Chironian News Network Issue Seven

Darkness' Edge · October 17, 2002, 07:38

Chironian News Network

Note that the following probably really dont express the opinions of the CNN. Meaning we can't be sued for anything.

NETFLASH!

Change Of The Guard
Tassadar5000 resigns as editor in bizarre week for the CNN

Citing personal reasons and a lack of available time, Tassadar5000, co-editor and founder of the CNN, resigned this week. Abolishing the CNN was considered, but after brief discussions, fellow co-editor Darkness’ Edge agreed to take over completely for the foreseeable future. This change of the guard appeared to be fairly straightforward, although Tassadar’s editions will be greatly missed.

Unfortunately, Director Pandemoniak did not read Darkness’ Edge’s announcement that the demise of Tassadar did not mean the end of the CNN, and promptly set up about founding his own newswire service, the “New CNN”. On being informed that the CNN was still existing, and would be released weekly as usual, Pandemoniak refused to back down for several days. A source, who wished not to be named, said that he only backed down when nerve stapling was mentioned. The source quoted Darkness’ Edge as saying “Ah, the advantages of being in charge of the military!”.

Alpha Talent sacked!
Diablero impeached

The Peacekeepers are tonight without an Alpha Talent, after Diablero became the first official in the history of humankind to be successfully impeached, in the second ground-breaking vote in the space of a month. The sacked Alpha Talent, Diablero, has been missing ever since his election campaign. He could not even be found to turn up to his own impeachment session. A massive 80.95% of the populace voted to oust the missing AT, and there is currently debate about his replacement. MrWhereItsAt has put his hand up to fill in the remainder of Diablero’s term.

Director arrested in drunken state
Kassiopeia charged with breaching the peace

Former Director Kassiopeia is tonight in the cells of New Apolyton police station, after his arrest earlier today for breaching the peace. After consuming large quantities of a mysterious new form of xenobrew, Kassiopeia proceeded to pack his handbag with even more xenobrew, and move to the steps of Headquarters, where he began to sing hideous versions of a strange form of Earth-music, once known as “J-pop”. Chief Sergeant Hercules told the CNN soon after Kassiopeia’s arrest that he would be put in the cells overnight, and released in the morning, once he had sobered up. Social welfare commentator Toni Blair suggested that his drunken escapade may be due to his defeat for his old position of Director of Social Engineering, in the re-poll earlier this month.

Another drunken binge results in confusion
Commissioner gives two cities same name after night on the town

Confusion reigned supreme earlier this week, when after a session of government, CNN editor Darkness’ Edge examined the maps of our empire, and found that mysteriously, there were two cities named “Concordia”. Another examination of previous polls revealed that one of these two bases was to be named “Tacticus Academy”. A member of Headquarters cleaning staff, who wished not to be named, revealed that Commissioner DeathByTheSword had been drinking copious amounts of xenobrew in his office beforehand, and had seemed intoxicated during the session. Our analysts were at a loss to explain this bizarre behavior from our respected Commissioner.

Military and economic developments
Industrial Economics discovered, new prototype created

Our economists and military scientists have been working quietly away in their labs in the government quarter of New Apolyton, and finally, there have been some successes. Anna Smythe, one of our most respected economists, has discovered a new theory, entitled “Industrial Economics”. An economics analyst here at the CNN suggested that this could revolutionise Peacekeeper thinking. In the other recent breakthrough, General Miskali Baschev announced that a prototype for a new military vehicle, the “Recon Speeder” had been developed. “We merged the sections that worked from two inferior models into one superior model. This could really turn the tide against those bastard mindworms.”

The Bench Is Now Sitting
The first bench of justices elected to the UN Court

The polls have just closed, and the first bench of five justices has been elected comfortably. Darkness’ Edge and Tassadar5000 tied for the most votes, followed by another tie, between Mr. President and Pandemoniak, and trailing only slightly behind, -Groucho-. With elections now over, there is likely to be some debate over the format the court cases will take, before it finally hears its first case. Legal analysts here at the CNN suggest that a November 1 start date may be likely for the Court to go into operation.

Mysterious envelope appears on CNN news desk

A mysterious envelope arrived on the CNN news desk several days ago. It contained only one sentence, “Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated”. This would appear to be linked to the news story in the short-lived newswire service that suggested that former Director candidate Archaic had been murdered. As Archaic has now reappeared alive and well, and is even standing again for Director of Social Engineering, those reports would appear to be false.

Notice from “The General”
Military academy soon to be founded

Famous former general and Director of Foreign Affairs, GeneralTacticus, announced today that he has plans to found a military academy at Tacticus Academy, the base named after him, in the near future. More details to come in a later edition.

Darkness' Edge · October 17, 2002, 07:40

Apologies for the shorter, less interesting, more strained, CNN this week.
I wanted to get it out ASAP, and I'm a bit rushed for time, with a profile of Hitler for school due tommorrow morning and it getting rather late here. The lack of submissions due to the New CNN saga also contributed to the short edition

I hope it didn't suck too much.

I'll do better next time.

Kassiopeia · October 17, 2002, 07:43

Good Luck - Tabidatte ichiban kagayaku basho e

yume ga aru kyou yori asu chika zu ite itai
omoi ga saki bashiru nani kara hajimetara iidarou

ki o ochitsu kete aserukotonai
"ima" o ikirukoto

dare ni datte you ni sarete iru ichiban kagayakeru basho
demo mattecha konai kara jibun de ugoki dashite

zattou sae uma kusurinu keru hito yoko(no?)ni
uiteru kigashite huto kodo kuni uchi no sareru

iie chagau yo speed ja nai
"ima" o ikirukoto

tsurai toki mo mimi o sumashitene sono me o tojinai de
subete o mitodoke you sore wa kitto chikara ni naru

dare ni datte you ni sarete iru ichiban kagayakeru basho
demo mattecha konai kara jibun to tabida tasete

donna toki mo sono me o tojinai de
subete o mitodoke you sore wa kitto chikara ni naru...

MrWhereItsAt · October 17, 2002, 07:56

Good enough, DE, for sure.

YAY! Archaic's back!

And how did Kass get the drunken moniker? It's me in the civ3 game.

Drinking contest, Kass.....

Mr. President · October 17, 2002, 08:36

Ole! I judge this to be first-rate entertainment!

lucky22 · October 17, 2002, 11:48

concise, informative, enjoyable

DeathByTheSword · October 17, 2002, 14:43

it is great but i am missing something DE...
do you know what?.....

Method · October 17, 2002, 15:32

ahem. we havn't discovered industrial economics yet, and we havn't built the recon speeder

NETFLASH!

CNN EDITOR FORTELLS FUTURE!

Nubclear · October 17, 2002, 16:50

Quote:

Originally posted by TKG
ahem. we havn't discovered industrial economics yet, and we havn't built the recon speeder

NETFLASH!

CNN EDITOR FORTELLS FUTURE!

We have our sources...

Btw, great issue DE!!

Pandemoniak · October 17, 2002, 17:02

Hmmm... Tomorrow never dies...

Method · October 17, 2002, 17:35

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000

We have our sources...

i find it odd that Edge would know that we discovered a tech before i would. i live at the bloody lab! (well, the basement. it has nice furniture

)

Nubclear · October 17, 2002, 18:07

Quote:

Originally posted by TKG

i find it odd that Edge would know that we discovered a tech before i would. i live at the bloody lab! (well, the basement. it has nice furniture

)

Remember that Hive Mind Stuff you were drinking a few nights ago......

Pandemoniak · October 17, 2002, 18:09

PUBLIC ANNOUCEMENT, LIVE ON CNN, on Oct. 17th, 2300CET
Fellow citizens of the United Nations Peacekeepers,
Seeing that my reform has received a 80% non-confidence vote, I choose to resign from my current position of Director of Terraforming and Colonization.
I worked hard during my terms, trying to provide a good terraforming to our faction, and after facing many difficluties to manage the extending UN terraformers, I tried to implement our system by simplifying the vote system, thus making it more democratic. I also wanted the local citizens to be more concerned about their bases and their new homes on Chiron, thus proposing the creation of governor seats on bases who needed, or wanted some. These reforms have been obiviously voted non-confidence, and it is therefore why I choose to resign from my current position.
I thank gratefully all the people who supported me during these terms and these elections, and thank them for the confidence they put in me. And to them I say these words : I have not betrayed you, nor your confidence.

Pandemoniak
[/I]in[/I] For I have walked with the drones

Method · October 17, 2002, 19:33

there's no need to resign!

lucky22 · October 17, 2002, 19:55

Quote:

Originally posted by TKG

there's no need to resign!

I quite agree.

GeneralTacticus · October 18, 2002, 02:59

It should be noted that I intend my academy to cover politics and foreign affairs as well as military matters.

Kassiopeia · October 18, 2002, 06:33

Like I said numerous times in the chat -

Pandemoniak, don't resign!

Archaic · October 18, 2002, 09:14

It was greatly ".....overoptimistic.....", not "exaggerated". Baka.

And let the guy go already. It's not like Unskilled (And I must emphasise that) Labourer Pan has done us any special favours in his job thusfar.

lucky22 · October 18, 2002, 11:38

Quote:

Originally posted by Archaic
Baka.

Is "baka" Australian for something or is it shorthand of some kind?

Kassiopeia · October 18, 2002, 11:47

Good work Archaic. Reverse psychology, especially if we execute it through you, might do just the trick!

Quote:

Is "baka" Australian for something or is it shorthand of some kind?

It's Japanese... stupid.

lucky22 · October 18, 2002, 13:08

Quote:

Originally posted by Kassiopeia
Good work Archaic. Reverse psychology, especially if we execute it through you, might do just the trick!

It's Japanese... stupid.

Ah... some things won't change, it seems.

Method · October 18, 2002, 14:22

Quote:

Originally posted by Archaic
And let the guy go already. It's not like Unskilled (And I must emphasise that) Labourer Pan has done us any special favours in his job thusfar.

well, he made a reform which, although too early to implement, is a really good idea, and that's more than you've done. what have you done anyways, other than bìtch at everyone? i don't think that comment is going to help your position and DoSE candidate

Archaic · October 19, 2002, 01:27

If you'll remember, I made numerous suggestions of policy, none of which seem to have been implimented (Bloody communists) and electoral reform suggestions that you all seemed to deem unworkable at the current point in time.

And frankly, his idea of reform was unconstitutional. I suppose that should be expected from a person whose basic ethos is to defy existing authority figures to set "the unwashed masses" in power.

GeneralTacticus · October 19, 2002, 01:33

Quote:

If you'll remember, I made numerous suggestions of policy, none of which seem to have been implimented (Bloody communists) and electoral reform suggestions that you all seemed to deem unworkable at the current point in time.

And these were?

Frankychan · October 19, 2002, 01:52

Quote:

I made numerous suggestions of policy, none of which seem to have been implimented (Bloody communists)

You poor unenlightened citizen. Maybe you should join the PHM.

Mr. President · October 19, 2002, 05:06

Maybe he just needs some of your thought control.

Archaic · October 19, 2002, 11:31

All of my social engineering policy, and suggestions for research. (The SE policy, while not able to be implimented yet, was actively opposed. The suggestions for research were drowned out by the people calling for beelines away from Ind. Auto.)

The suggestions for electoral policy were on the matter of preferential voting as opposed to "first past the post", which is used here ATM and producing some rather strange results in some cases.

Method · October 19, 2002, 11:51

Quote:

Originally posted by Archaic
All of my social engineering policy, and suggestions for research. (The SE policy, while not able to be implimented yet, was actively opposed. The suggestions for research were drowned out by the people calling for beelines away from Ind. Auto.)

well, we can't only beeline. you will notice that we are making our way to ind auto, and our next tech should be plan networks. theoretically, we may be able to start research on ind auto next play session

Pandemoniak · October 19, 2002, 12:03

/me sneaks behind Archaic and silently nerve staples him.

GeneralTacticus · October 19, 2002, 16:56

Quote:

All of my social engineering policy, and suggestions for research. (The SE policy, while not able to be implimented yet, was actively opposed. The suggestions for research were drowned out by the people calling for beelines away from Ind. Auto.)

The arguments against your SE policy have been repeated many times, so I see no need to repeat them here.

Quote:

The suggestions for electoral policy were on the matter of preferential voting as opposed to "first past the post", which is used here ATM and producing some rather strange results in some cases.

And these 'strange results' were?