June 11, 2002, 01:22
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#1
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Emperor
Local Time: 22:19
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Haven, CT
Posts: 4,790
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A meeting of the great high council of Babylon
"So," said Hammurabi, pacing the throne room, "we have the greatest land holdings in the world, a scientific lead, and access to saltpeter, iron, and horses. But the enemy Triad Alliance of Russia, America, and France is larger than us when put together, and is near to us in production power and science. Does anyone have suggestions?"
"There are Gaul tribes near Lagash, sire," said the Military advisor.
"I don't care. They're on the Egyptian continent." Said Hammurabi
"Compared to those guys, we have a strong army." The Military advisor adjusted his helmet and gave a satisfied grin. Hammurabi just ignored him. "Any other suggestions?"
The Military Advisor raised his hand. "There are Gaul tribes near Lagash, sire."
"You already said that, you dimwitted fool!"
"Oh, I did?" The Military Advisor was not known for intellectual capacity.
"Yes. Now I have a job for you. Look for the big strategy map."
"Where's that?"
"In your office!"
"Oh." He wandered off the wrong way.
"Downstairs! Go downstairs! " And the Military Advisor skipped off, happy that he was doing something useful.
"Now," said Hammurabi, "I'll remind you that the subject was the war against the Alliance. Any suggestions?"
"Nineveh is growing slowly, sire." The domestic advisor gave the annoying dissappointed-looking face.
"That is not the subject! Now any useful advice would be appreciated!"
“OK, how about this? We research Steam Engine, create steam powered boats and rule the seas,” said the Science Advisor.
“Thank you for the first useful piece of advice. Now Kyushi, you haven’t said anything. What do you suggest?”
“In my opinion,” said the Culture Advisor, “we should get Persia to ally with us in exchange for Chivalry so they can build knights, which, in conjunction with their cheap but powerful Immortals, could put their military force among the top five in the world. We begin by using Bowmen to rush the sole American iron source, which, in addition to being on the coast, is also on a mountain, which will make it easily defensible. They will not be able to create Pikemen in mass without their iron, and will therefore be susceptible to an overland attack by our knights that were stationed in Nineveh after the forty year war against Greece…”
“There are Gaul tribes near Lagash, sire!” With an air of urgency, the Military Advisor delivered the news, interrupting the culture advisor’s plan.
“Shut up!” shouted Hammurabi.
“Could I wear your big tall hat?” asked the Foreign advisor.
“No!”
“Then I will do voodoo on you.” Responded the Foreign advisor.
“You do voodoo?” said Hammurabi.
“Who do voodoo?” The Military Advisor was intrigued. Those Gauls probably had something to do with it.
The Trade Advisor sighed. It was no use being a spy if one doesn’t learn anything, she thought. She quietly left the room.
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Is this funny? I am experimenting with comedy a little, before I start my next epic. Feedback please.
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June 11, 2002, 01:24
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#2
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Emperor
Local Time: 22:19
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Haven, CT
Posts: 4,790
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Oh, I forgot to say that its not done yet. There's moe to come.
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June 11, 2002, 01:40
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#3
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Prince
Local Time: 18:19
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 551
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This is hilarious!!! Though I'm sure you weren't copying me, the intro to A Grand Day is kinda like this, but yours is way funnier!
__________________
"The first man who, having fenced off a plot of land, thought of saying, 'This is mine' and found people simple enough to believe him was the real founder of civil society. How many crimes, wars, murders, how many miseries and horrors might the human race had been spared by the one who, upon pulling up the stakes or filling in the ditch, had shouted to his fellow men: 'Beware of listening to this imposter; you are lost if you forget the fruits of the earth belong to all and that the earth belongs to no one." - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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June 11, 2002, 01:58
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#4
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Emperor
Local Time: 22:19
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Haven, CT
Posts: 4,790
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 it is! But interestingly, the two advisors that are smart in my story are the two that you make fun of in yours.  very weird. I've always invisioned the culture advisor as being the only smart one.
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June 11, 2002, 02:44
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#5
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Emperor
Local Time: 13:19
Local Date: November 1, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: of Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 6,851
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 Keep it up! 
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June 11, 2002, 08:38
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#6
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Emperor
Local Time: 20:19
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: May 2001
Location: of the Martian Empire
Posts: 4,969
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and the idea that the cultural advisor is the smart one...
__________________
Ham grass chocolate.
"This should be the question they ask you before you get to vote. If you answer 'no', then they brand you with a giant red 'I' on your forehead and you are forever barred from taking part in the electoral process again."--KrazyHorse
"I'm so very glad KH is Canadian."--Donegeal
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June 16, 2002, 17:19
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#7
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Emperor
Local Time: 22:19
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Haven, CT
Posts: 4,790
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The trade advisor smiled. That idiot fool military advisor had believed her plan. He was going to send a huge group of longbowmen right through the Ishtar pass, supposedly to defend Akkad, but they would never reach Akkad. They would be ambushed long before.
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Started with "I", thought the Military Advisor, started with "I." He looked at his map again. There it was! Ishtar mountains. He led the troops beyond the sign for the Ishtar pass, and they began to scale the Ishtar mountain.
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July 11, 2002, 22:50
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#8
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Prince
Local Time: 18:19
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 551
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did you give up on this? I hope not, it's funny.
__________________
"The first man who, having fenced off a plot of land, thought of saying, 'This is mine' and found people simple enough to believe him was the real founder of civil society. How many crimes, wars, murders, how many miseries and horrors might the human race had been spared by the one who, upon pulling up the stakes or filling in the ditch, had shouted to his fellow men: 'Beware of listening to this imposter; you are lost if you forget the fruits of the earth belong to all and that the earth belongs to no one." - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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