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Old June 13, 2002, 18:57   #1
trickey
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My 2nd attemp at a story
It is the year 1950 only five years after the second greatest war in history had ended. The Germans beat the Americans in the most important race of all time; the race to build a nuclear bomb. Germany demolished all of Europe, except part of England. They had the world at their mercy, then signed a cease-fire with the remaining nations of the world? No one knew that they were just biding themselves some time. Even as strong as they were, they felt they needed to wait, wait for a time when an attack was least expected, a time when they could sweep across Asia just like they did to Europe, that time is now.


It wasn’t the bombs, or the gunshots that woke Peter that night. It was the horrific screams of his fellow soldiers screaming, panicking, and dying.

“What the..” screamed Peter as he was blown off his bed ( I guess maybe that woke him up) by the blast of a German bomb hitting the ground near by.


His men were in need of him, he had no time to panic, it is now or never for him. He ran outside, the base was already a war zone. It was hand to hand combat everywhere he looked. And his men were getting slaughtered. He saw his long time friend James Smith, down on a knee, at the mercy of a German soldier. He dogged a couple of left hooks, a couple of jabs, and a few Mike Tyson style ear bites, but he finally made it to James. The German was on top of him, pounding him just like Peter use to do to him when they were back home. He grabbed the head of the German, and lifted his knee to meet it. The German died instantly, his nose bone (or cartilage but I think there is a bone there) got driven back into his brain. When the German fell down, a picture came out of his pocket. It was a picture of him and his two kids. It was at that time he wondered what he got himself into.

James was badly beaten up, his face was cut and it looked like his nose and jaw were broken.

“James, James, can you hear me?” screamed Peter. That is when he heard the tanks. He hoped to God that they were English.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So, what do you think? I know it isnt very good, but i just hope its better than my first story. I would really appreiciate if you could go here http://apolyton.net/forums/showthrea...threadid=52484 and tell me which one of my stories is best. I can only hope to keep inproving, with each story being better than the last. If i took a step backward please tell me.

sorry metaliturtle, no pie, im just not funny enough. Maybe you could start a thread on well... funniniess. (sp)

Last edited by trickey; June 15, 2002 at 07:24.
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Old June 15, 2002, 07:23   #2
trickey
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bump. please, if you dont like it, just tell me why
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Old June 15, 2002, 10:49   #3
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Well, it's not really long enough to judge...

Is that the whole story, or is there a part II?

If you elaborated part I (The beginning description) a bit, it may make it more interesting.

keep trying, this story has good potential
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Old June 15, 2002, 11:20   #4
trickey
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oh yeah, there is more too come, i was just waiting for a response. I t will be up later today.
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Old June 24, 2002, 11:01   #5
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Where is it? The first part isn't bad but we need more if you want us to judge it.
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