Recreation Commons Courthouse

[Hercules]

Located in the Recreation commons this courthouse functions as a courthouse to hold the trial of citizens charged with category A crimes (most everything). Category B crimes would include for example breaking wind in public buildings and being xenobrewed and disorderly.

Anyhow this court is now handed over to Mr President for the conduct of Lemmy's trial. Pray silence for his Lordship: Justice Mr President. All stand.

*The defendant Lemmy is brought into the courtroom, escorted and watched over by two well built and armed marketing consultants from the security service.

* Mr President enters.

There is a gasp from the public galleries on the appearance of the prosecutor and the defence attornies

[Mr. President]

This court is now in session. We are presented with the case of Lemmy, charged with a litany of crimes.

We will now accept opening statements.

[Pandemoniak]

/me stands up and annouce :
"Citizen Lemmy, stand up as the Supreme Justices of the United Nations will judge you"

"Citizen Lemmy, you are charged of
- Abduction of an elected UN Commisionner during service- Serial murders of first degree
- Murders at first and second degree (both with aggraved circumstances)
- Witchcraft
- Cloning public ennemy n°1
- Grand Theft Xenobrew
- Little Theft Mikrocredits"

"It is proven, by Chief Inspector investigations that you have been abducting Commissioner Crisler and locked him in a cupboard, in order to make evil prevail on Chiron. We all know ther way the way murdered Gnool, Zakharov VII, and many other citizens, and that you inflicted them torture prohibited by the UN Charter. Evidence one should be considered by all members of the Jury : this is a note found in Lemmy's diary, updating news from his personnal undead army."

Evidence 1 :
Soldiers: 61 (56.7% estimated draft rate)
Skeletons: 1,276 (5,104 offense points)
Zombies: 2,878 (11,512 defense points)
Ghouls: 259 (1,554 offense / 1,295 defense)
War-Horses: 694 (up to 694 additional offense)

"All the Jury should also note that Citizen Lemmy used many indescriptible way to raise an undead army, using an incredible amount of blood, and a large undead army to help him in his evil plan of domination of the world"

Evidence 2 :
You, Lemmy, have drunk 64 pints of blood, and are sire to 49 other vampires, including: ... Eli (who has drunk 100 pints of blood)

"It is also know that Citizen Lemmy is a mystic and lunatic person, who behaves strangely and most of the time violently at moonlights, as C. I. Hercules provided evidence"

Evidence 3: Most of the time Lemmy appears normal, does a good job exploring etc , but come the full centauri moons,(very regular) and a glass of warm blood and he' s away with it.
Chief Inspector Hercules testify

Ruler Name: Sir Lemmy the Sorcerer
Personality & Race: The Mystic, Undead
Lemmy's Diary

Using a sort of valt where Lemmy could clone his victims to serve him in his world domination plan, Lemmy cloned Public Ennemy N°1 Archaic and is thus charged for trouble in the public order.

Citizen Lemmy is also charged for Grand Theft Xenobrew, depriving many UN citizens of their regular and daily drink for a totally selfish purpose : his plan of domination of the world. More over, by a mean act of villeny, Citizen Lemmy stole a bunch of microcredits just in order to be evil with his neighbour and thus reinforcing his world domination plan.

Last but not least, I will call for C. I. Hercules to testify the evilness of Citizen Lemmy about crimes and abductions.

/me stops to sip a little in his glass of water.
Therefore, and seeing the evidences brought above and the testify of C. I. Hercules, I ask the Jury to show no mercy, and to sentence Lemmy to heavy punishment : a hundred years of hard labour in the Recycling Tanks as public services, twenty years of prison followed by eighty years of exile of the Capitol where he has his laboratory where he makes his plans of world domination. I also ask the senior Justice to sentence him to clean the Gents' of the Rec Commons and to deprive him of the right to consume and bear any kind of Xenobrew and Xenoweed, and to make it a life sentence.

/me sits down.


Therefore, I ask the Jury to

[GeneralTacticus]

I wish to ask a question of the prosecution: under what law has Archaic been declared 'public enemy number 1'?

[Archaic]

I also wish to ask a question of the prosecution. Why do they say charge Lemmy with making a clone of myself, when the simple fact of the matter is that I'm the original?

Your Honour, I'd like to move for a mistrial. The prostitute soliciting.....I mean...the prosecutor, is clearly insane. On top of that, he's trying to make a mockery of our justice system by trying to introduce bias into this courtroom. Who does he think we are? The CSA from old Earth?

[Mr. President]

This court is not aware that Archaic has ever been named Public Enemy. That comment shall be disregarded.

The defense attorney also appears to be invisible. Unless they rematerialize within 24 hours, I will have no choice but to declare a mistrial.

[Lemmy]

Ok, i guess i'm the defense then, ey?

- Abduction of an elected UN Commisionner during service- Serial murders of first degree

There i haven't seen any evidence of this, except for a statement that the CI has proven it, how did he prove it then?

- Murders at first and second degree (both with aggraved circumstances)
We all know ther way the way murdered Gnool, Zakharov VII, and many other citizens, and that you inflicted them torture prohibited by the UN Charter.

What evidence is there for this? The fact that i command an undead army, doesn't mean i brutally kill people.

- Witchcraft
...
"All the Jury should also note that Citizen Lemmy used many indescriptible way to raise an undead army, using an incredible amount of blood, and a large undead army to help him in his evil plan of domination of the world"
...
"It is also know that Citizen Lemmy is a mystic and lunatic person, who behaves strangely and most of the time violently at moonlights, as C. I. Hercules provided evidence"

err....green!

- Cloning public ennemy n°1

This has already been refuted by Archaic himself, and Mr. President

- Grand Theft Xenobrew

Was the xenobrew ever found in my possesion then?

- Little Theft Mikrocredits"

ehm....Kass made me do it...

a hundred years of hard labour in the Recycling Tanks as public services, twenty years of prison followed by eighty years of exile of the Capitol where he has his laboratory where he makes his plans of world domination. I also ask the senior Justice to sentence him to clean the Gents' of the Rec Commons and to deprive him of the right to consume and bear any kind of Xenobrew and Xenoweed, and to make it a life sentence.

Pande, what if i plea guilty on the witchcraft and little theft mikrocredits charges, and promise to never do it again, in exchange for 1 whole terms in prison, and afterwards community service as the bartender in the Rec. Commons for 2 terms?

[Pandemoniak]

- Cloning public ennemy n°1

That comment will be disregarded.

We must wait that Hercules make his testimony to examine the other charges.

[Kassiopeia]

ehm....Kass made me do it...

I scorn that remark! But I still don't want to see him get jailed

[Maniac]

Originally posted by Lemmy
and afterwards community service as the bartender in the Rec. Commons for 2 terms?

That would be the toilet cleaner you mean?

Can I be "burgerlijke partij"? (Eng.?)

[lucky22]

Originally posted by Lemmy
...The fact that i command an undead army, doesn't mean i brutally kill people.

[Kassiopeia]

It just means his undead army does...

[Archaic]

Not necessarily. This undead army forms a vital part of our labour force. Seriously, do you think we could build all these formers and such with the majority of our living involved in the bureaucracy such as they are?

[GeneralTacticus]

Good point.

[Method]

you know, i never thought of it that way. but i think we're talking about the undead army here, not undead labourers

[Mr. President]

I don't think having an undead army is a crime in and of itself. As long as they're not stealing people's wallets, I think they're permitted.

[Frankychan]

*barges in*

Hold everything! I, as leader of the PHM, must vouch for citizen Lemmy's outstanding service to our government. Not only has he been seen championing the cause of the Peacekeeper, but he has helped numerous citizens in times of need. Futhermore, I say that these charges are total bunk and are designed to slander citizen Lemmy's reputation for some other, more devious purpose.

Free Lemmy! Free Lemmy!

[Lemmy]

Originally posted by Frankychan
*barges in*

Hold everything! I, as leader of the PHM, must vouch for citizen Lemmy's outstanding service to our government. Not only has he been seen championing the cause of the Peacekeeper, but he has helped numerous citizens in times of need. Futhermore, I say that these charges are total bunk and are designed to slander citizen Lemmy's reputation for some other, more devious purpose.

Free Lemmy! Free Lemmy!

Please, someone constrain this madman, obviously he has no idea what he's talking about!!

[Kassiopeia]

Archaic, Mr. President, points taken.

Originally posted by Frankychan
*barges in*

Hold everything! I, as leader of the PHM, must vouch for citizen Lemmy's outstanding service to our government. Not only has he been seen championing the cause of the Peacekeeper, but he has helped numerous citizens in times of need. Futhermore, I say that these charges are total bunk and are designed to slander citizen Lemmy's reputation for some other, more devious purpose.

Free Lemmy! Free Lemmy!

I wholeheartedly agree.

[Mr. President]

Order in the court!

Prosecution, I have reviewed the charges and most of them seem to be related to lifestyle choices - which are not within the authority of this court. Unless you can provide some more substantial evidence of the more serious charges, this case will be dismissed.

[Method]

but what about Little Theft Microkred? he confessed to that and witchcraft, which is surely unlawful. we need to burn him, just they did in the good old days on Earth

[Mr. President]

Little Theft Microkred is indeed a crime. Thanks for reminding me. I'd tell you what the standard punishment is but someone borrowed my law manual and hasn't given it back yet.

As for witchcraft . . . We're the liberal-socialist U.N. Peacekeepers! If he claims it as his religion, not only can he not be burned for it, we have to subsidize him.

[GeneralTacticus]

Yes, where in the law does it say witchcraft is prohibited? It's only banned if he uses it hurt people.

[Method]

what about the vampire-ish blood drinking? surely that hurts people?

[Mr. President]

Yes - if he did it against their will.

[GeneralTacticus]

Where's the evidence that he did that? We have a statement from the police, but nothing else.

[Method]

Originally posted by Mr. President
Yes - if he did it against their will.

who would let that happen willingly?

regarding lack of evidence: i believe kass can provide an IRC log where lemmy describes eating brains

[Mr. President]

who would let that happen willingly?

You'd be surprised. I saw something on TV about "modern vampires" who ask permission from the "donor" and remove it surgically. One of them lives in Arizona.

[GeneralTacticus]

Besides, who's to say it came from other people? He might have just drawn some blood from himself and then drunk it.

[Archaic]

Originally posted by TKG
who would let that happen willingly?

Apparently the whole process is rather pleasurable for both the giver and the reciever. No laws against sexual deviency here.