The Jungle Gazette
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Your Light in the Jungle - August 21, 430 B.C.
President MisterWhereItsAt
Taken Away by Strange Force!
In an event that is sure to cause ripples across the country, the President was walking in one of the many halls in the palace in Apolyton was he disappeared before the eyes of two aides, Vice-President UnOrthOdOx, and Supreme Military Comander UberKrux. The three leaders were going over last minute preparations for the upcoming war with France when there was a bright flash, and then the President was gone! All efforts to locate him have failed, and no one knows where he is. Soldiers have scoured the city and countryside, yet no trace of him remains. Not to be discouraged, Vice-President UnOrthOdOx quickly stepped into the vital role of Commander-in-Chief and is doing his best to keep things moving smoothly. Priests at the temple have been consulted about the disappearance, and they believe the gOdz wanted to have a word with MWIA for while. Hopefully, with time and enough sacrifices to the Banana, the President will be returned in a similar matter to when he was taken. We must trust to the Banana that he is safe.
To learn more click here.
War Slowly Moving Forward
The last long stretch has appeared in the nation's plans for war. Final steps are being taken even now by the Vice-President as he prepares our troops for their glorious victory over the French. Waves of swordsmen will storm the French Capital from the mountains, and archers will attack from the front, crushing the French Amry in between. Losses are estimed at being moderate for the archer force, and moderate to light for the swordsmen. The French do not appear to have a navy, so Apolytonia need fear nothing from the waves except the occasional barabarian. All is in the hands of the Banana now...
Plans go forward for the
Colonization of Uber Isle
Steps are being taken by the Vice-President to use the confusion of a war with France to quickly explore and maybe even colonize the landmass seen on the horizon that has been named "Uber Isle". The landform was first seen by SMC UberKrux, and was named in honor of him. Settlers are being prepared for the voyage, which will take place in two galleys of the Apolytonian Navy. Both plan on making the treacherous journey across the sea, in the hopes that at least one makes it. Then another galley will come with the settlers, and a dangerous move will take place, the so called Uber Gambit, where the Settlers will be transfered to galley that arrived at the Island. If all goes well than Apolytonia will soon have its first colony on another land!
New Society Based on Map-Making Formed!
A new group, calling itself the The Apolytonian Geographic Society has been created. Its purpose is to furnish specialty maps that are requested by either Government officials or other organizations, like the War Academy. The idea is to make map making more than just a hobby, but to make it a profession. Hopefully maps all across Apolytonia will benefit from this new Society.
Click here to learn more
New Statistician Emerges
Apolytonia has a new mathematician to be proud of, Reddawg! He has proved himself a capable scientist in the manipulating of numbers recently, and has compiuled a compendium of statistics about Apolytonia.
To check out the numbers click here.
Letters to the Editor
Here is another letter from that intrepid explorer, jdjdjd.
Dear Mr. Graeme:
I am reporting to you while we have several minutes, and am sending this letter via one of the pigeons. I must say the whole time has been rather harrowing, and am lucky to have come this far.
But on to the status of my attempt to save Mr. UnOrthOdOx. Last night I set my plan in motion. I was near the prison where they held the editor, and started my efforts to save him by creating a diversion. I projected that six guards were in and around the prison, certainly not an overwhelming force, especially if several of them were distracted from the scene.
Near the prison there is a hut, where I beleive they store weapons and other items. This hut has a grass roof. I took one of the arrows, poured some of the flammable fluid from Godking on to the tip, and proceded to set it ablaze with a fire I had built. Then I shot this arrow towards the hut, but the first arrow failed, the flame extinguished prior to hitting the roof. I tried a second, and my aim was off, it fell short and again extinguished. As they say, three is a charm, the third arrow hit its target, and set the roof on fire. Because of the dry weather we have had, the roof in turn was dry and the fire spread rapidly. The fire lit the night, and soon four of the guards were at the hut, trying to extinguish it with buckets of water.
I started towards the prison, on horseback, and when I got to be 50 meters or so from the prison, I tied the horses to a tree. I grabbed the two large swords and was still carrying the dagger, and made my approach to the prison, placing one sword in my belt, and held the other in my hand. The monkeys stayed back at the camp with Dog.
As I was just outside of the prison, I heard one of the guards coming out of the door, so I pressed my body against the wall near the door, placed the sword I held into my belt and pulled the dagger. He walked out, distracted by the fire, and did not see me. I quickly grabbed him around the mouth and rammed the dagger into his back. His screams were muffled by my hand, and he died in short order. Using his body as a shield, I entered the prison. There was a guard inside, and he at first thought his companion was entering, but he noticed something strange and approached, and then he saw me and pulled his sword. I pushed the dead guard towards the other, he moved his hands to push him away, leaving his guard down, then I stabbed him with the long sword. He fell, dead to the ground.
Mr. UnOrthOdOx yelled to me, he was in the same cell Mr. Moral Hazard had been in, and I grabbed the keys for the cell that hung on the wall. Mr. UnOrthOdOx grabbed me saying "Boy am I glad to see you, my friend". I gave him the other long sword and asked him to move quickly, we had to get back to the horses.
But just as this happened, I heard a familiar voice...it was the dreaded LeClerc, Supreme Military Commander of the French. He said in French, "Ahhh, jdjdjd, my old nemesis, we meet again. But this time you will not escape." He drew his sword, and I drew my in response. Mr. UnOrthOdOx was about to join in, but I said "I must settle this score, now. You just watch the door."
LeClerc and myself exchanged thrusts, and counters, and I could tell he was quite skilled in the ways of the sword. I had studied for some time while at the War Academy under the great swordsman, Sir Ralph. Even beating the great Commander Uberkrux in a contest while we were underclassman, though I had lost other spars with the Commander, I was the only person ever to beat him, albiet the one time. LeClerc's style reminded very much of UberKrux, and there is only one way to win against such a great aggressive swordsman, and that is to allow them advance after advance, and then pull the plug. To explain, LeClerc, thrust at me hard...I backed up taking his blow with my sword...he thrust again, I backed up again...then thrust, I backed...then thrust, I backed to the cell wall where UnOrthOdOx had been held. Again a thrust by LeClerc, I caught it with my sword, and while his momentum was on my sword, I dropped it and dashed to my left. He fell forward into the cell bars, and I bashed him in the head with hands clasped and all my force. He fell to his knees, I had hoped he would be unconcious but he eas not, instead he was growing ever angrier, and pounced at me with a huge grin, thinking I was unarmed. He held his sword over his head as he neared me, I pulled the dagger and rammed it into his stomach. His smile faded and he fell to the ground, whispering "Damn you jdjdjd, damn you to hell!"
I grabbed my sword and the sword of LeClerc, and ran to the door, having to pull UnOrthOdOx with me, he was gawking in amazement at the dead LeClerc. We ran out, but did not have the luck of being undetected this time. One of the guards tending the fire saw us, and screamed to the others. The four of them came after us. But I had a surprise for them, as we approached the horses, grabbing UnOrthOdOx, we leaped forward...over the monkey traps. The guards did not see this, and CRUNCH, CRUNCH CRUNCH, three of them were caught, in agony grabbing at their trapped feet in unison, attempting to get free. The fourth guard, continued to us I moved forward, but UnOrthOdOx, "yelled this one's mine" and in seconds he had killed the guard, aparently to settle a score from while he was held captive.
We jumped on the horses and headed towards the mountains, all ready additional guards were after us, they must have heard the comotion. Three of them hopped on horses and followed us. As we got close to my camp, I shouted to the monkeys. They pulled with all their might on the two ropes I had stretched across the path and tied to a tree, and the French horses came down with giant THUDS, throwing their riders to the ground. Two of the Frenchmen were unconcious, the third, Dog quickly pounced on and killed.
We then headed for the cave where I had met the Iroquois men on my last trip to France. And here we sit. But now I must go, as we can see torches in the distance, and they approach us. We are heading to the coast, and hopefully the Banana will protect us from any further harm.
I remain,
jdjdjd
Our seers have received yet another strange communication from those who call themselves Phoenaticans...
The News from Phoenatica
The nation of Phoenatica has dominated her world culturally. World leaders, from the crush Mao Tse-Tung of China, to the grand English, have officially recognized the supreme culture of our nation. After almost 6,000 years, from humble beginnings from our first great president, Grey Fox, through the turbulence of the Domino Wars, the investigations of President Donsig, and the glourious two terms of our first female president, Chieftess, we have won.
However, Hammurabi of the Babylonians felt like he had to challenge our superiorty, foolishly declared war shortly after victory. Our modern armor divisions succesfully crushed Babylonian mechanized infantry before they did any damage to their appearent target of Delphi.
After our victory, massive victory parties broke out all over Phoenatica. From an incense exhibit, to the Thunder Bay Boat Race, to the honorary Public Investigation of donsig, people were generally drunk and happy. Many people were also trying out genuince banana tobacco.
However, these festivities did spawn some conflict. First of all, disorganizer delcared his Delphi County independent from the Phoenatican Nation! He claims not that an evil clone did this, though many don't believe him. Also, when our military leader and science leader had a disagreement on who's jet aircraft (a flying mechanism) was best, all out civil war started! Various provinces and departments allied themselves against each other. Fighting last for a week, and ended when everyone sobered up.
On another, lighter, note, planning has begun for the new Game of Democracy. It has been decided we will call ourselves 'Fanatikers,' of the Fanatikan nation. We will play on the emperor level, as the German civilization, with 15 rivals on a huge world. Past that, everything is random. We have also recieved word that a fourth subforum will be added for the new game. Two people, our Chief Justice Shaitan, and retired citizen eyeri, were elevated to the level of moderator. Now, we all pray to the ONE that our new nation will be as prosperous as our first.
Chief Justice Octavian X
Please note: Any opinions expressed in this report are not necesarily those of the Office of Chief Justice.
end SETI transmission
, maybe some pictures next time , ...?
