my life... - Page 2

korn469 · April 1, 2003, 04:00

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I'm not sure what's going to happen financially, I'm thinking right now I might have to declare bankruptcy. I'd been planning for the past year on getting back into cooking, something I used to do many years ago, but the pay is going to suck for a few years until I get some experience under my belt again. And I don't see how I'm going to manage to pay off my student loans and my credit card debts on a minimum wage

when you say cooking, you mean like a chief(sp?) right, not like a fry cook right? Could you get a hardship deferment on your loans till you are more lined out financially? The bankruptcy would kill the credit cards though

Kramerman · April 1, 2003, 04:02

Quote:

Originally posted by korn469
Kramerman

in many ways your college experience sounds like my early bad times. When I graduated from high school, I had managed to earn a 4 year air force scholarship, not through any real effort into my school work (far far from it!) but because of natural intelligence that let me get good grades even when i did jack ****. My family life sucked so bad, and even though at that point in my life I had no desire to be in the air force and I had no direction in life I wanted to get away from the problems at home. Needless to say it didn't turn out well, not because of failure, (i was actually doing well in the program but i was only a semester into it) but because I had no desire to follow through with it. At the time it was something that I had no desire to pursue. After that misstep, I was totally side tracked in my studies at a community college, and I did poorly because I couldn't get it together enough to goto classes. I finally dropped out, and spent a year working, being a roadie for a band, and partying my ass off. Though ultimately that wasn't what I wanted to do I wanted to be successful, and to me success meant a college education, so I went back to school...

wow, that is really uncanny.
Actually, i am a senior in HS(shhh... dont tell anyone, everyone thinks im older

) And, like you, Ive managed to breeze thru HS pretty easily, tho at times i had a work ethic like a crazed jew... One of the indecisions right now is what University i will attened. The cirumstances go really deep, and I wont get into it, but after i a long and grudging application process i am awaiting word of acceptance to the USAFA. I had a nomination form a senator, and my other 2 congressmen sent me assurances that they would have nominated me had i not already gotten one, which makes me feel pretty confident, among other reasons. Throughout HS it has been my desire to go there and is what some of my early plans for life were based on. But now, for some reasons, im not so sure (like you, im afraid it may turn out to be something i dont wanna go thru with, but then im trapped there).

Unfortunately, my only alternative is UT. Its a great school, but if i go there, i have absolutely no idea where my life will lead.. its kinda scary. I really dont wanna be a loser, i desperately want to be successful and happy with my life (i want the whole american dream thing, wife, kids, dog, white picket fence...), but i dunno what path to choose, and therefore, where my life is heading.

Kman

korn469 · April 1, 2003, 04:07

So after falling in the river, I could finally see a light at the end of that dark period, but again it was too little, too late to save myself that semester. Again I flunked out, and around that time my grandfather got deathly ill, and I owed my university 1500 bucks so although I had one last chance there I would have had to pay the money back before I could sign up for classes. So feeling like the biggest failure on earth, I came home. At 22 I was a broken person. I took another semester off (i tried to take a single video class but I got an incomplete in it) then I went back to the community college. I was on the dean's list there from that point on and I got an associate's degree *** laude, paid off the 1500, and started to get things together. I started working on my bachelor's degree, and I was doing well. I had problems with an ex girlfriend, and one semester at school was kinda bumpy, but nothing bad. Then I made a whole different set of mistakes. So here I am...

korn469 · April 1, 2003, 04:09

kman,

is T in UT texas or tennessee?

Kramerman · April 1, 2003, 04:11

Quote:

Originally posted by korn469
kman,

is T in UT texas or tennessee?

University of Texas. biggest school in the country. i htink the world too, tho not sure.

korn469 · April 1, 2003, 04:16

Loif

at this point I'm slightly overweight (i weigh like 170) but I am much healthier than what I was then. I really was at the doorstep of anorexia, and i lost most of my muscle mass when that happened which sucked, because when I was eating what I normally ate, I began to rapidly gain weight, compared to just staying the same weight. I got up to 220, but I started jogging my ass last year and the weight came off. I'm also working on building back some musle, like before I could do 20-25 pullups and I really enjoyed rockclimbing, but after that bought with pnemonia, I became even more of a weakingly than I was before lol, right now i can do like half a pullup, but i'm working on remedying it

nye

this experience in particular, and my life in general has really made me want to be a writer, but i hope that i will be able to get my bachelors degree next spring. it's in professional communications, and i don't really have a clue what i want to do with it.

korn469 · April 1, 2003, 04:23

kman

the reason i asked, is because I live fairly close to UT (tennessee)

as far as your choice about which school to attend, if your heart is in the right place, meaning that you want to be part of the air force for the right reasons, and not because you want to escape from something, then I would seriously consider the USAFA, though i'm sure if you can get an appointment to the USAFA, that you could probably get a scholarship from the air force, UT has a cadet program, which is like the academy in some ways (i went to Virginia Tech, and we had a cadet program there as well, so my first semester felt far more like being in a military school than being in a normal college) so UT could be the best of both worlds, but I'm not sure, any scholarship comes attached with a fairly hefty service commitment, and if you do go that route you may be pigeon holing yourself into a life long military career(sp?)

I knew I didn't want to do even before I went, so like two days in they asked who wasn't happy, and I was the first person to raise my hand, but i made it till i became an actual cadet lol which was a fairly long and grueling process

Willem · April 1, 2003, 04:33

Quote:

Originally posted by korn469

when you say cooking, you mean like a chief(sp?) right, not like a fry cook right?

Yes, that's what I've had in mind. Man I sure wish I hadn't procrastinated so much this past year! I had made plans to look for work last summer already but my father died, on my birthday of all days, and I was something of an emotional basketcase until about Christmas.

Then this winter I ended getting burned for $1000 on a bad deal, so trying to get caught up on all my bills meant I couldn't really afford bus fare during the coldest winter we've had for many years. So it wasn't exactly the most conducive time to be pounding the pavement. I guess I should have just bit my lip and suffered.

Quote:

Could you get a hardship deferment on your loans till you are more lined out financially? The bankruptcy would kill the credit cards though

I've been getting interest relief for my biggest student loan now for 3 years, I just haven't been making enough to pay them $232 a month. And that's all I'm supposed to get; though I've been told by the bank that I can get more time if I really need it.

The ***** of it is that if I do declare bankruptcy, it won't even cover my student loans. The Canadian government a few years back made a rule that a person can't declare it in a suit until 10 years after they've finished their education, and it's only been 3 for me. However, if I can get those credit cards off my back I might be able to afford to pay it, if I live really frugally for a few years.

But hey, I'll still have Civ III to pass the time until I get my life straightened out again!

Loif · April 1, 2003, 04:37

Willem, so sorry to hear about your dad. My father in law passed away three years ago and it is still a shock. I'll never forget that 8:00 am phone call... My heart goes out to you.

korn469 · April 1, 2003, 04:41

Willem

that really sucks about all that hit you last year. I hope that you can get things rolling again though.

Here in America we have agencies that help consolidate credit card payments, and get rid of new interest. One company around here is called debticated. I'm not sure if they have anything like that in Canada, but maybe it's something you should check into. I've lived with my share of financial problems, and I know how bad it is to be poor/living in poverty, so I really hope things improve in your life!

Willem · April 1, 2003, 04:53

Quote:

Originally posted by Loif
Willem, so sorry to hear about your dad. My father in law passed away three years ago and it is still a shock. I'll never forget that 8:00 am phone call... My heart goes out to you.

I was there holding his hand when he drew his last breath, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I thought I was prepared, he was 80 years old after all, but it hit me alot harder than I expected. I guess I loved him more than I realized. I'm glad he's not around to hear about my latest tribulations, and yes I've had a few now; he would not be impressed.

korn469 · April 1, 2003, 04:57

well guys thanks for listening. it's like 4am and i'm heading to bed, feeling less depressed than when i first started typing. my problems haven't changed but the way i feel about them has changed slightly

Willem · April 1, 2003, 05:07

Quote:

Originally posted by korn469
Willem

that really sucks about all that hit you last year. I hope that you can get things rolling again though.

I'm sure things will work out in the long run, they usually do. It'll just be bumpy for awhile. Again!

Quote:

Here in America we have agencies that help consolidate credit card payments, and get rid of new interest. One company around here is called debticated. I'm not sure if they have anything like that in Canada, but maybe it's something you should check into.

Yeah thanks, they do have those here as well, I'll have to keep it in mind. I haven't really had to cahnce to think clearly yet, I'm still dealing with the shock of it all. Amazing how quickly someone can have their life turned upside down.

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I've lived with my share of financial problems, and I know how bad it is to be poor/living in poverty, so I really hope things improve in your life!

Yes I've been down that road myself, a few times now in fact. I was hoping when I finished school that I had finally gotten past that, but I guess I was wrong. Oh well, at least a learned a few mistakes not to make in my life from now on.

I hope my trials and tribulations have managed to cheer you up a little at any rate. At least this **** up will have accomplished one good thing if they have. Just remember that you're not alone with your problems, other people have them as well. It's just part of life really, and helps build character.

Loif · April 1, 2003, 05:09

I've got lots of character then.

Az · April 1, 2003, 06:32

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University of Texas. biggest school in the country

~50,000 students? right?

Willem · April 1, 2003, 09:31

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Originally posted by korn469
well guys thanks for listening. it's like 4am and i'm heading to bed, feeling less depressed than when i first started typing. my problems haven't changed but the way i feel about them has changed slightly

Like I said, misery loves company. It helped me out as well reading about some of your troubles. Just don't get to caught up in them. You're still very young, things will blow over eventually. You just might have to accept some crap for awhile before they do.

And remember, at least you're not an Iraqi!

Kramerman · April 2, 2003, 00:54

Quote:

Originally posted by Azazel

~50,000 students? right?

hmm.. last time i checked, it was like 60,000, IIRC. I could double check tho.

nope, you were right, 50,000 students.

Narz · April 2, 2003, 03:01

When I was an adolesant I spent two years in a reform school. It was a miserable experience. Oft-times (usually at least once a week) I will have dreams (nighttime ones) about being back and that feeling of being trapped.

The other night, I had a dream that started out like that, and then it somehow switched (you know how dreams are) and I was back with my roommate who I currently live with. In the dream the apartment was different, I was in a city, in a smaller room. I looked out my window and it was raining, I saw some guys loading and unloading a truck, a poor looking woman walking up to a window below me and donating something to some charity, people just going about their everyday business.

It was one of those dreams that is unremarkable except for the rich emotion I felt when I woke up. I remember thinking in the dream, "I don't know what to do exactally, I don't know where to go, but at least I'm free!!".

How does this relate to you? Well I didn't read every post but I did read you had some kind of legal situation. Basically my advice is, no matter how bad you feel, no matter how you may sabatoge yourself (as we all sometimes do) make sure you take care of your legal problems. You don't want to end up in jail. Your emotions and relationships may make you feel trapped but in reality you are not. As long as you are alive and out of jail there are great possibilities in the world. Just accept your emotions : don't try to fight them, don't give in and dwell in them too deeply either; just observe them and don't hide from them. Know that it is impossible for anything to last forever, a moment of utter bliss & intimacy can only last so long but so can your most miserable moments too. Always keep your future-self in mind and respect him by not creating a situation now that will screw him over.

By the way, I had a similar experience to your falling-in-the-lake one. Just remember what is important. Good luck!

- Narz

korn469 · April 2, 2003, 03:13

Narz

thanks for the advice! It's good to know that people have been through messes and have made it out intact. I'm doing everything in my power to resolve my legal situation, and I've got the best advice on the situation I can afford (lol, thankfully that is something more than the free but helpful advice you guys have provided me here), and I am hopeful everything is going to work out! It looks like things should go in my favor, but you never really know till it's all over with. I know that appreciating what you do have, is the real key to happiness.

Thanks for all of the help guys! It did cheer me up. Today although lots of bad things have happened, one great thing happened that more than made up for it all! So I've been smiling like the entire second half of the day

Kramerman · April 2, 2003, 03:36

Quote:

Today although lots of bad things have happened, one great thing happened that more than made up for it all! So I've been smiling like the entire second half of the day

you win the lottery or somethn? or did you fall in love? hehe, so many great things can happen in life... im probably way off

korn469 · April 2, 2003, 03:44

just one of the things i had been worrying about worked out for me, and not only did it work out it worked out better than what i expected!

Skanky Burns · April 2, 2003, 07:49

Great to hear.

JohnT · April 2, 2003, 08:02

Sent you a PM, korn.

devilmunchkin · April 2, 2003, 20:35

korn: my advice hang in there..just keep going..put your head down and trudge...

korn469 · April 3, 2003, 00:13

devilmunhkin

thanks for the encouragement! i've had a really good past two days, and i'm still struggling through this mess. in about two or three months i should know how it is all going to turn out

edit: though that doesn't mean it'll be good, lol...though i truly hope it will be