The Jungle Gazette
Your Light in the Jungle - September 13, 70 AD
Polls open
Election time again
Once again the polls opened to a flury of eager voters wishing to make their voices known. Term 4 will begin in only a few short years, and people have been clamouring to get their choice in before the deadline. Inwhat has becom a common practice to many an Apolytonian these days, some elections seem to offer little choice, and the Banana is once again running for several positions. Go an make your own voices heard:
President
Vice President
Minister of War
Minister of Science
Minister of Economy
Minister of Foreign Affairs
Minister of Imperial Expansion
Minister of Public Works
City Planner
- UnOrthOdOx
All eyes turn to Persia
Full force of our military is focused
With the decimation of the great French empire, and their capitol reduced to little more than a few mobile carts. The military soon looked to Germany, but found little in the way of a backbone there. Now, in a bold move, they have fcused teir might on Persia. "This is an entirely different war. We have no intention of giving in to any peace deals. Xerxes will face the full might of Apolytonia." Aggie claimed. "We must make a statement that will ring lound throughout the land.
NO ONE may make, and subsequently break a treaty with MrWhere...I mean Apolytonia!!!" MrWhereItsat emphatically stated.
- UnOrthOdOx
First Horsemen put into service
The future of warfare?
The first horsemen have been put into service. A horsemen is a unit that mounts a version of our spearmen onto some of the local horses. The result is a highly mobile unit to patrol our borders, or perform a quick strik into enemy territory. The drawback is that they appear to be less effective as an offensive tool than our stout Swordsmen. "While they may have less offensive power, their greater range mre than make up for it, and will provide us a method of effectivel patroling our large borders." Aggie stated. While others seem to be looking to the future. "while tey are an average unit at this point in time, I believe that in the near future we will find a way to mount our swordsmen atop these horses, thereby creating a much more effective unit. I am sure the crrent horsemen could then be traned to wield a sword much easier than our swordsmen could be trained to ride a horse!" Apocolypse claims.
- UnOrthOdOx
Jungle Ball to Kicks Off Amidst Much Excitement and a Little Controversy
Excitement has swept through the nation as the peculiar Sport of American Football has taken hold on the populace of Apolytonia. Since conquering a large portion of the Northern neighbor of Apolytonia, some of that nation's culture has seeped into Apolytonian Culture, despite the best efforts of Apolytonian elitists groups, such as Apolytonian's Anti-American Association, or the AAA. This has lead to a recent increase of so called, "pick up games" of American Football, and now to the formation of the Jungle Ball League of Ten.
The games will complete each weekend, finishing on Monday Night. The 10 Teams will play a 14 game season, which will be followed by semi-final playoffs in week 15, and then the Playoff Winners will compete in the Jungle Ball Bowl. The winner of the Jungle Ball Bowl will be awarded the Banana Cup by the League's first Commissioner, Foreign Affairs Minister Togas, and be deemed the Jungle Ball Bowl Champion.
What started from an informal conversation between Minister Togas, Vice President UnOrthOdOx and Justice jdjdjd, during the nomination ceremony of the Constitutional Convention; eventually lead to the formation of the League of Ten. After initial agreement by the three men, they went to the forums in order to elicit other interest. Shortly after Minister Togas started the discussion, controversy ensued. A Mr. Civman2000, twice a Minister who resigned his post midterm, immediately approached Forums Administrtor Ming about the violation, and the discussion was banished from the Forums to the OTF. Some sources have said that there is great animosity between Mr. Civman2000 and Justice jdjdjd since they met head to head in the race for Finance Minister early in their careers. Officials close to both men have denied this, stating that simply the discussion was more appropriate for the OTF.
After the discussion was moved, two additional teams were formed by City Planner Godking and Mr. donegeal. Several others expressed interest by Tuesday morning, present, but nothing had been solidified. During Tuesday, meetings between Justice jdjdjd, Mr. donegeal and a Mr. Thud from DelMonte, lead to the sixth team being formed by the latter. Later that day, additional discussions by Minister Togas, Mr. donegeal, Justice Sheik and Minister of Science Apocalypse, ended in the latter two men agreeing to enter the league; though some administrative snags delayed Minister Apocalypse's entrance into the league until Wednesday Night. Also, on Wednesday Mr. Nimitz agreed to take on a team, bringing the league to nine.
In an effort to round out the league at ten members, two men, Mr. Trevman and Mr. Darkness' Edge, who had earlier expressed interest, were courted; however, due to timing and communication issues those efforts failed. Finally, in a desperation attempt, Mr. donegeal, Mr. Nimitz and Justice jdjdjd did corner Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs adaMada; and were able to convinve him to take on the final team, this occurring within minutes of draft time.
The ten teams are listed below with their owners:
Team Owner
1. Timeline Justice Sheik
2. Jerusalem Pickers Mr. Nimitz
3. Chiquita Bananas City Planner GodKing
4. Ubergorsk Irons Deputy Minister adaMada
5. Geofront Evas Minister Apocalypse
6. Apolyton Archers Minister Togas (Commissioner)
7. Banana HQ Peels Mr. donegeal
8. Here It Is Winos Justice jdjdjd
9. Termina Trip Vice President UnOrthOdOx
10. Del Monte Ranchers Mr. Thud
It is expected that opening day games could see crowds of up to 75,000 people at each of the five games. Cartgaters are expected to line the outside areas of the five opening day stadiums, with banana roasts, bat kabobs, asparagus in rat milk, and other regional treats. President MrWhereItsAt is expected to throw out the first drunk at the game in Apolyton, and all five games are set to complete by Monday, next. For further information of games, see future editions of the Jungel Gazette or contact one of the League's principals.
- jdjdjd
A note from the edtor
My many apologies for the temporary shortage of Banana leaves that lead to the lack of issues last week. It would seem that one of our workers had accidentally cutdown the very trees that were being used in our production. A new surce has been located, however, and production should begin anew. This edition is more a culmination of the stories that had been piling atop my desk. If someone out there can lend a hand with the production of Wed editions, please make youself known
. I'd forgotten how much I'd missed the Gazette in the week we didn't have it.
. Go Irons! 
As ever the Gazette gives our civilisation a life beyond weary frontline assaults and Galley expeditions full of scurvy-ridden sailors (unused to the lack of bananas in the strange land named after the legendary Military Commander UberKruX).
- what will OPD's rule bring to our fair nation? One thing is for sure - I will find it all here, in the award-winning Gazette!
