The Epic Tale of Navalon

[johncmcleod]

Amazing! Where do you get these ideas? The difference between a great story and an excellent one is an excellent one is like no story written before it. Yours definitely qualifies as excellent. [Quote me on that, it would be a great advertisement for your story] Hail to Kramerman, the author of the greatest story ever on this forum!

P.S. Since you are such a great storywriter, I was wondering if you could critique my story, called Times of War and Diplomacy located at http://apolyton.net/forums/showthrea...threadid=52508 I am lazily working on the next installment, and I need all the suggestions possible.

[Kramerman]

johncmcleod,
To be honost, Im not really that good of a writter, I just hapenned to be lucky and have a great idea. If a professional writter could rewrite the story like Id want it to be written, then that would really be awesome. Unfortunately, I have little experience writing and though my portrayal of my story has been well enough, I believe its the idea of the story thats great. Anyway, it would be my pleasure to read your story and give advice, only I dont know how helpful an amatuer like myself can be.
Kman

[Kramerman]

“Good afternoon Imperator, and welcome aboard my pride and joy,” Admiral Tycerus [Tie s er ous] said with a handshake, and then quickly snapped to a salute.

“Ah, this is indeed an impressive and intimidating ship, please, tell me Admiral about its capabilities and improvements over our old biremes,” replied Imperator Annhyicus.

“Oh, many, many improvements, I’m sure you have already noticed some. But before I get started, where would you like me to go on your first visit to my ship,” inquired the Admiral.

“Helmsman, pull the anchor and head south from the shipyard along the coast. I would like to see Navapolis from the sea. Then once we reach the southern tip, drop anchor and I can row ashore there,” commanded Annhyicus, now 40 years old, but not looking a day over 30.

“Well, let me begin. To start it’s much larger, a good 60 meters long, almost 15 meters longer than our old ships of the line. This means it can carry more soldiers for boarding actions as well as landing assaults, it has much more room for offensive and defensive capability, and all this with only a negligible reduction in maneuvering ability, and these new triremes are actually faster,” began the Admiral.

“How is that?” asked Annhyicus with deep curiosity. It was always his nature to want to know how things worked.

“Well, the rudders are longer and deeper giving it great control, allowing the helmsman to steer this massive ship just as effectively as our nimble Navayosus class biremes. As you can see, the rudders are not handled individually as on typical ships, this wheel in the center is turned by the helmsmen and pulls the rudders to either side. This way we need only a single helmsman. I hope to be able to have a single rudder under the ship controlled in such a fashion, but that will be a project in the future. To continue, its sail is much larger in proportion to its size than the biremes’, allowing it under sail power alone to go slightly faster in equal conditions. In addition to this is the small foresail that I have added, I call it an artemon sail, and it catches the wind that blows under the main sail. We are now adding this to our biremes to further increase their speeds, and all biremes currently in production are being remasted with a larger mast that holds a larger sail. When you add the fact of the third bank of rows into this over the bireme’s two, then speed for the ship as a whole becomes significantly faster than the biremes. Now, onward, I’ve retained the midtower innovation made with the biremes, it provides an excellent platform for archers and since this is a bigger ship, the tower is bigger. Added to this is what I call a forecastle that is similar to the midtower, but is over there at the bow of the ship. It provides a second platform for archers and is also being added to the older biremes and new ones in construction.
Along the sides I’m sure you’ve noticed those eight turreted siege devices. This is perhaps my best innovation yet. There are two catapults and two ballistae on either side of the ship. The catapults aren’t real accurate, so at this point they’re pretty much only good for launching these special chain shot that can tangle and rip down an apposing ship’s rigging and also these special clay shot that are filled with oil then set aflame and launched four at a time. If they hit an enemy ship, the oil bursts open and ignites, being very effective at catching enemy vessels on fire. Along with flaming arrows from archers and flaming bolts from the ballistae, initial testing leads me to believe we can disable up to four or even five warships before they can get close enough to ram or try to board.
To help put out flames on our on ship I have taken the recent “pump” invention by that Syracuse fellow on Sicilia, and built one into the center of the ship. It pumps water directly from beneath the ship into our fire buckets, greatly increasing our survival ability. This, along with the iron ram is also being built into our new biremes. Even with all the new things, tactics is relatively the same. Seamen, both sailors and oarsmen, defend the ship from boarding while the Legionnaires handle offensive boarding via those four boarding planks on either side. All the while we try to maneuver to ram and avoid being rammed, and archers are either picking off targets or are lighting other ships on fire.
Now, can you see the edge this will give us over any aggressors? All at the price of just 2.5 biremes apiece, and we can halt production on the galleys, shifting biremes to cover their costal defense duties. A fleet of these vessels would be unstoppable by anything our adversaries have now. I mean, only the Greeks and Minoans have anything that can compete with our biremes as it is. So, do I have the go ahead to start production?” asked the Admiral.

“I must let you know how thrilled I am of your progress, and under normal circumstances,” began Imperator Annhyicus, “I would most certainly give you the needed money and resources. Unfortunately I cannot spare that at this time.” Annhyicus waved his hand to thwart any interruption by the admiral and continued, “ See, for the past several years I have been planning a push into the northern frontiers, into the lands of the Lats and Sabines. There are many growing threats from that region, most notably a growing powerful Latin tribe. This would normally require only two of our three Legions to handle with certainty; unfortunately however the Etrurians have just began an offensive of their own into what is their southern frontier. According to my sources, they are attempting mainly to recapture the land in the Tiber river area that was lost to them many decades ago to the Latin tribe I mentioned earlier, which were once under their control. The resource rich midlands of the Italian peninsula are necessary to continue the boom of our industrious economy and it is vital that we take these lands and assimilate their population. Unfortunately for the Etrurians, their move south means they are a threat like the warlike Latin tribe they are trying to recapture. I have now begun planning an extended campaign that will require all three of our legions to invade the midlands as well as the Etrurian lands of Tuscana a little further to the north. If we prevail with a healthy army, then I plan to push north again against the tribes in the foothills of the mountains there.
This is where you come in. I plan to move within the month, and with all three Legions to the north, Navalon would be left virtually undefended from an invasion from across the sea. I wouldn’t be so worried if Greece were still at war, but that is no longer the case. I need all 68 galleys and 29 biremes that are on coastal defense to remain there. I want you to recall the two flotillas of six biremes each that I had you send out to destroy the pirates that plague our trade routes and put them also on patrol. I also want you to immediately rearm the flotilla I sent on the mapping expedition of the Mediterranean so they can defend once they return. No invasion force may be allowed past our waters. You must stop any attempt at all costs. As I said, I fear attack from Greece. Sparta has gone on the warpath and now that after 20 years of war they’ve finally united Greece under their control, we may very well be next on their minds. Our sudden appearance and burst of economic prosperity has not gone unnoticed, and I fear that once word reaches of our aggressions to the north, they may see us as a fat juicy target and take advantage of our moment of vulnerability.”

“I understand my orders, Imperator,” replied the Admiral with a sense of duty and honor in his voice and on his face. He knew that ‘defend at all costs’ meant ‘fight to the death’

“Good. Once this is all over with, I predict within the year, I will give you the extra funding you require to expand the Navy. It will be a crucial part in my plan of expansion throughout the Mediterranean,” happily replied the leader.

“What plans might those be,” inquired the Admiral.

Annhyicus replied, “If I knew I’d tell you. But without a reliable map of the Mediterranean I can’t begin to plan with confidence. But soon, when the expedition returns, I shall be.”

“Ah, Imperator, we approach the southern tip, shall I ready the boat as you requ---“

“I see ships approaching from the eastern horizon!” shouted an excited lookout.

The captain of the newly built vessel snapped to his toes, “Can you make out the ships’ origins, rating [low ranking sailor]?”

“No,” shouted the sailor from his lookout position on the cross mast, “but it appears that one ship is being chased by the others.”

“Admiral, how many ships are docked in the harbor just to the west,” quickly asked Annhyicus.

The admiral replied he had stationed 8 galleys and 4 biremes there for the defense of Navapolis, but was uncertain to how many were presently docked. The Captain said with certainty that 4 galleys and 2 biremes were docked there at that hour on that day, being familiar with their rotation due to just recently being transferred from one of those biremes to take command of the Admiral’s new flagship. Annhyicus commanded that they head quickly to the harbor and signal the ships to ready themselves for combat. Then they would all sail out to the approaching ships to investigate. After about a half hour the squadron of warships was off to the approaching vessels, now just a few kilometers off shore…

[Kramerman]

“Five galleys and two biremes are disengaging the Minoan bireme and appear to be coming for us sir, uh, whoever is in charge,” Shouted the lookout, perplexed.

“Excuse me rating!” shouted the Captain

“No, no, don’t you understand his confusion, Captain. Admiral, ff you don’t mind, I’d like to have command of our impromptu flotilla.”

“Have you any experience?” questioned the Admiral, fearing he knew the answer.

“No, but there is no better opportunity for me to gain experience. Captain, order the artillery and archers to fire when in range. Ready the Legionnaires for boarding on the left, uh, I mean portside of the ship,” ordered the inexperienced Annhyicus, “Helmsman, keep the bireme to our port. Captain, why don’t those archers in the forecastle have their braziers lighted yet?”

“Forecastle, light your braziers!” barked the captain, “And wet this deck. I don’t particularly feel like burning to death or drowning by default, today.” Immediately several sailors began pumping water into buckets and heaving it all over the deck and on the sides of the hull.

“Imperator, I suggest that the catapults use the chained lead shot at long range, then when we close to a more accurate range, they should change to oil shot,” suggested the Admiral.

“If it were a loose formation I would agree, but this is a tight formation of ships and they present a big fat target. They’ll probably split up in a few moments, so we should try to knock some out at a distance while we can,” replied Annhyicus, “Signal the two biremes to stay well to our left and to our right, and tell the galleys to split up. I want two to go far left and hook around to flank the enemy formation from that side, and the other two to do the same but from the right side.

“FIRE!” barked Captain as the forward artillery came into range, “Sir, the aft artillery are unable to fire at this angle because the sail is in the way.”

“Thank you captain, but I had figured as much. Wait, what the hell is that, on the bow of those biremes? Those sailors are doing something to that object,” inquired the Imperator about the ship still 200 meters distant.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen such a thing before, have you Captain?” asked the old Admiral.

“No sir! I don’t know what that is, and I don’t like it. The archers have begun their attack, sir,” informed the Captain.

“Concentrate all fire power on those biremes!” ordered Annhyicus with concern, “Helmsman, cancel my previous order. Turn 45 degrees to starboard then keep our ship perpendicular to their formation. We will try to draw there attack, being the obvious flagship, and let the others hit them.” Annhyicus saw several flashes as the oil shot ignited in the distances. Some had actually ignited on the sea, but two had hit two different galleys dead on and burst. Both were quickly engulfed. Annhyicus was amazed at the speed at which the fire devoured those ships. As this thought crossed his mind, a hail of burning arrows struck the ship, striking some crew. The Legionnaires had been ready with their large shields up, but had to quickly put out the flames on the arrows to keep their shields from catching fire. He saw many sailors hop to the pump and fill their buckets, quickly putting out flames before they could spread, even on the wet deck.

The Admiral informed the Imperator, “Sir, our two biremes are engaging the enemy, going to ram or board it appears.”

As he said this, another galley was hit by the clay shot as it was breaking off to fight the incoming galleys from its flank, even though the catapults were aiming for the biremes, and it began to burn quickly. The two remaining galleys moved to intercept those same two galleys as their ill-fated ally. One of the biremes then broke off and then went after the other two coming from the other side, and the last one went towards the two biremes coming at it. Annhyicus thought that was rather brash, a bireme going against two equal if not superior ships coming straight toward it at full speed. He didn’t like it. As the friendly and enemy ships closed, Annhyicus ordered the catapults to stop, but the more accurate ballistae and most accurate archers continued. The lone brash bireme’s outer hull began to catch from the several burning ballistae bolts in its side. Its sailors were working so furiously at putting out the arrows on its deck that they overlooked this growing fire. As the Greek bireme got into about 5 meters of the incoming biremes, Annhyicus learned what that device on its bow was for. Several Greek sailors pushed down hard on a large lever, which Annhyicus later found to be a pumping mechanism, shooting a jet of liquid out of the device several meters and striking the Navalonian bireme coming at it on its starboard side. As Annhyicus saw this, he thought it was a water pump device like the one on his ship, but for some other strange purpose. The jet was then set aflame, sending a massive fireball at the poor doomed Navalonian vessel. To Annhyicus’ horror, he saw many of his own men engulfed in flames, most jumped overboard to put out their fires. The poor Legionnaires that did this certainly drowned, their heavy bronze armor dragging them down to the murky depths of the sea. Annhyicus ordered the helmsman to steer towards this doomed craft and for the crew to pick up as many survivors as possible.

The Greeks then turned the device around on the other bireme, now passing on its side snapping off the oars of the Greek ship and discharging its Legionnaires via large planks of wood. The Greeks were able to catch the tail end on fire, but an army of sailors would inevitably put it out. The enemy sailors also put out the fire started by ballistae bolts on the Greek ship, as they fought the invading Legionnaires. Fortunately for the soldiers, the Greeks often used slaves to man the oars and so they were chained and unable to fight off the Navalonians, even if they wanted to. The Legionnaires were as disciplined and fierce a fighting unit at sea as they were on land, and they would soon have the ship under its control with the help from reinforcements sent from the trireme flagship, to Annhyicus’ satisfaction. He wanted to learn as much about that weapon as possible.

In the distance, Annhyicus saw one of the two galleys head for the Greek bireme approaching it, as the other nimble galley came from its side to try and ram. The bireme saw this maneuver at the last instant and hesitated at firing towards the oncoming galley as it repositioned its “Greek Fire” device toward the ramming one. Fortunately, for whatever reason, it was too late and the Greek vessel was rammed and the Legionnaires of both galleys swarmed the doomed bireme to keep the sailors occupied and not use the fire device, as the commanders of those ships surely saw the destructive nature of it after seeing what had happened to their ally from a distance. As one galley rowed itself out of the hole it busted at the waterline of the Greek ship, the other waited along side and received the retreating soldiers from the quickly sinking ship. Both pulled away until the fire device was safely submerged, and then swept in to gather prisoners floating in the sea.

As all this was happening, the other two Navalonian galleys were locked into combat with two Greek galleys. After an intense orgy of arrows, swords, and vying for ramming position, one Navalonian galley was rammed while trying to distract the 2nd Greek ship so its ally galley could ram it. Fortunately the rammed Navalonian ship was able to grapple the Greek galley before it could pull out and the Navalonian soldiers and crew invaded this new host and captured it for use to sail home. The other Navalonian galley took advantage of its friend’s distraction and broadsided [at this time meaning ramming a ship square in the side] the final remaining Greek ship.

As Annhyicus gathered his small fleet, the Minoan ship now approached, followed closely by three galleys and a bireme. The Greek ships, seeing the victorious Navalonian fleet regrouped and heading its way, began to turn around. Annhyicus ordered they chase them down and destroy them. They could not be allowed to return to Greece and tell of what happened, it would most certainly inflame war. With help from the Minoan vessel, and every available man helping with the oars, the flotilla gained on the retreating Greeks after several kilometers of chase. After launching the last eight-dozen clay shot, the enemy bireme and a galley caught fire. The two remaining ships threw over their anchor and surrendered.
The Minoan ship pulled in closely to the trireme, with evening rapidly passing into dusk, and an elderly man dressed in royal clothing came out and shouted for the leader. Annhyicus, as impressive as usual with his armor, stepped forward and introduced himself loudly so as the Minoan could hear.

“I am Imperator Annhyicus, son of Arius, master craftsman of Navapolis, at your service. May I ask who you are and why that Greek fleet was chasing you?”

“Of course. I am King Minosus IV, King of Minos and all of its wealth. The Greeks have invaded my island nation. I have no idea how long my fleet can holdout, but as soon as they fall, my kingdom will fall, for we have little of what would be called an ‘army’. It has been the practice of my nation for centuries to rely on our powerful fleet for defense. The Greek fleet is nearly as large and they have this weapon, a new weapon of great destructive power, I’m sure you have been acquainted to it, and I fear for my nation,” the old mans voice began to go hoarse as he yelled, “I’ve come to this young Nation called Navalon, that I’ve heard of only through traders and merchants who’ve stopped there, to ask for help. I’m sure we can come to some form of an agreement”

“Yes, yes, will talk about this on shore so we don’t have to yell. I will see you there,” Annhyicus said, waving the humble old man goodbye.

The two ships docked adjacent to each other on either side of the same dock at the harbor. Annhyicus quickly disembarked and awaited the king from the gangplank of his vessel. He saw the king come over the side of his ship, just a few steps down the gangway, and turned. He grabbed a hand and then turned once more down the gangplank, leading behind him the most beautiful girl Annhyicus had ever seen …

[Kramerman]

Im not exactly sure when the next time will come when I have a few spare hours to write, but I vow to continue for much longer still. I might write a few times a week all summer until school starts, and then probably only write on weekends or something like that, if the story is still recieving its non-negative remarks and doesn't lose its interest. This will probably end up being the forums longest story ever, maybe at a lenght of a good sized novella if it is ever completed .

I am to go to my dad's this Saturday. He lives in Florida and I was just asking him about his computer. They have an old 56k modem but are between services right now. He said he didn't know for how long, but would try and get broadband cable up and running as soon as possible. This is just a heads up 'cause after this week I don't know how long it'll be before my father can get me connected to the net. I'm going to be there until the end of July, chilin in the pool and at the beach and doin all that Florida stuff. But hopefully it'll be ready shortly after I arrive.

Kman

P.S. As always I would like ti know what yall think about the latest installments. Let me know what I was or am now doing wright or wrong! Thanks alot!

[roadcage]

The Story line is awesome, but the character development is weak. Allow the characters to do things which flesh out the story line but are top level unnecessary in ways that give insight to their character. for example from a (non civ) story I did recently
-------------------------------
The letter opener twirled slowly in one hand while Sir Dave wondered what today's mail would bring. Most probably, the usual mixture of requests would be there. A pig here, a poke there, an audience or two from every where would fill his day. Grasping the top letter gracefully twixt thumb and forefinger, the opener advanced towards its prey. Like a skewer, the blade zoomed towards the fold of the envelope flap, piercing at the weakest point. Sir Dave smiled, as he reflected on the hours, no years of practice he had spent mastering the swords, to fight the good fight in defense of the cloister of Athlon. Know your enemy even if but a sheaf of parchment! The opener tore cleanly down the edge of the envelope for in this household if an instrument could take an edge, then it was well kept.

He placed the opener down by the stack of remaining letters and a puff of wind from his thin lips parted the envelope. Gently the contents were drawn out to face the bright morning light. The letter was badly stained and bore the aroma of a stable. Though of humble origin, the handwriting had a determined flair, and was in a crisp style. Sir Dave read the words again and again. Yes it was a request sure enough. But not of a pig nor of a poke nor even an audience. It was not surprising to Sir Dave that the author was known to him, for as lord and master of the keep he knew all of his loyal servants by name as well as deed. But surprised he was for he was unaware that this loyal servant could even write.

Sir Dave set the other letters aside, as this one would require much thought. For what purpose his most trusted stableman would want to undertake such a path he knew not. But the wording was concise, the determination was clear, and the request could not be pocketed. Yes, this letter would be the principle point of discussion at the next roundtable council.
-------------------------------

Now it turns out that the contents of the letter are EXTREMELY important to the story line, but the act of opening it is not. So I use the opening act to flesh out the character of Sir Dave.

I hope this gives you some ideas!

roadcage

[Kramerman]

Thanks for the ideas roadcage, I'll see what I can do. If I can incorporate this style into my writing I think it would make my story more entertaining 2 fold at least. And if you thought the character developement of the Admiral and captain in the last couple parts was weak, I intentionally did that because I doubt that they'll be seen again, they were only minor characters; though alittle more development of them probably wouldn't have hurt. The only problems I see myself having though is doing this tecnique right, and also this process would be pretty time consuming. I already spend upwards of 2 - 2.5 hours on
my more recent installments and I just barely portrayed the skeleton of those parts of the story. I'll see what I can do, though, and I totally appreciate the advice 'cuase Im always trying to improve my writing skills; and this story being my personal master piece idea, should be written to the best of my capabilities. Again, thanks a million times and whatever more suggestions or ideas you have, please feel free to let me know.

Kman

[Kramerman]

Ah, I just noticed you were a fellow Texan. First I've met on the forums, I must say. About half of who I have met have been foreigners (mostly European), and everyone else from other states or not reveiling their origins. I'm in San Antonio myself; a mere 3.5 hour drive away. Not very important or uncanny, really, just thought it was interesting.

Kman

[Metaliturtle]

I was born Texan, but my parents hauled my butt up here to wisconsin where it's cold most of the year, and when it's not, it's friggin July. Anyway, this story kinda snuck up on me, but I liked it, so I'm extending the offer I've extended to many others, go to the storywriter's union thread, and request membership, you will be accepted.

[Kramerman]

Do wolverines really exist? I heard they have 'em up north like in Michigan and stuff, but I've never even seen one before. I have now idea what they look like, fictional or not.

Anyway, this story kinda snuck up on me, but I liked it, so I'm extending the offer I've extended to many others, go to the storywriter's union thread, and request membership, you will be accepted.

What exactly is the writer's guild? It sounds interesting, and I appreciate the offer. I guess I'll find out what it is when I view the thread.

Kman

P.S. Glad you liked the story. What exactly do you mean by it snuck up on you? What could I do to change that? btw I was actually born in North Carolina, but I moved to Texas when I was 3 and lived here for the last 14 years of my life. I really dont affiliate myself with any state though, I just noticed that roadcage lived relatively closeby compared to the Dutch and Swiss I've been conversing with recently.

[johncmcleod]

Yeah, wolverines exist. I've seen them-not in the wild though. I think they live kind of near where I live (northern Idaho). Grundel should critique this story-he's like a legend on these boards. He could probably help you a lot.

[The Bloody Baro]

Man this is the best story yet! To put into terms how much I like this story note the following:

Tom Clancy is to modern war stories
as
you are to this story.
Continue or face my gigantic space hamster in a farting contest!

[The Bloody Baro]

BUMP

[Metaliturtle]

I was looking at other stories at the time, I sometimes don't get to read all of the good material here, especially when I'm on a roll, but this story is really good. Wolverines live in northern Canada and possibly russia

[Kramerman]

Hello

I have reached my fathers domicile safely and soundly (though I was pulled out of line in the airport at the gate and was searched. I guess they are now looking for terrorists who are tall and lanky, in their late teens with lt. brown hair, light eyes and pale skin. Though I admit, my side burns have gotten to look pretty evil since I've let them grow out) but my dad, like I metioned was between internet service. He did not get broadband like I had hoped, but he now has internet again. I have plenty of time out here and should be continuing the epic shortly, I apologize for the delay in posting new installments.

Kman

P.S. Thank you for the info on wolverines, Metaliturtle, I'm sure it may come in handy someday .

[Metaliturtle]

I know Wolverines like I know Roman Orgies

[Kramerman]

Perhaps you could fill me in on Roman Orgies as well. Im sure that that information would be most useful.

Kman

[Metaliturtle]

Well, It's more fun to have than hold... WAIT, I've said too much, don't tell anyone or I'll have to kill y'all

[civman2000]

write more!

[TheGuitarist]

This story rocks.

I'm really impressed by your knowledge of Greek and Roman culture. The details really add a lot to the story.

Keep it up, can't wait for the next part!

[Kramerman]

The King led the young lady down the gangplank and Annhyicus held her other hand to help her off on to the dock. Annhyicus then removed his helmet, tucked it under his arm, bowed and kissed the young lady’s hand, then introduced himself.

“Are you this polite to all your guests, young man,” the stout, rotund king asked Annhyicus in broken Greek (which they found was a mutual language) and with a clever smirk on his face.

“Actually, I’ve never had guests before. You are my first,” he replied with a smirk of his own, “You mentioned you needed help. What may I and my humble nation do for you?”

“As I said before, the unified Greek state has suddenly and without warning invaded my island nation, already seizing many of our possessions in the Ionian Sea. I do believe we are capable of fending off our attackers from the “mainland” island of Crete, though it is quite uncertain without help. My first reason for coming to Navalon was that you were the closest nation that may be able to lend aid to contain the Greek aggression. Secondly, I needed to find a safe haven for my only child and beloved daughter, Allya, while I fight off the invaders. The last thing I would ever want is her to fall into the hands of that wretched Greek king if I fail. So, I ask you, could you help me fight the Greeks and would you grant asylum to my daughter,” asked the king, now speaking with desperate tones.

“This could not have come at a worst time,” replied Annhyicus with a sigh, “I am about to deal with external threats to the north, and I definitely do not have the resources to fight a war with the Greeks … yet. I have an idea though. My Navy was to protect my shores from Greek invasion while my plans are under execution, but since the Greeks are preoccupied with you for the moment, I could lend a good deal of my Naval resources to your aid. I could send a fleet of our ships, under your flag, of course, as not to draw the Greek might onto our own shores, to aid you in the war. Also, our shipyards are fully operational and we have recently developed a very efficient system of ship construction. With some funds and resources they could begin to pump out our superior biremes and our new, very powerful triremes. And with that one Greek weapon we captured, it wont be long before we learn to duplicate it. As for your daughter,” Annhyicus shot a glance and a smile in her direction, “it would be my absolute pleasure to personally oversee her protection; consider her in the safest haven possible, here in Navapolis”

“Oh my, thank you young Imperator Annhyicus. Whatever ships you can spare would be a blessing. I shall send money and material immediately for as many of those big ships of yours that you can build as possible. It is the first time I have seen myself with a shortage of warships and an excess of merchant vessels. Fortunately, I have plenty of eager young sailors, back home, I merely need ships for them to sail. Money is not an option. I think this is the beginning of a truly strong alliance,” said King Minos very happily.

“Indeed,” replied Annhyicus with a charismatic smile, “I will have a dozen warships ready by tomorrow morning, fully outfitted with Minoan flags and sails, and ready to go. I will send Admiral Biarus himself, this gentleman standing beside me and the finest naval commander in the Mediterranean might I add, to command the fleet. As for our shipyards, I will send word to expand them and begin night-and-day work on our newest and finest class of ships, like this one you see behind me. In the mean time, follow me to my Keep where I can provide you with rooms, they’re not much, surely not what your used to, but it is all I have at the moment.”

“That is most kind of you. I wish I could stay in your humble hospitality longer, but I must leave first thing in the morning,” replied the king, “You have shown much trust and benevolence to a wounded stranger, my friend, and as a token of my appreciation for all your help, I give you my newest acquisition to my territory, the island of Malta. It is a large island not to far south of here with wonderful vineyards and sweet orchards.”

“Thank you sir! But all do respect, the Greeks have not been subdued yet, are you sure you want to give such a possession away?” inquired Annhyicus.

“Absolutely!” the old king let out a royal laugh and a hard pat on the back of Annhyicus’ armor, “What are friends for after all?” he rhetorically asked with a smile on his face.

“Well, come now, I will show you to my meager keep and to your quarters. Dinner should be waiting, I’m sure you all must be hungry. Over our meal, and if you wish to hear it, I would love to explain the origins of my small, but quickly growing nation,” said Annhyicus, as he led them off the dock and toward the keep followed by the king’s small armed entourage.

King Minos seemed happy with these plans and relayed them to his daughter in their native tongue. Allya smiled and could not keep her eyes off the charming, modest young man who was going to help save her homeland until he finally bid her and her father goodnight at their rooms. Early the next morning Annhyicus saw off his new friend and the fleet he had lent to him, wishing them well. Poor Annhyicus would suffer harsh anxiety attacks for many months thereafter, often going many consecutive nights without sleep, fearing the outcome of the near future for his young empire…

[Kramerman]

Originally posted by TheGuitarist
This story rocks.

I'm really impressed by your knowledge of Greek and Roman culture. The details really add a lot to the story.

Keep it up, can't wait for the next part!

Ah yes, Greek and Roman history and culture are a major interest of mine, and I have tried to stay real to actual history at this point of the story, because history hasn't changed much at this point in the story. Perhaps you noticed my references to Sparta going on a rampage through Greece? This really did happen, though in reality Sparta failed after their 20 year siege of Athens and her sister city (I dont reacall the name) and in my story, some fluctuation in history has allowed them to succede. I have however made the time period of the story so far to be intentionaly vague, mostly so I could make lots of little referenceses to things that happened in different time periods. For example, I made a reference recently to Archemedes who was, in actuality, killed during the rapid expansion of Rome somewhere like 200ish BC (not sure exactly). I then made some pretty obvious references to Rome as still a fledgling but quickly growing group of latins who had only a century before overthrown their Etruscan (I refer to them as Etrurians in the story) conquerors, which would of been a good description of them c 500ish BC. Also, the minoan empire in reality, i believe, was destroyed fairly early on by siesmic activity, like 1200 BC or something like that. So unfortunately, to make the story work I had to take history slightly out of continuity, but I just rationalize it as history was changed somehow through that God's medaling in the affairs of early humanity and civilization.

I've also gone into quite some historically accurate detail, and will continue to do so, on many things such as the ships I described. When I get into the construction of fortifications and siege engines used later on, like massive trebuchets and ballitae, I look forward to describing them and how they are built quite accurately in the story to how ancients (and medievals) actually built and used them. The Navalonians, as you will see, prove to be quite industrious and their society (not to unlike modern America's) will prove to allow them to progress quite rapidly, technologically speaking. I have purposely though left Annhyicus' armor quite vaguely described so as to let the reader conjure one's own image of what he/she thinks it should look like. If you would care for more detail on that part let me know, and I'd be happy to describe the armor/sheild/sword/ and helmet fully on how I see it. I'm not sure how this may have an effect on the story.

Thank you for the comments, and please continue. I plan to have the next installment completed in the next few days.

Kman

[The Bloody Baro]

DUDE! This story should be a movie! It'd probably be better than Lord of the Rings and Gladiator!

[johncmcleod]

Kman-Seriously, when you are done with this story you should write a script for it or however the do it with movies and go to a movie company like mgm and send it to them and see what they think. This is phenomenal! Get a couple good actors to play the parts and this would be at least golden globe caliber. Please write more! Oh, and though Grundel is probably the best civ3 aithor (he has written countless classics on this forum), this is the best story on this forum yet. The story contest was almost as bad as Denzel getting best actor for training day (he was very good in that movie, as eyes of the innocent was a great story, but Russell Crowe was much better). I would've voted for you but since TOWD (my story) barely got edged out of the preliminaries back in like round 9 I've been a sore loser and have read many stories but haven't even looked at the contest.

[TheGuitarist]

Kman -

I can definitely tell you're interested in Roman and Greek history. I am too (mostly Roman since I'm taking Latin at school), and I tried to incorporate a bit of what I know into my story "Es Frater Meus, et Es Inimicus Meus." It's certainly very interesting, and it adds a thick layer of realism if the information is accurate.

I agree that your story would make an excellent movie, especially if you got somebody in the movie business to help with the script. It would be really cool to experience it on the big screen - I know I would go see it.

Keep the story going!

[jongon]

great story keep, best ever

[Kramerman]

Thanks guys, I'm definately continuing - I have the feedback I need to be confident in that desicion, thats for sure .

To tell you guys the truth, I actually originally visualized the story as like a long 6 part movie epic, and I try and visualize the story as I read it in my mind with movie like visual effects in my mind - with like gladiator/brave heart style battle scenes recently in the story and to come soon, and much later the StarWars-like space battles and stuff that will come. In my mind, and I'm going to try my hardest to convey these images as best I can when I get to these parts (right now Navalon is just a fledgling empire like 100s the earth has seen), I see Navalonian armies and fleets gathering and massing to phenomenal military march music blasting in the background, like Imperial March in Star Wars or something like that. And of course like lovey-dovey music in love scenes to come and scary music in suspenes parts. In other words, I have kinda planned the story in my head as a movie and have thought of it as a movie from the beginning and I'm trying hard to correlate the movie that is in my mind into the text on my word prcessor, that is why I have asked and hopped many times if you all have been able to visualize like I have. My only fear is that my ammetuer writting skills are ruining the story, that is why I would very much love to have a professional screen writter maybe someday take a crack at my story.
From the beginning I actually have had a reoccuring and somewhat childish day dream of this story actually becoming a movie when I'm old and retired and will have time to work toward this, which would satisfy one of my 3 big dreams that I will labor hard at accomplishing in my life. I'm just immensly satisfied that the skeleton of the stroy that I'm writting here (and Ive been wanting for a long time to write this story out, just now geeting time this summer to do so) is getting the kind of feedback it is.

I greatly appreciate it and I will have the next installment up soon,

Kman

[civman2000]

From the beginning I actually have had a reoccuring and somewhat childish day dream of this story actually becoming a movie when I'm old and retired and will have time to work toward this

Hey me too, for various things. My old story "The Rpeublic of Athens" is a good example,though I imagined it as more of becoming a play then a movie.

[Kramerman]

Ok, I've been working furiously all night, but have been unable to concentrate, which is a major flaw of mine. So instead of having a completed installment ready to go, I have instaed started multiple installments and have a little bit of each one done. I am going to continue to write late into the night, mostly because Im in the middle of some good stuff, and should have something ready by late tomarrow night or early,early morning (1 AM eastern time or so).

Hey me too, for various things. My old story "The Rpeublic of Athens" is a good example,though I imagined it as more of becoming a play then a movie.

Thats interseting. I thought about this story being a play once real briefly, but quickly decided motion picture format would be much more capable of delivering the visual and audio effects that I imagine...besides, the live action version of the entire epic I'd estimate to last between 10 and 12 hours in length - thus a 6 part movie series may be capable of portraying my story. I think a 10-12 hour play would be kinda tedious .

Kman

[civman2000]

Yeah, my story all took place in one room...like most plays.