Unity News Network - Issue 2

Nubclear · August 21, 2002, 18:45

Unity News Network
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UNN Editor Makes Human Mistake - Or Did He?
Tassadars Mistake Delays Election, But Was It Intentional?

Monday morning, all over the Peacekeeping section of the Unity, touchpads and screens displayed a list of positions and one could select a position and vote for a candidate. However in a very surprising move, Commissioner Crisler recalled all elections for unknown reasons. At first critics called the move "A first sign of despotism" however the reasoning behind Crislers decision was quickly revealed.
"Rogue University hackers have hacked into the system and have altered the elections. Very few polls are completly accurate." Crisler said in a statement to the press. Minutes after the speech, it was found out that the nomination list that UNN Chief Editor Tassadar had made was incorrect, and that the University posted it as a 'joke' and 'taunt' against the Peacekeeping faction.
"Those lazy bananas deserved it...." Anonymous University Citizens told UNN reporters from a comptuer lab inside the Large Trash Compactor. The group, who calls themselves Xakep, told the UNN thaty they had heard rumours that the Peacekeepers were having elections and ever since a "stupid religious fundi" had been elected they "decided to have some fun" by hacking into peacekeeping systems.
However, religious fundamentalists do not believe this scenarion. One theory suggests that Tassadar and Darkness Edge (Both against religion becoming a leading cause for the faction) have deliberately done this to delay the elections so that they themselves could put "pseudo-candidates" up (whom they control) and control every post in the Peacekeeping faction.
"Hey, Tassadar has demonstrated a continuous need to control everything about the democracy game." One religious fundie told the UNN in an interview. "And Darkness Edge simply wants to get revenge."
And this theory has many supporters including the "Spartan Association to Stop Communism" and the "Peacekeeper Religious Fundies".
"This is NOT true. I sincerly apologize for the mistake I have made but this story is just not true at all. And I really wish people would stop talking and talking about it. I might have to relocate to University.." Tassadar commented before entering his UNN offices.
"That's it right there. He wants to go the University so that he can tell them our secrets!!!" Religious Fundie David S. Tar told UNN reporters right after Tassadar entered his office.

Currently, University and Peacekeeping police are investigating the matter. We shall give you more information when it comes to us.

Unity Begins to Collapse
Literally, the Unity is Collapsing

Earlier today shortly after Comissioner Crislers speech, the Unity Engineering Bay (Currently claimed by the University) was completly evacuated as a large group of Chinese Air Filters suddenly overloaded causing toxins to enter the air.
"It was horrible. I was next to the air filters when they exploded. I heard a buzzing sound but dismissed it as erroneous. But then the air became black and much harder to breathe. I knew there was trouble when it became hard to see." Engineer "Cylander" Roze told UNN reporters. The area has been compeltly sealed off.
Another more serious equipment failure was noted in the Tetriary Light Speed Drive Engine Turbine (Made by the Americans) to the rear of the ship (Human Hive claimed).
"We are doing everyding we can to fix de failure, but I make no assurances....And I will *NOT* Let Unity engineers in. We have created a marvelous socialistic utopia and if anyone interferes...." Chairman Yang said, before entering the Hive.
"He must let us in. If we cannot get in, and if that turbine fails, it could set off a cascading turbine engine failure which would ultimately lead to the Tetriary Coolant Tank failing which, as any smart engineer knows, would set up a 002 Systems Failure in the Primary and Secondary Engines which would bring us out of light speed and could either force us to land or would destroy the ship." Commented President Tonin of the Unity Association for United Engineers. We attempted to catch up with Yang on the issue, however, we were told that he was busy paying respects to the 'Chairman Mao' of the Ancient Chinese Cultural Revolution.
"The Unity is falling apart. Stuff like heateres and coolers and food dispensers are all frying out. The Children of Russia entertainment book recently become corrupted on the Chinese Secondary Hard Drive resting in the American Computer Case which gave out causing it to move slightly and...If things continue to fail at this rate.....We may be forced to land." Engineer Gnim Har said. Already, severaly Peackeeping and Gaian citizens are signing petition to force a crash landing on an unknown planet.

Crisler Speaks Out
Religious Fundie Crisler Speak Out at Last Weeks Edition

"Propaganda! Thats all this left wing press spews out!!!" Commissioner Crisler responded in the Discussion Forums shortly after last weeks issue of the UNN was released.
"I never said such things!!! Tassadar is obviously lying because he probably didn't support me in the elections. Hes hiding it becaues he can't take things like a man." Crisler rebutted to one section of the Unity.
"Crisler is a religious fundamentalist. As they have demonstrated in the past, they cannot handle the truth and for some strange reason, they dont seem to like me." Tassadar said in his private offices. After this comment was made, Commissioner Crisler actually went down to Tassadars quarters to "clear his soul of sin" as he put it. The two quickly got into an arguement that reached an ferocity matched only by the continous war between political parties P4 and CCCP.
"DO NOT LIE TO THE PUBLIC MR. CRISLER. YOU SAID THESE THINGS!!! YOUR PRAYER LASTED ONE HOUR AND....Well, I think I'll leave other things out." Tassadar was seen yelling, as he quickly stormed into the offices of Peacekeeping Secuirty Chief Revlos Dom. However, Crisler said that this did not damage the relationship between them.
"No, we are still friends. He simply has not seen the light..." Crisler comented. However, Tassadar was singing a very different tune.
"That......Blind lamb!!! He follows the teachings of someone whom does not even exist! And he expects to pass judgement on me? Following what his kind have done in the past, he should be burnt at the stake for he is an evil WITCH!!" Tassadar yelled. "If I could, I would pour water on him and watch him melt away as I take his ruby red slippers away..."

CCCP, P4 Duke it Out AGAIN
CCCP and P4 Disagree Yet Again

Please note that this is relying on the information of those whom were at the scene and may not be entirely correct. We apologize for any mistakes made.

Last week we reported on the situation between the CCCP and the P4, and now we wish to bring you an update:

Four days ago, CCCP Leader Pandemoniak went into the discussion forums to talk with P4 Member Bloody Baro about Marxism vs. Capitalism. However the discussion quickly turned into arguing when more P4 and CCCP members became involved.
"I saw Archaic walk into the room and then a few minutes later, BOOM! I heard a loud yelling noise coming from there.....So I went in there and moved them to a different room." Chief Editor Tassadar told the UNN. However, moving them seemed to only aggreviate the sitution.
"I'm ready for your concession." Archaic, with a very large smile, was heard saying.
"*Sigh* I'm a better politician than you think, Archaic. I believe in Marxs ECONOMIC THEORIES, NOT POLITICAL ONES. Like, duh." Panedmoniak replied with a heavy sigh.
"Oh come on. I think we both know that their tied together." Archaic rebutted.
"No they aren't."
"Yes they are."
"No they arent."
"Yes they are." The two continued until several other Peacekeeping and even a few University citizens piped in.
"Um...Wong is like, wrong." Said one University citizen. The rest seemed to echo this sentiment.
"Oh *&^% that. You can't even counter it. Plus, why the *&^% are all of you here? This is mano-to-mano, me and pandemoniak. Get the *&^% outta here!" Archaic yelled to the citizens. The citizens proceeded to begin talking about a game.
"So are you going to respond?" Archaic asked Pandemoniak shortly after.
"Uh....um.....Wongs essay is just wrong. I mean, you can't extrapolate the entire communist system from its manifesto." Pandemoniak responded confidently.
"Oh *&^% that. Just respond Pand, unless you can't." Archaic replied.
"Um....well...he is right." University Citizen Cheea replied.
"Shut up. This is mano-to-mano. Pand, I'm waiting." Archaic responded.
"Uh........uh......I'll respond when your nicer!" Pandemoniak smiled. Archaic rolled his eyes.
Shortly after Pandemoniaks response, several University citizens called Peacekeeping seciurty. Pandemoniak and Archaic were peacefully escorted back to their rooms and given a serious talk about distrubing the peace.

So far, the two parties have shown increasing tension towards each other. Will the CCCP and the P4 reach a breaking point where they divide the Peacekeeping faction or will the unite in a common cause?

Why Should You Vote For Me?
The Candidates ask for YOUR Vote

With elections probably not too far off, the candidates have been requested to present why you should vote for them. This is what they have to say:

Kassiopeia: "Ill put it short. Idealistic goal: Democratic/Green/Knowledge. Practical goal: Welfare of the faction and maximum output in any situation. Welfare of the faction can not be achieved if the individual is not happy with his or her life. And, on a strange new frontier world, we all need to make sacrifices, need that be a few extra hours of your day spent at recycling, or not having the ability to watch the newslinks or use excess amount of electricity all the time."

Lucky22: "Lucky22 of the CCCP, candidate for director of Base Production, is a concientious consensus builder, a solid scheduler and a lover of well-developed infrastructure."

GeneralTacticus: "My platform rests on these basic points:
1) Military necessity is subordinate to political necessity. While the use of Nerve Gas, or other atrocities might gain us a short-term military edge, the economic sanctions and diplomatic repercussions this would bring make them unprofitable. Having said that, I will lobby strongly to ensure that politicians do not waste the lives of our soldiers in operations that cannot effectively be conducted.
2) I am not a warmonger; war should be employed in self-defence only, however we will still need to maintain a capable military. Regardless, though, if war breaks out, we should take the offensive wherever possible; better to fight a war on the enemy soil than on our own.
3) I will oppose any attempt at the militarisation of our society. To allow that would be to destroy that which we are attempting to protect.
4) I will support a no-tolerance policy towards aggressive native life forms; Mind Worms and their ilk should be destroyed on sight."

Vlad Anderkov: "Because I understand the responsibilities of the Director of Industry and Energy, and pledge to carry them out to the best of my ability."

Lemmy: "Why vote for Lemmy?
Firstly for both the ACE and TSA, exploration and expansion are the most important thing during our first years on planet, so i can assure you that i would do everything in my power to accompish that.
Secondly, the TSA is also a supporter of a good intelligence network, to defend our data, and gain new data from other factions with as little risk as possible of damaging our integrity (getting caught).
These two are not just important things for me, they are the MOST important things at this points. "

Archaic: "A realist, not an idealist. A vote for Archaic is a vote for common sense."

Mr. President: "I believe I would be ideal for the Foreign Affairs post since I would encourage trade with other nations and thus help bring prosperity to our own nation."

Voltaire: "My policies have been stated already, and I'm certain that most citizens are familiar with them, so I shall not bore you all by restating what I have already said. The reasons I believe I would be a good public servant as the Director of Science and Technology is because I'm am strongly dedicated to research above all other things. My opponents would claim that I do not take as hard a line on research as other might, this perhaps it true, I look for reasonable compromises between research and the other needs of our citizens rather than trying to push for pure research ignoring all other concerns; though ultimately I believe that the good of the public can be achieved through the advancement of technology. Furthermore, I will listen to the concerns of the people and take their voices into account when submitting my recommendations to the Commissioner, and as a any public servant should do, I will answer to the electorate since they are the true leaders of this society and I will not fall in with party policy if it compromises what the public wants, or if it compromises the well being of the public. And lastly, I am dedicated to this post and intend to fulfil my duties to best of my ability in the hopes of helping to advance the good of humanity itself. Sincerely, Academician Voltaire"

All other candidates either did not respond or did not have a comment for the UNN.

New Global Currency Adopted
Energy Credits Adopted as the new Global Currency - More About it Here

On Monday, all the faction leaders voted unanimously to switch from the US Dollar to the "Energy Credit" as the main currency for all the faction.
"With the Unity falling apart, we felt the need to exchange something we despierately need, not just something we want such as paper money." Told Deidre Sky in a speech to her people. All other leaders (Excluding Peacekeeping) have told their citizens of the currency switch.
Now, each factions purchasing power is directly tied into how much energy they can produce. Individual citizens also can have a share of energy credits.
"Well, we invented this kewl small device that can contain energy and tell you how many energy credits you actually have." Academecian Prkohor Zakharov displayed to all of the Unity while giving his speech to the people. The invention is expected to quickly become standard as it can hold up to 5 energy credits.
Each citizen will be given a set amount of energy which will work exactly like the dollar. The current exchange rate is 1 Dollar = .001 Energy Credits. Each energy credit can then be used to purchase items such as food, clothing, and services. Energy credits are also used to power computers and other electronic devices.
"The cost is signifcantly reduced for that. Although those devices do consume quite a bit of power, it should only cost...point zero zero zero one energy credits to last an hour. So even if you only had a dollar....You could power it for a long time." Zakharov told UNN reporters.

The process of turning from the dollar to the Energy Credit is expected to be done by the time we arrive at our destination of Chiron.

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Unfortunately due to the hacking of the computer system, all reader submissions were lost. We apologize for the inconvinence.

Nubclear · August 21, 2002, 22:29

Is it really that bad?

Or is it really that good?

Pandemoniak · August 21, 2002, 23:24

Quote:

So far, the two parties have shown increasing tension towards each other. Will the CCCP and the P4 reach a breaking point where they divide the Peacekeeping faction or will the unite in a common cause?

A a Citizen, I officially ask the P4 to keep their minion in peace. This argument was related to Archaic, not to the P4, Chief Editor.

Pandemoniak · August 21, 2002, 23:24

Excellent work, Tassadar!

Nubclear · August 21, 2002, 23:37

Quote:

Originally posted by Pandemoniak

A a Citizen, I officially ask the P4 to keep their minion in peace. This argument was related to Archaic, not to the P4, Chief Editor.

Alright.....I just find it odd how a CCCP person (

) joked a P4 person (

) which spawned a debate (

) and then a P4 person (

) decided to post something and then that sparked another debate (

) and the rest is history......

In other words I find it odd that the CCCP and the P4 were the only parties involved

But thats just my speculation.

Pandemoniak · August 21, 2002, 23:52

Other persons, independant or from other parties were involved.

Nubclear · August 21, 2002, 23:53

Quote:

Originally posted by Pandemoniak
Other persons, independant or from other parties were involved.

Er....Well it was mainly the two main ones

ON topic....Any other good reviews/ critisms?

Main_Brain · August 22, 2002, 05:30

Where is the Sports Part?

Kassiopeia · August 22, 2002, 06:43

Whoo! I'm a celeb now!

Quote:

Tassadars Mistake Delays Election, But Was It Intentional?

lucky22 · August 22, 2002, 11:17

Very nice work on the back-story. Excellent.

Method · August 22, 2002, 15:58

i liked the first one better though.

Nubclear · August 22, 2002, 16:50

Third one should be better. Not too much happend this week (

) So I had decided to give reasons to why were (going to be) on AC...

And nobody sent any reader submissions

Main_Brain · August 23, 2002, 19:31

Arr Make them walk da Plank!
We all should play the pirates more

Kassiopeia · August 23, 2002, 19:56

Quote:

And nobody sent any reader submissions

Oi, it'd be unfair if I'd get more public coverage then Archaic in the medias, right? That, and I couldn't think of anything to write.

Gnool · August 23, 2002, 23:13

I couldn't think of anything to write about either. I thought that maybe I could do an editorial-style cartoon (or maybe a "funnies"-style cartoon), but no ideas came to me. *Shameless plug*- if you want to see some cartoons I have drawn, click on the adventures of og link in my signature, and look for cartoons by "Adam" - the newer cartoons are better quality than the old ones

MrWhereItsAt · August 24, 2002, 09:45

Looks good, Tass, even if my being sucked out of the airlock and now being presumed dead wasn't mentioned. It was perhaps a combined P4/CCCP plot.

Just wait 'till I return (properly) and it is found out that Planet (or whatever we call it) WANTED me alive for a reason.....

Anodyne · August 24, 2002, 18:03

Hey, this is actually funny!

Keep it up!

Nubclear · August 27, 2002, 18:00

IMPORTANT REMINDER

All UNN submissions are due, well, today. Or early tomorrow....

Kassiopeia · August 28, 2002, 08:19

I'll probably try to scribble up something for Issue 4. Unsurprisingly, it'll be an article speculating about our future when looked at from the POV of Social Engineering and Energy Allocation choices.

Darkness' Edge · August 28, 2002, 08:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000
IMPORTANT REMINDER

All UNN submissions are due, well, today. Or early tomorrow....

Guess I missed the boat for this edition.

But I wouldn't mind becoming the UNN sports editor.

DeathByTheSword · August 28, 2002, 10:43

i will have something about the time we land

not before DAMN SCHOOLWORK