Turning people down

red_jon · January 29, 2003, 07:47

OK, so we've had a 'hwo do you pick up [women]' thread so let's have a 'how do you turn people down' thread.

Last night I was in H20 (the gay club) with 3 other people from the LGB, 2 girls (1 gay, 1 straight) and a guy, Matt (a nice enough guy, but not really my type).

We'd been drinking for a while when this bald man, late 30s, started talking to Kate (the straight girl), who began to look uncomfortable. I presumed he was coming on to her (hey, straight and bi people go to gay bars too). About 5 minutes later he started talking to me, asking me questions about my life, then saying 'you're really cute' and 'you're really gorgeous'.

Then he asked me if we wanted to go back to his for a drink. I made my excuses and told him probably not, as we were fine here and he left. Kate told me he'd been asking her if I was single, etc.

The bald guy came back twice more doing the same thing, to the point that one of the girls and I had agreed to magically find love should he come on too strongly (as you do

)

Then the creepy manager bloke (who always leers at me and makes crude comments) came over, and I just stared at the ground and went red when he did as usual. He left after a short while. Then, when getting drinks at the bar again, the bald guy came over to me and asked if I had a chance. I was fairly drunk but didn't want to hurt his feelings, so just said I wanted to go out with someone from the uni as they'd be nearby. He told me he lives next to the uni. So I garbled something about wanting someone with similar life experiences, being in my age range (hey, I was trying not to trip over my own feet

)

Then, when I went and sat back down with the people from the lgb, Matt put his hand on my leg, so I just ignored it.

So all in all I had to turn three people down, all of whom I wasn't interested in. Yet all the guys I like are unavailable. God's shown once again his sense of humour, which I'm sure must be funny if you aren't me

So how do you turn people down?

Urban Ranger · January 29, 2003, 07:54

Do you want down down or down now while leaving the door open?

Solly · January 29, 2003, 07:55

Ignore them.

Problem is it usually works in the exact opposite way.

red_jon · January 29, 2003, 08:02

Yeah.

Actually on the subject, Evil Rob from my floor asked if he could come live with me and my friends next year. I didn't have the heart to say no, so he is (AAAAAAAAAARGH).

So I'm going to do the only logical thing.

He has to die.

Solly · January 29, 2003, 08:03

Actually, I've realised the best way to do it is get steaming drunk and send text messages about. That way you don't rememebr it and it won't be on your conscience either.

Win-win.

orange · January 29, 2003, 08:39

inaction, and not showing interest.

When it becomes clear that a girl likes me that I'm not interested in dating, I simply don't make it seem like anything will happen. Eventually they get tired of waiting or they take action themselves, and when they do, i tell them that I'm just not interested at the moment. I try to say something, so it's not 'them', but I don't outright lie about it either unless they get pushy or can't take a hint.

Datajack Franit · January 29, 2003, 08:39

Ugly-ass pervert: "mind if you suck my ****"?
Dt Franit "mind if I say that you're crap-ugly and nobody would ever want to suck you, otherwise you wouldn't waste your pathetic life in such a place?"

Alexander's Horse · January 29, 2003, 08:44

I just ask them if they want to see my genital warts.

red_jon · January 29, 2003, 08:51

"Do you want to see AH's gential warts?"

Skanky Burns · January 29, 2003, 08:57

RJ, your version prabably works better than AH intended!

Gangerolf · January 29, 2003, 09:54

Quote:

Originally posted by Boddington's
Actually, I've realised the best way to do it is get steaming drunk and send text messages about. That way you don't rememebr it and it won't be on your conscience either.

Win-win.

What about the day after when, in great pain and ridden with hangover angst, you find some rather sour replies on your mobile?

Urban Ranger · January 29, 2003, 10:53

That's the least of his worries. Remember, there is no fury in Hell like a woman scorned, or something like that.

Dis · January 29, 2003, 15:01

turning people down?

you can do that?

I only turned one girl down. And that was recently. My ex-girlfriend who died. Although I think I did it to subtlely because she still wanted to come out here. I really have no experience in turning women down. I'm too desperate

Provost Harrison · January 29, 2003, 16:48

Quote:

Originally posted by Boddington's
Actually, I've realised the best way to do it is get steaming drunk and send text messages about. That way you don't rememebr it and it won't be on your conscience either.

Win-win.

Yeah, I remember the text messages of love you have sent me in the past

The last drunken one you sent finished 'Love Stew', I do hope you had just sent that to the wrong person

Well I had a spheroid named Julia who was after my body (ha, who isn't?

). I just had to wait for her to get over it, there was no way of dropping a subtle hint, but she really did not float my boat.

MattyBoy · January 29, 2003, 19:20

Absolutely no experience like that, sorry. :/
I've never needed to do more than play dumb and let it go by unnoticed.

Nubclear · January 29, 2003, 19:23

Hmm....Back in my day, I simply said that I had genital warts (

) and that I would terminate the date if they didn't suck on my penis. It worked.

self biased · January 29, 2003, 20:05

Quote:

Originally posted by Boddington's
Ignore them.

Problem is it usually works in the exact opposite way.

stew. you have no idea how right you are, stew.

Lorizael · January 29, 2003, 20:35

Don't you kinda have to have someone else interested in you before you can turn them down?

I say, be honest. If it's a random person at a bar, odds are you'll never see them again.

Sirotnikov · January 29, 2003, 21:03

I must say that I also have trouble when it comes to turning people down. I'm usually very sympathetic and tend to be willing to go more than half of a way towards someone.

But I think that turning people down too often is bad.

I didn't expect my current relationship to work. I thought it wouldn't and that I would feel uncomfortable. I was on the brink of turning it down (I told her I'm going to take a few weeks to think about it).

But I decided to go for it, since I didn't want to lose her as a friend. And I must tell you that my gf is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. And my relationship with her is very different from what I had expected.

So, only turn down if you are completely sure you don't want it.

cavebear · January 29, 2003, 21:11

Cruelty is never necessary. When someone approaches you (of whatever sex and whatever sexual orientation), they have taken what is usually a difficult step to initiate communication. Sure, there are always some people who will go around and try to hit on anyone and everyone, but most people don't.

Be flatterred they saw something interesting about you, and if you don't see that in return, just tell them in a friendly way. Life's hard enough as it is.

Dauphin · January 29, 2003, 21:13

If there is a chance it would work, try it out. If there is no chance then can it there and then. Don't dance around the issue. You don't need to say anything nasty, just "I'm not interested in you in that way". If its a complete stranger just a "Sorry, not interested" is enough.