What the Eurotwits would like George W. Bush to say

HolyWarrior · February 4, 2003, 04:10

Quote:

My fellow Americans:

After consulting with our loyal allies in Europe, speaking with United Nations officials, reading major American newspapers, listening to National Public Radio, consulting with Hollywood movie stars, and meeting with professors from our universities, I have changed my mind.

They are right.

I now realize that the most important goal America and its president can pursue is to be liked, hopefully loved, by mankind, and especially by France, Germany, China, and the Arab world.

I now realize that we Americans who think in terms of good and evil are simpletons. We should think, as the professors do, in multicultural terms and, therefore, render no moral judgment over Iraq or any other nation except Israel. Who am I to declare any regimes an "axis of evil"?

I now realize that it was arrogance to make such a judgment on three regimes governed by men whom I should have tried better to understand. Now that I realize America's primary goal is to be liked, I will never again call any regime evil. In fact, in consultation with the presidents and deans of our major universities, I have decided to rename the governments of Iraq, Iran and North Korea an Axis of Diversity.

I now realize that the only reason I ever considered putting thousands of young American lives in jeopardy was because of oil. I was deluded in thinking that Saddam Hussein might use his weapons of destruction against vast numbers of innocents, or to think because Saddam erased a sovereign nation from the map in 1991, he would contemplate doing such a thing again. The French have taught me that the way to deal with people whom I used to believe were evil is by giving them business contracts.

Yes, all these people knew better than I that I considered attacking Iraq only in order to obtain cheap gas for American SUVs. Even though it would have cost us far more money to topple Saddam Hussein than we would make from Iraqi oil. Even though I could simply have done what the French and Russians have done -- make deals with Saddam to buy all the oil we want. And even though we publicly promised that after Saddam, Iraqi oil will belong to the Iraqi people.

Despite all that, the left somehow recognized that a war against Iraq was really only a way to enrich my oil buddies. The left, whom I used to foolishly identify with appeasing and defending evil, have opened my eyes. They are right that nothing America does is out of a sense of mission to lead humanity in confronting evil. That was all a cover up for our true motivation -- more wealth. That is why we alone stand by Israel -- for all that oil in the Negev. That is why we protect Taiwan -- for Taiwan's bounteous natural resources. From now on, our moral model must be the Europeans who shape their Middle Eastern policies so as to be loved by 200 million Arabs rather than by a few million Israelis.

I now realize that America must be guided by Germany with its 100-year record of moral leadership; by France with nearly as long a record of standing up to evil; by our university professors, who almost alone in America understand that America and Israel are the world's villains; by the United Nations, which was so prescient in doing nothing during the Rwanda genocide and today provides more moral light with Syria on its Security Council and Libya heading its Human Rights Commission; by The New York Times and other newspapers that so insightfully attacked President Ronald Reagan for labeling the Soviet Union an evil empire; and by China, which I used to identify with cultural genocide in Tibet, but thanks to my new desire to be loved, I will now regard only as a huge potential source of love and cheap imports.

My fellow Americans, I will no longer be calling you "my fellow Americans," but rather, "my fellow earthlings" or "my fellow citizens of the world." Nor will I conclude this or any future address by asking that God bless America. That annoys secular Europe, and if we aim to be loved, we can no longer speak in religious terms.

Finally, given my new belief that America's task in the world is not to lead but to be loved, I have decided to step down from the presidency as soon as Congress and the states pass a constitutional amendment allowing Al Gore to be president. He, my predecessor President Clinton, and the whole Democratic Party have long believed that America's purpose is to be loved. They should be governing.

My fellow world citizens, peace and love.

Dennis Prager column

Nubclear · February 4, 2003, 04:11

I envision.....

MING in your future!

Lord Merciless · February 4, 2003, 04:12

Sounds like Jimmy Carter.

Urban Ranger · February 4, 2003, 04:14

All your bases are belong to me.

Nubclear · February 4, 2003, 04:15

Quote:

Originally posted by Urban Ranger
All your bases are belong to me.

Well, all YOUR bases are belong to me.

Urban Ranger · February 4, 2003, 04:38

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000
Well, all YOUR bases are belong to me.

Copycat

Nubclear · February 4, 2003, 04:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Urban Ranger

Copycat

Your just jealous cause I outsmarted you

Kropotkin · February 4, 2003, 05:41

This frequent use of words like "eurotwit" is really starting to annoy me. It's pointless and childish. It tells that the writer possibly has a limitied ability to analyse the world beyond crude stereotypes. Oh no, no point talking about the real issues here. It tells that a person makes his or her assessment beforehand based on prejudice.

Nubclear · February 4, 2003, 05:47

Quote:

Originally posted by Kropotkin
This frequent use of words like "eurotwit" is really starting to annoy me. It's pointless and childish. It tells that the writer possibly has a limitied ability to analyse the world beyond crude stereotypes. Oh no, no point talking about the real issues here. It tells that a person makes his or her assessment beforehand based on prejudice.

Hes just a typical Mewican

Robert Plomp · February 4, 2003, 06:12

just read the article.
And it might indeed be a good idea to change the subject.

But again, read the article.

HershOstropoler · February 4, 2003, 06:15

It's getting ever funnier. Meanwhile, compared to american antieuropeanism, european antiamericanism looks moderate.

Urban Ranger · February 4, 2003, 06:20

Nothing new in the article. He can't even write a good parody.

Sandman · February 4, 2003, 06:34

Eurotwits?

Ooooh. Cranky.

JohnT · February 4, 2003, 07:06

Eurotwits? Everybody knows the accepted name for all those fartknockers across the ocean is Eurocom.

Paul Hanson · February 4, 2003, 07:16

What's a fartknocker? Sounds quite amusing, that's all.

HershOstropoler · February 4, 2003, 07:24

"fartknockers"

Not anymore, we've ratified Kyoto....

Evil Knevil · February 4, 2003, 07:28

Of course you're right. We absolutely don't have the right to question America's policies with the world! If they effect us, it doesn't matter. I mean the US is only acting to defend her interests. That makes everything okay! Especially since America can't make mistakes in foreign policy. The only people negatively effected won't be Americans, so it doesn't matter! Shut up and get on the boat!

Why should the US have to co-operate and compromise with other nations? After all nations acting in self-interest and defense have never caused any world wars.

Who needs international bodies? After all they weren't created for any purpose!

Demerzel · February 4, 2003, 08:02

the author of the column is depressingly stupid as well as depressingly anti-European.

why is it more ok to be anti-European than anti-American?

CerberusIV · February 4, 2003, 08:20

This is what happens when a country defines itself by its enemies.

When your enemy is the Soviet Union with vast armies, nuclear weapons and a space program then you have something to aim for.

When your enemies are a terrorist you can't find, an Asian dictator who will be politely asked not to make any more nuclear weapons and a Middle East dictator who won't do what he is told you get this kind of article and opinion.

Basically whining when your expected allies are less than convinced that you know what you are doing and it is really in their interest to play along.

Sava · February 4, 2003, 08:26

Republicans have too much pride to admit they're wrong.

February 4, 2003, 09:42

Quote:

Originally posted by Kropotkin
This frequent use of words like "eurotwit" is really starting to annoy me. It's pointless and childish. It tells that the writer possibly has a limitied ability to analyse the world beyond crude stereotypes. Oh no, no point talking about the real issues here. It tells that a person makes his or her assessment beforehand based on prejudice.

Oh, and I suppose that the term "shrub" to refer to GW Bush is any different, or the continual denigration of the man's intellect.

February 4, 2003, 09:44

Quote:

Originally posted by Sava
Republicans have too much pride to admit they're wrong.

SAVA has too much Hubris to admit he's wrong.

Ming · February 4, 2003, 09:56

Quote:

Originally posted by CICSMaster

SAVA has too much Hubris to admit he's wrong.

Enough with the personal attacks on members...

Velociryx · February 4, 2003, 10:00

I do find it interesting that Americans are expected to take regular punches and name calling, but when the shoe suddenly shifts to the other foot, the Americans are bein' mean-spirited.

I've seen Euros (and other Americans, for that matter) hurl LOTS worse than "Eurotwit" at the USA and not bat an eye.

Not saying that either side's right for it, but c'mon...if you're gonna dish it out, be prepared to eat your serving as well.

-=Vel=-

Ming · February 4, 2003, 10:04

Velociryx... so true...

JohnT · February 4, 2003, 10:07

Speak it, brother Velociryx!

Arrian · February 4, 2003, 10:54

Vel

-Arrian

Imran Siddiqui · February 4, 2003, 10:58

Quote:

I do find it interesting that Americans are expected to take regular punches and name calling, but when the shoe suddenly shifts to the other foot, the Americans are bein' mean-spirited.

Right on, brother!

]

Those week spined Euros can dish it, but they can't take it

.

Demerzel · February 4, 2003, 11:04

Quote:

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui

Quote:

I do find it interesting that Americans are expected to take regular punches and name calling, but when the shoe suddenly shifts to the other foot, the Americans are bein' mean-spirited.

Right on, brother!

]

Those week spined Euros can dish it, but they can't take it

.

You guys dish it out just as often as anything that is said back to you but the difference is you guys instantly shout

"ANTI-AMERICAN TROLL FFS - HOW LAME ARE YOU?!?!?"

let me rewrite your little speech for real factual content:

I do find it interesting that Europeans are expected to take regular punches and name calling, but when the shoe suddenly shifts to the other foot, the Europeans are bein' jealous & trolling.

the rest of Vel's bit I agree with after the changes

HershOstropoler · February 4, 2003, 11:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Velociryx
I do find it interesting that Americans are expected to take regular punches and name calling, but when the shoe suddenly shifts to the other foot, the Americans are bein' mean-spirited.

Oh I don't mind. But it's not like Americans get attacked and just reply. The appeal to chauvinism is a regular element in the repertoire of US politicians, businesspeople and media. Given that contant stream of bashing the europeans, the japanese etc, I don't quite understand why you would be surprised or irritated by the reaction.

There is also a difference especially in the media. There is a debate about the merits of US policies in Europe, but the US media just pretty much fall in line with the europe-bashing.