Cultural Disconnect?: Dealing with my Korean boss.

SuperSneak · March 1, 2003, 14:59

I've been working for a Korean man who owns the body shop I manage for about 3 months now.
We've had some rough moments, as I find him to be very critical and harsh at times. This seems natural to him, I think, but it really flies in the face of my personality (big picture, "don't sweat the small stuff" attitude) and worldview.
I don't know if maybe his harshness is because English isn't his first language and his word choices come off wrong, or I'm missing some major feature of interaction with a Korean or what?
I've lived in Japan and have always admired the work ethic of Asians I have known. In fact, up until this job, I really liked Koreans in general, due to my experiences with them as store owners in my neighborhood.
It could just be that my boss in particular is neurotic or expects a lot or has other stress in his life that is causing some of this, but here are two examples of problems we've had that really rubbed me the wrong way.
#1 My family was ravaged by the stomach flu over the course of a weekend (unnanounce projectile vomiting on the part of the child and wife). I thought I was ok, but at work on a Monday I started to feel really naseous and went home halfway through the day. I ended up puking my guts out and took the next day off. When I returned to work, he took me aside and questioned my manhood, saying I should have "toughed it out". I told him I thought that was a really inflexible attitude and preferred to be violently ill at home. I ended up having to "pay back the time I took" by working two Saturdays I would have other wise had off!

#2 I have observed both the boss and his partner (his 70 yo father in law) engaged in screaming matches with Korean customers. The other day, the father in law was so incensed with a younger Korean that I actually thought it would come to blows. I asked my boss if this was common in the bartering process, or if I should be alarmed or what? He said he thought my implication was "racist" and I responded that I was only concerned and that implications are often in the eye of the beholder.

Normally, if you were to question my manhood or call me a racist on the street, I'd kick your ass. Obviously, I can't do that in this situation.
Is this normal?
Is their a way short of boot licking to avoid future conflict?
Are there behavioral tactics I can employ?

It's prettty much making my life miserable at work...he is extremely nit-picky and anal, about the most trivial things (how I staple paper, the distance of the phone receiver to my mouth, how many scoops of coffee in the machine, etc, etc, etc.) It gets really old after a while and seems to be always the negative, never any "atta boys" or thanks whatsoever.

Your input is greatly appreciated.

KrazyHorse · March 1, 2003, 15:06

Maybe he's just an *******.

chequita guevara · March 1, 2003, 15:09

Koreans are just jerks.

notyoueither · March 1, 2003, 15:10

Quote:

Originally posted by SuperSneak
It's prettty much making my life miserable at work...he is extremely nit-picky and anal, about the most trivial things (how I staple paper, the distance of the phone receiver to my mouth, how many scoops of coffee in the machine, etc, etc, etc.) It gets really old after a while and seems to be always the negative, never any "atta boys" or thanks whatsoever.

Brush up your resume. Nothing is going to make that guy good to work with.

Gatekeeper · March 1, 2003, 15:18

Some folks are simply not easy to get along with. This guy sounds like he's deliberately trying to make enemies in this life. I'd leave, in due time, if you can afford it. And if you do, make a point of saying you will *not* recommend his body shop to either potential customers or potential employees.

Gatekeeper

Az · March 1, 2003, 15:32

Quote:

Maybe he's just an *******.

Inverse Icarus · March 1, 2003, 15:39

people are people. people can be *******s. trying to pin something on his ethnicity is stupid, when just calling him an ******* transcends all ethnic borders

SuperSneak · March 1, 2003, 18:32

I'm not trying to pin anything on him--I'm just curious if someone here has had similar experience or some kind of insight into potentil cultural root causes of this problem.
And I'm sorry to say that anyone who thinks culture does not play a role in behavior is very naive.
I'm not saying I think there is any biological difference that causes behavior, just that being raised in one culture vs. another leads to differences in opinion and action.
In his defense, he can actually be fairly generous and kind, but he does not seem to treat me the same way as his longer employed workers.

Rex Little · March 1, 2003, 18:38

I had a Korean supervisor for several years and he was the nicest guy you'd ever want to work for. I don't think there's anything cultural going on here; yours is just a jerk.

Datajack Franit · March 1, 2003, 18:44

Koreans

DAVOUT · March 1, 2003, 19:00

Quote:

Originally posted by SuperSneak
he does not seem to treat me the same way as his longer employed workers.

This is a reason for hope : most employers need some time to rely on a new employee; and if they are the owner it is still longer. In this respect 3 months is a quite short period, and it seems that it takes longer to become a member of the team. If you ever hire somebody you certainly will tell him how you want him to work, even in some details that you have some reason to think they are important, although for an outsider they would appear as futilities.

ColdWizard · March 1, 2003, 19:00

i've got an ******* boss similar to that. nothing has ever stopped him from being an ******* either.

Quote:

Originally posted by notyoueither
Brush up your resume. Nothing is going to make that guy good to work with.

Oerdin · March 1, 2003, 19:05

I think it is just a difference of cultural view points. When I was in college I dated a, American born, Korean girl and we got along just fine; her, Korean born, parents on the other hand went ballistic when they found out their little girl was seeing a white guy.

The point is what is A.O.K. to do in America is not always A.O.K. to do in other countries and it is going to take time for people born in other cultures to come around to the American view point after they immigrate here.

Nubclear · March 1, 2003, 19:15

I've noticed that people from SE Asia, if they haven't been to Europe or America for at least 1 year, tend to be racist *******.

Just bring him to Europe. He'll straighten up.

Oerdin · March 1, 2003, 19:26

You guys are being to hard on Asians/Koreans. The culture is different and it just takes time to adapt to the new culure once you move to a different country.

SuperSneak · March 1, 2003, 19:44

This guy has been here for almost 20 years. I guess he's just trying to establish boundaries and pecking order as quickly as possible, with a little traditional Asian emphasis thrown in to boot.
Unfortunately, he has read me very wrong, as I thrive on the positive and get quite depressed and unmotivated when the atmosphere is negative.

DRoseDARs · March 1, 2003, 22:20

I'm going to agree that you shouldn't work with that kind of person. Your first example was inexcusable behavior on his part. Flu's can in rare cases lead to death, but in the vast majority of cases you're just going to be a biohazard to be around, both for customers and fellow employees. Your second example was uncalled for on his part because you asked in a respectful manner (I'm assuming). I you've ever watched shows on Discovery or TLC or the like that talk about Human social interactions, you'd be told that different cultures behave in ways that, like you said, are normal for those people and strange to others.

For example: Jewish people LOVE to argue and debate. They aren't necessarily being difficult as others might be given to think, it's just a major part of their tradition and beliefs. This I've been told both by my college-level World Religions teacher (trained as a religous scholar for more than 30 years...is at the level where she could be a priest(?) if she wanted to) and my Hebrew language teacher (a practicing Jew and Israeli national). She seemed a bit rough around the edges at first, but once I knew her background it wasn't a problem...because she really wasn't TRYING to be rough. She was just being how she grew up. Not a problem at all, I like her a lot and we got along pretty well, enough that I'm considering taking her 2nd Semester class if it'll fit into my schedule.

Clearly your boss is just a jackass. Totally unfamiliar with the concept that he's not in Korea anymore (if it's a cultural reason for his jackassery...I could just be he's just a jackass in ANY culture). As the bumpersticker says, "Mean people suck."

ranskaldan · March 1, 2003, 22:46

Yes, he's an a$$, even by Asian standards.

Work around him, the way you would with any nitpicky boss.

Urban Ranger · March 2, 2003, 00:05

Myabe Seeker or Yin or Q Cubed can fill in more.

It can be a combination of culture and personality. If you saw Koreans argue like that, it sees to me that would be a culture thing. Others can be caused by your boss's personality and his upbringing on management style.

I'd say give it another 3 months. If you can't get used to it, start looking.

Seeker · March 2, 2003, 01:06

It's culture.

In Korea, the 'Wang ja Neem' (big boss dude) is supposed to be like a stricter version of your father, that's the boss-servant relationship.

That means you NEVER contradict them. EVER. Especially if it is blatantly obvious that something is their fault, or caused by the bosses' incompetance or lack of knowledge. At such times it is your responsibility as an employee to take or try to take the blame on yourself.

Never directly criticize the boss, they will take it as a personal insult.

If you're an employee in Korean culture you've got to be subtle and deal with a lot of bullshit that you wouldn't in NA.

If you approach them in the right way, you can still influence their decisions, but you have to do it in a way that rankles our western ideas....If the boss feels you're "calling him out" or challenging his authority or whatever they can go to remarkably petty lengths to reinforce the proper relationship.

The reason why a lot of foreigners quit over here is the difficulty in adapting to this....they want to say "Why don't we do this or It wasn't my fault or What a bad idea" which are all no no's.

Lancer · March 2, 2003, 01:11

A guy I was drinking with once told me about a prank he pulled. He put Visene in the coffee of someone that was really bugging him alot. He said it gives a person a profound case of the shits...

Urban Ranger · March 2, 2003, 02:14

Thanks Seeker

SuperSneak · March 3, 2003, 11:48

Seeker-- you've pretty much confirmed what I've found in my research (a buddy taught English in Pusan). I don't know--personally, I think that is totally ridiculous, as being wrong is costing this man his livlihood, basically.
As some of you have pointed out, this is a rather intolerable situation and I have already begun to look elsewhere. I'm sure giving my notice (or quitting, rather--can you imagine the final two weeks in this environment?) will feel very good.
I say, if you want someone to act like they are in Korea--hire a Korean! All of his employees are either Anglo or Mexican...the atmosphere here can be very heavy due to the attitude.

Too bad...I kind of like the work.

Thanks for all the input y'all!

Lancer...yes...Visine....hmmmm....forgot about that.

Zero · March 3, 2003, 12:07

I think ur just being too absorbed into the fact that you're not a korean and that you try to hard to look for cultural difference.

Q Classic · March 3, 2003, 13:25

although seeker's explained quite a bit of it, the boss still seems a bit harsh to me.

by the way: this boss-worker relationship is, like how seeker said, very much also a parent-child relationship. which is why when you date a korean, you might find that they're quite hesitant to let you meet their parents; they really might love you, they just don't want any screaming matches with their parents (which they'll invariably lose).
that's kinda from personal experience (i'm with a white girl, so i understand a bit of how oerdin's girl felt).

"the toughing it out" bit...

sorry, but that i've found is a korean thing. mom never picked me up from school when i was sick, because school was more important than health, so...

======

Datajack Franit, Che, i'll pretend those were a bad attempt at humor.

SuperSneak · March 3, 2003, 13:53

Yeah...I certainly did not intend this to be a Korean bashing forum. As I said, I have a very friendly relationship with "David" my local shopkeeper...he is just a very happy go lucky guy and very mellow.
I was just looking for the backdrop I was up against, combined with the guy's personality.
Funny thing is, my own father is 10 times more unreasonable than my boss, and I never succumbed in that relationship either.
Just wish there were more jobs in this God forsaken economy.

Curious...why the big revulsion about dating whites? Maybe their is some racism on the part of the older generation of Asians?

Q Classic · March 3, 2003, 14:21

as far as i can tell, all east asians have a big revulsion to dating outside of the ethnicity; japanese don't want their kids mating with a non-japanese, koreans likewise, and the chinese as well.

as is the case in largely homogenous societies, i also think racism plays out differently there; rather than the internecine results found here in america, in east asia, it tends to be against anyone who is "different"; it also doesn't seem to be as violent or aggressive, but rather more "we'll associate with you, but we won't associate with you" in nature.

the incidence of this type of behaviour, though, seems to occur only when the parents are first generation immigrants. my parents are first generation immigrants, and thus, have a bit of a problem with my dating a non-korean. (to be more clear, mom actually has less of a problem with my dating a white girl than grandmother; mom's main issue is that i have a girlfriend, while i'm still in school (college) and shouldn't be on the marriage market yet (even though that's not what i'm considering at all).)

interestingly enough, i have a friend who's japanese, and both her parents are at least nisei. her parents have no issue with her dating a white boy, and i think it's mainly because they are nisei and not issei.

Az · March 3, 2003, 15:00

Quote:

Datajack Franit, Che, i'll pretend those were a bad attempt at humor.

On their behalf, I can guarantee you they were.

Urban Ranger · March 3, 2003, 23:41

Quote:

Originally posted by SuperSneak
Yeah...I certainly did not intend this to be a Korean bashing forum. As I said, I have a very friendly relationship with "David" my local shopkeeper...he is just a very happy go lucky guy and very mellow.

I reckon that's because David and you do not have a boss-employee relation.

Q Classic · March 3, 2003, 23:48

also, it's kinda true that korean shopkeepers are less friendly and less willing to work with korean customers.