Disturbing dreams

Pekka · March 17, 2003, 18:20

Last night I had very disturbing dream.. you can share your dreams here and try to interprete others dreams too.

In my dream was my old training officer, who I pretty much hold high and respect. He was the kind of a man I always wanted, and want to be. Everything in him is perfect, skills, the looks, everything. Kind of guy you know will always survive no matter what happens, he will survive. Strong leader and great man and interesting personality. Little crazy, but to the point where it would be still considered healthy considering his choice of career. He also was in FFL and has admitted doing some combat. To me he was like a rock star, but he didn't have big egos or wasn't acting. I think it's safe to say I idolized him and even imitated him a little. A kind of man I'd trust my life with 100%, and compete hard to get his respect. Well you get the point.

So, in my dream he came across me, and was in bad shape. He was semi seriously injured.. his hands were blown up. They weren't destroyed, but he was missing few fingers and his hands were shaking uncontrollabely.
Missing fingers wheren't that disturbing, but the shaking was. He wasn't crying, but he was desperate and almost crying, looked like he was in shock. He started talking to me, he was regretting everything he had done in his life. I tried to comfort him, to give him some fighting spirit but he had lots all of it, and not about to gain any back. He was like a little boy who was lost. It was very disturbing to see everything I thought was courage, honour and glory in flesh being so helpless, lost, shaking and regretting everything. This might sound like a pretty normal dream, but I can't stress enough how disturbing it really was. The images were very strong and I can't get them out of my head yet. He was completely broken, mentally and morally. Like completely opposite person.

Now I'm wondering what did this mean? He is my role model pretty much, my own super star who came to tell me it's all crap, fallen and completely broken. What do you think? The dream was very strong, I wish I didn't remember it. I rarely get any emotions about bad dreams or horrifying images, real or fake. This didn't have gore in it but I'm telling you it's really hurting my head.

Nubclear · March 17, 2003, 18:23

Try looking at everything in a dream as a piece of yourself. Maybe you feel your courage and strength is gone and you simply want someone to help you?

Also, dont think of it as a nightmare.....Think of it as a work of art. Your mind has created this work of art, this world just for you

Enjoy it. I know, that doesnt help and sounds crazy but....

Pekka · March 17, 2003, 18:35

Interesting suggestion. I'm not sure if this would project my courage or strength... I'm not saying it is, or that it isn't.. I'm just not sure.

It wasn't typical nightmare at all. I mean, his hands were blown up, but there was no blood at all, he wasn't screaming, nothing very horrifying. He was only missing few fingers. The horrifying thing was to see how helpless he was and how broken mentally. I've seen nightmares about my friends or relatives in situations, but I have just thought them as nightmares and never had any problems with it. But this one is bothering me like hell.

Exactly my mind made this up for me, and I really don't know why it did that. I haven't thought about him in ages, why he suddenly came in my dreams?

I always thought he would be the one saving and being strong, but suddenly I had to be the strong one, broken half inside because of his mental condition and attitude.
He was going on and on about his hands and I told him 'It's just few fingers, you'll be just fine, the shaking will go away'... and he just wouldn't recover. I was like wtf man.. get a grip! He was going on how everything he did was for nothing and how he lived his life for nothing, fighting for nothing. I was broken inside in my dream, I didnt' show it, but it broke my completely to see my hero like that.

Japher · March 17, 2003, 18:36

I don't think it means that your courage and strength are missing, but more so betrayed.

You did or will do something that will challenge your morals. Courage will be needed or else that you stand for will come to be in question.

Your officer is representation of the effects and not of the cause. His actions are of explaining or try to excuse his actions. Your action of encouraging despite the results show that your courage is still there.

Whether this has already happened or is about to happen is unclear. Seeing as it is a familar person whom you are interacting I will say it already did, as precog dreams usually have familar strangers in them, and not defined entities.

Thus, I think it means you betrayed your morals, or did something you knew was wrong.

Take corrective action to find fullfillment.

BustaMike · March 17, 2003, 18:38

I had a dream last night. I was sitting in my apartment looking out the window up at a very full moon. After starring at the moon for a bit I could see the reflection of the Earth, all of it clearly, in the moon. At first it was peaceful blue and green, but then brilliant red and yellow explosions began to char the surface of it. Armageddon. Then I woke up.

Richelieu · March 17, 2003, 18:43

Take it for what its worth, which is : not much. This is what came to mind.

He's passing the torch. Or maybe you feel like he is. You're ready to be your own man - or you think you should be - but when it comes down to it, you hesitate, you are uable to do for him what you think/know he would do for you without hesitation.

Pekka · March 17, 2003, 18:52

Japher, Thank you for your post.. I found it very interesting, and possibly close.. I don't actually interract with him in real life though, not any more.

I'm not sure if I did betray my morals etc yet, or about to do it. I really can't say. I guess I'd need someones pro help to figure it out, or lots of self studying.
But... it's very possible I have done it, or about to do that.

I'm not sure if I was feeling betrayed even.. maybe I was. I know I was having strong feelings. Like my world was coming to apart. My personal hero and idol regretting everything he did, being my personal innovator for wanting to do the same as he did.. walk the same path.. I haven't yet started it, and now he comes and says it's all bs? And I'm trying to slap him back to order, back to the old hero and not being this wimp lost guy. Thinking he's much stronger mentally than me, how can he do this? What's going to happen to me, if he can't hack it? And in real life he hasn't fallen, just in my dream.. confusing.

I don't know if it's worth mentioning, but the accident he had (I didnt' see the actual injury taking place, jsut the result) was very simular to what I had in real life in my service. I injured my hand pretty badly. He had it a little worse, so I was telling him 'Listen, I know what it feels like, it's not that bad, you'll be ok. I know, you're not alone in this, I've experienced the same, I got ok, you'll be ok too'.. and it was confusing to see that he couldn't take it, as I had the same and survived ok.

Pekka · March 17, 2003, 18:57

BustaMike, silent before storm? That's the best part

. If it's not nightmare that is.

Japher · March 17, 2003, 19:03

Not that you would feel betrayed, but more along the lines of regret. Regret that you didn't/wouldn't do what was right (and that is a decesion only you can make). The regret will come by you ignoring what it is he represented to you.

If you haven't seen him in a while, it may be yet to come. And, if you didn't know him personally, then it could be a stranger.

Pekka · March 17, 2003, 19:09

I didn't know him personally very good. He trained me every day and we talked a lot, but not much about his personal life or anything like that. I can't say we're buddies. YOu might be right on that regret thing though.. in my dream I was thinking also 'if I take his path, like I want to, I don't want to regret like he is now regretting, **** what am I going to do'..... I might be avoiding the real problem, I can't get my hands on it. Or then there is no problem.. I just don't know.

Japher · March 17, 2003, 19:21

I've made a lot of bad decission that have led to regret in my life. Thinking about them right now is not pleasing at all. Yet, I assure myself that they are mine, I made them, and now I have to lay with them. Heck, I am happy where I am now, and without a few of those I would never of gotten here.

The simple matter is that you have to do what you want to do, and not what you think mentors, parents, trainers, friends, or fools on the internet try and persuade you to do.

Funny that you said you can't get your "hands" on it though.

IMO you are thinking too much with your head, and how you feel others perceive you, and not enough with how you see yourself and how you wish to see yourself.

Life decessions are not suppose to be made through logic and reason as much as they are to be made with instinct, desires, and passions. I feel that life is a journey that is ment to be traveled, many people spend so much time deciding which way to head that they never take the first step. These people think to much.

Take some time to figure it out, learning about and defining yourself along the way.

Good Luck

BustaMike · March 17, 2003, 19:24

Don't take dreams to seriously. If I did I'm sure I'd be insane by now.

Pekka, I'd say the dream represents a change in your perspective somehow. Something you used to accept isn't quite so easy to accept anymore. The dream might not have anything to do with the people in it, they are often just symbols for other things.

Pekka · March 17, 2003, 19:35

Yes well.. I'm pretty sure what decision making this could be about. I just can't figure if it's for the decision, or against it. I feel like I shouldn't let it bother me, or get in my way if it's against. It's a tough decision that I've already made. If I trust my instinct, desire and passion, I have to go with my decision. If I think about it too much, I'll never get on my way, because it's dangerous and will brake my ties with my family and friends and basically with every single soul I know. I know I will regret it if I don't go for it, and I might regret it even if I go for it. Chances for regretting is huge, either way, but once I go, I can't turn back. I've been trying to justify my decision, but many of them are not real, I just want to make more excuses for me to go, so I wouldn't feel bad about it... Anyway thanks for your analyzing, I found it interesting.

Also funny thing about that 'hands' thing. I think what I want to say in finnish, and then translate it into english and write.. it's one of the rare sayings that literally means hands in finnish too

. Also I'm quite sensitive about my hands after my accident. Not super sensitive, but I will always make sure what ever happens, my hands won't go throught that again. For example I was jogging few weeks ago and slipped (it's slippery here) and automatically tried to soften the impact with my hands, but just before my hands were about to touch the ground, I pulled them out. Now that was stupid, but I couldn't help it

.

Pekka · March 17, 2003, 19:38

BustaMike, Yeah.. I have had lots of weird dreams, some have hunted me for few days.. I think it's normal and everyone has that every now and then. I just wished I couldn't remember this, because it's questioning my decisions, but I won't let them affect on it.
I guess it's not easy to see your hero fall, whether it's michael jackson or who ever it is.