The Jungle Gazette
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Your Light in the Jungle - August 3, 750 BC
The gOds make their presence known
Booming voice demands attention
In what was otherwise a quiet afternoon, a voice rang out over the skies of Apolyton. Many were frightened and fled in terror, but some went to the temple to inquire of the voice. A
full report has been printed and is being circulated for the public. Among other things the gOds had this to say "After liZtening to their prayerZ We have created thiZ beautifull world for our people. And what to we get in return? Not a Zingle newzupdate on what they do with their world!"
Apocolypse, our new Minister of Science claimed "This is an amazing discovery, that there are higher beings on this world. We call it Polytheism, and encourage the construction of new temples to please these gOds, of which we know of at least two."
- UnOrthOdOx
Free issue!!!
Jungle Gazette celebrates!
The Jungle Gazette is celebrating it's 1000 year anniversery! In recognition to our subscribers that have made this possible, this edition will be distributed FREE OF CHARGE. Join with us in the festivities. The first 1000 papers will also include a raffle ticket that is your chance to win a years supply of banana's as donated by skywalker from his
new Del Monte plantation.
- UnOrthOdOx
Global politcs for dummies
GePap creates quick reference to Civ's
Excerpts from the guide:
"Analysis: The Greeks are number one. They have strong culture, but their offensive military is not very powerful. They still have not made horsemen, probably rely on archers for attack.
(England)
Analysis: Close to greeks in size, less culture and a weaker military, but have access or will have soon to more resources and luxuries.
(Persia)
Analysis: Still in REX mode. Have made a fair military, but few temples. Still no immortals.
(Rome)
Analysis: Rome is still in REX also. Good asortement of resources available to it. NO legions yet.
(France)
Analysis: Still in REX mode, has built little else, no arhcers yet.
(Germany)
Analysis: Flood plains give Germans a large pop. Fair sized military with archers. Few temples or culture.
(Aztecs)
Analysis: Lots of temples built, at expense of military
(Russians)
Analysis: First to make horsemen, still in REX and little culture.
(Iriquois)
Analysis: definitelly still in REX, very weak on all counts.
(Babylonians)
Analysis: Went for culture before REX, now very small, no resources. First candidate for elimination.
(America)
Analysis: Weakest civ now, small and vulnerable, but with prime teriroty to expand into north of Chicago. "
For a full copy, look
here.
- UnOrthOdOx
Disaster in Del Monte
Construction accident claims lives
The citizens of Del Monte, spurred on by recent events surrounding the temple in Apolyton, have been rushing to finish their own temple to please these gOds. Perhaps it was this rush that lead to a large stone falling from the nearly competed temple, claiming at least one life in the process. In a bizaar twist, the remaining population worked ever more diligent to finish the temple so that the dead could be buried with proper ceremony. Some have blamed the accident on poor planning, while others claim it was do to the Ameican populous simply being too lazy to work properly. A full investigation is underway, looking into the exact cause.
- UnOrthOdOx
Court to hear first case
To determine on ammendment
The Apolytonian Court has filed their first case:
Issue:
On the validity and acceptance of the amendment 'Integration of Minister of the Economy' poll:
http://apolyton.net/forums/showthrea...threadid=56344
They are currently deliberating on how best to procede next. All eyes will be on the court as this issue will set a precedence for how ammendments in the future will be determined.
- UnOrthOdOx
Foreign relations improved
Embassy opened in Greece
"Let this stand as an open door to further relations between our two great nations!" Alexander exclaimed at the opening ceremony in Athens. The hopes are that this embassy will improve relations with Greece and open new trading avenues. "This will allow us to have an official presence within Greek borders. It should prove usefull, allowing for a better exchange of knowledge and commerce." Timeline claimed while acting for the now vacant Foreign Affairs Minister position. In a show of cooperation, Alexander built the building with funding from Apolytonia. The land surrounding this new building has also been purchased in the name of Apolytonia, and will serve as a base for new diplomatic agreements in the future.
- UnOrthOdOx
Polls open once again
FAM position among the votes
The Foriegn Affairs Minister election is nearing it's close. The emergency vote is being held due to sn00py abandoning the position. It is the latest in a string of Ministers leaving inexplicably. Fortunately, it seems we are blessed with no end of worthy candidates.
MrWIA is taking a public servey on
what times suit you best? "Unless we end up changing the turnchats after this poll and others, for the next elections a major part of the candidates' posts will be whether they can turn up to the current time for turnchats or not, and if not, when they can be available for them." MrWIA claims.
The results of our
first contest are in. Fittingly, Uber is the winner. You can pick up you prize at our offices in Termina when next you are in town. The War with America shall forever be known as The Great Leap Forward from this day forth.
- UnOrthOdOx
New proposal of trade
Spiffor at it again
With his usual flair, Spiffor has done his homework again, proposing a
plan to acquire technology. This plan would gain us two technologies known as 'currency' and 'construction' then sell off some tech's to return our cost. "An added benefit is that we beleive that these will lead us to a whole knew age of understanding." claimed Apocolypse.
- UnOrthOdOx
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A note from the editor:
This week, at special request from one of our readers, I have sought out Mr Lincoln to tell his side of the story. I am afraid, however, that the trip has taken it's toll on me, and I will be unable to print the copies as usual. I send this back with strict instructions to print and distribute the paper as is usual. I should be back in Termina shortly, however.
- UnOrthOdOx
Mr Licoln, I am pleased that you could meet with me, and thank you for the accomidations.
I trust that you had little dificulty getting past the guards, 'dOx, and hope your stay is pleasant. We are very interested in this interview to show our side of this...issue.
As you know, I came unarmed, do you realy believe those two are neccessary?
Oh, they are not for me, thy are here for you, 'dOx. You may have noticed the crowd forming outside?
(In truth, I had. Nearly two thousand citizens were now chanting outside. Though drowned out somewhat, it appeared to be something like 'death to the dog'. And I seriously doubted the ability of these two spearmen to save me, or even WANT to.)
Well, I thank you Lincoln for that consideration, you are as generous as your reputation eludes. Now, first of all, what were your initial impressions of Apoltonia?
I rembemer the day we met well. Trip, I believe was the name of your leader so many years ago. At first I was fascinated to learn of your very existance and structure. How could a civilization exist through the ages when it planned to change leaders? It was very perplexing. And then when...parties, I think you call them...formed, I was further convinced that this division wold lead to your downfall. But I was interested in this system, and began to study it anyway, learninga great deal from you.
What exactly did you learn?
Well I watched as the divisions finally condensed to two major factions, the DIA and the UFC. Basically what I took to mean the Peaceful builders and the Warmongers. I was shocked that some inside the UFC were even more adamant about warmongering.
If it can be told, how did you hear of these things?
Oh, your Vice-President, Timeline discussed some politics with me while we had sat down over a deal involving maps. He old me of the nature of the parties and how your government works. It was all quite fascinating. I began to watch with great interest, and soon discovered that your leader was about to change. I even went so far as to send in spies to ensure the DIA gained power to ensure our pleasant relationship. It even appeared to have worked, what with you building an embassy and all.
So, what was your reaction when war was declared?
Honestly, I was convinced that the UFC had staged a bloody coup over your current government, or worse, that my poll tampering had been found out. It was only later, when reports came in that I began to question myself.
What were these reports?
My men started reporting that Timeline himself was on the battlefield. I had to see it for myself. But, sure enough, there he was, Timeline, leader of the DIA, with a look that could chill any mans heart. I knew then that I had no choice but to flee. I had been decieved into believing the DIA was for nothing but peace.
What is your impression now?
Well, I believe that ANY of you will do anything needed to crush your opposition by any means. I believe that there is no true rift in your nation, and that these parties are actualy working together, not seperate. I also believe that you will not surprise anyone with such a ruse again.
Well, I thank you for your time, and hope to meet with you again. I am weary from the road, and think I will retire now
Always a pleasure, and these two will show you to your room.
- UnOrthOdOx
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Dear Mr. UnOrthodox:
I am Shiber, crewman of the AES Santa Banana. I have terrible news. Captain jdjdjd, the great adventurer, has met with an uncertain fate. We think he is dead.
Last night a terrible storm came upon us. We took the sail down, and used the oars to keep her steady. Kring was at the rudder. Our captain was standing keeping pace for us and giving orders. A giant wave, like King Ming the troll smiter, crashed over the boat as if it was a troll, knocking the captain and The Viking over board. Immediately, the animal, Dog jumped in after them.
We could hardly see several meters in front of us, but could hear voices.
Skywalker was about to jump in when Edrix and Dark Lord stopped him, they took the rope from the sail and tied it around
Skywalker's waist. Then Skywalker jumped in after the two men. Skywalker is our best swimmer. He reached The Viking first and Dark Lord reeled both of them back to the boat.
I helped The Viking back in, and Dr. Plaguerat tended to him. Kring stayed at the rudder but could not control it, so Edrix had to help him. The storm kept getting worse. We heard Dog but not captain jdjdjd, so Skywalker went out again with Dark Lord holding the rope. The rest of us had to get to the oars to help hold the boat steady. The storm grew even worse, another wave crashed on us. This one took the bolted table and
one of the bird cages with it. I managed to grab the other bird cage before it went, too.
The table flew off, and struck Skywalker on the head, knocking him out. Dark Lord dragged him back into the boat, Dr. Plaguerat went to take care of Skywalker as well. Dark Lord kept yelling for jdjdjd and looking out to the sea, but no luck. We had to give up searching for our captain until after the storm passed, we were afraid we may lose the boat if we kept trying.
This morning, we have good weather and continue our search, without luck, so far. We will report if we find anything. We pray for his safety but fear the worst. We have not been able to find Dog, or the birds either. We suspect they have met the same fate as our captain.
May the Great Banana protect our lost companions, and help us to be reunited with them.
Your servant,
Shiber
AES Santa Banana
, that would be something for the courts to rule , ....
