Crusader's Legacy - Page 2

SKILORD · February 2, 2003, 20:40

Thanx to Chrisus and all the others who provide feedback.

vovan · February 2, 2003, 20:40

Ummm... I just read the other version of the story, SKI, and it is all good and descriptive. Though I have a feeling that it will be edited by their little politicaly correct mod...

SKILORD · February 2, 2003, 20:56

hmmm?

Well if you were radical enough this story could be considered blasphme. I can't imagine why CT would edit my posts though, and if she did I would promptly stop posting stories at CFC. The Celtic tales found there would be easily moved over here. I would stay at CFC, of course, but they would find themselves without my stories.

I'm saving that specific chapter in case she edits it.

vovan · February 2, 2003, 21:38

Well, like I said, I liked the chapter. It is just that it seems that from a very politically correct mod, as CT is (as shown more than vividly by her eiditing MindsBigger's story), I would expect her editing yours as well. Then again, it might be just my innate russian lack of trust towards the powers that be.

SKILORD · February 2, 2003, 21:44

I know, i protested her editing of A Whoremaid's tale too, but i can't see exactly what she would edit. If any part of the Chapter is offensive, the whole thing is, from a religious standpoint. Other than religious objections i can see none ( but i bet that MB didn't think his title offensive, i didn't) i understand vov, though, and i will be waiting, watching, because i kno0w she has the decency at least to tell me if she changed it.

vovan · February 2, 2003, 23:02

Well, you see, SKI, I don't agree with your point that if this chapter is offensive, so is the rest of the story. I, personally don't have a problem with it - thank god, I'm an atheist, - but I can see how an overly pc mod can, and here is my reasoning:

You see, Allah is unlike the three other gods you mentioned before in the story. Crenunnos, Shiva, and Susano are more like deities than gods. They are all just a part of the many gods that their respective worshippers believed there to be. They are sort of pagan gods, and there is less problem people have with them fighting because (a) Most people are monotheist nowadays, and (b) In the systems of beliefs where there is more than one god, they are considered more human-like than the ideal single gods of muslims and christians. While it was not uncommon for the polytheist (is that even a word? I am not sure, but I will use it as opposed to monotheism from here on.

) gods to fight amongst each other - just remember the greek gods, or the japanese gods, as shown on the example of Susano, - while it is not uncommon for them to fight, Allah, or God cannot fight anybody by definition, for they are believed to be THE one god. And according to the beliefs, even if they had competition, they wouldn't fight, for they are peace-loving. (Well, maybe Allah would, my knowledge of Quaran (sp?) is very limited, unfortunately.) That is one reason why the latest chapter might be more offensive than the previous ones.

The second reason is the traditional animosity between the Christian and the Muslim worlds. From the dawn of history, most of the major wars were fought between the two. Romans vs. Muslims, Greeks vs. the Turks, Russians vs. the Mongols, Gulf war, Soviet engagement in the Caucasus. The list goes on and on. Save the conflicts of the XIX and XX centuries, virtually all wars were fought between muslims and christians. Thus, as an ancient animosity, the subject of Allah, and God is touchy.

Sparkle · February 2, 2003, 23:48

Is it normal that admins edit stories when they don´t like something in them? I hope not :-(((

I didn´t find anything wrong in the story, what it should be edited by someone else for...

vovan · February 2, 2003, 23:55

Not over here, Sparkle. Don't worry, our mods don't mess with stories. (Well, I suppose if you promote racism or violence, or something, they would, but that has never happened yet.) Whereas over at CFC, we witnessed a story being edited by a mod just about four days ago...

SKILORD · February 3, 2003, 14:49

I understand that vova, i was unsure about Including Allah for that reason, but if you

vovan · February 3, 2003, 16:36

Quote:

Originally posted by SKILORD
I understand that vova, i was unsure about Including Allah for that reason, but if you

... Is there meant to be a continuation for this? But if I ... ?

SKILORD · February 4, 2003, 09:29

There were several paragraphs more, but i forgot them.

I'm having my wisdom teeth pulled today, i'll be out for a couple of days therefore.

ChrisiusMaximus · February 4, 2003, 13:10

If I had it my way all dentists would be crucified as payback for the terror they instill in us mere mortals.

TheGuitarist · February 4, 2003, 20:56

Lol Chrisius.

This is going great, SKILORD, and no, I haven't stopped reading your stories.

Very interesting concept, keep it up!

vovan · February 4, 2003, 21:04

Ouch... It's a good thing the dentists don't all wear ties like this:

ChrisiusMaximus · February 4, 2003, 23:20

SKILORD · February 5, 2003, 14:26

I was really in a mood to write last night, but i was too tired to get a chapter out (pain pills) my cheeks are swollen as hell. I might get another chapter out soon.

SKILORD · February 5, 2003, 17:15

Kyoto and Tokyo were the cornerstones of a fallen empire, they remained though their brothers had gone to the torch, Indian temples now posessed the cities that had once followed their now dead god, but they remained faithful.

Togukawa found the Indian's claims perposterous, it was true that Susano had long been missing, but the Japanese god was prone to such rapid shifts in temperment, he wore down his marble tiles as he paced his palace with neverending worries. Weather was no solace, once Susano had sent him sunshine and the temples had been filled with eager faces on such days, now a permament cloud had taken reign over the remaining cities under his grasp.

"But what grasp do I have left...." he pondered aloud, heads spinned to watch him. His Samurai couldn't even defeat Longbowmen, what use were his armies.

"You have plenty of grasp." a larger man assured him, placing a large, strong hand on his shoulder. Togukawa's eyes groped up towards the stranger's scarred face.

"What do you mean, how would you know."

"I will build you an army, I will drive back the heathen."

Toku almost laughed at him, the fight was lost already in his mind. He nodded anyway, "Thank you."

The other man laughed,"I see you have confidence in me..."

"No," Tokugawa shook his head," The fall of Japan will no longer be my fault."

-

Elephants had beaten giant potholes into the ground, it was an easy path to follow.

"How far are we?" The frail warrior called out. His bowmanship had won him his share of respect, which had once seemed such a distant goal to the great leader, even one he would never wish to obtain before then.

"The trail remains weak, we have a ways to go." The bows on each horse's side promised a fight to the theives that would normally harry travellers, the numbers of men likewise swore trouble.

The group across the plains from their hill were not common theives though. Samurai stood in thrice the numbers they had ever been seen.

"What to do about our companions over there?"

"It's an army. I understand that your head is full of fantasies about beating the other group once, but where is Shiva now? This is an army, not a flanking movement."

"Shiva will come."

The other man grinned, watching his ruler amused, "I wish i had your faith."

"Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains..." Gandhi had slipped into mysteriousness. His companions watched, dumbstruck.

-

"There the Indians are."

The Leader laughed, Tojo had seen larger units at the barracks of Osaka, before, of course, it had been captured by the Indians.

"This is all."

"Gandhi is among them."

"Immortal still?"

"Shiva lives."

Togukawa would have customarrilly lead the army, but he feared that Susano had passed, and with him the gift of eternal life. Tojo shook his head.

"It will be hard then."

"Gandhi isn't much of a warrior. He would rather make love, than war." The leutenant laughed, delighted at his own joke.

"He cannot be killed, that makes the mission virtually impossible, unless we can frighten him to retreat."

A curtain of seriousness came down on the young officer's jest. His face fixed itself in a sneer.

"He is easily frightened. We can manage this."

-

Arrows were knocked, they targets had arrayed themselves before the hunters and in anticipation they handled their longbows gingerly. Electricity was in the air.

"Can we do this? Is it to be allowed by the rules of war?" was the question on everyone's tongue, a lone Longbowman, forcing itself forward against the Samurai army, probably without a miracle, though every soldier had prayed before the battle, several had taken their last rites.

the Samurai were at least mildly surprised, the Longbowmen hadn't been supposed to march forward, and if anything they were supposed to retreat.

Tojo had learned a new respect for his opponent even before the battle, Gandhi knew that an army couldn't be defeated by defense.

Arrows filled the sky as the armies warily approached each other. Several Samurai paused to watch such a small force let loose such volume of projectiles. For many it was the final image for them to carry to the afterlife.

Swords were unsheathed. the army charged at the longbowmen, shouts of martyrdom their final cries.

The Longbowmen didn't hold long, though by the time the collapsed the Samurai stood on equal footing. The fighting had become hand to hand. Small knives were little match for the Samurai blades, though the effort was made.

The ground shivered as a new force came.

Every man on the feild turned his head, as the japanese earth trembled at the sight of her new master. elephants stampeded towards the now frightened warriors of Japan. Swords were humbled before the sheer size of the beasts that now came for their coronation on the battlefeild. Tojo was found, stabbed through the heart by a meager longbowman's blade.

Atop the front elephant a god sat cross legged. A dark hood veiling his glowing eyes.

ChrisiusMaximus · February 5, 2003, 18:04

nice

SKILORD · February 5, 2003, 22:22

thnx Chrisus, aroung the end i got a bit woozy, sorry if it isn't good. (Pillses)

SKILORD · February 6, 2003, 10:53

erk! No feedback yet ('cept for Chrisus)

vovan · February 7, 2003, 18:45

EDIT: Double post... Well, so that it doesn't go awaste:

vovan · February 7, 2003, 18:45

Hey, SKI. Don't worry. People are reading your story all the same.

Any ways, I just read the two latest chapters of yours - good stuff.

Hope the loss of wisdom teeth does not take away from your inspiration.

We want more, that's for sure.

Easthaven I · February 7, 2003, 19:46

Just to let you know, I'm reading this story and keeping up. Its good and entertaining. Keep it up, bro.

SKILORD · February 11, 2003, 17:47

"I won't do it!"

Brennus shook his head dissapointed, watching the floor.

"Why, you must."

Sunshine cascaded onto the silk carpet, glittering in mad ricochets onto Brennus's mahogany desk. Brennus stood, his coat of mail catching the sunshine and playing it back at the general. Brennus's face was calm, frozen in a frown.

"Close the curtains." Brennus's children were playing joyfully outside. He didn't want them to see this.

As the light receded to the other side of the crimson sheet. Brennus ran his hands idly across the smooth stone of his palace.

"I don't like being disagreed with, do you understand that?"

The Military advisor nodded his head solemnly, he wished to save his final breaths.

"You will leave this room. You wil go to the Indian Embassy down the street, you will grant them a declaration of war."

"No. We need to reconfigure the troops, besides, we have an Empire as it is. We don't need to move further."

Brennus's eyes flared, his face tensed and his teeth were bared against the other man.

"You will."

The head slowly moved back and forth again.

The sword was drawn, placed by the advisor's neck, deadly close.

"No." the advisor said defiantly, lifting his head to take the blow easily.

Even as the head rolled across the silken floor brennus had the body pulled across the room, well hidden. He opened the curtains and waved to the children, who smiled eagerly back.

-

"You mean we aren't done?"

"No, Cerrnuos won't stop the conquest, we must exceed him."

Ghandi dropped his shoulders, giving up.

"The Romans?" he asked expectantly.

Shiva smiled," the Romans will do just fine."

Ghandi despised the Romans, long had they been a thorn in the side of Indians, long refusing to supply much needed Iron.

"We shall see how the Knights stand against War Elephanteers."

Ghandi was grinning now, elated.

"We will have Pikemen defending the cities soon."

Shiva shook his head, laughing.

"In three turns you won't need Pikemen..." the voice trailed off.

As the darkness came over the chapter Ghandi's voice floated, confused.

"Turns? What are Turns?"

SKILORD · February 11, 2003, 17:49

For that particular chapter there is only one version, the 2 independent chapters were excrutiatingly short, together they still are, but it's less. It's only a transition chapter anyway....

Feedback?

ChrisiusMaximus · February 11, 2003, 18:54

Feedback! whats that then ? Im hardly getting any for Fight For Freedom!

However ask and you shall receive, its great please write some more and soon.

vovan · February 11, 2003, 18:59

Well, the chapter is nice, but about the only thing I can say after reading it is: MORE!

SKILORD · February 12, 2003, 22:13

The next chapter is in the works, i'm spending the weekend working at getting a job and... well, chasing skirt.

it is Valentines day after all, I just have to sand off and repaint my Benz first (It's an 84, so it's old enough that taking a sander to it isn't sacrelige).

So if i get turned down, you'll see a Valentines chapter, if no.... well good luck getting a chapter out of me for a while.

vovan · February 12, 2003, 22:25

Noooo, you can't abandon us

What could be more fun than writing a story for 'Poly readers?

(Chasing skirt... bah

)

As for your mercedes,

it's about as old as I am.

SKILORD · February 12, 2003, 22:46

The funny thing about them when their that old is that they are rather inexpensive, but their parts.......

well they run far more apeice than as the car. At least you guys have a chance at my attention, CDG and CFC.... no, they will be left a bit (which will probably ruin my rep, as i am supposed to run my forums at CDG)