Is it always your fault? Are you always wrong?

Spec · April 8, 2003, 10:15

Is it natural when your a guy that its always your fault no matter what? Why is it that between my girlfriend and me, I`m always the one that`s wrong eventhough I know I ain`t?!
Example, its her week to get the groceries so see goes. She buys everything as usual but no bread because there was one half remaining in the fridge....When I go get the groceries, I ALWAYS buy bread cuz I know I`ll have to go back the next or next next day to get some...So the day after she made the groceries, she calls me at work and asks me to buy some bread. I say no problem. When I get to the groceriy store I buy milk.....When I get home, she tells me:" Haha, I asked you for bread and you bought milk, you`ll have to gp again later". I say:" No way, you go". She starts ranting about the fact that she asked me to buy bread and I bought milk and its my fault and I have to go back. My point of view is, I worked all day, you worked half a day, I went to the store to fetch the bread that YOU didn`t buy when you were supposed to. I made a mistake but now it`s your turn to go get it.

My point is that if she had bought the bread when she did the groceries then I wouldn`t have had to go buy some, thus my reason for not wanting to go again....even if I bought milk instead of bread.

Who do you think is right?

And no answer from all you girl suck ups. You know who you are. You know, the type of guy that would give reason to a girl at anytime just so he can have her attention. I need regular peoples opinion.

Why is it always worst when the guy makes a mistake than when the girl makes a mistake??

Thanks

Spec.

Arrian · April 8, 2003, 10:18

Has it occurred to you to ask yourself whether or not this is a battle you really want to fight?

I mean, you're talking about a loaf of bread here.

-Arrian

Tolls · April 8, 2003, 10:24

I'm always wrong...it's easier that way...and if I found Mrs Tolls and I arguing about who bought the bread when, then I'd know something was slightly amiss...

I left the bog rolls hanging from the shopping trolley once...

Solly · April 8, 2003, 10:26

Why don't both of you go.

JohnT · April 8, 2003, 10:27

Ditto what Arrian said. This isn't a battle worth fighting.

Anyway, how does her not getting the bread somehow absolve you for not getting the bread? This kind of logic makes me

Spec · April 8, 2003, 10:51

Quote:

Originally posted by JohnT
Ditto what Arrian said. This isn't a battle worth fighting.

Anyway, how does her not getting the bread somehow absolve you for not getting the bread? This kind of logic makes me

Th bread is not the point here. And we didn't get into a fight either, just a small argument. It's just that these kinds of things happen often and I'm usualy wrong in her eyes. I just want to get some other point of views.

If it would've been me, I would've have bought everything in the first place and if I had realized that I had forgoten something I would've went and get it myself and would'nt have asked her to go....If I had she would've told me to go get it.

You see my point?

Spec.

rah · April 8, 2003, 11:07

Women have been oppressed so long that it's very important that they exert their newly won so-called equality by making you appear inferior in whatever trivial event they can. Most of these are not worth fighting about. Most Men don't have similar feelings of inadaquacies so they have nothing to prove when such examples arise. I have no problem losing the insignificant ones and save my energy and need to influence/dominate on the more important arguments. You should learn the same.

RAH
Darn, rereading this one, it really sounds sexist.

JohnT · April 8, 2003, 11:11

Quote:

Originally posted by Spectator

Th bread is not the point here. And we didn't get into a fight either, just a small argument. It's just that these kinds of things happen often and I'm usualy wrong in her eyes. I just want to get some other point of views.

If it would've been me, I would've have bought everything in the first place and if I had realized that I had forgoten something I would've went and get it myself and would'nt have asked her to go....If I had she would've told me to go get it.

You see my point?

Spec.

Not really. What I see is somebody who is blowing up something out of nothing.

You are wrong. So is she. The real question is: which one of you will be the quickest to understand this and not get upset about a completely irrelevant issue.

Like Rah said: give in on the small stuff so you can exert your dominance over the important stuff.

Urban Ranger · April 8, 2003, 11:11

Quote:

Originally posted by Spectator
My point of view is, I worked all day, you worked half a day, I went to the store to fetch the bread that YOU didn`t buy when you were supposed to. I made a mistake but now it`s your turn to go get it.

You promised to buy the bread. You didn't. So you should go get it. If you can't keep a small promise like that, what can be expected of you?

H Tower · April 8, 2003, 11:24

ditto what UR said. She asked you to go buy bread, you said ok, and instead went and bought milk instead just to piss her off? why did you do that?

Demerzel · April 8, 2003, 11:26

As long as you remember the golden rule you'll do okay with a woman.

"As a man, you're always in the wrong. The woman is always right".

Not fair in the slightest but that's the rule. But as others point out, save the arguments/fights for something important not whether you have some bread or not.

Tolls · April 8, 2003, 11:30

...now if it had been the wine...

Spec · April 8, 2003, 11:44

Quote:

Originally posted by JohnT

Not really. What I see is somebody who is blowing up something out of nothing.

You are wrong. So is she. The real question is: which one of you will be the quickest to understand this and not get upset about a completely irrelevant issue.

.......We did not get upset!!! It's just the fact that....ahhh never mind....Thank you Rah.

Spec · April 8, 2003, 11:50

Quote:

Originally posted by H Tower
ditto what UR said. She asked you to go buy bread, you said ok, and instead went and bought milk instead just to piss her off? why did you do that?

Of course not!! Just because I was loaded at work and she was taking to me while I was working and I didn't quite get what she told me....when I got to the store I knew I had to buy something....that to me was milk...I did what I thought was right.

THE POINT IS NOT THE BREAD PEOPLE! The only person here that answered me my question is Rah. Stick to the point people, not the words. Its a situation that resumes pretty much how girls and guys think.

Spec.

August Borms · April 8, 2003, 11:55

You shouldn't buy bread when you still have half a bread at home, the good taste of the new bread will disappear before the old bread is up.

red_jon · April 8, 2003, 11:58

My God how stupid can someone get?

Spec · April 8, 2003, 11:59

Quote:

Originally posted by August Borms
You shouldn't buy bread when you still have half a bread at home, the good taste of the new bread will disappear before the old bread is up.

Not if you put it in the freezer....we always do that. And because she forgot to buy the bread, I have to go get it....and somehow, I buy milk instead.
If I had forgotten the bread I would've went and got it my self without asking...but she asked me and I screewed up, I know. And I hear about it. But me, I dont say a word when she forgets something....if I forget something, trust me, I'll hear about it.

Now do you peolple get it. It's always worst when the guy does it.

Spec.

JohnT · April 8, 2003, 12:11

Quote:

Originally posted by Spectator

Of course not!! Just because I was loaded at work and she was taking to me while I was working and I didn't quite get what she told me....when I got to the store I knew I had to buy something....that to me was milk...I did what I thought was right.

BUT THE POINT IS NOT THE BREAD!!! The only person here that answered me my question is Rah. Stick to the point people, not the words. Its a situation that resumes pretty much how girls and guys think.

Spec.

Actually, you asked a number of questions, one of which I did answer:

"Who do you think is right?"

My response:

"You are wrong. So is she."

Your other question was:

"Why is it always worst when the guy makes a mistake than when the girl makes a mistake??"

The problem isn't the bread, it is the attitude brought about by the following reasoning:

"My point of view is, I worked all day, you worked half a day, I went to the store to fetch the bread that YOU didn`t buy when you were supposed to. I made a mistake but now it`s your turn to go get it."

Oh, really? Just because you work all day absolves you of the necessity of doing what you agreed to do?

Pyrodrew · April 8, 2003, 12:50

It's not about the bread, it sounds like more about control.

You would prefer she buys the bread before the 1/2 loaf runs out. Doing so would mean she would have to change what she has always done.

She would prefer the bread be bought only later (when there is no bread?) & perhaps expects you pick up the bread at the grocery whenever it does run out. Doing so means you have to change what you've always done.

IMO, your process is far more efficient since you're wasting less time making 1 item shopping trips. But more importantly, it is futile to blame who was wrong since that solves nothing & just gets someone upset. She should have been understanding that sometimes people forget & maybe ask you get it on your drive home tomorrow... instead she took it to turn the favor into a demand = "now you will *have to* go back & get the bread", which does make it sound like you're her b!tch.

IMO, get the bread since this will make you hold by your agreement, but put it in your terms "It's only bread," that is important so she sees the bread is trivial & continue with, "I will get the bread next time I drive home from work." And next time, you ask her for a favor when you still have a 1/2 loaf of bread... "Since you're going to the store today, get bread for me." If you do her favors, she should do you favors as well. If 1 item shopping trips annoy you, let her know that.

Spec · April 8, 2003, 13:36

Quote:

Originally posted by Pyrodrew
It's not about the bread, it sounds like more about control.

IMO, get the bread since this will make you hold by your agreement, but put it in your terms "It's only bread," that is important so she sees the bread is trivial & continue with, "I will get the bread next time I drive home from work." And next time, you ask her for a favor when you still have a 1/2 loaf of bread... "Since you're going to the store today, get bread for me." If you do her favors, she should do you favors as well. If 1 item shopping trips annoy you, let her know that.

Pyro,

. I see your point.

John T, I hate to admit it.....but I agree.

Az · April 8, 2003, 13:52

Why didn't you just get the fricking bread?

What would Azazel do:

- Don't argue.
- Get the bread.
- Wait for her to slip.
- Throw everything back at her, and then some.

Get good at this. If she loves you, she'll take the flack, and generally would put you in a better position. If she doesn't, it wasn't supposed to happen, anyway.

Flubber · April 8, 2003, 14:09

heck I would go get the bread for you two if its such a big deal LOL

Seriously, I agree with JohnT and Rah . . . pick your battles and don't fight about the little things.You should get the bread on your next trip out ( Personally I wouldn't be bothered to make a special trip but I guess it depends how much you need/want bread). Also if you have a freezer you can always keep a spare loaf there just for that occasion. I find it stays reasonably fresh.

But the dispute is not about bread really . . . its about who does some of the annoying little errands that need to be done. Here I can understand your comment about her working half-time. If she works less she should have more time than you for household chores and errands ( assuming no kids).

I work more than my wife and would have simply said " sorry, I guess I messed up. Can you pick it up when you are out tomorrow?" She either says fine or indicates a desire for a sandwhich now. If the latter I go get the bread.

Oh and to answer your other questions

* As the husband I am always at fault and wrong. It is one of those rules of marriage they tell you after you take your vows. You were wrong before marriage as well, just blissfully unaware of that fact.

** knowing you aren't wrong changes nothing. Become one with your wrongness.

*** Who is right -- she is . . . see above.

Bereta_Eder · April 8, 2003, 14:42

if you;re tired just say so...
honey i'm tired

Bereta_Eder · April 8, 2003, 14:53

if she starts saying:

oh you're tired? and you think i'm not? and now we're supposed to stay without bread? because of your stupid mind? cant you even get a simple job right? what ami doing with you? there were toooons of guys who wanted me, and what did i do? i end up with a loser like you. why god are you punishing me, no i wont calm down, let me go, get out of here

*cries,cries cries*

then its not the bread

Spec · April 8, 2003, 15:22

Thank god it's nothing like that

MattyBoy · April 8, 2003, 21:15

Yep, always wrong.
Or more accurately, she is never wrong.

It eats at my self confidence a little, but I've responded by structuring my life so that I'm right often enough to satisfy myself. That allows me to take it as water off a duck's back.

For me, it's well worth it, so I don't care. Besides this, she works herself harder than I ever could, so I could never possibly resent being driven hard.

I guess that life (especially with kids) is mostly hard work and you need to always be on the same side or you may as well be doing it alone.

Zero · April 8, 2003, 21:26

Quote:

Originally posted by Flubber

But the dispute is not about bread really . . . its about who does some of the annoying little errands that need to be done. Here I can understand your comment about her working half-time. If she works less she should have more time than you for household chores and errands ( assuming no kids).

Nah the dispute is about him not being able to honestly settle the issue when she didnt get the bread. Dont blow stuff at her just because she didnt get it before. It you were discontent about that, you should have settled it before instead of holding a grudge and snapping back when she complains.. Cause you did promise to go get the bread.

I know exactly how the situation was ( I think

) Im also the type that doesnt clear issues out with people cause I dont express myself alot either. But when it comes to gf, I make sure everything is understood and feeling commmunicated so these things dont happen. think of it this way, if you expressed how you were upset about her not picking up the bread earlier, she might not have even asked you to pick up the bread.

If I was mistaken and you did express yourself and ur gf understood and expressed some sort of apology or admittance of being wrong for not having gotten bread earlier, then its not fair to hold that against her when the issue has been settled. She admitted her wrong, so now thats over with. You promised her bread so it would be your fault for not having picked up the bread. You shouldnt bring back whats behind you to accuse her of being wrong.

Zero · April 8, 2003, 21:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Azazel

What would Azazel do:

- Don't argue.
- Get the bread.
- Wait for her to slip.
- Throw everything back at her, and then some.

Definitely bad for relationships. Im like this type, so I would do this with anyone but not with my gf.

Settle issues one by one as they arise and make sure each understands so they dont build up. When feelings and grudge buildup you fight over stupid things... like bread.

Urban Ranger · April 9, 2003, 11:21

Quote:

Originally posted by Flubber
But the dispute is not about bread really . . . its about who does some of the annoying little errands that need to be done.

I agree it's not the bread, but I'd say it's about keeping promises, at least from her point of view. I had said it before JohnT, but without the rolling eyes smilie, Spec couldn't get it.

Urban Ranger · April 9, 2003, 11:24

Quote:

Originally posted by Spectator
Just because I was loaded at work and she was taking to me while I was working and I didn't quite get what she told me...

That's worse. That means you didn't pay attention to her. Prey she doesn't lurk on 'Poly.

Quote:

Originally posted by Spectator
.when I got to the store I knew I had to buy something....that to me was milk...I did what I thought was right.

You doofus. Why didn't you call her when you were at the store?