Open Letter to the Apolytonian Daily Times

[jdjdjd]

Dear Mr. Hazard:

I have not heard from you recently, I hope all is well with you and your Daily Newspaper.

Please be advised that I have recently landed on the plains I referred to in my previous correspondence between the Dark Mountains to the West and the Great Jungle. The bamboo floating device worked very well, though it was much work, I was using one bamboo poll to push off the sea's floor (I had to stay close enough to shore so the water was not too deep for my pole), and at times with the current of the water working against me, it took all my might to move ahead merely a few meters. After several days of this, I tried laying on the raft, with my feet dangling in the water, and just kicked. This helped somewhat, if only it gave me the chance to rest my arms. Given the strong breeze blowing over the water and the way it catches my clothing (nearly blowing me off the float), I believe next time I will rig something to take advantage of this.

In any event, my travelling companions and myself landed safely in the plains. My companions were very happy to be on solid ground again and immediately took to stretching their legs and romping about. After several minutes, Dog took into such a frenzy and was chasing a smaller animal, cornering it against a grove of bushes. I approached and found that he had met Mr. Godking's kittycat, which he had corresponded to me he would send out should he take to the jungle. I suspect I will run into Mr. Godking at some point, though I do have a substantial headstart.

We camped for the night around the area we landed. From a description of the area I received from the Warrior Messenger I met with I was able to discern that France, and its village of Paris must lay further North and West, nearer to the mountains. My intention was to head there, however, I did not expect to see a river near where I landed. We started to head to the East instead, towards this river.

In a very short time, we did reach the river. It was excellent to have some fresh water to bath in and drink, after having been at sea for some time. We rested here for the night, and I was thinking what a wonderful place this would be for a village. The plains near this river would allow for excellent farming. I stayed up much of the night dreaming of such a place, before I drifted off.

I was in such a wonderful slumber, when I was awoken abruptly as Dog sounded his alarm, even the monkeys were in quite a frenzy. (Mr. Godking's cat, as is usual for him I am finding, did not seem to care a bit and rolled over back to sleep). What was causing their agitated state...some other people. I immediately when to take cover near some brush and rocks at the river's edge, but it was too late, Dog's voice had clearly alerted them to my presence.

I approached holding my right arm up in the usual sign of peace amongst our people, and these strangers approached me with caution. They were to young men, about my age, and clearly workers of the land. They did not speak our language, my assumption was that they were French, which later I was to confirm. I was able to discern from their gestures that they meant me no harm, which caused me to smile and they returned their own. I told them that I was from Apolytonia, they did not understand any of what I said, except for "Apolytonia", which caused them to make very friendly and polite gestures, apparently they knew of our civilization. They spoke at length in their native tongue, and from what I could gather from their words and hand gestures was that they lived to the East of the Plains River, in a settlement they called Orleans. They invited me back, and me and my travelling party took leave with them. I felt safe, and with Dog keeping a close and suspicious eye on them, I knew he had me covered.

We reached their encampment before the sun set for the day. There was not much to speak of in their town, some huts and a small amount of people. But they seemed to be an industrial lot, as they had started to farm and use the land around the settlement, which was included very fertile grasslands, and I supposed would be even more fruitful for them than the plains on which I landed. They showed me around to others in their city, and almost all were very friendly. Two gentelmen who carried weapons seemed to be suspicious of me, they had no idea how correct they were for being suspicious of anyone from Apolyton, though I do not think they had any idea of our government's plans, i.e. Case Pink.

I was introduced to beautiful young lady, who was a wondrous site to behold. More beautiful then I imagined. She had long light colored hair, much lighter than the hair of Egyptian women, and eyes that were not dark, they appeared to be a bluish-green color, most amazing and mesmerizing she was. To my astonishment she took a liking to me, and she took me from my initial French hosts and showed me around the rest of their pleasant encampment. We had become close over the next few days, and I was glad to have such a beautiful companion, in fact glad to have any human companion. I asked her of Paris, and she talked fondly of it, and offered to lead me there. We depart at sunrise two days hence, I will update you on my venture once I reach that village.

Before I close, I will tell you they had the most excellent wine. Just having it, I could tell lifted the the spirit of these French men and women. It was very tasty, much better than any spirits we have back in Apolyton. I send you a canteen full for your enjoyment, along with this letter.

I hope to hear from you soon and again I hope all is well. If you could reach Mr. Godking, please pass on that I head for Paris, the seat of government for the French, and hope to see him there, safe and sound.

Your earnest friend.

I remain,

jdjdjd

[Kuciwalker]

I love it!

[History Guy]

An excellent and truthful letter, no doubt, and a great narrative of our government's expeditions. It is indeed to be left as a testament for our future generations of the bravery and struggle that we endured at the dawn of time.

An interesting thing it was, Mr. Jdjdjd. You report, sir, of fine wines in France. It is true, I have indeed tasted some of this French wine from the Orleans district, and haven't touched Apolytonian wine since. In fact, I believe that Apolytonian wine is, in comparision, as a vinegar, and not at all good for the body or the spirit. I hope that in some years time we may build a road to the land of the Frenchmen so as to set up what is known as a trade route. Perhaps then we may all one day take part in tasting this fine French wine that so few of us had ever felt in our mouths.

[Kuciwalker]

Perhaps we should send Archers to steal this wine, instead of giving gold to the French.

[History Guy]

Maybe so, maybe so, though I personally would not support attacking France if we go for America anyway. Apolytonian wine really is awful, but what would you expect? I mean, they make it out of bananas...

[Kuciwalker]

No, our problem is that we grow the bananas incorrectly. The French bury their bananas in the ground, and get special bananas perfect for wine.

[Robber Baron]

Fine wine?
Bah!
I care not for it. Give me good honest vinegar.
What calls more pressingly for our attention is the drab clothes in which we trudge through our jungle. If only there were some way to wrest those magnificent dyes from those pompous, overweening American types up North ....

[Robber Baron]

(piggybacking here. Thanks jdjdjd)

Dear Mr. Hazard:

Word begins to filter back down to our fair land that the Americans are donning brilliantly colored clothing. Blues of the deepest azure, vermilions as rich as the brightest tailfeathers of our tropical birds, yellows as bright and sunny as (dare I say it) ... the sacred bananas that grace our land!
How do American weavers achieve such sartorial splendor, you ask? I have it on good authority they have discovered rich supplies of dye within the jungle that abuts their southern city -- jungle, I might add, that rightfully and properly belongs to Apolyton.
We might trade with the Americans -- send merchants north to see what they wish in exchange.
But as we all know, the Yankee traders are an avaricious, greedy, grasping lot. And I repeat, the dye that they are planning to use belongs by rights to the great Jungle, and thus to us.
The citizens, mr. editor, deserve justice. While the Americans parade about like peacocks, we toil in our wretched brown and beige shifts.
I implore your readers to contemplate the flags our people are even now designing. Shall we unfurl a dingy, drab, colorless banner before the world? I say thee nay! Let us cloak ourselves in such glorious, resplendent hues as to show the world our civilization is one to respect and fear!
I remain, humbly (on behalf the UFC),
Robber Baron