Quickly: How to get a mild case of food poisoning? - Page 2

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:25

Ah, bollocks. Makes me wish I'd turned up for work.

Think I'll go for the mugging and faux glandular fever relapse, any ideas how to induce something that I could pass off as g/f?

MikeH · December 20, 2002, 06:35

It's just tiredness so no symptoms to fake really.

Tired mentally, muscles feel tired after not doing much physical.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:46

I know about Glandular fever, I was hospitalised with it for ****s sakes!

It also Involves swelling of the lymph glands as well as lethargy and possible liver inflammation --I've had dark urine recently, so maybe I can use that in my favor

Bereta_Eder · December 20, 2002, 06:48

Quote:

Originally posted by Evil Knevil
I need to get a sick note so I can be excused for missing a tonne of work (and not get sacked).

I figure if I go to the doctor with a mild (but obvious) sickness she'll 'realise' I'm recovering from something and give me a sick note, saving my ass.

Only problem is, how to get sick without risking my life? I suffer severe toxic reactions to samonella, so thats probably out..... Anything milder? Eggs? Running in the rain? gunpowder? cigarettes?

Please help!! Seriously, think of ways to hurt me!

wot?

are you working in chaushesku quarters?!

just tell'em you're sick.

what r they gonna do ask for a doctors note?

really?

MikeH · December 20, 2002, 06:52

Quote:

Originally posted by Evil Knevil
I know about Glandular fever, I was hospitalised with it for ****s sakes!

It also Involves swelling of the lymph glands as well as lethargy and possible liver inflammation --I've had dark urine recently, so maybe I can use that in my favor

I've had it too. I'm just talking about what it's like when you feel a bit of a relapse.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 06:52

Yes, they will. Isn't that normal practice in other countries? I forget the UK is nicknamed "The sweatshop of Europe".

Bereta_Eder · December 20, 2002, 06:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Evil Knevil
Yes, they will. Isn't that normal practice in other countries? I forget the UK is nicknamed "The sweatshop of Europe".

well i can get a day's off work if i want to, with no doctor's note

even two sometimes.

but we have a kick ass relationship with the management. they know we are crazy but they know we'll get the job done

so...

we are 3 working at my department and we are good friends so one will take up the job of the other if there is need for one "to be someplace else."

Bereta_Eder · December 20, 2002, 07:01

unless of course we're talking about the (greek) public sector where you have to be there everyday (and do nothing)

MikeH · December 20, 2002, 07:01

If you have more than 5 days off they can ask for a doctors note, in fact they have to by law. Less than that and you don't need one (I think)

aaglo · December 20, 2002, 07:04

Evil Knevil -

If you would stop posting at poly and start working, you could get the job done, and not be sick...

Bereta_Eder · December 20, 2002, 07:06

or just post from work

Nubclear · December 20, 2002, 07:06

I still say stress is the best way...I've missed so much work because of stress.

Bereta_Eder · December 20, 2002, 07:12

bah, just **** it all and do the job

or if you cant/wont, think of an excuse (they'll know its fake) and risk it (for losing your job)

C0ckney · December 20, 2002, 08:44

if you got mugged, go to the doctor and tell him that you've been afraid to go out of the house and that seeing him today was the first time since you got mugged. get him to give you something to calm you down and use both the police and the doctor to back you up at work.

Lefty Scaevola · December 20, 2002, 10:52

Was not the military maligerer trcik to eat some gunpowder; I believe it was the potassium nitrate therin that did the trick.

FemmeAdonis · December 20, 2002, 11:07

*blinks* are you retarded??

eat a bunch of jalapenos,,,I mean a LOT..give yourself severe indigestion...nasuea, the runs...

dont give yourself food poisoning, ya moron.

You shouldnt have missed work in the first place, slacker..you SHOULD be canned.

orange · December 20, 2002, 11:32

Quote:

Originally posted by FrustratedPoet
If you die be sure to post here and let us know.

you kill me, FP

(no pun intended!)

orange · December 20, 2002, 11:34

tell 'em you were anally raped at gunpoint by a horde of recently released convicts! Now THAT'S a traumatic event!

MikeH · December 20, 2002, 11:51

The voice of experience there.

Evil Knevil · December 20, 2002, 12:02

Yeep.

orange · December 20, 2002, 12:17

Drake Tungsten · December 20, 2002, 12:28

Flubber · December 20, 2002, 12:38

Just curious but didn't you have to call in to say you wouldn't be in at the time or are you just trying to set something up for some planned future absence ??

ískallin · December 20, 2002, 12:40

You can
1. beat yourselfe with a hammer in the forehead threetimes pr hour(always works)
2. draw a cigarette throug a tail pipe and the next day eat a suger nugget that has been wetted in gas, this way you'l get a 40°c heat
3.do all the other things posted here

Urban Ranger · December 20, 2002, 13:19

Tell your doctor you have these symtoms:

- vomiting
- diarrhea
- mild fever (now recessed)
- very, very stiff and sore muscles
- sore throat

I had food poisoning before, but it wouldn't last a whole week.

Provost Harrison · December 20, 2002, 13:27

Quote:

Originally posted by Evil Knevil
How about using raw chicken as a pacifier?

We call them dummies here young man!

Do you have any allergies? Exacerbate it! Otherwise I don't know...

chequita guevara · December 20, 2002, 13:29

Maybe you should have gone to work.

Clear Skies · December 20, 2002, 13:29

Don't bother making yourself ill. Just put a pair of underpants on your head, stick a pencil up each nostril and answer any question with the word 'wubble'.

orange · December 20, 2002, 13:58

my vote's for the Clear Skies method!

Richelieu · December 20, 2002, 15:54

This thread's a riot