Hilarious AI Quotes - Page 3

Lucarse · November 20, 2002, 06:03

Best one i saw was the response YOU culd give to the AI
After they catch you probing their borders

'Err we were just out on manoeuvres, yeah thats the ticket ...manoeuvres....'

Hilarious!.

miccofl · November 20, 2002, 10:21

This had to be seen to be believed… Is it just me, or could Hannibal be a bearded lady?

SultanofATL · November 20, 2002, 13:08

This one is really cheap but I can't help, but to giggle when I see it...me asking the AI for an RP:

"Nope. Not gonna do it. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture."

I can just hear Dana Carvey everytime

CerberusIV · November 20, 2002, 14:05

The best one I've seen so far was from the Russians.

I am well on the way to a domination victory. I can't remember the full text but Catherine ended by saying:

"if you have finished, I would like to go home and shoot myself now"

werdhertz · November 21, 2002, 16:20

The Cartheginians had a real good one...

"Contrary to propoganda from my enemy, i am not a cannibal"

cuz his name is hannibal..AHAHAHAHA

Jaybe · November 24, 2002, 18:27

As the Greeks I'm losing a long, drawn-out defensive war with my next door neighbors, the Carthags, who ... (well, he's started the U.N., and I am trying to get corporation). His tanks, bombers and battleships vs. my infantry, guerillas, artillery and occasional ironclad.

I'm finally changing governments, and I ask (no, BEG) Lincoln for Communism in exchange for World Map. I've got a negative cash flow out the kazoo and nothing to offer.

Abe's response is "This offer seems to be a bit one-sided, Alexander. Well, a LOT one-sided, actually. We decline, with thanks."

--
First extended defensive war I have played in quite some time. The bombardment graphic effects (battle animations ON) in PTW are fun, effective and informative. The AI strategy of terrain improvement bombardment actually takes effect after awhile, disrupting communications, etc.

vmxa1 · November 24, 2002, 19:30

They seem to hold communism as sacrosanct and do not like to give it up cheaply. I guess that is fair as Police Stations are useful.

Naiveplayer · November 24, 2002, 20:00

Lincoln once scaled a bluff of mine with this stupid quote:

"With friends like you, who needs enemies? We decline"

Xerses also scaled a bluff, saying:

"The jackal does not dictate terms to the lion. We refuse your squalid demands"

Jaybe · November 24, 2002, 20:10

Quote:

Originally posted by Naiveplayer
Lincoln once scaled a bluff of mine with this stupid quote:

"With friends like you, who needs enemies? We decline"
...

He said that to me too when I increased my offer for communism to "world map PLUS 8 gold" (all that I had left) with a cash flow of

-48gpt.

aaglo · November 26, 2002, 04:51

Lincoln said to me yesterday something like this (I don't remember the beginning)

"Now go away before I forget myself and do something rural and picturesque!"

Naiveplayer · November 26, 2002, 20:08

Quote:

Originally posted by Jaybe

He said that to me too when I increased my offer for communism to "world map PLUS 8 gold" (all that I had left) with a cash flow of

-48gpt.

Wow. What could have gone wrong? It wasn't a gpt deal, and he was getting a world map along with the bargin...

Mad Bomber · November 26, 2002, 20:46

Quote:

quote:

He said that to me too when I increased my offer for communism to "world map PLUS 8 gold" (all that I had left) with a cash flow of -48gpt.

Wow. What could have gone wrong? It wasn't a gpt deal, and he was getting a world map along with the bargin...

This is a second response and is actually an improvement over the previous offer.

Quote:

I'm finally changing governments, and I ask (no, BEG) Lincoln for Communism in exchange for World Map. I've got a negative cash flow out the kazoo and nothing to offer.

Abe's response is "This offer seems to be a bit one-sided, Alexander. Well, a LOT one-sided, actually. We decline, with thanks."

If he had asked what he would accept for communisim he would have gotten a response of " I don't see how we can wrok this out" or something to that effect. In short he has nothing to offer the AI that the AI will accept.

Jaybe · November 27, 2002, 16:55

Japan and Carthage are warring on me. Carthage is bearing the brunt of the offensive, with Japan basically providing bombardment support (battleships).

Japan offers Peace for all my gold +12gpt -- to me that is of no value whatsoever, so I give a counterproposal: Peace and THEY give ME Steel. Japan's response:

"What! You have the gall to offer Japan THIS?!? No! No! No! A thousand times, NO! Somebody hold me back before I gut this jackal!"

--

Quote:

If he had asked what he would accept for communisim he would have gotten a response of " I don't see how we can wrok this out" or something to that effect. In short he has nothing to offer the AI that the AI will accept.

Mad Bomber, DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT??!

I don't have ANYTHING! And my number of cities diminishes every few turns.

Under monarchy, there IS an advantage to losing a town that once was a metropolis: Your maintenance costs go way down, resulting in a net profit ... for as much time as my Greece will live to enjoy it.

Mad Bomber · November 28, 2002, 10:33

Quote:

Originally posted by Jaybe

Mad Bomber, DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT??!

I don't have ANYTHING! And my number of cities diminishes every few turns.

Jaybe:

I was just explaining your situation to Niaveplayer, no offense intended.

Chck out this quote by Ghandi, after I demanded silks from him (AI's never learn):

Jaybe · November 28, 2002, 15:53

Quote:

I was just explaining your situation to Niaveplayer, no offense intended.

It's okay. I was playing the game at the time, and I had to let off some steam.
I determined some time ago that I was NOT going to quit this game, that I would stick it out for the experience.

Naiveplayer · November 28, 2002, 21:36

Thanks for the explanation, Mad Bomber. It helped. I thought it was like he offered, then he added onto it and looked to see whether he'd accept it through the foreign advisor.

That quote from Gandi, I got that once. I was in a position of a superpower and he was throwing this quote at me.

tinyp3nis · November 29, 2002, 00:45

The zulu guy wanted an alliance once and said to me something like this (can't remember exactly): The evil XXXXX are attacking our empire, taking our land, raping our women and killing our cows. Help us, we really need to protect those cows!

Iskandar Reza · November 29, 2002, 01:50

China, furious, after I ask to negotiate a deal:

"Go ahead, steal my shirt why don't you?"

And Montezuma during the first contact:

"Montezuma has noticed your cute civilization."

What the hell does he mean by cute? I've got the largest land area!

Mad Bomber · November 29, 2002, 05:55

Just got this one from montezuma, He offered me a mpp and ROP against Rome, my neighbor who I had an alliance with.

" Join us in our war against hapless Rome, and together we will capture many warriors and joyously sacrifice them in unpleasant ways "

mrmitchell · November 29, 2002, 09:52

Just got this from Carthage, me as Spain:

"When the drink is in, the sense is out, Isabella! I will return when you are sober."

(I had just rejected one of their ridiculous demands)

Eli · November 29, 2002, 12:36

Is there a text file containing all those quotes?

(sorry if someone already posted about this earlier, I dont have time to read the entire thread)

Naiveplayer · November 29, 2002, 14:12

Diplomacy.txt in one of the folders. Or you can download a program, Civ3 Diplomacy Editor. I found that [diplmacy editor] on another Civ fan site. It makes it easy to view and edit quotes.

mrmitchell · November 29, 2002, 14:19

I would prefer to see the speech happening, because for some reason it's funnier in the game than it is in a text file.

Catt · November 30, 2002, 23:00

Not exactly hilarious, but very civ-approrpiate, I thought.

Chemical Ollie · December 2, 2002, 07:32

Hehe

That Viking leader looks like he should take the name "Hårfagre" (means something like Long Lovely Hair in Swedish).

Andrew1999 · December 2, 2002, 16:52

I got "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" from my Trade Advisor once. Any one else seen this?

gnome · December 2, 2002, 19:54

A couple of my favorites:

Once when I saw a Persian warrior crossing my territory I right-clicked on him and said to talk, the first words were something along the lines of....

"Oh, hi! Intruding? No, I was just checking your security, which isn't very good, by the way."

On another occasion Montezuma threatened me and I told him to go stuff it, and his response:

"That's it buddy! You're on my list now! You'll get what's coming to you... someday..."

ChaotikVisions · December 7, 2002, 15:31

Heh, saw a funny one in my current game, meant to take a screenshot but I forgot to and don't wanna go looking through saves. I had ships inside the border of one of Englands Islands. Elizabeth calls me up to remove them, then when I agree she says something along these lines "Thank you Osman, you wouldn't like me when i'm angry."

I'm sure a few of you get that one heh, made me laugh pretty hard at the time.

justjake73 · December 8, 2002, 11:51

Taken directly from diplomacy.txt:

"What the world needs now, $PLAYER0, is love: sweet love. Will you extend our peace treaty?"

"My generals inform me that your cute little soldiers have wandered into $CIVADJ6 territory near $CITY3. I trust that they will clean up after themselves when they leave?"

"I'm sorry, $PLAYER0, but I'm refinishing all of the bathrooms in the Winter Palace, and $CIVNAME5 has nothing to spare."

"Convey my regrets to $CIVNAME1, please. We're poorer than a blind drunkard in a crooked poker game."

"We will bury you!" (Nikita Kruschev, anyone?)

"Excuse me while I laugh. You hosed us once with a right of passage agreement, and now you want us to let you do it again? I have two words for you: get stuffed."

"$CIVNAME3 will not deal with a liar and a treaty-breaker, $PLAYER0. Go now before I create a diplomatic incident on your head with this large rock!"

Childeric · December 9, 2002, 06:52

Viking's leader: "Dont tell me it's raining gold when you pee on me, Cleopatra"!

gross