Complete the Story!

puglover · March 6, 2003, 16:56

Let's take a break from all the crazy Iraq and "I hate Bush" threads and have a little fun. How about a round of COMPLETE THE STORY!!!! I'll post three sentences, then you will post three sentences continuing the story. I'll start with this...

He climbed into the spaceship. He was going to be one of the first human beings on Mars! Him and his team of scientists, pilots, and crew were going on a very historic expedition.

Ben Kenobi · March 6, 2003, 17:09

But wait! The launch has been delayed, as a massive hailstorm erupts near Cape Canaveral. Sinking into his seat, the dejected pilot, Buzz Lightyear, waits for the sterilised attendents to strap him out of the cockpit.

puglover · March 6, 2003, 17:45

Buzz returns to the base. He's very discouraged. Fellow astronauts try to cheer him up but to no avail.

Datajack Franit · March 6, 2003, 17:48

He says "I'm an homosexual astronaut"

Sheik · March 6, 2003, 17:50

The media swarms and the next day the tabloids read,

"Gay in Space! And not Ashamed!

Boris Godunov · March 6, 2003, 17:51

Marge! Change the channel!

Datajack Franit · March 6, 2003, 17:55

I want to divorce!

Ben Kenobi · March 6, 2003, 17:58

"Why honey? Haven't I been good enough for you? Is it the cooking?"

Datajack Franit · March 6, 2003, 18:03

Nope, it's because I'm homosexual as well

Skanky Burns · March 6, 2003, 18:05

Just then, Tatu knocked on the door.

Ben Kenobi · March 6, 2003, 18:06

"Make sure you bring someone handsome, and not one of your drinking buddies. That includes Moe."

Az · March 6, 2003, 18:38

Buzz chuckled, and walked to the kitchen, to grab a can of his favourite spam.

Q Classic · March 6, 2003, 18:43

As his hand neared the spam however, he accidentally triggered a special insta-inter-dimensional-mega-hyper-super-ultra-teleport-transporter II mouse trap.

Az · March 6, 2003, 18:51

*ouch!*

MAAAARGE! I told you to take the IIDMHSUTT off the fridge.

Paul Hanson · March 6, 2003, 18:57

"Ain't no-one taking stuff off me", the fridge told Buzz.

Ben Kenobi · March 6, 2003, 19:09

BTW- Homer and Buzz are two different characters.

Buzz recoils, placing his ear right on the fridge. "I must be hearing things. I thought I heard the fridge talk!" Switching off the simpson's episode on the TV, Buzz returns to the kitchen.

Starchild · March 6, 2003, 19:37

Meanwhile, on Mars and slightly to the left in time, the three most powerful beings in the universe discuss mankind.

"You think that if they come to Mars, the humans will discover our secret?" Boris asked, looking at Starchild and Redjon.

"What secret?" Starchild asked, "Oh, the fact that we converted the entire planet Mars into a quantum generator that could, if every used, alter time and space to suit the wishes of the individual placed in the core with the possible result of deforming reality into a brutal, narcissistic perversion of the truth, all based around that one individual?"

"Yes, that one," Boris said, "Hey, where did Redjon go?"

Paul Hanson · March 6, 2003, 19:49

Redjon, it turned out, was busy being buggered by a heron, an unpleasant turn of events that had begun as an innocent dinner date.

mactbone · March 6, 2003, 20:06

So, they left him a note in which they explained -
"Went to supermarket for more bagels, be back later.
- XOXO
P.S. Clean up your dishes!"

Skanky Burns · March 6, 2003, 20:09

Redjon, having returned in the meantime, read the note and started laughing maniacally. He would show them whos boss by -

NOT washing the dishes!

Adagio · March 7, 2003, 08:31

but he wanted to have some fun instead, so he made a phony call (?) to the FBI,

Az · March 7, 2003, 09:56

"Five Bucks Indian, the best Curry place on this side of the railroad, how can I help you?"

Q Classic · March 7, 2003, 15:25

Quoth Agent Sculder, playing the part of Apu to throw of any government bugs.

These same government bugs, known as KLaCKON (Knowledge, Lechery, and Clandestine eKstraterrestrial Operation Network), were the ones who set up the IIDMHSUTT in the fridge.

Their mission: to send a hapless human being to Xen for research purposes.

Uncle Sparky · March 7, 2003, 23:16

Buzz, feeling an emotional confrontation with his fridge would be a bit too much after his stressful day, retreats to the local Piggly Wiggly to pick up a Hungry Man dinner. As he attempts to back his car into the clearly marked "Handicapped" space by the door, he is startled to see an extremely phallic looking spacecraft decend into the space behind him.

The great ship lands silently. The doors to the ship vibrate slightly then open with a swish.

Starchild & Boris decend the stairs.

Watch where you land that thing. I almost rear ended you !, said Buzz devoid of irony.

OneFootInTheGrave · March 7, 2003, 23:41

ddd did you hear the frightened ones... the ones who sleep in the deserts burn during the days and freeze during the nights, the ones who say: good bye, good bye, blue sky - take me home... let me go let me go let me go...

Uncle Sparky · March 7, 2003, 23:57

"I just wanted to point out that I had clearly indicated my intent to park in the spot you landed in. There's no need for you to get all existential on me." said Buzz, a little perplexed at Starchild's Kafkaeque ramblings.

red_jon · March 13, 2003, 09:00

Then Red_Jon went to find his lover, Will Young...

Paul Hanson · March 13, 2003, 09:05

...and found Will wrapped around his arch-rival, the nefarious Hugh Grant!

Stefu · March 13, 2003, 09:26

But then something completely unexcepted happened!

Ben Kenobi · March 13, 2003, 15:46

Holy thread revival Batman!