Funny/absurd stories: invasion fleet

Mountain Sage · March 4, 2003, 07:38

Hi again,

I just thought that for a change we could use a bit of humour. After all, Civ playing is also about having fun and having a good laugh, not only temple-building and warfare. Please post your stories about funny/absurd things the AI did (or you did!).

I'll start with mine:

Invasion fleet:

On one on my typical French plays (Huge map, 9 Civs, Monarch, I was on a small continent all by myself). Everything was working fine, meaning a never fired a shot.
Then, when I just had researched Mass Production, my pal Hammourabi kindly sent me a love letter of the kind ‘Give me X or else…’. Since being a pacifist does not mean for me to drop my… well

you understand, I told him ‘go… somewhere else’. My citizens overwhelmingly supported my policy of not falling to blackmail, so we all happily went to war with the Babylonians.

Encouraged by the popular support, I used my MAR (Massive Allied Retaliation). I contacted all over Civs and for my World Map and 400-500 Gold each, everybody else went to war against the (poor) Babylonians.
That was of course the easy part. I was waiting with a bit of apprehension the arrival of the invasion fleet. My defences were a Spearman in each coastal town (with Mass Production!), plus a Warrior in my landlocked ones, no warships at all. All my coastal town were building factories/hospitals, and before they were building university/cathedral and before…. well, as you know by now, I hate building useless military units.

Then the invasion fleet appeared.

And I started to laugh. And my wife came to see what was happening. And I wanted to explain that an invasion fleet consisting of 1 Caravel and 1 Ironclad was a joke, but she just gave me a pitying look (the one you give to somebody who is playing games he should have stopped playing when he grew up, a very long time ago), so I just gave her a kiss and a goodbye.

My War Shipyard managed to build a Destroyer (with a capital ‘D’, please), sacrifying a place of learning in the process, and he bravely sailed to meet that rusty Ironclad. I should have listened to those people who wanted to try its effectiveness first. My veteran (at least I did build a harbour in each city) destroyer (with a small ’d’) was promptly sunk by that old and rusty Ironclad.

And the invasion of our sacred motherland began. And I had to stop laughing aloud or this time my wife would have called the doctor. Babylon invaded with two… Pikemen and attacked one of my towns. My brave and lone Spearman easily defeated the invaders, got promoted to Elite, and got a medal from me. Of course, I sacked the Warfleet Chief Engineer.

That was the only shot (with a spear) my armed forces fired during the whole game.
Because, as usual, when I build a proper military I don’t get the chance to use it.

In the meantime, Babylon was happily pounced to rubble by the other 7 Civs.

minke19104 · March 4, 2003, 13:08

The best one is a screenshot somebody posted a while ago showing Babylon using Heli to air drop a bowman...

Datajack Franit · March 6, 2003, 05:51

Couldn't you just stop building improvements? Watching a 12 pop city burning down isn't good

Mountain Sage · March 6, 2003, 09:43

Datajack Franit,

Yes I could, but when playing the French the urge to build improvements is overwhelming. I

to see my city list with only 'wealth' on it. This is why I play the French.

Then I don't mind watching an enemy 12 pop city burning down

P.S. This thread is not doing well. One last try, then I close it:

How to poison tanks:

At a certain point, the Indian decided to invade Babylon. My scouts reported the approach of a mighty fleet (2 Aircraft carriers, 3 Transports, 3 Battleships, 3 Destroyers). Babylon had a large bay between two cities, perfect for a landing. The only resistance was a BIG stack of tanks on a nearby hill. As the fleet approached, the carriers bombed all the infrastructure, but not the tanks. Then as the landing ships approached shore, they bombed the two cities, but NOT the tanks. Finally, the Indians landed 12 War Elephants, right in front of the tanks.

One turn later, my kids came to ask me if I played ‘Jungle’.

But I believe that the AI was more subtle than that. The iron rations of the Babylonians tank crews were probably very bad, so they ate the elephant meat, which was of course poisoned, so they all died. So in fact the whole expedition was to ‘kill’ those tanks with very old and useless units. Do you wish to know how I came with this logical and sensible explanation?

The two towns fell later on to the English, which had to pass in front of the hill to get to the second one, which also fell to them, but until the last turn of the game those tanks never moved or fired a shot from their hill.

VJ · March 23, 2003, 13:18

Quote:

But I believe that the AI was more subtle than that. The iron rations of the Babylonians tank crews were probably very bad, so they ate the elephant meat, which was of course poisoned, so they all died. So in fact the whole expedition was to ‘kill’ those tanks with very old and useless units. Do you wish to know how I came with this logical and sensible explanation?

Theseus · March 23, 2003, 21:27

Quote:

Originally posted by minke19104
The best one is a screenshot somebody posted a while ago showing Babylon using Heli to air drop a bowman...

That was me... still sends shivers of fear up my spine...

Jarvin · March 23, 2003, 23:29

A classic "damn that cheating AI" moment.

An enemy Spearman defended not 1, not 2, but 3 veteran Cavalry charges. I lost 1 of the cavalries too, the other 2 were stuck with 1 life left, smack dab in the middle of enemy territory.

I promptly started foaming at the mouth, enraged at how the filthy computer cheats...

Dominae · March 24, 2003, 01:17

Quote:

Originally posted by Jarvin
I promptly started foaming at the mouth, enraged at how the filthy computer cheats...

Alas, the AI does not cheat in combat...

Odin · March 24, 2003, 20:54

Quote:

Originally posted by Dominae
Alas, the AI does not cheat in combat...

It's the Random Number Generator, still funny though.

In my last game I saw a Japanese SPEARMAN defend against SIX of my Cavalry.

The spearman went from regular to elite with a leader and lost NOT A SINGLE HP!

Dominae · March 24, 2003, 20:59

Double-post.

Dominae · March 24, 2003, 21:00

Stories like that make me more confident that the RNG is really "random".

Dominae

Odin · March 24, 2003, 21:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Dominae
Stories like that make me more confident that the RNG is really "random".

I hope your being sarcastic.

BigDork · March 24, 2003, 21:34

Hi everybody...

Nothing ticks me off more than when a caravel or even a galley damages one of my submarines. It's happened to me twice now. WtF? I don't think a galley would know a sub was there and even if it did what could it do? Grrr, damn RNG.

BigD

Dominae · March 24, 2003, 21:46

Quote:

Originally posted by Odin
I hope your being sarcastic.

Nope! I mean, I sympathize with the bad luck, but nothing demonstrates that something is random like the odd outlying data point.

Dominae

Jaybe · March 24, 2003, 21:51

Some people just want the 'unlikely' things to NEVER happen!

Mad Bomber · March 25, 2003, 18:50

I used to get a chuckle out of the AI's pathetic attempts at amphibious invasions- Until I played a game against the Greeks. The Greeks were a moderatly powerful tibe at the time with a good navy built up. was having a little trouble with the japanese (not with the combat, just slogging through the dense Japanese jungle) so to help with WW which was just starting to creep its ugly head (I would have my democracy deposed twice before the game was over) I didn't really expect any help from the Greeks but just as I was closing with the remanants of the Japanese here comes the Greek navy in ALL its splender. 3 carriers at least 10 destroyers and a like number of battleships. To top it off it landed at leat 10 transports full of MI's and MA's to wipe out the last two Japanese cities. It was the first and only time I have ever seen the AI pull off a well thought out and completely successful Amphibious Assault and it sent a shiver up my spine.

Big Dork:

The unit does not have to spot the sub if it runs into the sub it will still attack the sub (which really needs fixing IMO)

BigDork · March 25, 2003, 19:32

Mad Bomber...

I totally agree. That's one of my big problem with it too.

BigD

Odin · March 25, 2003, 23:59

Quote:

Originally posted by Mad Bomber
3 carriers at least 10 destroyers and a like number of battleships. To top it off it landed at leat 10 transports full of MI's and MA's to wipe out the last two Japanese cities.

(well, the greeks do tend to have good navies.

)