Well, Yahoo! Personals has just kicked me while I'm down...

DRoseDARs · February 24, 2003, 02:30

Here's the scene: I started working at Double Diamond Athletic Club in Reno back in October 1999 as a cleaner. He worked as a swim instructor at the time and our paths nary crossed. Six months later in June, the owners eliminated my position as day cleaner (club closes late night and we already had evening cleaners til closing) and moved me to a position at the Front Desk. He had already been working the FD for a month or two prior to me, while still doing swim instruction.

The moment I was introduced to him, my long-dormant gaydar activated (being gay doesn't always mean your receptive to who is and is not gay, nor have good fashion sense, nor spend every waking moment acting like a flaming drag-queen). I didn't say anything to him privately, I didn't have to. He was friends with my best lady-friend and they met...at a gay support group up at UNR. So we quickly knew about each other. Except for the first few months, we worked almost exclusively together at the Front Desk. The owners and General Managers knew about him and the GM knew about me, but our both being gay wasn't why we were put together. It was because he could be DAMNED obnoxious. It's not like he was a openly flaming queer (nor am I, but we're not describing me right now

), he was just...well...annoying at times. But not a single soul at the club - neither members nor staff - hated, or even really disliked him. He could be trying at times, but he was friendly and kind and loud and energetic and...fun. And I was infatuated with him from the get-go.

I'm not the type who is comfortable with the idea of dating coworkers (same might be said of classmates), so I never said anything. For a little more than a year, four days a week, between 5 and 9 hours a day, we worked together at the FD. We shared stories (well, he did, mostly

) we told jokes, talked about any and all stuff, we worked well together. And I was infatuated with him from the get-go.

In November of 2001, I got fired (not "let go", not "layed off", not "downsized" ... F I R E D fired) from DDAC. Now that we weren't coworkers any more, one would think I could have let him know my feelings for him. Problem was: by the time I lost my job there it was already common knowledge the he was going to be moving to San Francisco early the next year (2002) as soon as a good job offer came. He'd just graduated from UNR with a Biomedical career path in mind, earning well over I-don't-know-how-much PLUS benefits...a far cry from "Thank you for calling the Double Diamond Athletic Club. This is *NAME*, how can I help you?" I was staying in Reno to continue towards credits in Architecture for transfer to UNLV (after this Spring, the next Fall and Spring semesters have all passed as it's a 2-year program I'm in currently). With only a few short months before hundreds of miles were to seperate us, why would I tell him. Why would I do that to him AND myself. And I let go.

In mid-spring he moved to an apartment on the peninsula. On rare occasion we talk, he's even been back to Reno 2 or 3 times since leaving. Had a boyfriend there, but that one turned out to be a jerk, so that ended quickly. Not much more to say in this story...

...except when I got home from work this evening (at another club for the women who was (past tense) general manager at DDAC), I checked my email. I signed up for the free portion of Yahoo! Personals a while back simply for a laugh every so often.

And there was Matt's ad.

That hurts. That hurts a lot.

*********

Note: There's talk between the Architectural programs of TMCC and UC Berkley of setting up a transfer program between the 2 schools. There's the slim possibility I could transfer to UCB instead of UNLV and be a Bay Bridge away from Matt, but that academic agreement might not be fleshed out in time before I'm ready to transfer elsewhere from TMCC.

*********

Now that I've shared my unexpected and unwelcome feelings of heartache this evening, what are your stories of lost loves and missed chances?

DRoseDARs · February 24, 2003, 19:21

15 hours, 29 views, falling to page 3...and still no one comments/shares/taunts? Sh*t you people are mean. No one has so much as offered me a klenex!

Where are my sleeping pills...

Seriously, share a story. Doesn't have to be depressing, just has to be about the ups-and-downs of love.

MRT144 · February 24, 2003, 19:26

i once like a girl in high school...

Japher · February 24, 2003, 19:33

Learn to keep a man...hehe

Are you sure that his ad was under the "Men seeking Women" section? Or was it "Men seeking Men"?

You need to get revenge and move his ad.

Or, come to the Bay Area, and stalk him.

Tuberski · February 24, 2003, 19:37

Quote:

Originally posted by DRoseDARs
15 hours, 29 views, falling to page 3...and still no one comments/shares/taunts? Sh*t you people are mean. No one has so much as offered me a klenex!

Taunts are okaY????

I don't get it. Does Yahoo personals send ads of people that you are compatible with?

ACK!

Boris Godunov · February 24, 2003, 19:44

*hugs* It's ok, man. It's not that bad of a situation, though--I've heard (and had!) worse stories of infatuation leading to dispair.

I wouldn't advise relocating just to be nearby him, though...unless you already were considering that area. Do you have any idea if he is at all interested in you the same way?

DRoseDARs · February 24, 2003, 19:48

Damn, time for me to git'a'goin' to architecture design class now. That's the reason I pulled an all-nighter last night.

Yahoo! Personals has 2 flavors: FREE and cosmopolitan (<- 3 different time-lengths for subscription). YP will occassionaly send a list of matches to your provided email, to varying degrees of matchiness.

The free plan lets you search for and see others' ads and post your own. The pay plans lets you actually contact them (and them you).

Yes, Matt is gay. This isn't a hunch, this is fact "straight from the horse's mouth."

I really need to get to class now...be back sometime after 8pm pacific

Japher · February 24, 2003, 19:51

Oooops, missed that. Maybe he went straight!

DRoseDARs · February 24, 2003, 19:56

Matt and "straight" in the same sentence!

I REALLY need to get to class NOW. Until later, bye.

Flubber · February 24, 2003, 20:01

Am I missing something??

You liked someone but never hooked up or pursued it in any real way . . . He moved away and posted an ad.
Is there something else going on?

MRT144 · February 24, 2003, 20:01

i think japher doesnt want to admit gay people live in the bay area

Japher · February 24, 2003, 20:06

God forbid!!!

Gay's in the Bay Area!!!

Really? Why didn't anyone tell me before!? I need to move, like really soon!!

I would get my friends to help, but they might be gay too!!! Except for Rob and Mike, they can't be gay. I mean, they are man enough to even sleep in the same bed together... You gotta be real sure of your sexuality to do that.

Gotta move.

MRT144 · February 24, 2003, 20:11

orange · February 24, 2003, 20:21

uh, i don't get it...what's the problem?

Alinestra Covelia · February 24, 2003, 20:29

There's this guy at the Jschool who's my friend. There's this girl at the Jschool who's my friend.

Let's call the girl AnchorMadonna. Let's call the boy Nomdeplume.

Nomdeplume and I are on Naked Lunch terms. By this, I mean that when we sit down to lunch, he'll tell me everything about everything, and I'll do likewise. We're not afraid of looking like a dork to the other, and we're not afraid of voicing our darkest fears because we both understand there isn't anything between us.

AnchorMadonna is a friend of mine from the same university. She's somewhat older than me and so we didn't know each other until we came here. She is Asian, and broke up with her (Asian) boyfriend two years ago. She has been trying to find a boyfriend and has been very frustrated by her inability to do so in two years' time. She is not considered very attractive to Asians.

Nomdeplume is considered attractive by Asian standards, including those of AnchorMadonna. He also confessed to me that he and many other Western men found AnchorMadonna extremely attractive - perhaps the most attractive woman in the Jschool. Unfortunately, he confessed this to me near the end of the semester, when AnchorMadonna was about to leave for Washington D.C. forever and not come back.

Afterwards, AnchorMadonna and I kept in touch and she forwarded various emails to me. Nomdeplume, who always had a gift for the English language, had written her all manner of lovely poetry and prose, but both of them knew it was unworkable.

Not only were they living so far apart, and they didn't really know each other except for through their shared loneliness over email, but AnchorMadonna was five years older than Nomdeplume - a prohibitively large gap by her cultural standards.

Nomdeplume doesn't know about the last bit, I don't think. At the moment he's wondering whether or not to keep things up with AnchorMadonna. I don't think it will take long for him to give her up for good, but it's a pity. They could have made good drinking partners - they both loved their cocktails.

orange · February 24, 2003, 20:38

Methinks Nomdeplume should forget about AnchorMadonna and go out with Alinestra Covelia. Especially if your avatar is any representation to go on.

Boris Godunov · February 24, 2003, 20:50

Quote:

Originally posted by DRoseDARs
Yes, Matt is gay. This isn't a hunch, this is fact "straight from the horse's mouth."

That's not what I asked. I asked if you had any idea if reciprocated your feelings, meaning, do you think he might dig you as much as you dig him?

monolith94 · February 24, 2003, 22:10

Alinestra - go rent "Jules et Jim"

Alinestra Covelia · February 24, 2003, 22:16

Quote:

Originally posted by orange
Methinks Nomdeplume should forget about AnchorMadonna and go out with Alinestra Covelia. Especially if your avatar is any representation to go on.

O_o

Well, the picture in my profile is not of me, it's of my little cousin May (who lives in Hangzhou). In real life I'm not nearly so delicate and pretty.

Nomdeplume is such a good friend that I would never think of him in a romantic way. It's nothing personal, it's just that our friendship is beautiful and amazing the way it is, and frankly the thought of sex with him makes me feel ill.

monolith94 · February 24, 2003, 22:39

Hey... you're a girl??? I always thought that you had a female av for the same reason that Sagacious D. had one...

Pekka · February 24, 2003, 22:41

Well call me nutcase, but I have never loved anyone. Sure I love my mom and dad and friends, but in romantic way.. nope.

Boris Godunov · February 24, 2003, 22:42

Quote:

Originally posted by monolith94
Hey... you're a girl??? I always thought that you had a female av for the same reason that Sagacious D. had one...

And the 2003 Most Observant Apolytoner award goes to monolith. Speech! Speech!

Skanky Burns · February 24, 2003, 22:43

And the queen title?

monolith94 · February 24, 2003, 22:44

Hey now Boris - there's plenty of 2003 left to go! I'm sure that someone will steal it from me before the year is over...

Ted Striker · February 24, 2003, 22:44

Hey, Infatplayeration, we need your assistance...

DRoseDARs · February 25, 2003, 05:19

Boris: My "horse's mouth" comment was responding to Japher's question about "men seeking men vs men seeking women"

Japher: I'm not about to stalk him...

Ted Striker: The problem is that I'd since let my small feelings for him go; seeing his ad in my matches wasn't something I wanted to be reminded of.

Flubber: Naw, nothing else going on, just read what I told TS.

Basically people, I'm not desperately head-over-heels IN LOVE with Matt. Because of being coworkers with him and then learning he'd be moving away soon anyway (with zero chance of me moving to the same area at that time) I never really allowed myself to develope STRONG feelings for him. That's where my regret lies. He would have been a good match for me, but I wouldn't budge. As far as him reciprocating feelings for me, well I could sense he'd been interested in me, but as I dared not show attraction to him, he must have figured I wasn't interested. The subject never came up between us and none of my other friends ever asked, so I guess he was never the wiser. Probably better that way.

Anyway, I still consider him a friend and if I were to transfer to UC Berkley, it would be for the school, not him. I'm no Felicity.

Matt.

Straight.

In the same sentence...

Asher · February 25, 2003, 05:26

You should have taken him on the office floor. If you're going to be fired, do it with STYLE baby!

DRoseDARs · February 25, 2003, 05:36

I was too pissed...and so was he...and the maseuss (sp for massage-person?)...and the daycare girls...and the accountants...and the instructors that knew me...and the other department heads...even the cleaners didn't like my being fired.

Besides, it took the front desk staff FOREVER to get management to get us floormats to put over the cold, hard tile floor behind the desk...too bad they went for the lowest bid and the crappiest product.

*EDIT: I don't think so...removed this sentence

*

Moving riiight along and wisely changing the subject...
...People, continue with your stories. Mine has surely played itself out by now...

Dis · February 25, 2003, 05:59

I once did a personal once. On the computer of course

no one responded

. of course I didn't put up a picture- so hardly no one has seen the ad

DRoseDARs · February 25, 2003, 06:03

Yeah, I'm a little shallow in that respect. I give preference to those ads that have pics (that's why I instant recognized Matt's ad) over those that don't. The only reason I don't post pic of me, either in the free personals or even in the relevant threads that crop up here at 'Poly, is simply 'cause I haven't bought a pc camera yet. I'm thinkin' 'bout it, I'm thinkin' 'bout...