Hilarious AI Quotes

mrmitchell · November 7, 2002, 21:49

I know there's probably been threads like this before and there is one on Civfanatics, but PtW will have some new hilarious quotes and I just gotta get this out before I get any more brain damage ROFL and hitting my head on things...

Mongol Leader (Who is he? I really dont care I just refer to them all as "[Civ] Leader" except for my favorite Xerxes.)

Anyway, Mongol says: "Ignorance of Mongol borders is yet another reason to question American breeding habits."

(paraphrased due to the brain damage already sustained from ROFL and hitting htings)

If you don't find this funny then please keep it in, maybe I just think its funny.

Please post your own hilarious quotes, especially those from PtW!

vmxa1 · November 7, 2002, 22:08

To bad this was not up yeserday as I ran into one that cracked me up and now I forgot it.

Tattila the Hun · November 8, 2002, 03:09

Elisabeth complained that my terible little soldiers were stealing chicken...

Tiberius · November 8, 2002, 03:59

... and scaring their women.

Yeah, that's a nice one (but not from PtW)

Alex · November 8, 2002, 06:34

I like that one where Montezuma says he will sacrifice dozens of warriors to celebrate our friendship... which is also not from PTW (I don't own the game yet).

Minmaster · November 8, 2002, 07:40

ive disbanded dozens of warriors to celebrate going broke.

aaglo · November 8, 2002, 07:56

"well DUH! I thought we were supposed to kick you from this planet"

- other leaders after space race victory

punkbass2000 · November 8, 2002, 11:50

"Would you like to trade or would you rather instead battle to the death?" -Montezuma, on polite

mrmitchell · November 8, 2002, 18:40

Mongol: "I could only agree to this deal if I knock myself bloody with a rock. I am out all out of rocks and you are virtually out of time."

Mongol: "Perhaps if you spent more time listening to your advisors and less time haunting houses of ill-repute you'd see the insult in such an offer."

Various Conquest Defeat
-------------------------------
"Two words: Wait 'til next time!"
"I got trounced, and all these clowns just watched..."
"I'll bet you 100 gold that you cant do it again!"
"Oh yeah? You and what army? Oh...right."
"What! I couldn't have possibly lost! You must have cheated!"

dudemanjack · November 8, 2002, 18:48

I got this one from Abe Lincoln while in the early industrial ages when asking for a loan of gold: "I'm sorry, but all our money is tied up in dot-com stocks."

Pyrodrew · November 8, 2002, 18:57

"Three words: increase your medication..."

alva · November 8, 2002, 19:01

Stop doing that !!

Vlad Antlerkov · November 8, 2002, 23:25

Just about anything Mao says, but his quotes on completing a trade ("Like a mighty castle, our friendship will survive, even if the heavens rain, er, very large rocks on it!") and offering an MPP ("An ancient Chinese philosopher said, 'One is the loneliest number'.")...

And then there's the foreign advisor after a Conquest victory, saying "Make more friends." Genius!

And of course, the trade advisor saying we don't have enough resources when we have EVERY RESOURCE ON THE PLANET.

(Try setting up a bunch of colonies after a Conquest win over every resource.

)

Sea41571 · November 9, 2002, 05:33

I clicked on a barbarian once by accident and he siad "take me To Your Leader"

CerberusIV · November 9, 2002, 08:02

I am currently playing on a tiny map as the Japanese and have just wiped out the Chinese.

After capturing the last Chinese city the advisor said "We have destroyed the Solid Chinese". SOLID?? Are they made of chocolate or something?

Then I opened a negotiation with the Indians and the advisor popped up and said "Ghandhi has betrayed our friends the Chinese". Friends? I just wiped out their empire

Pyrodrew · November 9, 2002, 08:15

Quote:

After capturing the last Chinese city the advisor said "We have destroyed the Solid Chinese". SOLID?? Are they made of chocolate or something?

Then I opened a negotiation with the Indians and the advisor popped up and said "Ghandhi has betrayed our friends the Chinese". Friends? I just wiped out their empire

You've destroyed the Chinese Empire, but you didn't kill the Chinese Leader, Mao. Mao will still be involved in diplomacy & discussions until he's dead. Mao hides in the last unit alive, so if there is a small boat sailing away from China... that's Mao getting away.

badman · November 9, 2002, 12:00

I don't think it's his last unit, it's his last settler.
You have to capture all cities and all settlers of a civ in order to make it "disappear".

Vlad Antlerkov · November 9, 2002, 12:44

Actually, "Solid," "weak", etc. refers to the cultural level of the civ that was destroyed. Whether it's absolute culture or relative to your own, I don't know.

ducki · November 9, 2002, 18:59

My all-time favorite AI quote is the one when Caesar rings you up on the diplomacy-phone saying something like "Dat's a pretty little empire you got dere; it would be a shame if something was to happen to it."

I always hear that in my head in a really thick Italian accent(duh, Rome, Italy) - think Sopranos.

Cracks me up every damn time.
I'm laughing just thinking about it.

Carver · November 11, 2002, 23:22

Military advisor while looking at my largest of armies "Hail to the King, Baby".

An unexpected touch with PTW.

Carver · November 11, 2002, 23:27

Carthage, on first contact with my Scandanavian superpower...

"I threaten the hierarchy of power that is already forming, Ragnar Lodbrok. A deal with me is to flirt with danger. You're not afraid of a little danger, are you?"

ruby_maser · November 11, 2002, 23:49

This is a little off topic but yesterday, for some reason, I got the idea of mixing a little Gandhi with Montezuma to get:

Would you like a little vegetarian curry or maybe we could go to war until one of us in wiped off the earth?

I think I had to paraphrase Montezuma's a bit, but I would just find it amusing to hear someone a peaceful as Gandhi say something like that

Tattila the Hun · November 12, 2002, 05:01

Caesar once said, something like "Rome is in a urgent need of assistance, pleace arrange for the swift dispatch of the following" or similar. First this happened, I gave him what he wanted, thinking, "Hey, if he asks nicely for my help, sure" But then he naturally replied something like "You know your place in world/as Roman vassal/etc. Pissed me off!

mrmitchell · November 12, 2002, 08:34

Multiple times, as I go into Viking territory w/ no war and no RoP, they say to protest "We have spotted [city name]..."
For example, once I put a knight next to Trondheim and he sez, "We have spotted Trondheim!..." (I hope he has spotted Trondheim...

)

spy14 · November 12, 2002, 12:32

Shaka, on trying to negociate myself the best possible deal - "Perhaps you would like my eldest son as well?"

Xerxes - something like "We are so glad to end this war. Lets say we go and pick on someone smaller than us"

Kingof the Apes · November 12, 2002, 19:11

Shaka, when beaten down in a war, begging for peace saying

"Your troops are burning our land, eating our chickens, and stealing our women! We really must protect those chickens!"

It was something like that.

miccofl · November 13, 2002, 13:17

I always wondered about him...

Bella Hella · November 13, 2002, 16:35

i had a military alliance with hiawatha of the iriquois against the persians. when i called hiawatha up, he said:

"let us smoke the pipe of peace and discuss our battle strategies!!!"

first of all: dude, man, pass it over.

second of all, smoke the pipe of PEACE and discuss our BATTLE strategies???

Bella Hella · November 13, 2002, 16:40

then there's the infamous "all your base...."

Tattila the Hun · November 14, 2002, 05:42

Anyone noticed, that Xerxes seems quite happy after you've pounded him to pulp?