Atop the World: The Story of the Hudson Bay Company

[SKILORD]

Far to the north, where few dared tread in the ancient days they had emerged, frightening in their patience and intimidating in size. They formed government slowly, perfecting the matters of Republican Democracy as they let the tentacles of their nation seep across the tundras to the forests and grasslands of the south. The entire nation was conceived for supremacy, along that mighty bay. The Founder, Sir Hudson had named the bay after himself before a fateful heart attack left the Nation's future in the hands of Governor Charles Bayley. He had seen the spread to the Great lakes, He had met with diplomats from faraway lands, such as Quebec and even the distant Deseret, who's emmesarries had tried futilely to convert him to Mormonism, Bayley had shrugged them off noncommitally. Years dragged on, the world kicking and screaming into the future. Governor Bayley, later Chancellor Bayley, had played Politics as well as he governed, and he saw the Hudson Bay Republic rise parralell to Quebec and also becom Quebec's staunchest ally. Those two nations decided the fate of the world more and more as time progressed, their alliance was formalised when the Mutual Protection pact was signed in Trois Rivieres. Other Nation's flocked behind them. The Americans, with their mere sliver of the continent but massive army, Deseret, who stood astride the Rockies, Oregon, whose Mountaineers dominated the Pacific Coast.
War came, as it always will to such nations, The Confederate States first, then the Wild West joined them and Russia in the crusade. Texas hid, building it's carribean colonies that it held precious. Mexico felt that it had no business in the affairs to the north. Cuba joined the Bay Republic and Quebec.

This is the Story of that war, of the flame that engulfed north America, of Brother standing beside foreigners against his brethren.

This is the Story of North America.......

[trevor]

Hmm... sounds cool

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Not One!!, Not Two!!, No Three!! Yes folks this cccccccccccccraaazzyy! guy is currently writing THREE STORIES.

Phew SKILORD your keyboards going to be kaput at this rate, youd better put a new one on your Xmas list!

Like this BTW.

[SKILORD]

Well i don't.

The start was poorly written, it frustrates me to do so badly. I'll make it up to you.

I finished the other two.

[SKILORD]

The Sun was setting and the cowboys had long since set off for the Ranches. A few men sat outside the Saloon, chewing on hay and idly watching water drip from a bucket on the side of the street. These men are of little consequence, for all we know they are drunkards outside their favorite establishment, lacking funds to bury themselves in a bottle.
The men inside talked excitedly their words held relative import and they treated them with reverence, for silence marked the periods when the words that came were not important, rather than defile those great words with meaningless babble.
"I recon we could take Salt Lake city, just send some of the Bandits over thre 'n we could have us a time. Goddman Polygamists."
"There's talk of an offensive up from the Sierra Madres, I recon we could make it all the way to Moose Fact'ry"
The words were seemingly useless to the casual bystander but a far greater thing than idleness prompted them, national honor. Deseret had forced it's way in, nabbing Dodge City, one of their proudest offerings to the world. The Nation had been wounded and zealous revenge would come, every 'I' sat with intense anticipation towards the victory of the 'We".
"The Boy's 'll be back by fall dagnubbit."

-

Richmond was the world's greatest city, and all who disagreed would be promptly shot by it's inhabitants. The disease of nationalism so completey that the people would fight to defend something abstaract, a concept few understood completely, their freedom. The freedom of those living in the slave huts of the plantations or the city Slave Streets was unimportaant, though their bondage was protecyted, as the Southron's right to own another man. Washington was theirs, another addition to the Empire that the south was to build, that it's people demanded of it. Texas was eyed hungrily, but those who held the reigns of the rampaging beast knew to wait, Texas wouldn't use the time allowed it for anything other than building it's precious Carribean holdings, and uniting them into what Texas throught would be the crutch to limp to world power, the South laughed along with it's enemies at this thought. The Next battle was to be the final one, Davis decided, he had picked his location finally, Gettysburg was in the heart of the United States, a blow there would cripple what remained of the supply lines and leave New England open to Invasion, the road to Quebec.

-

Ottowa was proud of it's neutrality, their battles were fought against both sides of the conflict, in the embassies of the world. Hudson Bay offered a king's ransom for their support, the Confederacy and the Russians offered more, the Hudson Republic replied with a higher bid. HPearson couldn't stop his nation from becoming a battlefeild, he only managed to limit the foes to this small realm of his. Pearson sighed, it had been a long day of debates over Canadian Neutrality, he consistently demanded that such neautrality be respected. If he joined the side of the CSA, Russia, Mexico and the West he would be swallowed up, the only gain to that side would be a few Years waiting for the Quebecois and Hudsoners to take them, the South was willing to sacrifice Canada, they would hardly blink. The other people of the North, the US, Quebec, Hudson and Oregon also wanted his help, but he would gain little other than what they paid him and he had no desire to loose his trade. If the lands fell into the hands of another nation what mattered it? He would trade with them.

-

Oregon was in adeath grip with Russia, from the depths of Alaska burly men dragged their rifles over foreign peaks to battle against them, Oregon merely destroyed the forces that came, little could be done to attack with the West stabbing up from the South.

-

Cuba stood alone, Fidel Castro declared that he helped the Northerners and his Frigates scirmished with the Confederates. His eyes were set on a single prize, that which would bring power to the throne of Cuba, Florida.
The CSA hardly bothered defending Florida, they dismissed the thought of a Cuban invasion with the slightest wave, nop concern was won by those with the foresight or the blind foolish pride to see it. That the South lacked the former was obvious in it's dismissal.

[SKILORD]

[SKILORD]

I cannot write this story, i will leave it be, let's all pretend i never did this....

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Have you not read the quote you display by good old Winston ?

I would concur youre having trouble with this as I am finding it hard to follow, and the screenshot seems out of focus for some reason.

Tell me to zip it if you like but I would like to offer some thoughts.

Firstly youve just completed two very good stories and your perhaps a little dried up at the moment, I know I was after I wrote Mikes Story. I still cant quite get started on a new story and cant decide which idea to go with.

You said you were writing about a game you played based on a mod youve made, so as the writer youre going to have to work just that little bit harder to help us to understand your story. This story is based on something you know but we have no concept of.

I think you are aware of what I am saying but are trying to introduce the characters to quickly. This seems to need much more detailed build up and development and if my theory is correct then this should you continue is set to be of epic proportions. If this becomes epic then we will not mind you taking longer between posts.

Two stories I will point you to are bassmans's "Ghandi Khan The Wise" and Easthavens "World at War". Both very long and both very well written and developed. Also take a look at how Oz develops characters in his stories and sticks to describing only one event usually in a post.

Of course such a long time committment is not always possible for everyone and I certainly found writing my story hard work. In fact Id say that Im better suited to giving you guys the support and advice you need sometimes when it gets tough, as its just as important to this forum.

My advice to you would be to take some time out from writing say a day or even two. Read a book or two go out with friends to the movies or whatever and come back to this after a break. Only post when youve given yourself plenty of time to prepare a chapter and done any necessary research that may be required.

Keep in your mind that you are doing this for fun and you do not have to meet any time schedules. We will always be grateful to see some more but we can wait. Dont let it start to feel like your job and your having to meet deadlines.

Finally if you dont think you can do all the time commitment stuff then write shorter stories with less nations and or characters involved.

I point you back to your cowboy story it started as frenetically as this one but you did a fine job of bringing it back under control and putting a great finish to it.

SKILORD you are a good writer and you can do this. You know all these things Im saying already, but we all get a little bogged down and cornered sometimes. So whether or not you continue this keep your chin up and keep smiling.

[gooberboob]

I, personally, would like to play this mod

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Yes Goober it does sound interesting, SKILORD if you continue a link would be nice.

[SKILORD]

I need to put the finishing touches on 'er.

I'lll post it here soon.

[SKILORD]

I'll continue this story, rather restart it. It willl apear in a couple of days (my computer time has been limited by holiday troubles).

Thank you Chrisus!

[gooberboob]

ROCK ON!

[unscratchedfoot]

That map looks cool. I don't play civ3 at all (I think I lost the disk somewhere but not too worried about it) but if I did I'd like to give this one a try. Why is Russia in this? I think it should only include what's really there like the individual American states, canada, indian tribes, cuba, wetbacks, eskimos and the french (Quebec or representing France's close ties to the confederate states). Also, it would be much more interesting if the tech was cut off in the age of musketry and add in all the new cool musket units in the unit creation forum.

Skydude, if you want to make this story a go I think it'll be fine. You could take it from your country's leader's point of view and have him and his war ministers discuss what's happening among the other countries and have them throw in their opinions, jeers and disagreements. Include lots of wars and cool fighting. Personally I prefer war stories with lotsa details of the carnage and not skip over battles with only one sentence.

IMHO, if you want the story to read smoothly and not feel like a textbook you should avoid vague, clumsy sentences like this: "That the South lacked the former was obvious in it's dismissal." Just my opinion. Leave this for boring thesis writers please. I believe the best written stories are the easiest to read. If you don't agree with this I can delete this part out.

Anyways please continue the story.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Good luck with it and Im glad your going to give it another shot.

I will be looking forward to your next post.

[SKILORD]

Russia was put in this in an attempt to take up more land space (the large map is a pain)

I wanted to add the eskimos but failed to find city names. Russia really did own alaska once, i might (later) change their city names to Alaskan city names.

[SKILORD]

http://www.apolyton.net/forums/showt...threadid=71407

here it is

[gooberboob]

great mod Skilord