Help Ozz get fired

Ozz · March 19, 2003, 17:28

Ok I need some creative thinkin' from you management
types out there. I want to get fired from my job, but I
can't think of a way of doing it without getting a smear
on my resume.

Why, so i can go back to college and get my networking
/internet programming ticket without kissing off nights
at nightschool and the government would help pay.

Pekka · March 19, 2003, 17:31

Is your boss male? If so, hint that you are interested in him, but don't pull that harrasment thing. You should get fired.

Az · March 19, 2003, 17:31

Openly disagree with your boss, making "creative", "innovative" comments and propositions.

Pekka · March 19, 2003, 17:31

Azazel is correct. Be innovative

General Ludd · March 19, 2003, 17:33

Why don't you quit?...

Ozz · March 19, 2003, 17:37

Quote:

Originally posted by Osweld
Why don't you quit?...

If I get fired i get 6 weeks pay and the door.
If I quit just the door

It also effects my chances of getting government
funding. If quit i get no help from Ottawa.

Lord Merciless · March 19, 2003, 17:38

You don't want to get fired, because you won't get any severance package.

What you really want is to get laid off. To do that, you can try the following:

- Do all your assignments and have results, just not always on time and in good quality. Companys can fire you for irresponsibility, but not for incompetence.

- Have strange work hours, like from 2PM to 1AM, just make sure you put enough hours in.

- Spread pessimistic rumors to lower team's morale.

- Miss a few meetings to piss your boss off.

- Start some initiatives that will cause lot more work for your co-workers and thus piss them off.

- You can find more ideas in "Dilbert: The Way of the Weasels".

Lonestar · March 19, 2003, 17:39

Start cursing the name of all those who are glad y'all defeated our invasion in 1812.

Ozz · March 19, 2003, 17:45

Quote:

Originally posted by Pekka
Azazel is correct. Be innovative

I'll already a pain in the ass, I won't work overtime
I'm late, i take 30 minutes for tea.

Problem is they need what I know (and they don't)

Ben Kenobi · March 19, 2003, 17:51

Quote:

Openly disagree with your boss, making "creative", "innovative" comments and propositions.

Indeed.
Then you can honestly say you were let go because of a difference in opinion.

Pekka · March 19, 2003, 17:52

hmm... ask for a raise, and then they will see how badly you do your job?

rah · March 19, 2003, 17:53

Quote:

Originally posted by Ozz
If I get fired i get 6 weeks pay and the door.
If I quit just the door

Clarification please, (as alluded too earlier) If you get fired for cause do you still get the 6 weeks of pay? Or must you be layed off.

Before you try the real sleazy stuff, try the straightforward approach. Talk to your boss, tell him you're concerned about layoffs. (in the current economy, this is a normal question) If he mentions that they might be happening, you might want to HINT that if it happened to you, it would be sad, but it might not be that bad of a thing because maybe you could go back to school. Most bosses hate feeling guilt when they layoff people. You might help him choose you to avoid some of that guilt.

If you can't get fired for cause and still get the beni's, it limits your options. I would recommend that you continue to do your job in a competent manner. (just competent) and become a high maintenance employee. Always ask for clarification prior, approval during, and fish for compliments after, on any task assigned. Feel free to ask him advice on personal problems. etc. Trust me, I will only put up with high maintenance employees if they are my best. For average workers, they're first in line to be let go.

RAH

Lord Merciless · March 19, 2003, 17:55

Quote:

Originally posted by Ozz

I'll already a pain in the ass, I won't work overtime
I'm late, i take 30 minutes for tea.

Problem is they need what I know (and they don't)

It appears you are the creame in your company. If that's the case, blackmail your bosses.

Chemical Ollie · March 19, 2003, 18:01

Is 6 weeks of payed "holiday" really worth missing a good resume? Short thinking. I think you have to chose.

If you want the resume, resign honorably and tell them that you are going back to collage. That would be a reason they'd understand wouldn't they?

If you want the 6 weeks pay - just walk into your boss' office and crap on his desk.

Lord Merciless · March 19, 2003, 18:04

Quote:

Originally posted by Olaf Hårfagre
Is 6 weeks of payed "holiday" really worth missing a good resume? Short thinking. I think you have to chose.

If you want the resume, resign honorably and tell them that you are going back to collage. That would be a reason they'd understand wouldn't they?

If you want the 6 weeks pay - just walk into your boss' office and crap on his desk.

He wants the pay, and the company won't let him go.

Ozz · March 19, 2003, 18:04

Quote:

Originally posted by rah
I would recommend that you continue to do your job in a competent manner. (just competent) and become a high maintenance employee. Always ask for clarification prior, approval during, and fish for compliments after, on any task assigned. Feel free to ask him advice on personal problems. etc. Trust me, I will only put up with high maintenance employees if they are my best. For average workers, they're first in line to be let go.
RAH

Excellent

I really can't find in myself to anything but an excellent
job if I'm taking their money. But eating my bureaucratic
bosses time

(he's a Gantt chart pencil pusher not and never has been a programmer)

Az · March 19, 2003, 18:04

Quote:

I'll already a pain in the ass, I won't work overtime
I'm late, i take 30 minutes for tea.

Problem is they need what I know (and they don't)

These are the wrong reasons to be fired...

Lonestar · March 19, 2003, 18:10

Tell your boss you want Canada to join the US.

Datajack Franit · March 19, 2003, 18:12

Steal!

Pekka · March 19, 2003, 18:26

Say you're need some vacation so you can see your relatives who are currently residing at Quantanamo Bay holiday area.

rah · March 19, 2003, 18:30

Quote:

Originally posted by Ozz
I really can't find in myself to anything but an excellent
job if I'm taking their money. But eating my bureaucratic
bosses time

(he's a Gantt chart pencil pusher not and never has been a programmer)

He's a gantt chart man......that should make it easier. They usually tolerate high maintenance employees less than I. Add to list. Question every time frame.

and when he asks you for estimates, "how can I give you a time estimate on a task that's never been done before, it's not like we're building a house here" Start using the word "UNKNOWN" more frequently. Pencil pushing gant weinees hate that. Then when you go to another company you can say the your ex-pointy haired boss was so wrapped up in his critical path, that it stiffled creativity and inovations.

Ozz · March 20, 2003, 10:50

J

Ozz · March 20, 2003, 10:53

Just when your getting desperate. :0

Saw a contract job for 3 months, applied, Bingo!

Just have to wait another term.

rah · March 20, 2003, 10:54

Congrats.

Aro · March 20, 2003, 11:04

Tell the truth. All the time, about everything, with everyone. It works, I know (I did something similar, once...).

Daz · March 20, 2003, 11:08

Here are some:

Arrive late for work
Being on time is for wimps. Drag yourself out of bed whenever you feel like it. Stop to run an errand on your way to the office.

Don't forget the coffee
No not for your boss -- for yourself! You're already late so why not stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work? Don't forget to get a muffin or a roll too (crumbs on your tie look really good).

Eat at your desk
I mean your coffee and roll, not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway? And take your time -- you're in no hurry to start working.

Take a long lunch
An hour for lunch? Are they nuts? That can't possibly be enough time to get together with an old friend and run a few more errands.

Have a drink
What's lunch without a couple of beers? It'll relax you. So what if you smell like a brewery?

Make personal phone calls
If you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Don't make those calls short and sweet -- chat away.

Speaking of chatting...
Let's not forget about the good old Net. You can go into a chat room any time of day, so why waste your precious personal time.

Send lots of email
Use those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address.

Download, download, download...
Your connection is much faster at work than on your home pc. And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see.

Make the customers/clients really mad
There are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers. Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through. If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.

Don't ever go beyond your job description
Even when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job."

Leave work early
Who made that five o'clock rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much you can get done before dinner.

I wish you success!