Destiny of Rome.

TheDarkCavalier · June 19, 2002, 17:02

Here is a story about a very memorable game I played recently on Monarch with raging barbarians. A month is one turn and a km is a tile. The story will contain a lot of errors since English is not my first, and not even my second language.

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In the year 4000 BC a nomad tribe named Romans, after migrating for a few generations behind their fearless and seemingly immortal leader, Caesar, decided to finally settle down. A part of the tribe was told to improve the land, and the other part was ordered to settle down. It was decided that a warrior should be trained to help defend the city and explore the land. In a few months the warrior, with an axe made of stone and cloth armour, set out to explore. Despite being ordered to return after exploring 2-3 kilometres around Rome it did not return…

At the annual meeting, Caesar was shocked by the news brought to him by his military advisor, Titus.

“How did he get killed? WHO dares to insult Rome? As soon as we build another one I will personally see all the barbarians get killed in the area.”

“Sure you will” thought Flavius, but decided not to enrage Caesar even more.

Brutus, the domestic advisor, entered. “I do not suggest building a warrior now, if we start training a settler, we will build a city and build twice as much warriors...”

Caesar, becoming even more enraged, screamed “... to lose it to some barbarian scum!!! NO! First we kill the barbarians, and then we expand.

Brutus, being very polite with his ruler, said “But WE were barbarians just a generation ago.” He had to run away, not without demonstrating his agility dodging a couple of stones.

Then came Flavius, the science advisor. “I may have found of a new metal, much stronger than anything we’re currently using, but I will need some gold for future experiments with it.”

“Take five gold from the treasury and leave. But do not …” Then Caesar heard the high-pitched voice of Titus…

“BARBARIANS ARE ATTACKING!!! TO THE ARMS!!!”

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It is probably not top-quality, but hey, it’s my first story. Comments are appreciated. I will try to write some more today evening … or shouldn’t I?

civman2000 · June 19, 2002, 17:51

pretty good teaser....

TheDarkCavalier · June 20, 2002, 20:03

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The new-founded city had no soldiers, and only a few weapons in the city’s armoury. The strongest took the stone spears and the stone axes. Caesar and Titus themselves had to help in the repelling of the attack

The barbarians’ primitive weapons could not destroy the walls but the ones that got through caused numerous casualties to the already small populace. Titus himself was grievously wounded. The walls and many buildings in the town needed repairing but the town had no resources to do that. About a fifth of the population were killed, and many were wounded. Being attacked about each season, spending all its resources to making cheap primitive weapons the and being exposed to the barbarian tribes near it, the town was slowly dying… until….

“CAESAR!!! CAESAR!!! I found it! I found the metal! I found it!” Flavius jumped into the palace knocking the guards off their feet and screaming. Then regaining his calm, he spoke to Caesar. “The metal! Iron! It is stronger than anything! It chops through stone easily!” Flavius then unsheathed a fine-looking long sword. “The metal is near our town, but there is only a very little part, a big deposit is guarded by another camp of barbarians.”

“Really?” asked Caesar, eyeing Flavius suspiciously.

“Try it!” said the advisor and pointed to an axe lying in the corner of the throne room.

Caesar hit the blade of the axe and it shattered into very small pieces. The emperor was delighted. “Make more of those, and then we will have to go through another big battle and secure the deposits, and possibly build a city there.”

“We do not have the resources to do that, we cannot make another city without sending a big part of the people there, and we cannot do that, because then our city with be overrun by barbarians. And we cannot send the warriors there either.” Brutus, the most hated advisor of the emperor spoke.

“Did I ask you?” Caesar was becoming his usual enraged self. “I do not want to die here, defending this city, that will not survive anyway. And since it seems that you do, go and man the walls… NOW!” Brutus left, muttering curses.

The plan was simple; the hundred bravest warriors sneak into the barbarian camp, kill the leader and the strongest warriors in the sleep, and then take the rest as slaves and burn the encampment. But when they entered the camp, they made so much noise, that in the matter of seconds Titus, Caesar and his men saw a thousand bristling axes and spears pointed at them …

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Comments are appreciated … I will write some more today or tomorrow.

TheDarkCavalier · June 20, 2002, 20:35

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The warriors of the camp did not seem very angry, and they took Caesar and his warriors to the leader’s tent. The leader seemed like a giant, he was very tall and muscular, and he carried a bow and an iron sword. He spoke to Caesar in some dialect of Latin.

“Who you? Why you here? Why you take weapon?”

Caesar started screaming. “Why should I answer to you, you barbarian piece o … “ He felt a painful kick in the leg from Titus. “Ow! Because we needed to take iron, if not our city will not survive, but you can never understand that you pathetic … Ow!”

“City? What a city?” the man seemed puzzled.

“Rome! It is very near! The city is a hundred times bigger than your camp!”

“I want see big camp! Show big camp!”

“Follow me…” said Caesar and tried to walk out of the tent. He was met by about ten bristling spear points. “I SAID follow me, you illiterate sc… Ow! Go after me!”

The leader and his guard were not afraid of Caesar’s men. They walked until they saw the stone walls of Rome.

Something was wrong, the fires were all out and no one was manning the walls. The group was startled at what they saw. Hundreds of bodies littered the space before the walls, some of the buildings were completely destroyed. There were many more barbarians dead than Romans. Then Caesar saw Brutus lying on the floor near the walls still clutching his sword. His chest was impaled by a spear and one of his legs was missing. He was still alive.

“They came all killed all of the defenders … there was ten thousand of them … they destroyed our buildings and took all the gold from the treasury ... I told you … “

Having said that, he died. The sword fell from his hand. Caesar looked around him and saw about twenty barbarians lying around him, and his sword bloody till the handle.

“Give a proper burial to the hero” he said.

The barbarian leader seemed to be delighted with the view of the city. “You make this? You are god! We follow you! We work for you! We kill who kill you!” Then the leader ran off.

The people of Rome were busy with repairing the city as much as they could, but now with even less population they could not do. All they could do is wait for the barbarians to come back.

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Comments are appreciated.

civman2000 · June 21, 2002, 07:12

Something I've always wished for-different barbarian tribes would attack each other. THat's not what's happeneing in the story, I know, but it made me think of that

TheDarkCavalier · June 21, 2002, 07:52

If you can read minds, and know what's gonna happen in the story, just shut up about it!.

Anyway, now you made me rethink some things in the story ...

To the eyes of the expert is the story great? good? mediocre? or poor?

SomeOneElse · June 21, 2002, 08:09

i'm no expert, but i find the story very intriguing thus far

beno · June 21, 2002, 09:54

most entertaining

TheDarkCavalier · June 21, 2002, 14:21

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The barbarians came back … charging with swords and spears and firing arrows as they came. Fortunately, they fired the arrows in the opposite direction, but they were running towards Rome, with a gigantic barbarian force on their heels. They outnumbered Romans and friendly barbarians about three to one.

“Shut the gates!” screamed Caesar, drawing his sword. The gates were being shut, condemning to death anyone who would not reach them in time - that is all the friendly barbarians.

“Do NOT shut the gates!” screamed Titus. “It is an order!”

“Are you out of your mind? We do not care if the uncivilised and illiterate will be killed, we need to protect Rome! SHUT THE GATES NOW!” Caesar was once again becoming enraged.

“You pathetic fool, you do not realise what you’re doing.” said Titus and punched Caesar in the face.

“DO NOT SHUT THE GATES! Or I will kill you … all of you!”

The “uncivilised and illiterate” reached the city safely, but the gates were not shut completely, and some of the invaders got through. The invaders were completely different from what the Romans even saw. Their skin was black and covered with tattoos; they wore a feather or skin headdress and they had spears of bronze and shields of bronze.

Those that reached the city were dispatched quickly, but the huge mass outside were a much bigger threat, even though the spears did not do much damage to the walls, the sheer number of invaders could knock the gates and walls off.

The leader of the barbarians inside the city tried to kill off as many barbarians as he could with his bow, but only he and his personal guard has them. After a few unsuccessful tries, the invaders ran off, not before screaming: “Shaka kill you! Zulu return!”

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Comments are appreciated. I will write some more later if I can.

civman2000 · June 21, 2002, 18:46

lol nice twist

TheDarkCavalier · June 22, 2002, 14:15

Titus was puzzled by those screams; he asked the leader “Who is Shaka? What is Zulu?”

“Shaka – leader, Zulus – tribe. Me – Attila, my tribe – Huns.”

It was the last thing Titus ever heard. He felt incredible pain in his back and turned to see who was it and saw Caesar stabbing him with his sword. He tried to draw his sword, but instead it fell on the floor, he tried to choke Caesar, but received another stab in his stomach. He fell, dying in agony.

Caesar wiped his sword on Titus’ armour. “That is what happens when you touch Caesar! Attila, from now on, you are my new military advisor.” He took Titus’ sword and passed it to Attila. Attila was only grateful to accept such a title.

Then Caesar called for Brutus, but realised that he died when the barbarians pillaged their city. “I lost too many people, but it’s their fault.”, thought Caesar and named a Roman citizen his new domestic advisor.

Caesar told the plans of improving the city to his new domestic advisor, Ionius. “First we rebuild our destroyed temple and granary, we will send the Hunnic villagers to mine stone and rebuild the buildings, then we will send one third of the city to found another city near the iron deposits, and we make the barbarians mine iron, then we make a lot of swordsmen and kill all the barbarians.”

“Y-y-yes, g-great C-C-Caesar” stammered Ionius looking at Titus body lying on the floor.

“Ok, I like that”, said Caesar, and sent out orders.

Rome finally started prospering. Attila showed them how to make bows, and now they had archers manning the walls. The new city was founded, and iron was being sent to Rome, they found gold deposits in the mountains near the new city, Veii. They had discovered horseback riding and now they were themselves raiding barbarian camps, slaughtering all the elder, women and children and taking men as slaves, all on orders of Caesar. They had built a marketplace, a barracks and a courthouse. Caesar’s palace was almost entirely made of gold, he was drinking wine from vineyards near Rome each day, and he had about twenty wives.

The Huns, now being about half of Rome’s population, worked too hard, but neither Attila nor his men couldn’t say anything because they joined Rome on their own free will, and Caesar held all the power in Rome, until one evening…

Caesar didn’t notice the ten Romans approaching him until it was too late. They all had their swords drawn and there was grim resolve in their eyes. Caesar tried to run, but one of the blocked his way and threw him to the pack. The tallest and strongest one of them looked Caesar in the eyes and said: “This is for Titus.” and stabbed Caesar in the heart.

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Comments are appreciated

civman2000 · June 22, 2002, 23:13

big civil war! yay!

Kramerman · June 23, 2002, 00:57

I like the shaka thing-
cool twist!

Keep going

Kman

History Guy · June 23, 2002, 10:34

The story is pretty good so far...just one question for everyone...

What does everyone have against Caesar?

I mean, the poor guy seems unable to appear in a single story without getting murdered!

TheDarkCavalier · June 23, 2002, 10:49

Well, he DID get murdered in real life ... so ....

TheDarkCavalier · June 23, 2002, 14:41

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Pontius, the commander of the guard immediately seized power of the prospering city. He was not a tyrant like Caesar, and everybody liked him. But Attila saw a chance to take the power for himself. Once he heard the news of Caesar’s assassination, he immediately ordered Pontius to be killed, so the blame would be put on one of Caesar’s wives or friends.

One of Attila’s most trusted friends gave a poison to one of Caesar’s wives to put in Pontius’ wine. She was found dead the next day with her throat cut. He tried various other methods, but they all failed, the assassin got drunk, and cut himself with the poisoned dagger, another time one missed Pontius walking in an open area and shot the other assassin preparing to stab the new emperor, a rock fell from a tree and uncovered a huge hole in the ground just when Pontius was about to step on it while hunting. Attila cursed his ill luck.

“Oh well”, he thought, “I always have to do everything myself.”

Caesar’s guard and friends were doing no better, all the failed assassinations were put on them, and they almost all of them got caught and executed or just killed.

Still being the military advisor, he did everything possible to undermine Pontius’ authority. He tried to make a complete mess out of the legions, by putting only experienced soldiers in one, all the rest in the others. He tried to put a rule that it is not necessary to have full armour and weapons before going to apply in the legion. Luckily Pontius, was an experienced warrior himself, a “centurion”, and always corrected Attila.

Attila then made one final attempt. He made Caesar’s legions attack a Zulu city, Umfolozi, the closest to Rome, pretending that is was a growing barbarian camp with a lot of loot inside. The attack was a total success, and on the orders of Attila, all women, elders and children got killed, and men put to work as slaves. When he saw that the slaves were almost the same as the invaders he got scared, remembering the large mass knocking on his city’s gates.

Pontius was furious with Attila, he called him to his throne room and commanded all the guards to leave and close the door.

“What are you trying to do?” he asked Attila.

“Oh, you know, just trying to kill you…” he replied, drawing his sword.

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Comments are appreciated!

History Guy · June 23, 2002, 14:48

Quote:

Well, he DID get murdered in real life ... so ....

So did Lincoln, Gandhi, Xerxes, Shaka, and Montezuma, and there were rumors that Alexander was also murdered. Joan was executed, and Cleopatra committed suicide. That's over half of the leaders who died violently.

Good post.

civman2000 · June 23, 2002, 15:01

What about Moctezuma?

TheDarkCavalier · June 25, 2002, 23:51

Damn .. my comp crashed, had to buy another HD .. expect another part of the story tomorrow.

dnassman · June 26, 2002, 21:50

Excellent and very compelling read.

Grundel · June 27, 2002, 16:05

May I make some suggestions Dark Cavaleir? And, btw, the story shows true imagination and passion from the author. Keep it up

(im trying to compliment you

)

TheDarkCavalier · June 27, 2002, 16:22

Sorry to kepp you ppl waiting, but my HD screwed up again yesterday.

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Immediately ten Romands jumped from the corners of the room and circled Attila.

Attila, seeing no point in fighting now decided to surrender and find another way to kill Pontius. He threw his sword on the floor and said : "You got me, I surrender, I'm your prisoner now."

Pontius sneered. "Oh no, my friend, you did not surrender, you fought bravely, and even injured one of my men... " He slashed one of his guards on the leg with his sword. "... but we just had to kill you, if not you would escape, right?"

"RIGHT!" Pontius' guard replied in unisos.

Attila tried running, but all the doors were shut. Then he took two swords from the wall and charged at Pontius.
Pontius ordered all the guards to stand back and drew his sword. After all he was an expert swordsman himself, but he could never rival Attila.

Attila went berserk and attacked Pontius relentlessly, he got a few hits but they all glanced off Pontius' armor. But then he got off one good hit on Pontius' leg and it was enough. Pontius fell, and Attila pointed his sword to the emperor's throat and roared "Open the doors now, or your pathetic leader will have to practice his swordsmanship in hell."

The doors were opened, and Attila fled saying to Pontius "Everywhere you run, I will find you, I will follow you, and I will kill you in your sleep."

Pontius screamed "Find him and kill him! Do not return until you've brought his head!"

Attila fled to his friends, and they strted organising a massive uprising in Rome and near cities and overthrow Pontius. The plans suffered a total failure. Not even one Hunnic citizen would join them. They all received more food and worked less under Pontius' reign.

"Bastard!" screamed Attila. "So your' saying he tripled his personal guard? He has a thousand men around the city looking for me? and not even one Hunnic citizen will join us?" He looked around the room. So we just have to make the uprising ourselves.

His younger brother, Bleda, said "But we do not have may men, he has about a thousand of his men on each of us, an uprising is a lot off people, no?"

"You have much to learn, brother... just watch us."

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Comments are appreciated!

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I'm most honored to hear that from you. (bows)
Of COURSE you can make suggestions Grundel (bows)

Grundel · June 27, 2002, 16:36

I find that the best stories are those that are focused on a single event or two as opposed to broad scope.

If you write a broad scoped' story, tie it together with specific events.

Also detail makes the difference. Why do the zulu's where feathers? How did Titus become so subordinate to Caesar...or for that matter why is Caesar the leader of rome? Why are the hun's so violent? What kind of weapon does Atilla prefer to kill with? .....

"Atilla unsheathed his gilded blade, with its hilt encrusted with the finest jewels of all the empires that he looted. Slowly his finger drew across the tip of the blade, a single droplet of blood formed. "I will hunt them, and slay them where they sleep" He said...."

Just an example...and focus on the details of that event and how they turn out.

Keep writing.

it is a very satisfying hobby, and your wonderful story here shows remakrable imagination and story telling ability.

TheDarkCavalier · June 28, 2002, 13:38

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Attila and his men fled the city under the cover of the night. As soon as they went through the gates, there was a huge alarm throughtout the city and dozens of archers climbed the walls and started pummeling the fugitives with arrows. It was eerily beautiful - hunderds of arrows gleaming in the moonlight and then going in the earth. Some of Atilla's men stopped and fell, wounded or killed. An arrow pierced his brother's knee. He fell, unable to run again, Attila picked him up, but another arrow hit Attila's shoulder.

His brother fell from his arms and said, spitting blood "Go, brother, it is your destiny to destroy Rome... finish me and avenge me."

Attila screamed "NO! Someone! Help me! Take my brother!" but none would respond, they just ran, and ran forward pursued by the arrows and Pontius' finest leginnaries.

Attila drew his swords eventhough his shoulder was injured and a lot of blood was coming out from it and stood on the field. "I will protect you, brother, as I always did, and we will die together", he said.

"Do not be foolish, Attila, what good will you do to me by dying here and refusing to fight? Finish me, and go!"
Bleda lifted himself. The Romans were drawing closer, and all Atiila's men, about a tenth of those that fled the city.

Attila could not kill his own brother, so he passed him his own dagger, the first weapon he ever made, when he was twelwe. The dagger wasn't made to kill anyone, but as a good talisman to Attila. It mas entirely made of iron, even the handle, and in was inscribed with runes by their tribe shaman. And it is that dagger that will take his brother's life.

Attila kissed Bleda and ran to the forest, and when he turned he saw Bleda lying flat with the dagger in the chest. He muttered "My brother, you will be avenged, I will personally remove Pontius' heart."

The ran, and ran, only a handful of men from the once advanced and mighty Hun tribe. They ran, pursued by a whole legion of Romans, and they escaped, because the Romans refused to follow them into the forest because they did not know how many Huns there were, or if they were leading them into a trap. They did not know that there was about twenty of them, and a half of them were injured.

But Attila already had a plan. The were going straight to Zimbabwe, to get resources and men to avenge Bleda and all the Huns fallen.

Upon entering Zimbabwe, they were amazed, it was no longer a gigantic camp with stone shacks and animals roaming freely, but a city, with a palace, stables, barracks and houses. How did the bloodthisty and savage Zulu suddenly get co civilised?

But suddenly it became clear that they were only civilised on the outside. They were still covered with tattoos, and they still had the ritual of real fighting tournaments each week, where victory was awarded only upon slaying your opponent and removing one of the feathers from his helmet and putting it into his own. Feathers symbolised life to Zulus, the more lives a Zulu warior took, that many he had. And they still razed any camp they encoutered and took no prisoners, all were excuted.

Atilla entered the palace by removing a few guards, and saw Shaka talking to a foreigner, one the Attila never ever saw, he had black hair and was old.

Shaka screamed "GUARDS!" But there was no need.

Attila stumbled and fell on the floor, "I know who destroyed Umoflozi, I know who and where they are. Help me, and I will help you..."

Then he fainted...

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Comments are appreciated (thanks Grundel) Votes too

johncmcleod · June 30, 2002, 22:53

This is really good-especially for your first story! My first story was the worst story ever written on this board, and people made links to it and said, "Don't write like this." I don't mind though, I have learned from most of my mistakes.

TheDarkCavalier · July 1, 2002, 00:17

Thanks

Another part is coming up this morning ... sorry about the delay, didn't have ANY free time until today.

TheDarkCavalier · July 1, 2002, 13:54

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... Attila ran ... He saw Pontius', Caesar's, and Titus' mocking faces ... He saw his brother being cut in pieces and put on the city's walls ... He saw himself killed by Pontius ... He saw himself burning in Hell, and his brother tortured by loathsome beasts... "Forgive me, for I have failed" he said ...

Then he woke up.

He lay on a bed, in a room full of bottles with medicines with white walls and ceiling, his swords and clothes near him. He tried to get up, but that caused him incredible pain in his shoulder, so he decided to lie down for a moments.

"He's awake now, by he's still very weak, you can go talk to him." he heard.

A man in iron armor, with a helm full of feathers and with a gold earring in his nose entered.

"So, you know who destroyed our fine city of Umfolozi. Tell us, and show us the location, and maybe your friends will be spared." the man said.

"SPARED?" screamed Attila. "SPARED? What in the world are you talking about?"

"Your friends slew a few of our best guards, when all we wanted was to help you." The man didn't seem as savage as an ordinary Zulu. "So now, under the orders of Shaka, all of them are thrown in the prison... don't worry, none of them is hurt .... now ....., but should you fail, they all will tortured and executed... one by one."
The man motioned Attila to follow him. "Let's go, Shaka wants to talk to you. Be careful what you say, because he's furius with you."

Attila got up, and got dressed, forgeting about the wound and imagining the horrible dungeon where his men are.

Attila entered the throne room, the man said "This is Attila, former chief of the Hun tribe and military advisor of Rome, now hunted in any Roman city.

"How could he know that?" Attila asked himself.

"So this is the leader of the pathetic little band calling themselves Huns?" Shaka inquired mockingly. "Do not try my patience, tell me now, who destroyed Umfolozi?"

"Romans." Attila said.

"Romans?" Shaka laughed liek a hyena. "You fool. How would the Romans cross the huge desert that lies here."
Shaka pointed to the map.

Attila approached and examined the big map on a wall. "Shaka, your map is incomplete, and incorrect."

"MY map is incorrect? Throw him into the dungeon! Let him and his friends starve to death!"

His advisor said something to him in an unknown language, and Shaka calmed down. "Why would my map incorrect, provided by my friends, the Americans."

" ... Who?" asked Attila, puzzled.

"Just another tribe." The advisor said quickly. "So why is the map wrong?"

"There is no big desert here, and the space between Umfolozi and Rome is not very big. I myself walked from Rome to your city. Rome is near the mountains, to the right, and not in the forests. I say we should be able to reach it in two day's march."

Attila didn't reaslise the tremedous consequences of what he just did.

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Comments are appreciated. Votes too!

Verto · July 2, 2002, 23:37

Good story, lacking detail in some parts, although I have little room to talk. Just add some parts where Shaka turns a family reunion into a bloodbath and you're set.

johncmcleod · July 10, 2002, 16:17

What are your first and second languages?

TheDarkCavalier · July 10, 2002, 20:23

Sorry ppl, I have NO time to complete this story now, I'm participating in a competiton.

johncmcleod: Is my English THAT Bad? Anyways first is Russian second is Latvian (lol, is a country near Russia where I lived) http://encarta.msn.com/find/Concise....2&ti=761577313