top ten

flash9286 · February 21, 2003, 22:03

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
-------------------------------

1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the
first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on
Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just **** in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN:
---------------------------------

1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and
nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy."
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth. When you're
not. At all.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH:
--------------------------------

1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah.
2. Warm beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh or Scottish.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN:
--------------------------------

1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400AD.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH:
--------------------------------

1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc...
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight
clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN:
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1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. In-built sense of pacifism.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN:
-------------------------------

1. Chicken Madras.
2. Lamb Passanda.
3. Onion Bhaji.
4. Bombay Potato.
5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
6. Rogan Josh.
7. Popadoms.
8. Chicken Dopiaza.
9. Meat Boona.
10. Kingfisher lager.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
------------------------------
1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?!?!?!?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH:
------------------------------
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican
Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have
sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the
morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN:
---------------------------------

1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to
the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to
the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity
ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to
the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly Bears with huge ****off shotguns and cover your house
in their skins.
9. Own-an-eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to
the ground.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
-----------------------------------

1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no
civilised nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000
years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondai Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the
beach.

Charlemagne120 · February 21, 2003, 22:25

let me know when the humor comes

red_jon · February 21, 2003, 22:38

Wow, something which is offensive to virtually everyone, and so overdone it could never even be remotely funny.

I've missed poly.

Method · February 21, 2003, 23:16

flash is still around?

Tuberski · February 21, 2003, 23:18

Quote:

Originally posted by red_jon
Wow, something which is offensive to virtually everyone, and so overdone it could never even be remotely funny.

I've missed poly.

I think you missed, like, 2 picture threads too.

ACK!

Skanky Burns · February 22, 2003, 02:20

MRT144 · February 22, 2003, 04:35

top 10 reasons for being israeli

1. you can leech off the US with impunity
2. you can use the past as justification for anything you do
3. you can screw over the palenstinians with impunity
4. involuntary military service unless youre ultraorthodox
5. you can blame terrorists for YOUR actions
6. you have a secular party that nobody votes for
7. you can accuse anyone who disagrees with israel of being anti semetic.
8. your god thinks you should have a homeland, conseqeuences be damned
9. you can undo all that yitzak rabin did, without the help of the arabs.
10. american fundie christians love you

BustaMike · February 22, 2003, 04:43

Top ten reasons to read this thread

...uh, oh yeah, there aren't any

flash9286 · February 22, 2003, 10:13

wow, you all are upthight.

FrustratedPoet · February 22, 2003, 10:35

Quote:

Originally posted by flash9286
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
-------------------------------
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.

What World Cup is it that the French have yet to have the joy of winning? Any ideas?

Skanky Burns · February 22, 2003, 11:12

Top Ten reasons for starting this thread:
1. You don't know how to spell Bondi...

molly bloom · February 23, 2003, 04:17

About a thousand good reasons flash should get out and see more of the world. That's if the other shut-ins can persuade flash to hand over the bedpan. So many cliches, so few jokes...

Datajack Franit · February 23, 2003, 05:32

Quote:

10. Country run by Sicilian murderers

Eeh sweet, dear Ma'Fia

monolith94 · February 23, 2003, 06:32

"wow, you all are upthight."
Nope, just a good sense of humor... Sorry that you don't, though.

flash9286 · February 23, 2003, 10:04

Quote:

About a thousand good reasons flash should get out and see more of the world. That's if the other shut-ins can persuade flash to hand over the bedpan. So many cliches, so few jokes...

Since i have been to Europe and South america i should tell you to stop being ingorent

Abdul-Aziz · February 23, 2003, 10:12

MRT144, you said the true truth :-)

BustaMike · February 23, 2003, 20:18

Quote:

"wow, you all are upthight."
Nope, just a good sense of humor... Sorry that you don't, though.

Ditto what Monolith said. Or maybe I'm just to upthight and ignorent... sppelig.

Agathon · February 23, 2003, 20:23

You forgot that the Australians like to have sex with farm animals.

molly bloom · February 23, 2003, 20:24

Quote:

Originally posted by flash9286

Since i have been to Europe and South america i should tell you to stop being ingorent

You can stick a rock in milk solids- it won't make it cheese.

Alternatively, you can lead a horticulture, but you can't make it think...

MrFun · February 23, 2003, 20:41

[QUOTE] Originally posted by flash9286

3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
QUOTE]

Um, last time I checked, frogs are amphibians.

Skanky Burns · February 23, 2003, 20:51

Stop bumping this thread!

Let it die the death it deserves.

monolith94 · February 23, 2003, 21:31

Mr. Fun - snails aren't insects either!

MRT144 · February 24, 2003, 08:52

go gastropods!

Ming · February 24, 2003, 09:46

I'm the last person that will be bumping this thread... and only to say...

Case Closed.