Well it is about 8? hours later and I have been in a wonderful game with CivDan, montana, and HMJIC?
Although I lost horribly I had a tremendous time. I think a little more time spent Gathering a stable group will go far to having good games.
Things I have learned...Reboot Game after any crashes/ lockups/ or Failed join attempts. Be patched to 1.14f and wait for low pings. I think the ping rate is the killer here, maybe.
We checked connectivity prior to actual game and it paid off. We did crash a couple of times, but we all calmly rebooted, joined and CivDan loaded the saved game. It does take a while to load up, but resist the urge to "chat" and you will eventually get ther.