The Winds of Change

unscratchedfoot · October 8, 2002, 10:23

ChrisiusMaximus · October 8, 2002, 12:01

A very interesting concept, I dont think Ive read anything quite like this before.Looking forward to seeing this one develop.

vovan · October 8, 2002, 13:00

A very original representation of the cultural borders concept. Although I am not sure about the French zombies, it would be interesting to see how the idea develops further. Keep going

TheGuitarist · October 8, 2002, 16:32

Put the accountants on the ends...

Good job, keep it up.

Kingof the Apes · October 8, 2002, 20:34

I like it too...

esp.the zombies

unscratchedfoot · October 8, 2002, 21:11

Quote:

Originally posted by vovansim
I am not sure about the French zombies

vovansim, the zombies aren't what you think. I have no intention of relating french people to zombies. You can find out what they're all about in the next episode. Thanks for the support everyone.

dnassman · October 8, 2002, 21:23

Very interesting and different. I like it.

vovan · October 8, 2002, 22:19

Quote:

Originally posted by unscratchedfoot
I have no intention of relating french people to zombies. You can find out what they're all about in the next episode.

Now, looking forward to that next episode even more than before.

steamthunk · October 10, 2002, 19:58

Ha! It's always nice to read about something that isn't just the war aspects of civ. I like the 4th wall aspect of this.

unscratchedfoot · October 13, 2002, 10:06

skippity

unscratchedfoot · October 13, 2002, 12:02

skip

unscratchedfoot · October 15, 2002, 11:22

Is this story too weird or what?

ChrisiusMaximus · October 15, 2002, 12:00

No its okay but I think youve scared off all the accountants who visit this forum.I like what youre doing here and concept is definitely original but perhaps you should move the plot on a little faster so as not to stall the story.

vovan · October 16, 2002, 22:00

I definitely agree with Chrisius. By the fourth time you mention the accountants, it's not really funny any more.

Also, some parts of the last two posts seem to be a bit over the board with descriptiveness. You did a great job balancing the description of the situation with action in the very first part, but in the later ones, you are slipping off that balance. A little more action - not neccessarily violence, though, - and the story would be just awesome.

unscratchedfoot · October 17, 2002, 07:45

Okay. Thanks for your feedback. I felt the last 2 installments weren't up to snuff myself which was probably because I wrote them after my bedtime. I removed them and may even finish off this story sometime. Right now I'm too hungry though.

ChrisiusMaximus · October 17, 2002, 08:46

Hey Unscratchedfoot I dont think it was necessary to completely remove the last two chapters if we give honest feedback its because we like what weve read,couldnt you edit it down and repost a new chapter.My main point in my last post was that your characters should get to cultural building sooner rather than later and move the plot along.
Please dont give up on this its very original and started brilliantly.

unscratchedfoot · October 17, 2002, 19:45

Nope, those 2 installments weren't part of the original story plan. The first part is actually half the story with the second part being the dramatic climax in the cultural building. I don't why, but I had been playing online chess for like 4 hours into the night and then for some loony reason decided to continue the story on 2 occasions even though I was 90% asleep. I'll cook up the ending soon enough. Talking about cooking, I'm hungry again so it won't be today.

steamthunk · October 18, 2002, 01:33

I didn't have a problem with any of the segments myself. I think people were just impatient to find out what the heck was going on! I have to agree and say that it was unnecessary to actually remove them.

unscratchedfoot · October 18, 2002, 08:02

On this forum it's better if stories are kept as short as possible. Like my garden story for example, I left out tons of situational description, as well as scenary, I would really have liked to have had in the story, to just have the bare essentials and keep the story going.

I'm considering finding a good non-civ story forum to continue this hobby and maybe try something a little different, especially since I no longer play the Civ3. I had more than my fill after 4 or 5 games of it. I got some ideas for some non-civ stories instead. For now though, the online chess thing is a little too engaging.

Does anyone know of a good short story website, preferrably non-professional?

steamthunk · October 20, 2002, 01:36

Quote:

I'm considering finding a good non-civ story forum to continue this hobby and maybe try something a little different, especially since I no longer play the Civ3. I had more than my fill after 4 or 5 games of it.

Blasphemy! There's no such thing as enough of Civ!

I still think you should just write what you want. If you don't enjoy writing it then chances are people won't enjoy reading it. You'll never be able to please everyone no matter who your audience or what your topic. I think everyone would like this to continue, but I can understand if you're tired of writing about civ.

ChrisiusMaximus · October 20, 2002, 06:56

Ditto but fair enough if you dont want to continue,for ages now people have been complaining that there isnt enough feedback here, but I think thats changed now as their are some great stories coming through and several people regulary posting their comments good or bad but.I feel the reviewing done here is both honest and constructive so come on you budding authors get writing.

unscratchedfoot · March 14, 2003, 13:36

I'm going to finish this story but I'm wondering if opening a new thread and moving the first episode over would be better considering all the "filler" in this one. First time readers might get lost in the clutter.I could give the new thread a different name or something.

unscratchedfoot · March 14, 2003, 13:51

I'm just gonna open a new thread for this and fix it up properly. Moderators feel free to delete this thread as the story's been removed.

vovan · March 14, 2003, 20:08

This was my favourite unfinished story of yours... Looking forward to you adding to it.

Centauri18 · March 21, 2003, 19:54

What the heck happened Scratch? You deleted the whole thing.

Verto · March 21, 2003, 23:30

I believe the person who created the thread has the option to delete it.