LTEC!'s relationship advise corner now open.

[Zylka]

Originally posted by LTEC!
Quit yours.

Oh, well at least that was meant to be witty?

Maybe this one will do: When sexually expressing with each other, how do I fit an obese mans'....

[LTEC!]

Ohh sorry. I get dyslexic every so often.
JOG as in excercising? HAHAHAHAH GOOD LUCK

Dress yourself up in your shortest short and barest top and go out jogging yourself. He'll either get motivated to look good or to fend competitors off.

[KrazyHorse]

Dress yourself up in your shortest short and barest top

New sig.

[LTEC!]

Originally posted by obiwan18
LTEC!



I've got a different problem from loinburger. She's Catholic, and wants to marry a Catholic for obvious reasons. I'm Protestant, and I don't really care if I marry a Protestant or a Catholic so long as they are Christian. We are both active in our respective churches, which is part of the reason we like each other, but it does cause some problems. We're still trying to work something out for both of us so that we can go to church together, and no one feels like they are giving too much up.

We've also been good friends for the past 2 years and are having problems getting on to the next step. I'd like to give it a try, and she is not so sure.

I'd really like to hear from someone who has been through this position, what worked for them?

I would say that the only problem i'd see is that you're both active on either community.
If you don't care about marrying catholic, get a baptism and go to her church. In the end, it doesn't matter which church you go to but your faith and feelings.
If you still want to go to protestant celebrations, maybe you can make an arrangement to go alternatively to both churches.

On the part that she's not sure, only both of you would be able to know why not. Talk it out.

[LTEC!]

BTW, I'm catholic. raised and schooled.

[Caesar the Great]

Originally posted by LTEC!


You're fairly young Cesar. I would say get to know girls as friends first and treat them as equals. That friendship will give you an idea of what you can expect from them or not, and will fructify in them vouching for you with their other friends.
Most girls work in networks. screwup with one and the rest will for sure know it, full details included.

In any case, I would hold off on being stuck with one until you were really sure you would kick yourself for the rest of your life for not asking that particular girl out.

oh, i'm quite good at getting into the "friends" zone.... but taking it further i'm batting 0.000

[Japher]

your waiting to long to make your move.

[Apocalypse]

Originally posted by LTEC!
The girl is uncomfortable because you treated her like an object, and now she thinks you're just with her because you're obsessed about her breasts.
So even if you are, keep the comments to yourself and if you're into them act by doing.

Actually most of our relationship is based on talking about feelings of stuff. Talking about breasts was just some added bonus. She knows that she isn't some object to me.

[Lorizael]

I need to find a way to make this explanation shorter.

There is Girl A, Girl B, and me.

Girl A and I have been together for well over a year. She's my first romantic relationship. Girl B and I knew each other well before I ever knew Girl A, but were not good friends. Almost a year ago we met again, online, and immediately became attracted to each other. We developed a great friendship and had Girl B not been disgusted with men at the time because of past experiences, something might have happened between the two of us.

By the time Girl B had gotten over the whole men suck ass thing, she had met Girl A irl. Now because I am an idiot, I did not tell Girl A about Girl B until well after the attraction developed (at the time I was starting to like Girl B, Girl A and I were very close to ending our relationship) so when she did find out, it hurt her a lot, obviously.

Anyhow, I continued to become more attracted to Girl B until I was finally just about attracted to her as I am to Girl A. In December we attempted (with the consent of Girl A) to date each other. The dating only lasted a week, however, because Girl B did not want to risk damaging the friendship (I was and still am her best friend. and yah, that sounds like a cop out reason to not want to be in the relationship, but consider the risk in entering into such an odd relationship in the first place - it seems there has to be some desire there), and because she wasn't comfortable with the whole polyamorous situation goin on.

BTW, speaking of polyamory, Girl A has done sexual things with a lot of people other than me during the course of our relationship, and has even done stuff she didn't tell me about without a little coercion. Now I haven't ended things with her because on a conceptual level, there is nothing wrong with her being with other people.

So anyway, as things stand now, I really like Girl A and B. Girl A likes me but more than I like her. I am Girl B's best friend and Girl A and Girl B are pretty good friends. The situation is tense because we often do things together, which only exacerbates the jealousy Girl A feels. Things cannot continue the way they are now and still remain stable.

Any advice?

Boy did I **** up...

[LTEC!]

You're just avoiding the fact that you're going to have to make a choice and dump either the girlfriend or the friend (sp)...and you know it.
Pick and choose and do it fast. The way this is headed is:
u-a-b=0

I believe that you know that neither girl is "the" one. just a matter of who you get to hang out with for longer.

[Lorizael]

But why must a decision be made at all? I keep hearing that relationships with multiple people can't last... but is that really true?

[Ben Kenobi]

If you don't care about marrying catholic, get a baptism and go to her church.

LTEC!

I already go with her, but the baptism is the sticky part.
Part of the problem I have with the Catholic church. When she goes to my church, she can participate fully in the Lord's supper, when I go to her church, I cannot. I like what the Catholic church has done regarding the second Vatican Council in that non-Catholic Christians are no longer apostate, but there are some regulations I do not understand.

Secondly, I go to a Mennonite church, where we practice believer's baptism. The normal Catholic rite is to baptise infants, something that I have a real problem with, the whole concept of the parents speaking for the children.

I guess the source of the problem stems from my family as I grew up in a lapsed Anglican family, where I was baptised as an infant. My folks did not live up to the promises, as they believed baptism ensured salvation regardless of their actions.

I have since been amazed by all that I missed out on, and I envy my friend and her family, the joy of growing up in a Christian home. I don't want to make the same mistake my parents did.

I like my church, they brought me to the Christian life, and I don't want to leave. I don't want to pull her away from her church either.

[LTEC!]

You mean string both girls along? sure!
it can be done. i don't recommend it though.

[Apocalypse]

Originally posted by obiwan18
Secondly, I go to a Mennonite church, where we practice believer's baptism. The normal Catholic rite is to baptise infants, something that I have a real problem with, the whole concept of the parents speaking for the children.

You're misinformed about this issue. Baptism isn't what you think it is. The parents to speak just for the kid. The person would have to go through the sacrament of comfirmation at a later date, which is when the person makes their own decision to be Catholic.

[LTEC!]

Originally posted by obiwan18


LTEC!

I already go with her, but the baptism is the sticky part.
Part of the problem I have with the Catholic church. When she goes to my church, she can participate fully in the Lord's supper, when I go to her church, I cannot. I like what the Catholic church has done regarding the second Vatican Council in that non-Catholic Christians are no longer apostate, but there are some regulations I do not understand.

Secondly, I go to a Mennonite church, where we practice believer's baptism. The normal Catholic rite is to baptise infants, something that I have a real problem with, the whole concept of the parents speaking for the children.

I guess the source of the problem stems from my family as I grew up in a lapsed Anglican family, where I was baptised as an infant. My folks did not live up to the promises, as they believed baptism ensured salvation regardless of their actions.

I have since been amazed by all that I missed out on, and I envy my friend and her family, the joy of growing up in a Christian home. I don't want to make the same mistake my parents did.

I like my church, they brought me to the Christian life, and I don't want to leave. I don't want to pull her away from her church either.

The gist of it would be then how much does bending the rules you worked so hard to believe mean to you?
If you can't do it nor can her, don't go ahead with it because you're going straight to the blame game.
The first minute something goes wrong or you disagree, you will center the attention in what you gave up to be with each other.
Make a desicion you will not have regrets about later.
(I mean it)

[Oerdin]

Obwain: See if you're friend wouldn't mind going to an Anglican service with you. Anglicans are very close to Catholics on most issues and the service is very much like a Catholic service so you might be more comfortable then in a more liberal Protestant church.

In the long run one or both of you will have to give in on this issue or you'll have to find a new prospective mate. I think it would be most fair if both of you agree to attend a new church together instead of one person giving up everything and the other nothing though that is your call to make.

[JohnT]

Originally posted by loinburger


I'd have no problem converting or whatever so long as her religion isn't hateful or excessively kooky (neither being a problem in this case AFAIK), but she's gotta understand that I'd be converting in word alone (and that might be a big hairy problem for her). It would be great if she were just as apathetic as I am about the whole business, but I don't see a way to broach the subject without seeming too forward or whatever. I'm concerned that she's operating on the assumption that I belong to one of the milder Christian denominations (since I've never said anything to the contrary, and that seems to be the default assumption that most people make in the absence of evidence to the contrary), and would be upset were she to learn otherwise. Or maybe she wouldn't care. Or maybe she's already guessed otherwise. Who knows. :shrugs:

I don't know if this has been answered or not, but I'll give it a whack.

Tell her. Don't let her assume, just tell her. She's an adult, you're an adult - stop playing kid games.

[loinburger]

Yeah, I know, I always feel like I'm back in Junior High when I start thinking too much about this crap. "Should I say this? Or maybe that? But what if she thinks this?" If anybody asked me I'd probably say "Who ****ing cares?", but I never think of asking myself.

[Ben Kenobi]

Apoc:

The person would have to go through the sacrament of comfirmation at a later date, which is when the person makes their own decision to be Catholic.

For adults, both procedures are done together- Confirmation with Baptism.

For children, the two are split. Your reasoning requires me to discard the concept of baptism only for believers.
That's what I will have to work around to join.

Make a desicion you will not have regrets about later.

LTEC!

You are right that I cannot go to the blame game- it will be my decision, and whatever happens, I will be the one responsible for my own happiness. Not her.

The gist of it would be then how much does bending the rules you worked so hard to believe mean to you?

We'll see. We are both meeting with her priest in a few days, to go over some points we have been discussing. We will likely go over arguments for Mary, etc.

Oerdin:

Obwain: See if you're friend wouldn't mind going to an Anglican service with you. Anglicans are very close to Catholics on most issues and the service is very much like a Catholic service so you might be more comfortable then in a more liberal Protestant church.

I don't see her going for this, where we both lose. I think we will end up in one or the other church.
From my perspective, I know many people in her church, so I actually end up farther ahead joining her church then leaving for an Anglican church.

Anglicans also practice infant baptism, and I deliberately left the Anglican church, so I don't see much reason to head down that way again.

Actually, we both like to poke fun at the Anglicans, since we are both conservative Christians. .

[Frankychan]

Originally posted by loinburger
Yeah, I know, I always feel like I'm back in Junior High when I start thinking too much about this crap. "Should I say this? Or maybe that? But what if she thinks this?" If anybody asked me I'd probably say "Who ****ing cares?", but I never think of asking myself.

Nah, Don't feel like that. I was talking to my bro's over a coupla beers and we started talking about this kind of stuff. For us (at least) we agreed that for girls that we don't care about, it doesn't matter what happens. But when we try to hook up with a girl that we really care about, we try to at least put some effort into it.

That's what sucks. I can normally talk to girls but when I really like a girl, I fall apart.

[Sikander]

Originally posted by MRT144
i refer to all my wives as girls

At least you use language precisely.

[Sikander]

Originally posted by SpencerH


I think it depends on how serious she is about her faith. If she's southern-baptist serious you're screwed. If she's Italian-catholic serious you're OK.

If she is Southern Baptist don't give up on it until you have sex with her. Those girls are passionate!

[Sikander]

Originally posted by LTEC!


You're fairly young Cesar. I would say get to know girls as friends first and treat them as equals. That friendship will give you an idea of what you can expect from them or not, and will fructify in them vouching for you with their other friends.
Most girls work in networks. screwup with one and the rest will for sure know it, full details included.

In any case, I would hold off on being stuck with one until you were really sure you would kick yourself for the rest of your life for not asking that particular girl out.

That's damned good advice for young men. It's true, and you'll (Ceasar) be happier for following it.

[MRT144]

wait, no...

[Sikander]

Originally posted by Caesar the Great


oh, i'm quite good at getting into the "friends" zone.... but taking it further i'm batting 0.000

Ah, in that case you need to establish yourself as a sexual being within your peer group. There are a number of ways to go about this. You could get publicly drunk and bed someone, or wait until one of your female friends introduces you to someone you find attractive, and then show an unusually public interest (for you) in that girl. Ask your friend about her, and tell your friend that you like her friend. Whatever happens, your friends will become aware that you are a man as well as their friend. It is probable that you won't be able to move your current friendships into sexual relationships, but this should help keep you safe from forever being in "friends limbo". You may even get your friends to work helping you find someone suitable once the "he's only a friend type person" stigma is broken.

[LTEC!]

HEYYY, Whose thread is it anyway? :LOL:
yeah, Cesar. What he said.
though i'd skip the drunk/bed part since you're underage.

[DaShi]

Originally posted by LTEC!



Besides being yourself? I wouldn't worry too much.
What is happening is that she is in love with the idea of a person she built up in her mind, and that is dangerous only until she really gets to know that person.
Can you love who or what you don't know? Not really. Infatuation, or love at first sight is only a temporary state that is ment to pass once you get to know someone. Some people can back it up, most don't.

This happens in everyday life. You never know who you're going to meet the next second. It might be just someone in passing or the most important person in your life. You would run the same risk of losing a girlfriend whether you're an inch or a 1000 miles away if it is ment to happen.

Only herself is responsible of her feelings, and there's nothing you can do to change them. Maybe when you both meet you'll find that you still care in the same way, or deeper, or not anymore. Its a tossup.
Good luck.

Thanks!

[LTEC!]

Originally posted by loinburger
Yeah, I know, I always feel like I'm back in Junior High when I start thinking too much about this crap. "Should I say this? Or maybe that? But what if she thinks this?" If anybody asked me I'd probably say "Who ****ing cares?", but I never think of asking myself.

I'd say lay your cards down and tell her exactly what you're about. I know its a lot to put on the table but it is exactly what you're doing when you're thinking about committing to someone like this. So let her make an informed desicion. If she can't live with it, maybe she really can't (or shouldn't) live with you.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
Okay, Mrs Horse and I had a fight on the weekend. She told me on Monday when we made up that she loves me but I'm stupid.

What should I do?

Celebrate that you are with a woman wise enough to recognize your stupidity, honest enough to tell you the truth and foolish enough to love you anyway

[LTEC!]

Aren't we all fools?