Short Story of Rebellion

Metaliturtle · June 24, 2002, 04:51

This is going to be different from anything else I've written....

Subjugated-
Catherine entered Bismarck's chambers.

"I am prepared to recieve your tribute Bismarck, I hope it makes that pittance last month pale in comparison."

"Yes.... Just a moment." Bismarck sighed, he hated everything that Catherine made him do just to exist, hopefully she wouldn't count the money this time....

"BISMARCK!!!"

"yes?"

"YOU CALL THIS A TRIBUTE!!!?"

"Yes Your Highness"

"I GET MORE MONEY FROM THE AZTECS!!!!"

"so"

"SO, I have no other choice, I must destroy your culture, your four cities stand no match against the thirty seven in which I produce my armies"

"no, I promise the tribute will be more next month, I'll *gulp* raise taxes if need be"

"Fine! You are safe for now, but I'm taking your furs as well"

"As you wish Catherine"

Rebellious-
Bismarck had no intention of taxing his people, instead he played the whole scene to them via tape recorder, he followed with this statement:

"Germans!! When the English threatened our land, the Russians were our allies, however now I regret signing the pact. Catherine the wide has extorted her last coin out of the German people, it is time we told Catherine that Enough is Enough!!"

The croud let out an uproarious cheer.

"Unfortunately, I cannot fight this battle alone, We need a larger army to defend ourselves from that Behemoth from the East, Catherine 'Thunder Thighs' The UGLY!!! Everyone who does not wish to pay more taxes, go to the recruitment tables, and sign up!!"

Men and Women started walking over slowly

"Now that I think about it, if we win this war, there won't be taxes on Germans, only Russians"

Now there was a mad rush, after all, who EVER wants to pay taxes?

Determined-
The men were lined up shoulder to shoulder, this was an unprecedented thing, never before had the leader of a nation come this close to enemy fire. Bismarck came out with this concise, but motivational speech.

"Men, today you do not fight for me, oh no. Today you fight for yourselves. You fight for your family, and your friends. You fight for your beliefs, for your religion. You fight in the hopes that years from now, people will look back on your culture, not as that of the biggest losers in history, but as the greatest victors ever to grace a battlefield. Victory today will mean everlasting immortality through the writings, and tales of all mankind!"

Victorious-
Months later, Bismarck stood triumphantly at the head of his troops, he began:

"This day we have done something never before thinkable, we have destroyed the Russian Empire, swiftly, efficiently, and effectively. Be proud, men, for your memories will live on throughout history, as the greatest men ever to grace this earth, and for that I am proud of you all."

He paused.

"You may not know this, but that first battle won the war for us. It was our lucky break that we captured the ammunition depot in Kiev, believe it or not, the forces that tried to reclaim the city were actually Catherines reinforcements, you did the impossible on that day, and for that alone, you will live on in the minds of our ancestry. Now, I ask that the great German army join with me in a celabration." He raised a glass. "TO INDEPENDENCE"

johncmcleod · June 30, 2002, 22:24

That was good-except you just explained pretty much the whole story in that last paragraph. The first part of the story could be up to the -determined- part. After that, there could be some writing in before where the determined part starts. Then a whole lot of writing, and then the victorious part could be the last paragraph. You could rewrite the story just like that, it has the potential to be really good, even if we already know the ending.

Verto · June 30, 2002, 22:46

You gave exactly what you promised: a short story. Of course, all else aside, the story is good simply because it is about the Germans.

dnassman · July 1, 2002, 00:36

This has a lot of potential to be a good war story. Still good though.

Metaliturtle · July 1, 2002, 01:21

People always say they like my stories, go Nominate it and vote for it in the prelims and finals

Kramerman · July 1, 2002, 03:07

somebody sounds greedy to win a contest. Tsk ... Tsk ... Tsk. There should be more to writing stories.

Just joking. Hadn't chuckled to my self in quite awhile. I still need a good laugh, unfortunately. Haven't seen the simpsons in weeks

.

Kman

cbraund · July 1, 2002, 20:17

Sorry Metaliturtle, I always vote for yours in the prelims, just never in the finals unless they're ones you've spent a lot of time on(such as Forging an Empire). It's only because I prefer longer stories, shows more effort(IMHO), although some of your short stories have been great.

This one is too short. It had a great beginning, and even the Determined bit was good.

But what about the war?! That's what we all love lol!

I want to know how that first battle went at least!

The speeches were great, just wish there was more action...

Chris

jdd2007 · July 1, 2002, 21:04

good!

am i the only one who likes shorter stories?

*looks around, then slowly walks out of the room*

Kramerman · July 2, 2002, 01:21

yes

Yoda II · July 5, 2002, 08:18

A bit too short for my liking but if there was more war then it would be quite a good story.

steven8r · July 5, 2002, 19:02

So the four German cities pumped out enough conscript units to take down the (at least) 37 Russian cities??? Not to mention that the Russians already had an implied 'strong military' presence.

I mean sure, Russia almost always declares war on me--right before they are erradicated from the current map, but I usually have to bring in allies or something. Or at least have to take out their 400 bazillion spearmen and archers w/ my knights or something, but how did Bizmark pull this off? That's the burning question left from your story.

Metaliturtle · July 6, 2002, 19:58

well, this is plausible if the russians had control of large numbers of former german cities, their rebellions combined with a war would result in massive flipping thereby giving the Germans an upper hand.

johncmcleod · July 9, 2002, 13:34

Oh, I'm such a trendsetter. Nobody wrote anything and then I did, so then everybody then wrote something.

Metaliturtle · July 9, 2002, 14:11

lol john

johncmcleod · July 10, 2002, 15:52

hey, it's true! Your story hadn't got a single reply until I wrote one. It could've gone into the depths of nothingness on the forum. Good story though.