Quickly: How to get a mild case of food poisoning?

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 05:48

I need to get a sick note so I can be excused for missing a tonne of work (and not get sacked).

I figure if I go to the doctor with a mild (but obvious) sickness she'll 'realise' I'm recovering from something and give me a sick note, saving my ass.

Only problem is, how to get sick without risking my life? I suffer severe toxic reactions to samonella, so thats probably out..... Anything milder? Eggs? Running in the rain? gunpowder? cigarettes?

Please help!! Seriously, think of ways to hurt me!

aaglo · December 20, 2002, 05:50

Drink a lot of alcohol...

and put a big "L" in your forehead

loserloserloserloserloserloser

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 05:50

Eat a tobacco. This will get you sick. It sucks though.. but if it's your last chance and you must get sick, then this works.

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 05:51

But I think you wanna go with something else.. because eating cigarrette can make you truly sick and it's not fun.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 05:52

I don't mind, since its to stop me losing my job

Don't think that will do though, maybe need a genuine organic sickness.

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 05:52

How about just eating laxatives (don't know how to spell it), so you can say you have diarrhea?

monkspider · December 20, 2002, 05:52

Small ammounts of rat poison? Radiation? Bugs?

MikeH · December 20, 2002, 05:53

It's also VERY, VERY dangerous. There's enough nicotine in 2 cigarettes to kill you and ingesting it is a lot more efficient than smoking so be very careful! The reason it makes you sick is that it's poison.

aaglo · December 20, 2002, 05:53

I believe this thread will be toast.

I don' think that poly supports self-poisoning...

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 05:54

But I'm consenting! MikeH, didn't think of that, actually might be a good idea after all!

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 05:56

Yeah, I don't recommend you eating tobacco, I once did it to get sick, and I got sick. But I felt sooooooo bad it was far from fun

. You might want to try something else. Just eat bunch of laxatives and go crap a lot, all day and night, you will be weak when you go to doctor because you have no fluids left in you. I can't recommend this either, everything has its risks..

monkspider · December 20, 2002, 05:57

Can't you just explain to your doctor what's going on? I'm sure most doctors would be able to sympathize.

FrustratedPoet · December 20, 2002, 05:57

If you die be sure to post here and let us know.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 05:58

Can you reccomend what type/dosage of laxatives?

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 05:59

Yeah, why can't you explain something else, like you have a serious head ache, like your head is exploding?
That way you don't have to be sick for real?

I GOT IT! YESSSSSSSSSS! I'm a genious.. say you have migrane (sorry I don't know how to spell this either

). It works every damn time! Say you have migrane, and you know it's gonna get even worse soon and you see colors already, and then look suffering and weak like you're about to get shot in the back of your head?

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 06:00

No no.. go with migrane man! It works and you don't have to be sick for real.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:01

Quote:

Can't you just explain to your doctor what's going on? I'm sure most doctors would be able to sympathize

Doubt it, there has been a crackdown recently. They were also extremely rude when I was genuinely sick and needed a note.

monkspider · December 20, 2002, 06:01

You're a genius Pekka!

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:02

Nah, I actually do suffer from migraines, horrendous. but I need an excuse for being absent for a week, I don't think week long migraines exist!

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 06:02

monkspider, amazing what a young man learns in the army

.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:05

How about using raw chicken as a pacifier?

Nubclear · December 20, 2002, 06:05

Completly stress yourself out....works for me all the time

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 06:07

You have to get the whole week out? That's different then.. hmmh.. migrane won't work for that. I doubt they give you a whole week for diarrhea either.. because it can go away right away and usually won't last that long.
If you say you're starting to have a nervous break down, they'll give you at least a week and maybe more, but then again that might not look good... so that's not good either. You got it difficult.. but don't eat tobacco, it is real poisoning like MikeH said and it's not very safe.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:10

I don't have to be severely sick, just mildly sick, so I can go to the doctor and say "of course it was much worse earlier this week

".

I'm going to link the symptoms with when I had glandular fever and got so sick I had to be hospitalised. Relapses can cause flu-like symptoms, constant sleep and MS style lethargy..... Might be worth a try?

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 06:12

Hmm.. Ok, this might not be very moral thing for me to do, but since Evil Knevil is in tough spot. Why do you have to be sick? Can't you get think of something else, like 'my close relative got in accident, and I really have to go into hospital to see him/her for a while, because it's critical'??? This is not something to joke with, but I think it would give you some time and they won't say anything? Of course this would be lying about something that is serious.. but if you have to choose between breaking your leg and this... I wouldn't break my leg

.

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 06:15

Ahh, that's even better.. in general. If you can convince her that you are having something you have from time to time, that you have a 'condition'.. and she won't bother to check you out because you seem to be sure of it.. I don't know about the details, but the general idea might work out.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:17

I'd have to provide evidence that they're sick! Work's a complete ****! I thought I'd try the tripartite approach:

1/ Claim I was mugged and beaten up. True, have police documentation as well. Left me shaken.

2/ Claim my elderly mom got sick and I had to go home and look after her. False

3/ Claim I got sick as well.

What do you think.... too much prehaps?

MikeH · December 20, 2002, 06:19

Good plan.

GF thing works well as well. I've done that before... mostly 'cause I've actually been sick though.

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 06:21

Perhaps too much?

Maybe you could say that when you got mugged.. you're still afraid to leave the house and see other people or something like that, and that you want to rest for a while.. since you were traumatized. I don't know what's the procedure in these situations, maybe they order you to go see a shrink or something. Good thing would be that it's true. If it's not too long ago..

Pekka · December 20, 2002, 06:23

But on the other hand doctor could just say working is good for you, to get back into normal life as fast as possible so you won't lock yourself inside your house. I don't know..