Post your NEWS to THIS thread - Page 2

ColdWizard · January 23, 2003, 20:03

From ECN broadcast

Protesters from the Alliance to Make Gambling Illegal gathered in the street outside the King's Winter Residence in the city of Eternal Frost. The protesters chanted early in the morning, "Make gambling illegal". Shortly thereafter, the King appeared on a balcony overlooking the street and yelled, "Shut the **** up you noisy bastards!", before going back inside.

The protesters increased the volume of the chants and the King returned to the balcony with a firehose. The King then issued an order to someone inside, and proceeded to hose down the protesters while yelling, "I told you to shut the **** up!" The protesters quickly dispersed and several were taken to nearby hospitals to be treated for hypothermia. The temperature at the time of the protest was -2F.

The head of the Alliance declined to appear on camera but released a statement in which he apologized for the time of the protest saying, "...it really was far too bother the King, I'm very deeply sorry."

A spokesman for the King said, "Really, people should know better." No comments were made on whether the protesters would be punished.

Odin · January 23, 2003, 23:44

The Parliment of the People's Republic of Raganarok has offically endorsed a bill increacing funding of education. To pay for the education package the tax rates of people who make more than 25,000 Raga (250,000 US dollars) per year to 75%. To stimulate the economy the tax rates of small bussinesses (Large companies are government controlled) were cut by 5% and the tax for the lowest tax bracket (<5,000 Raga, or $50,000)was cut to 35%.

Parliment has rejected a proposal to open some forest for industry by a margin of 164 to 136. The proposal was a result the the current recession plaguing the country, but enviromentalists led a campaign to kill the bill, saying that it would threaten wildlife.

Starchild · January 24, 2003, 11:18

Dominion Approved News

A sweeping change to the Righteous Forces of the Dominion was announced today by the Ministry of Peace, Security, and Correct Philosophy. The national army is to take over the repsonsibilities of the now defunct national police force. The funds necessary to expand the force in this way have been allocated and a massive recruitment drive is beginning. The new joint army-police force will be run directly by the aforementioned Ministry. It's new title is the Liberation, Peacekeeping, and Collective Society Harmony Force.

Glory unending to Glorious Leader, who has seen to secure the safety of the Eternal People-State.

Thiorn · January 24, 2003, 15:29

From Federal Datalinks, [Adranor, FTR]:

Child Casino Shock: Children as young as eight have been spotted gambling in some of Technocratic Republics's seedier casinos.
The central federal government has dictated an order of full prohibition for this matter. Gambling is a stain on Technocratic Republics's international reputation and it must be stopped.

SlowwHand · January 24, 2003, 23:46

News from North Texas

Military spending is on the increase due to what is being widely viewed as a hostile political atmosphere in
The Kingdom of Eternal Cold.

Archaic · January 25, 2003, 09:17

Newsflash

The Commonwealth of Alecrast is proud to announce the settlement of the Anarchy that has ravaged the country since the attacks. We would like to thank the nations of Centralis, Karakas and the United States of Jackson for their aid in restoring order, and hope that the spirit of cooperation between our nations brought about by the recent events will firm into unbreakable ties for many many years to come.

Leland · January 26, 2003, 17:23

Elections in Stubbornia

Recent parliamentary elections in the isolationist Stubbornian island nation have ended in the victory of the Anti-Progressive Party with a massive chunk of 30% of all votes. In his short but arrogant inauguration speech the new prime minister promised to fulfill his party's main campaign points, which revolved around traditional values and monolithic social programs. "In addition to the usual tripe", he also revealed, "we're moving ahead in the process of finally joining the United Nations. The road there will be long and arduous one."

The prime minister's announcement was received with an uproar. Critics say that this undemocratic joining of UN is simply a ploy by the big industry to sell away the Stubbornian national pride, and that the wide public opposition to globalisation and international relations in general has not been taken into account. "Oh yeah?", replied the PM, "well you should've thought about that during the elections! Haw haw haw". However, to appease the opposition prime minister did assure that Stubbornia would not endorse any regional candidate. "This is purely an economic solution."

The losing parties of Stubbornian parliamentary elections include the Conservative Coalition (19%) and the National Preservation League of Stubbornia (8%). 43 percent of votes were cast to non-existent candidates, which is considered an improvement to last elections.

Starchild · January 27, 2003, 12:13

Dominion Approved News

Traitors attempting to destroy Glorious Leader are to be punishment today in the centre of the Capital. Citizens living in Capital are to be present to watch. All other citizens must watch the live broadcast from1700 Standard Time to 2000 Standard Time. The method of punishment is death by vivisection.

Science in Human Resouces took a glorious leap forward toward when Most Majestic Leader announced the creation of a large scale human cloning project. All citizens registered Gamma and lower are to report to their local medical centre for long term gestation prevention procedures. Citizens of these designations upon being government permission to breed, as per the normal procedure of loyalty tests, will be allowed to chose from cloned embryos of citizens designated Alpha to Sigma.

Praise be to most Wise Glorious Leader, majestic manifestation of the Will of the People-State.

ColdWizard · January 27, 2003, 17:03

....ECN Breaking News....

A high ranking minister has informed ECN that the King has relaxed his policy regarding political freedoms. This unprecedented action will likely have widespread consequences and may even result in political parties. We will continue to follow this story and broadcast updates as events unfold, stay tuned to ECN...

Drogue · January 27, 2003, 17:13

Akiria is now a Capitalist Paradise

I have no idea how this happened, with our basket case economy, but nevertheless, it is what we are?

Measures on social welfare have been taken to try to get us back to a more ~~sensible~~ leftist position

Odin · January 27, 2003, 20:40

The Raganarok Parliment today have overwelmingly voted to increase subsidies to the automobile industry to help the development of fuel cell based cars. and to help stimulate the economy.

After many protests the parliment voted to ban security cameras on the streets.

Finally, a large deposit of titainium ore was found near a small fishing town. The governmernt has already rented the land to 2 corperations in foreign nations for huge amounts of cash.

Leland · January 28, 2003, 13:46

Stubbornia classified as a 'Psychotic Dictatorship' by UN

Not long after the Stubbornian government passed a law banning political parties from receiving private donations, or excessively advertising themselves, the United Nations changed the isolationist island nation's classification from 'Authoritarian Democracy' to 'Psychotic Dictatorship'. Stubbornians receive the news with mixed feelings; UN-critical organizations label it as an international ploy to discredit the long-standing social democratic traditions of their country, and demand that the process of gaining UN membership must be halted, whereas the government supporters are putting the blame on twisted media within their own country.

"We all know that corporate lobbies were about to take control of our political systems", prime minister answers his critics, "we just had to set some limits to how parties operate. We've been a caring, social democracy since the beginning of time, and damn if I'm going to let a bunch of automobile factories take it away". His scornful reference to auto industry is thought to echoe the recent government refusal to raise tariffs on foreign cars, a decision widely criticized by unions.

"What every stubbornian should do is to shut up and just keep working as usual", the prime minister continues, "this is just a temporary label. We are not a dictatorship and everyone with even half a brain knows it. Sheesh". It remains to be seen whether PMs encouraging speech is going to pacify the nation at this time of economic recess.

Odin · January 28, 2003, 22:08

I legalized public nudity, said "Screw You" to the Uranium miners, ans let the Nazis demonstrate. (Hey, I don't like those guys, but they can say all the BS they want, as long as they don't hurt anyone.

) I'm still a Scandinavian Liberal Paridise.

Markus The Mighty · January 30, 2003, 10:09

from MPA (Markustan Press Association)
Markustan government nationalises industry

Markusarkand.Recently, Disputed Representative Markus The Mighty passed the new "Markustan Industry Act" with the goal to take control from private companies.

"Those capitalizts plunder our country's ressources, refuse to bow to Markustai environmental regulations and fire our workers, and only for money that goes into the pockets of a handful of corporate fatcats", the Representative explains, "and it is now my duty as Representative to transfer the control where it belongs, to the people of my country!"

Markustani economic scientists, foreseeing problems with the new nationalisation policy, warn of an incoming economic collapse.

ColdWizard · January 30, 2003, 11:32

From the Freezington Post

Members of the militant animal rights group called Animal Liberation Front once again released chickens and other animals in the early hours of this morning. The release of the animals was wide spread and well coordinated said a police spokesman. The activists were armed with clubs and resisted police arrest. Police opened fire in self-defense and several activists were killed and many were wounded. The survivors were sentenced this morning to 30 years in the uranium mines in central Snowsylvania.

The mines were first opened....

Arnelos · January 30, 2003, 23:50

News from Lavor...

After a prolongued period of time where Commonwealth of Lavor's crime rate was one of the highest in the region, the continued efforts to revitalize the education system coupled with increases to the numbers of police and the public surveilance program, crime has dramatically fallen from "high" to "low" among youth in a matter of a few days!

Given this amazing success of public policy by the ruling conspiracy of Lavor, approval ratings for the government and the leaders of the conspiracy rose dramatically. With crime so low compared to historic averages, the people are increasingly content with the system.

In other news, the Commonwealth of Lavor has been rated by the United Nations as having the 2nd highest pro-market policy of any nation in the Apolyton region. Word has it that Lavor's staunch anti-tariff and anti-subsidy rules have promoted international trade and helped to garner its reputation as leader in the free trade movement in the Apolyton region.

VJ · January 31, 2003, 14:33

News from RNF

Due to success of RNFAR's national football team, dictator J-B. Hoxha
has decided to grant initial 500K NR¤ to form a National Football Association,
and continue funding by 245K NR¤ per year.