

SKILORD · May 20, 2002, 07:18

it's not true i swear ......

I chose the Domestic Advisor because....... damn i have no idea. But it wasn't a bad choice really i don't think she might not be a real looker but she says some pretty wise sh*t. ("Build more cities" "Rome is growing slowly")

SKILORD · May 20, 2002, 10:11

don't think she might not be...... i was trying to write something belse before she might not be, i've forgotten what it was but it shouldn't be ther (goodjob to me with the grammer.)

SKILORD · May 20, 2002, 13:35

The Thrax was still rising, the population of frogs in it suddenly dropped from drownings in the river, untuil the frogs were no more (drowning frogs?) yes drowning frogs (no way) yes it's true i'm afraid (what does this all mean?) you figure it out, it's really deep, meaningless symbolism (what's the river going to take over and-or kill when you conqure the Germans?) i haven't figured that out yet (are you going to write on this untuil you figure that out?) no i won't write a word untuil i figure that out (why are you talking to yourself?) stop asking me questions! (nani nani toototo) what the fu*k is that supposed to mean (i don't know) leave me alone (i can't pal sorry).

another odd conversation.

SKILORD · May 21, 2002, 00:25

feedback?

SKILORD · May 23, 2002, 01:29

do you care?!!!!

civman2000 · May 23, 2002, 11:18

nope

SKILORD · May 23, 2002, 17:51

geee.... thanx

Metaliturtle · May 23, 2002, 18:13

LOL, amusing banter goes on here

Metaliturtle · May 28, 2002, 21:00

Skilord, I approve of referring to anthrax as the thrax, however this isn't overly funny, you asked me to critique, here are places of improvement.

1. BIG, space out lines of dialogue to help the reader digest the humor
2. Maybe make dialogue more relevant to the two people, it sounded like two separate monologues, not dialogue.
3. Vote for Bad Neighbors for the next story contest!

I think if you had someone else read it before you posted it could be improved, but I can't tell you how to write, only suggest.

SKILORD · May 29, 2002, 10:08

Quote:

Originally posted by Metaliturtle
Skilord, I approve of referring to anthrax as the thrax, however this isn't overly funny, you asked me to critique, here are places of improvement.

It never occured to me that my story had anything to do with anthrax

I'm quitting trying to be funny, people actually liked Russian Rise and Persia and her neighbors (well a few did)

Metaliturtle · May 29, 2002, 16:50

Actually I'm a fan of all your stories, even this one, it just isn't funny, and I was under the impression you wanted me to critique on that basis.

I didn't realize the thrax was a river in your story (in my history class we now refer to anthrax as the thrax because we find it mildly amusing, so I saw "The Thrax was rising," and got super pumped.

SKILORD · June 2, 2002, 17:48

"Sir our troops are positioned across the german border, Bismark refuses to pay us to continue maintaining them for his defense."
"Does he?" Nicholas laughed, this had to be the stupidest conceivable reason for declaring war," I guess we'll just have to see how many of them we can eliminate through an invasion, Tell the Americans that we aer being forced to consolidate the continent by German greed."
"How long will the war last?"
"I am no soothsayer! i do not know! However if Bismark's Generals are as clever as he is, not long."
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The Knights were charging in on Frankfurt, a small border town. The Spearmen there were shocked they couldn't imagine being able to mount armored warriors. The Knights scared them and many gave tribute to this fear by leaving the town hurriedly. The Rest were slaughtered as they stared dumbstruck . The citizens didn't even resist the Russians as the Pikemen entered the city. They had seen what they could do and wanted no part of the death that they sowed.

Berlin fell without a fight, the Chancellors gaurd surrendered immediately.

And so on untuil The Last German City, Leizpeg, stood alone. Bismark lead the spearmen there himself and thanks to his brilliant tactics the battle was over in minutes. All traces of germany were gone in hours.

SKILORD · June 2, 2002, 18:25

The Thrax has now Grown even more furious a Three colored German banner, held by a pathetic German counteroffensive found itself the latest victim.

Also an abnormally large American patrol was spotted outside New York.