Unity News Network - Issue Three

[Darkness' Edge]

Unity News Network
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UNN Editor On Leave Of Absence
by Darkness' Edge

Soon after completing Issue Two of the Unity News Network, our beloved editor, Tassadar, announced he was taking a leave of absence, due to issues with his family in the countdown to our landing. As a result, I, Darkness’ Edge, stepped in to ensure the UNN kept running in Tass’ absence. We here at the UNN wish Tass the best of luck, and hope for his speedy return. I will be the caretaker editor until his return. My style might not be quite as good as his, but I will do my best to continue his fine work.

Vlad Antlerkov Controls Industry And Energy - Wins Election
Against All Expectations, Vlad Defeats Banana In A Lanslide Win
by Tassadar5000

So far this journey has been about twists and turns, and a new twist just entered the Peacekeeping Elections as Vlad Antlerkov defeats Banana in the Industry and Energy election. "This was obviously rigged by the P4. Their trying to dominate everything." Tassadar told UNN reoprters during a harsh chain of critisism against Vlad. However, the critisism was not limited by borders. "What the..? How could he? Banana is obviously far superior to Mr. Antlerboy over there. *Sigh* Peacekeeping stupidity....That's all I'm going to say." Colonel Santiago of the Spartans told the UNN. Before the elections most experts predicted that Banana would win as he was a fresh new candidate with a very appealing look and feel and he was quite in touch with the people...Including in their breakfasts. In a recent UNN poll dated, well, one week ago, 98 percent of all experts believed Banana would win the election and some people even bet energy credits on it. "I lost everything because that STUPID ^*#(ING SON OF A @#$%^ HAS TO WIN THE ELECTION!!!! I HATE THE PEACKEEEPING FACTION!!! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU SHALL DIE A PAINFUL DEATH!!!" Vice President Ethlay of Morgan Industries yelled to UNN reporters within the peacekeeping faction. However, amid all this critisism, Vlad appears to be enjoying it. "Oh so #*^*$#$ KEWL!!!!! I get to control where the energy flows and EVERYTHING! And my HQ....Once we land its gonna be grand! Haha, it rhymes!" Vlad said in a private meeting with him and the other winners of the elections. The general feeling within the Peacekeeping faction itself was generally high, happy that he had won. And there is no doubt in anyones mind he has won with nearly 93 percent of all the votes. "Officially, he got 26 out of 28 votes....2 went to Banana. And fraknly whomever voted for Banana is stupid. They wasted their vote." Count Sally, a person whom actually tabulates all the votes, told the UNN in an official statement. Support for him continues to mount and if ever an election is contested....It will not be this one.

Kassiopeia Wins Close Victory
Person With Handbag Wins Amid Harsh Criticism
by Tassadar5000

Kassiopeia, carrying his handbag, entered his office today as he began to unpack. "Yes...I am the director of our society. I shall lead us into a new age..." Kass told us, before shutting the door to his office. However the opposition did not go out quietly. "Did any of you actually read the Vel Bible?! I can't believe you would dare to take the office without the knowledge contained in the book! I can only hope we survive despite your incompetence!" Archaic, the other candidate, yelled at Kass before being escorted by secuirty.

Other Election Results
by Darkness' Edge

Now to other election results. In a close finish, Ade, of the Liberal Social Democratic Party, defeated Mr. President, of the Capital Party, for the position of Director of Foreign Affairs by a mighty one vote. There was little comment on the race, but Ade was quoted as saying “Thank you, thank you” in his press conference declaring victory. This editor thanks the people of the Unity for being, well, united, and not rioting in the aisles over such a close result.

In an equally surprising result, in the race for Director of Base Production, independent candidate MrWhereItsAt soundly drubbed his CCCP and P4 rivals, dragging in over 48% of the total vote. Sources within P4 expressed discomfort at the result, blaming ACE members for not voting for P4 candidate Juliennew.

In a not-so close result, Pandemoniak won comfortable over P4 candidate Maniac in the race for Director of Terraformation and Colonization, prompting allegations of ballot-stuffing from a prominent figure who shall remain nameless. (He later retracted his remarks). In other elections, Lemmy defeated FlameFlash for Director of Exploration and Intelligence, GeneralTacticus won a close race for Director of Peacekeeping Operations, and TKG won the election for Director of Science.

The Future Of Mankind
by GeneralTacticus

With the UNS Unity falling apart and the crew fragmenting into different factions, it is perhaps time to consider where we stand with the diverse ideological groups that have sprung up outside our faction.

Gaia's Stepdaughters: A conflict between their ideology and ours is not inevitable, however considering that at present the majority of UNP citizens seem to favour either a Planned or Free Market economy suggests that we will eventually be forced to fight them. This is not inevitable however, and we should work to stay friendly with them.

2) The Human Hive: Yang can be expected to emerge as our greatest enemy, Democracy being antithetical to their factional philosophy. He and his faction should be eliminated as soon as possible, for the good of humanity.

3) Morgan Industries: A divisive one. They will probably be either staunch allies or enemies, depending upon the party in power. In the case of CCCP, conflict will be almost inevitable, while if the P4 are in power, it will be much less likely, depending upon the stage of social development we have reached. In any case, though, Morgan will probably be least likely to wish to fight us, being a merchant and not a warrior. We should make an effort to keep it that way.

4) The University Of Planet: Nearly all political parties seem to find the Knowledge choice desirable or at least acceptable, so the possibility for ideological conflict seems remote, while cooperation would no doubt be lucrative.

5) The Spartan Federation: Probably our second greatest adversaries, just behind the Hive. Their actions ignited the Unity mutiny and their belief in regimentation, militarism and autocracy are utterly opposed to our own ideals of democracy and freedom. They should be eliminated as soon as possible.

6) The Lord's Believers: Another faction which will probably be divisive. While their ideology seems to coincide with that of our Commissioner, Crisler, it will not be viable to implement a Fundamentalist society in the long term. Moreover, this is a third faction that is directly opposed to our system of democracy, in this case on the basis of religion. Therefore, conflict with them should be fully expected and we must be ready to eliminate them if necessary.

Commissioner Accidentally Locked In Cargo Hold
by Darkness' Edge

In another disaster to befall our mission, our Commissioner, Crisler, has been accidentally locked in the cargo hold while looking for a favourite toothbrush! He was not noticed for a few hours, until MrWhereItsAt, on conducting an inventory of the shuttle, heard screams coming from the cargo hold. It is believed a malfunctioning door caused the disaster. Teams are working around the clock to free the Commissioner, and we hope he will be returned to active duty soon. In the meantime, the Alpha Talent, myself, is filling in as caretaker Commissioner.

Touchdown!
First Humans Land On Alpha Centauri!
by Darkness' Edge

We have finally reached our destination, and touched down on Alpha Centauri. Lemmy, as newly elected Director for Exploration and Intelligence, was sent out as the first human to set foot on the planet. As he stepped out of the ship, Lemmy was heard to remark “one giant leap for man…”. On touching down, we spent two days camped in a makeshift base around the shuttle site, while we drunk beer and debated the steps we would take to set up a functioning system of government on Alpha Centauri. After several binges, a conclusion was finally reached, and today, a base was founded, just south-east of our landing site, and after a poll by the citizens of the ship, named New Apolyton, in honor of our base back on Earth. Our brave military commander, GeneralTacticus, led our first scout patrol out to the north-west. This patrol had a meeting with strange hostile native creatures, nicknamed “mind worms”, which proved a challenging obstacle. They defeated the mind worms, but suffered several casualties in the process, the first casualties of our mission. This brave patrol then came across an abandoned pod, seemingly left over from the ill-fated Unity, which, on opening, was found to contain a Unity Rover, which effectively doubled the size of our military. As of writing, our dream of setting up a functioning human colony is well underway.

[Darkness' Edge]

I know, I know, I do a bloody awful job compared to Tass.

Just hope he gets back soon.

[MrWhereItsAt]

You can't be expected to do both the UNN and the game and kick ass in both. But what am I saying? It may not be long, but what it lacks in quantity it makes up for in quantity. I love seeing my name in the news.

Just make sure you kick ass in the game. You'd have to with all that good advice.

[DeathByTheSword]

i like it i had a story just like that of your last one but i deleted it i will have something for the next one i promise

[The Bloody Baro]

Well DE ya did better than I could have ever done.

[Kassiopeia]

Originally posted by Darkness' Edge
Kassiopeia Wins Close Victory
Person With Handbag Wins Amid Harsh Criticism
by Tassadar5000

Kassiopeia, carrying his handbag, entered his office today as he began to unpack. "Yes...I am the director of our society. I shall lead us into a new age..." Kass told us, before shutting the door to his office. However the opposition did not go out quietly. "Did any of you actually read the Vel Bible?! I can't believe you would dare to take the office without the knowledge contained in the book! I can only hope we survive despite your incompetence!" Archaic, the other candidate, yelled at Kass before being escorted by secuirty.

Bravo! Bravo!
Oi, the bag's gone now. Perhaps for good.

[lucky22]

Not inferior at all to #1 or #2.

[Lemmy]

I like this part:

Lemmy, as newly elected Director for Exploration and Intelligence, was sent out as the first human to set foot on the planet.

[Method]

great job DE. just sad i didn't get a big write up on my election . a good job nonetheless.

[Darkness' Edge]

Thanks Lucky, Lemmy, TKG, DBTS, Bloody Baro. It's appreciated.

last night was a little bit nuts...I'd been up since 6am, got home at 8pm, got on the computer, played the first batch of turns, wrote issue three, and went to bed

[Mr. President]

Cool.

[Nubclear]

THIS IS A REMINDER FOR THOSE PEOPLES WHO ALWAYS FORGET - THE UNN IS COMING OUT THIS WEDNESDAY, SO YOU MAY SUBMIT ARTICLES

I hope that got your attention

[Kassiopeia]

What was that you're saying Tass? A gentle hint, a small reminder perhaps?

[DeathByTheSword]

i am starting on article right now. wel not right now, but you know now. but not now ok?

EDIT: BTW to who do i have to send my articles?

[Nubclear]

Originally posted by DeathByTheSword
i am starting on article right now. wel not right now, but you know now. but not now ok?

EDIT: BTW to who do i have to send my articles?

Send them to me.

[DeathByTheSword]

sended

[Hercules]

Hi Can I place a full page colour ad in here for a leader of new political party The Green Party or Save the Environment Party (STEP). Reply to BOX Hercules

[moomin]

Great stuff. But what happened to CNN? Didn't that name win by a landslide?

[DeathByTheSword]

yes this is a very old?! (week orso) issue of the old unity newspaper you know the spaceship which crash landed here 16 years ago before we discovered fungusbeer, fungus wiskey, fungus ale, fungus everthing